Glancing at the schedule, month by month, paints the picture of the Mariners’ season.  Decent start in April, fantastic month of May, total collapse in June, a .500 July, and a near-.500 August, with the Mariners finishing 16-14, to bring their overall record to 68-65.  Or, in other words, after a 13-10 April, the Mariners have gone 55-55 the rest of the way.

What does that mean?  It means this Mariners team is essentially a .500 team.  Had I gone into a coma on April 1st, and just woken up now, I’d see the overall record and I’d think, “Yeah, that feels about right.”

But, I didn’t get the pleasure of being in a coma for the last 5 months.  I had to live this fucking nightmare, day-in and day-out, with the ups and the downs and the whathaveyou’s.  Yeah, it’s a .500 team, but a fucking STREAKY .500 team.  One that started the month of August on a roll, with a 14-5 record, to make us all believe in the impossible … only to see that very same team finish the month of August in the toilet, going 2-9, to effectively end all hope we could’ve had for this year.

That’s game, everyone!  Time to pack it in and turn our attention to something worth a damn:  football.  #KeepFighting?  How about #KeepSuckingMyDick.  These Mariners are done as done can be; so if you want to live in denial, enjoy your month of September.  I’ll be with everyone else, obsessing over a Seahawks team and a Husky football team that will be tearing everyone new assholes!

But hey!  At least there’s next year!

Oh yeah, let’s talk about that.  Let’s talk about another year older for Felix Hernandez, who sure seems to be on the downside of his career.  Was 2016 an anomaly?  Will he return to form in 2017?  I love the guy, but even I have to have my doubts at this point.  I’m not demanding he be traded; I still want to see him retire a Seattle Mariner, and go into the Hall of Fame and all of that.  I knew what I was getting into as a Felix fan, and I’m willing to accept he’s more of a #2 starter than a full-blown ace.  But, at the same time, that leaves room for this team to go out and get an ace, now doesn’t it?  This team sure as shit needs one.

Let’s talk about another year older for Hisashi Iwakuma, who is in the process of earning more and more money next year with every 10 innings he pitches the rest of the way.  He may have remained relatively healthy in 2016, but the odds are low that will continue in 2017.  He’ll most certainly suck, and cost more than he should, so that’s great.

Let’s talk about another year older for Nelson Cruz, who will be on the 3rd year of a 4-year deal.  He’ll be 37 next July, so when does HE start breaking down?  And, is he already in the process of breaking down THIS year?  Nerve damage in the hand isn’t a good sign.

Let’s talk about another year older for Robinson Cano, who will be on the 4th year of a 10-year deal.  Probably reasonable to expect him to continue producing at a high level, but was 2016 the last hurrah of his eliteness?  Does he have any more 30-homer, 30-double, .300 batting average seasons left?

Let’s talk about the lack of growth and lack of health out of Taijuan Walker and James Paxton, who we probably should’ve traded when we had the chance.  Fucking finger nails and bruised elbows and bum calves and whatever else; these guys are the Mr. Glass of Major League pitching.  We can’t even get these guys to give us 6 innings routinely, why would we expect anything more out of them next year?

I mean, aside from Kyle Seager, who do you feel good about on this team?  What real hope for the future is there?  Leonys Martin and Ketel Marte are nothing much more than role players.  Mike Zunino has yet to really put it all together for a full season.  We’re obviously not getting enough out of the Seth Smith corner outfield platoon.  We’ve apparently got another year of Nori Aoki to look forward to.  Good ol’ Steve Cishek will be overpaid at $6 million next year.  Chris Iannetta gets four and a quarter million dollars to be a backup catcher.  Maybe we like Edwin Diaz, but he’s never been a closer for a full season.  His fastball seems to lose a lot of luster the more you use him.

Hey, if you like .500 baseball, this team is probably for you next year!  I’m just saying, if the 2016 Mariners couldn’t break the run of non-playoff seasons, I don’t see any reason why we should expect 2017 to be any different.

Baseball in Seattle, everyone!