We’re all the way into Sunday night of week 7 before a primetime Seahawks game. Meanwhile, to date, we’ve seen the following boring garbage teams twice (Denver, San Francisco, the Jets, Houston) and we’ve seen the fucking Bears a whopping THREE TIMES. What the fuck, NFL? Do you WANT people to watch your product? If I’m not mistaken (and I’m not), the Bears were 6-10 last year and in last place in the NFC North. And, oh-by-the-way, on top of the three fucking times we’ve seen the Bears in primetime, guess what! We get them again on Monday night, next week, with their third string fuck-up quarterback and their limp-dick defense. Luckily, it’ll be Halloween, so most people won’t feel forced to put it on TV.
And, if you thought the Texans were a boring, nothing team now, just wait until you see them two more times on Monday night, and another primetime game on Saturday near the end of the season! Merry Christmas, here’s Brock Osweiler throwing wobbling ducks to the running backs coach on the sideline!
Thankfully, the NFL will be treated to a compelling matchup between two new rivals who both complement one another very well. Two flashy, hard-hitting defenses; two tough, high-flying offenses. You gotta figure the game will be competitive for at least a half (which half that is, is to be determined), with a better-than-50% chance of the whole game being good!
Even though they’re on the road, I have to give the Seahawks the edge in this one. Now, that might change if Kam misses another game, and if Jimmy Graham’s injury is more serious than they’re letting on. But, even without those guys, I still like our chances. Russell Wilson, while fighting through some very limiting injuries, is still progressing well as a pocket passer. The running game, while spotty to date, is getting chunk plays on a regular basis; it feels like only a matter of time before we bust out for 200+ yards as a team. The defense is blitzing more than it ever has under Pete Carroll, and the increased pressure is paying off bigtime.
On top of all of that, who have they really played? They bungled their game against a Brady-less Patriots team, they too got beat by a bad Rams team (go figure; we might be more similar to the Cardinals than we thought), and they got dismantled by a Bills team that might be in the Top 5 in the AFC, but that’s like saying you’re in the Top 5 cleverest analogies thought up by me before I’ve had my coffee. On the flip, they took care of business against some terrible Bucs, 49ers, and Jets teams. Clearly, this is not last year’s Cards team.
The poster boy of that sentiment is Carson Palmer. I went into this year’s fantasy football draft eyeballing him for two reasons: he was coming off of an amazing year on an amazing team with an amazing set of receivers, and I knew that if I picked him, he’d immediately revert back to whatever the crappiest version of Carson Palmer is (probably the one that played for the Raiders, but that’s just a stab in the dark). See, I know I’m a terrible fantasy football player, and my teams are always mediocre at best, so if I can use that power for good (picking key rivals of the Seahawks, in hopes that they’ll turn into pumpkins before our very eyes), all the better. I just wish I’d made more of an effort to grab Minnesota’s defense in more leagues.
Anyway, Carson Palmer has taken quite the beating this year. He’s already missed one game due to a concussion, and when I see him, he just don’t look right. This isn’t the same offense we saw a year ago, driving the ball down field via the long bomb with regularity. Part of that, undoubtedly, has to do with having fantasy phenom David Johnson as your running back – when you have a talent like that, you ride him for all he’s worth – but also they just look out of sync. It’s like Bruce Arians doesn’t know what to do with himself when his running game is leaps and bounds better than his passing game. In years past, even when they had to rely on 2nd & 3rd string quarterbacks, they still threw the ball deep a ton when games were still competitive; now? They’re dinking and dunking like the rest of these mediocre teams we see, which could be a good or a bad thing.
Fortunately, there’s no clear-cut #1 receiver we have to worry about. I think we’ll see more of our usual defensive positioning this week, with Sherman on his side, and the other guys on their side. MAYBE, if the Cards run more jumbo sets out there, with only 1 or 2 receivers (which I feel like I’ve seen out of them more this year than I have in the last few seasons), Sherm will go find Fitzgerald and lock on him. But, in any 3-wide receiver sets, figure Sherm to stick to his side, even if it’s guarding Michael Floyd. The point is, even if Fitz is the best guy on their team, he’s still a guy who can be covered by the likes of Shead or Lane.
There’s a lot of unknown going into this game, that won’t be made clear until Sunday. The aforementioned injuries to Kam & Graham. Also, what are the Seahawks going to do if Prosise is healthy? He and Spiller essentially play the same position; are they both even active at the same time if they’re both able to play? As for the Cards, John Brown found himself on the injury report after seemingly getting through Monday’s game healthy. That would be a HUGE loss for them, as to be quite honest he’s faster than all of our corners, and is the one guy on their offense who can beat us over the top. Similarly, Carson Palmer hasn’t practiced through Thursday (he may this afternoon, but we’ll see). There are no indications that he won’t play this week (aside from the not practicing, obviously), but you might as well stick a fork in the Cards if they’re without Palmer.
In which case, go ahead and forget what I said in those first three paragraphs (HAHA, too late, you already read those paragraphs, you chickenfuckers!).
This game has me super pumped, I’m not gonna lie. The ramifications are tremendous! The Seahawks can go up 3 games in the loss column over their nearest rival (you can put the 49ers and Rams to bed; they’re not competing for the division), and keep pace with the likes of the Cowboys and Vikings for the top seed in the NFC. On top of that, it’s just fun to watch your team on Sunday night, when the rest of the NFL-loving world is doing the same. I love the unusual circumstances, I love the fact that most of the country hates the Seahawks with a passion and will be rooting against us with the fury of a thousand suns, I love the fact that they still have to begrudgingly respect Russell Wilson’s game even though 100% of all non-Seahawks fans think he’s the biggest tool in the world, and I particularly love knowing all of this and then having the game being a blowout in our favor. So, not only do the vast majority of people tuning in hate the Seahawks, but they’ve got to sit there and watch us whoop it up on the sidelines in and out of every commercial time out. Outstanding!
Then, there’s always that cool thing after every dominant Seahawks primetime win where the rest of the NFL media types talk about how great we are, like this is a new thought that just crossed their minds. Motherfuckers act like they forgot about
Dre the Seahawks! NFL media types have the memories of a gnat. They can only focus on one thing at a time, and it’s immediately forgotten with the next new shiny thing that crosses their paths. Right now, it’s all about the Cowboys and their rookie QB, or the Eagles and THEIR rookie QB, or the Vikings because they’re the only undefeated team left. But, if the Seahawks stomp all over the Cards like they should, get ready for the rest of the country to jump ALL OVER our bandwagon.
This game is also fun because, once we get through it, we don’t play another team in our division again until the final three weeks of the season, when we play them all in a row. We’ve got some FUN games ahead!
- At New Orleans, for a potential offensive showdown
- the Bills on Monday Night
- At New England, for a possible Super Bowl preview
- the Eagles and their aforementioned rookie QB
- At Tampa, for a possible blowout
- the Panthers (while they’re disappointing, they still pose matchup nightmares for us)
- At Green Bay, with another opportunity to knock an NFC rival down a peg
These are teams (aside from the Panthers & Packers) that we don’t get to see enough. And, if we keep winning, expect the good times to continue rolling.