“(So and so) just didn’t have it today,” is pretty much the motto for the 2017 Seattle Mariners, whose season died on the operating table on April 25, 2017. The season – now just a rotting slab of stinking, lukewarm hamburger, attracting flies and rabid dogs – has been a perfect definition of Worst Case Scenario. Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong? Multiply that by a hundred thousand, then shoot it in the fucking face.
It’s not just the Jean Segura DL stint (he who made his semi-triumphant return last night at the expense of Mike Freeman), though that’s part of it. It’s not just the nagging hip issue for Kyle Seager, as I’m told that’s not something that should keep him out of the lineup for very long. It’s not the fact that none of the starting pitchers can be trusted, least of all the so-called “ace” of the staff, Felix Hernandez, who lasted all of 2 innings last night, giving up 4 runs on 6 hits and 2 walks, before being pulled at a measly 48 pitches, because again, he “just didn’t have it” (or his fucking shoulder is injured, or whatever). It’s not a bullpen overflowing with too-young power arms and too-useless wastes of spaces. It’s not the Drew Smyly DL stint for the first 2+ months, or the unceremonious dumping of Leonys Martin, or the lost cause that is Danny Valencia, or Robbie Cano playing like an old & slow turd, or Dan Vogelbach playing like a fat & slow turd, or Mike Zunino being just the latest in an endless string of first round FUCKING busts. Nor is it just the impending DL stint for Mitch Haniger, who suffered a strained oblique and is set to miss extensive time. It’s all of that, combined, to capsize what absolutely NEEDED to be a successful baseball season for the Seattle Mariners; and the only way you could define this season as even a remote success is if they made the post-season. They won’t, so it’s not, and everyone’s to blame, because life is utter horseshit and I wish everyone was dead.
Somebody bookmark this page and save it for later. Save it for when Mitch Haniger comes back from the DL. Gaze upon it when we’re all excited to have our rookie phenom back in the fold. Pull it back up … oh maybe a month or so after he’s returned. I want you to take a look at his numbers pre-DL:
- .338/.442/.600, 7 doubles, 1 triple, 4 homers, 16 RBI, 20 runs scored in 21 games played
I want you to really take a good, long look at those numbers, because when he returns, you can kiss those sterling numbers goodbye. I guarantee you when he comes back, he absolutely won’t be the same player we had pre-injury. He will be significantly worse, and we’ll all wonder just what in the fuck happened to him.
You know what happened? He joined the Seattle Fucking Mariners. Where everything good and happy in this world goes to get collectively buttfucked.
So, who else didn’t have it yesterday? Well, Chris Heston – who was just called up in favor of Chase De Jong (who just threw 4 innings of shutout ball before being sent back down, mind you) – was supposed to be our long reliever for just this occasion: he gave up 5 runs in 2 innings. Then, there was Evan Marshall, another potential long reliever type: he gave up 7 runs in 2 innings. And, after Pazos threw a scoreless seventh inning, Evan Scribner came in and allowed 3 more runs in the eighth. That’s a 19-9 loss, for those doing the math at home.
The hitters did their jobs, but what are you going to do when you score 9 runs and still lose by 10? And, not for nothing, but Detroit’s pitching staff is the worst in the American League, so it’s not like this was some out-of-nowhere offensive explosion.
This is just a dark day. A dark day in a dark lifetime of being a Mariners fan. 141 more of these fucking things to go. God, I hate baseball so fucking much.