The Arizona Cardinals are a bad football team.  No point in sugar-coating it, they’re fucking terrible.  They MIGHT even be the worst team in the entire league, what with Buffalo dismantling the Vikings last week; at least we know the Bills have SOME level of goodness in them.  The Cardinals appear to have absolutely none, having lost to the Redskins, Rams, and Bears by a combined score of 74-20.

Last week, the Cards came close.  They were up 14-0 on the Bears in the first quarter, they held a 14-3 lead at halftime, and were clinging to a 14-13 lead heading into the final frame.  But, the reason why the Bears kept scoring in the second half was directly attributable to Sam Bradford going INT-INT-Fumble on his final three drives before being benched for rookie Josh Rosen.  Rosen entered with just over 4 minutes to go in the game – down 16-14 – and drove the Cards to the Bears’ side of the field before throwing a pick on 4th down.  The Cards had one more chance with less than a minute to go and no time outs and couldn’t do anything.

If I can just take a moment to bitch about Sam Bradford, because SERIOUSLY, how do you bungle that game?  Just sit on the ball in the second half!  HOW DOES HE KEEP GETTING HIGH-PAYING CONTRACTS AND STARTING JOBS IN THE NFL???  I’m the first to admit I know next-to-nothing about the intricacies of professional football, but even I know Sam Bradford is a fucking useless pile of shit!  Dude will have earned upwards of $130 million in his career and he’s easily the worst quarterback that keeps getting chances to start.  I hate to pull the Colin Kaepernick card, but really?  Sam Bradford gets $20 million and Kaepernick isn’t “worth the headache”?  It boggles the mind.

I mean, seriously, hasn’t Larry Fitzgerald suffered enough?!  He’s the one respectable thing about the Arizona Cardinals organization, and yet you keep putting him in harm’s way by having sub-replacement level quarterbacks throwing him into double coverage or right into the open shoulder of a hammering linebacker/safety.  People bitch about how the Angels are wasting Mike Trout’s prime, but they can go fuck themselves!

Anyway, it’s Josh Rosen’s show now, and I couldn’t be happier.  That guy has BUST written all over him.  He was an over-rated bum at UCLA and he’s going to be an over-rated bum in the NFL.  Not as over-rated as Sam Bradford, but then again that would be literally impossible.

I was moderately concerned about this game when Bradford was the starter, because on his very best day – if he’s making smart decisions and following the dinking n’ dunking formula that works pretty well against the Seahawks – I could maybe see the Cardinals hanging around in this one and stealing it late.  But, I can’t imagine Rosen doing anything close to that.  He’s going to struggle, he’s going to turn the ball over a couple times, and the Seahawks should walk away with this one pretty easily.

If I were in charge, I’d do exactly what the Seahawks did last week.  Run-run-pass.  Super conservative, handing the ball to Carson 25+ times, and every once in a while allowing Wilson to take some safe shots deep down field (ideally against whoever Patrick Peterson ISN’T guarding).  Just get to 17 or 20 points and let the defense do the rest.

I’ll honestly be pretty upset if the Cards score in the double-digits in this one, that’s how little faith I have in their abilities.  The Seahawks’ defense has proven it’s better than we expected coming into the season, so they should have no problem keeping David Johnson in check and forcing the rookie making his first start to beat them.

If I haven’t jinxed the Seahawks enough, just know that I’m fully anticipating us to be 2-2 after this game is over.  That’ll put us a full 2 games behind the Rams and in the driver’s seat for 2nd place in the NFC West.  To get to the Wild Card, the Seahawks are going to need to go 4-0 against the likes of the 49ers and Cardinals, so don’t let me down!

Or, whatever.  Do let me down.  I bet my brother a pizza party that the Seahawks wouldn’t make the playoffs this season, so either way I WIN MOTHERFUCKERS!!!  PIZZA FOR DAYS AND DAYS AND DAYS!