So, Your Baseball Team Is Tanking: How To Root For The Mariners In 2019

You would REALLY think Mariners fans would be used to this by now, but the sense I get from Twitter is that these people are like goldfish and their brains re-set every six seconds. I mean, I understand being upset about all the losing seasons, the playoff drought, the lack of titles, the lack of World Series appearances, the 4 post-season berths in 42 years (and counting), and every other slight (perceived or otherwise) levied against the tortured fans of this organization. But, what I don’t understand is living and dying with every game, and the vitriol that’s belched out into the world with every defeat.

At some point, you have to let it go and live your life. And, when things take a turn this poorly – 12-36 since the 13-2 start – it doesn’t matter how bad the Mariners look, it only matters that they look bad!

That’s right, for the first time since – I want to say – 2010 or 2011, we Mariners fans get to enjoy the prospect of being one of the VERY worst teams in all of Major League Baseball! That’s hard to do when there’s a whole National League to contend with, and more specifically when there’s the Marlins and Royals and Orioles to contend with this year. But, let’s face it, no team has been as bad as the Mariners over the last 48 games, to the point where we’re now the 5th-worst team in all of baseball. Meaning, of course, that if the season ended today, we’d be drafting 5th. And, we’re only 5 games behind the Orioles for the #1 overall draft pick in next year’s draft.

Now, it won’t be easy! These things never are. There will be times – however brief – where the Mariners look halfway competent. There will be times when some of those other bottom-feeding teams look like they’ll never win a game again. But, we must remain firm in our resolve! To be the very worst that we can be!

It’ll take some luck, to be sure. We need the bullpen to continue to falter the rest of the way. We also need our tradeable pieces to stay healthy and look good, at least long enough for us to trade them away for more prospects to throw onto the pile.

Speaking of health, we need our younger guys to STAY healthy. Because, while the objective for this year is to tank, we also need the new players to gain valuable experience, so they’re not going through those annoying growing pains when this team is supposed to be hitting its upswing. Get those growing pains out of the way NOW, while the season is lost!

But, that doesn’t mean we couldn’t use an injury here and there to some of the established core. Guys like Haniger, Gonzales, and even Kyle Seager (someone who is virtually untradeable, and thus is someone we’re stuck with until his contract expires) who ostensibly figure to be some of the more productive players (obviously not NOW, but who are better than the alternatives we have below them), we could easily lose those guys to an IL stint or two without mortgaging the future.

All of that aside, we’re now two full months into the season. A third of the way in. It’s time to stop fucking around. When you watch the Mariners, you actively root for them to lose. Change the mindset. I know it feels like it’s impossible, but use some of that hatred that’s boiling within you, that we see splattered on Twitter’s walls night in and night out. Instead of COMPLAINING, rejoice! Know that every loss is one step closer to that coveted #1 draft pick. I mean, let’s face it, as long-suffering Mariners fans, we already 50% hate this team for what they’ve done to us all these years. Just lean into the hate. Let it overflow! Remember all the bad things they’ve done to us, and use that to root for a blown save in a meaningless season.

You’ll find it gets easier the longer you do it. Until you get to the point where you forget you were even a fan in the first place.

At that point, take the opportunity to RUN! Go bandwagon another team and never look back! Get Out before the Mariners start stirring that teacup and luring you back into the Sunken Place!

And, for the love of God, bandwagon one of the good teams. I don’t care how wrong it feels. If it brings you happiness, then by all means join Red Sox Nation. Lord knows you’ve earned it.

One thought on “So, Your Baseball Team Is Tanking: How To Root For The Mariners In 2019

  1. The mariners have always been a second rate team . Anyone can see what they are doing by trading players away for nothing. Why would we go to see a minor league team in the major leagues? Kyle Seager needs to leave, he has done the damage of not producing much at 3rd base . I say go Red Sox

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