Suffice it to say, things did NOT go according to plans, in any respect.

For starters, I should probably never bet on football ever again. Only college basketball and pro hockey from here on out! Two sports I probably have the least knowledge about and the least confidence in my own abilities. Go figure.

My first bet of the weekend was $100 on the Army/Navy game. I teased it with the under; moving Army to +18 and the total line to, I dunno, 48 or so? The under was never in doubt. Army had the cover in the bag – down 17 points – but they called a meaningless time out with Navy driving down to score. If they let Navy sit on it, they likely run out the clock right there without attempting a field goal. Instead, Army called a stupid time out, Navy ran it in for a touchdown on the very next play, and I needed Army’s crap offense to try to get a touchdown in a little over 90 seconds. I could’ve ripped up my ticket then and there.

My second bet of the weekend probably should’ve been my last. I should’ve put all my money on Gonzaga to win in Arizona and called it a trip. When I bought the ticket, the Wildcats were favored by 2 points, and the line MOVED to 2.5 by tipoff! Gonzaga going into a Pac-12 school’s arena is the easiest money of all time; even if the game ended up being close at the end, I was never worried. I won $300 on that one to end my first day right around even (minus some losses on UFC and at the black jack tables).

I couldn’t possibly tell you what happened with my Saturday night after the fights. We watched in a bar, I know that much. I had considerable alcohols and probably little-to-no food. I don’t know if I snapped anything, but if you’re friends of my friends on Snapchat I think you got quite a show!

I had set my alarm for Sunday morning at 8am or so. When 8am came around, I immediately set my alarm for 9am. Approximately 30 seconds later, it was 9am and I had to haul my ass out of bed, drag my ass through a shower, and meander my ass down to the sportsbook. From there, all my careful planning went out the window. I had about $1,500 to play with. I put $100 on that shitty 8-team parlay that had no chance in hell of winning (though if it had, I’d be about $14,000 richer). Then, instead of doing all of my Green Bay teasers like I had intended, I made two $700 teasers that both managed to backfire. I had Green Bay and Miami in the morning (WHAT? THE? FUCK??? I just needed the Dolphins to lose by less than 10!), and the Raiders and 49ers in the afternoon (both needed to win – the 49ers by only 4 points – but instead both lost). I mean, it was just a fucking disaster of a shitshow on every fucking level.

I ended up bringing $3,000 with me on the trip. I left $1,000 in reserve in my room, hoping to leave the trip with at least $1,000. But, when all my football bets went FUBAR, I snatched that $1,000 and put it all on the Las Vegas Golden Knights to just win their game that evening. They were favored by 1-2 goals, and had I just bet the spread I would’ve doubled up and had a pretty okay trip. But, I chickened out and as a result I only left Vegas with $1,500. So, better than the $1,000 I had in mind going in, but obviously far short of my hopes and dreams.

Also, I apparently blacked out and failed to make it to the hockey game at all?! Yet, I wasn’t in my room – my friends checked and snapped the proof – so I don’t know where I was for those three hours. My friends did end up finding me somewhere and forced more water down my gullet before I went to bed again around 11pm or so. That 5am wake-up call on Monday morning did not settle well with me.

From there, it was a harrowing flight home, followed by a large Godfather’s pizza to sober up, and a lot of laying around the rest of the day until going to sleep around 5pm that evening. I should be fully recovered by 2021 or so.

On the plus side, I have a couple of long-distance missiles I launched on my way out of town. Three futures bets that I made prior to losing all my money on Sunday.

The first: I put $300 on the Seahawks to win the Super Bowl at 8 to 1 ($100 apiece for me, my dad, and my brother). Win that, and I get pretty much back to even for the trip (plus I get to enjoy a Seahawks Super Bowl Championship).

The second: I put $100 on the Boston Bruins to win the Stanley Cup at 6 to 1.

The third: I put $100 on the Winnipeg Jets at 50 to 1.

I asked my brother to text me the two teams he thought had the best chance of winning it all this season. Literally every time I’ve asked my brother for NHL bets, they’ve come up losers, but I like his rationale for both here. The Bruins are legit; I want to say they started the season at something like 15 to 1, so that might actually have a chance of paying out. The Jets were preseason darlings, but have dropped some close games to bad teams to drastically lower their chances. Nevertheless, if they can regain their preseason charm, that’s a lot of money. I promised my brother I’d split the winnings with him, so I hope his good mojo comes into play here. It would be a VERY successful trip for me if the Jets end up winning it all.

I will say this much: as soon as it was decided we’d be going during Week 15 of the NFL season, this was about two months ago or thereabouts. I looked at the schedule that very day and I could tell this wouldn’t be an easy weekend. That proved to be painfully true. I should’ve trusted my original instincts and stayed away from the NFL. There were plenty of college basketball games on Saturday had I gotten there early enough, but by the time I found the sportsbook, a bunch of early-morning games had already started. If I could’ve just built up a big enough bankroll, I would’ve funded all my losing bets and come out better than I did. There was no way I was leaving in the black, but a little less red would’ve been preferable.

At least I was smart enough to stay away from the roulette tables. A little something to put my mind at ease when I go to Reno in March.