The Seahawks are good and the Dolphins are bad. There, that’s all the analysis you really need for why they’ll go into Miami, play a football game, and return to Seattle victorious.

(one of these times, I’m really going to write a 2-line preview and post it to the Internet as is; this won’t be one of those times though)

To extrapolate further, the Seahawks have Russell Wilson. Russell Wilson is the best football player on the planet. He throws footballs to guys like Tyler Lockett and D.K. Metcalf. The Dolphins don’t have anyone who can cover them on a consistent basis. Russell Wilson should continue to throw lots of touchdowns to guys like Tyler Lockett and D.K. Metcalf in this game. More touchdowns, indeed, than the Dolphins should manage to score, even against our crappy defense. Ergo, the Seahawks will win and I’ll be happy.

It hardly feels necessary to give an alternate viewpoint. This isn’t Both Sides Journalism! Why should I sit here and espouse beliefs that are contrary to my own?

Well, I’ll tell you, there’s something rotten in my brain. If I poke my finger in there, I can feel it. It’s gritty and black, and if I dig around, it chips away like warm, soft brown sugar. This bitter old nag resides there, second-guessing everything. The more sure I am of impending good fortune, the louder she hisses. And if I don’t get it all out of me and write it down somewhere, she becomes this booming, caustic I Told You So factory if the unthinkable should happen. How could you be so stupid?! You know you’re not allowed to have nice things! What’s the matter with you?!

So, here’s a quick list of things I’m worrying about:

• The Seahawks have LOTS AND LOTS of injuries
• Including Jamal Adams, who probably won’t play
• Including Chris Carson, who probably shouldn’t play
• Including a fuckload of the rest of our secondary, who will at least be hampered
• The defense is terrible even at full strength
• Ryan Fitzpatrick is pretty mediocre, but sometimes he has crazy games where he throws for 350+ yards and racks up tons of points
• The game is on the road, the furthest you can get from home while still being in the Lower 48 states (this could, if nothing else, account for a slow start, as I don’t believe we’re arriving in South Florida until sometime Saturday)

I dunno, that’s probably it. I actually don’t know much about the Dolphins. Is their defense good? Probably not. I think the Patriots ran all over them. And the Bills scored four touchdowns. The Dolphins beat the Jags pretty handily, but that was a Thursday Night game and those are usually a little one-sided. That’s another thing to worry about, though: the Dolphins are extra rested with the 10 days off since their previous game.

The Dolphins give up a lot of yards – both passing and rushing – but seem to give up relatively few points (small sample size, with all of three games happening). At least the Seahawks seem to be able to slow down opposing rushing attacks, which is something (especially since former Husky Myles Gaskin is a new star for them this year). They’re middle-of-the-road in generating sacks, so that’s not too scary.

I dunno. It just seems like A LOT would have to go wrong for the Seahawks to blow this. Like, trying to force things on offense, rather than doing what we’ve been doing so far and taking what’s being given to us. Careless mistakes, penalties getting us behind the sticks, maybe a fumble or two that bounces against us? I’m grasping at straws here.

It feels like losing this game would be something the OLD Seahawks would’ve done. Letting the Dolphins hang around, not converting drives into touchdowns, needing to pull a miracle out of our asses late only to realize there isn’t any magic pixie dust left in our … wands or something?

The bottom line, though, is this is a game the Seahawks SHOULD win. And, honestly, it shouldn’t even be all that close. This should be one of those Get Right games for our defense, where they don’t look like the absolute fucking worst in all of football. It should be something like 34-12, where if we were really trying in the fourth quarter, we could’ve easily hit 40+ points, but we decide to predominantly rush the ball to drain clock and get TF out of there in one piece. I would also hope we avoid any more dire injuries, because seriously, they’re sucking my will to live.

That’s all I got. If we lose, you’re going to see one pissy Steven on here on Monday, so let’s try not to muck it up, shall we?