Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2021: A Three-Time Loser

I’m in three fantasy football leagues. I didn’t intend to be in so many, but it just happened that way. I have my longstanding – now Dynasty – league with my college friends that I write about here; I have my Splinter League that I write a little blurb about at the end of each of these posts; and I’m in a league with my brother and his work friends (they had an opening and needed someone to fill it at the last minute). All three leagues have different rules and therefore bring something unique to the table.

And, somehow, I managed to lose in all three this week.

The ONLY positive to being in three leagues is that it’s really hard to lose ALL of your games. You can have a really shitty weekend, but usually you’ll at least find one of your three teams victorious. It’s a rare, special kind of sucking that sees you go 0-3 in the same calendar weekend.

Snoopy & Prickly Pete lost to Beasts 157.15 to 80.25. I was without a tight end – due to injuries/COVID – but that didn’t matter. I got just over 20 points combined out of my two QBs, and everyone else just sort of shit the bed. Somehow, Justin Fields outscored everyone on my team, but he was on my bench because he was going up against the Steelers’ defense. Mike White somehow outscored Mac Jones even though White lasted only two drives and Jones’ team won 24-6. I don’t even know.

My general thoughts on last week are that scoring was down for pretty much everyone because it was a weird week in the NFL. Also, my team fucking SUUUUUUUCKS, so there’s that.

Jordan Love looked … not great. From what I saw of that game, the Chiefs’ defense was blitzing early and often, and he couldn’t make them pay. I know he’s a young guy making his first regular season start, but that was hella cringe. I am, helplessly, still no closer to finding my quarterbacks of the future.

This week, I’ll be facing Car Talk With Josh Allen, the team I played in week one. That was one of my two victories this season, so I’m sure he’s looking for revenge. Here is a tentative lineup I’m looking at:

  • Mac Jones (QB) vs. CLE
  • Taylor Heinicke (QB) vs. TB
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. ATL
  • Diontae Johnson (WR) vs. DET
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) vs. ATL
  • TBD (RB)
  • Dawson Knox (TE) @ NYJ
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) @ GB
  • Justin Tucker (K) @ MIA
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) @ SF

I need to pick up another running back. David Montgomery is back, which means Khalil Herbert is back to being his understudy; regardless, the Bears are on a BYE this week anyway. CEH is still on IR and isn’t likely to return this week. So, I’ll be looking to drop Herbert after everyone clears waivers and pick up someone to get me points. I would think about dropping one of my tight ends – I have Knox and Noah Fant still – but this tight end decision is going to have ramifications for years to come, so I’d like to make a measured, patient decision on the matter.

As for QB, Fields is on BYE, Love returns to my bench (as Rodgers is said to be starting against the Seahawks, assuming he clears COVID), and White is coming off of an in-game injury, so I’d like to see him survive a full game before starting him. Also, Buffalo has a pretty good defense and I could see them smashing the living daylights out of the Jets in response to blowing it against the Jags last week.

A.J. Brown is the WR I’m sitting this week. I don’t know if that’s a smart choice or not, though I have to expect the Saints (who they’re playing this week) will put their very best cornerback on him all game. Now that I’ve said that, I’ve just ensured Brown goes off for multiple TDs; it’s okay, I have him going in another league, so it won’t be a total waste if he crushes it.

Car Talk is looking at this collective of players:

  • Josh Allen (QB) @ NYJ
  • Jimmy Garoppolo (QB) vs. LAR
  • Robert Woods (WR) @ SF
  • Cole Beasley (WR) @ NYJ
  • Aaron Jones (RB) vs. SEA
  • Leonard Fournette (RB) @ WAS
  • Travis Kelce (TE) @ LV
  • Melvin Gordon (RB) vs. PHI
  • Tyler Bass (K) @ NYJ
  • Baltimore (DEF) @ MIA

This looks like a massacre waiting to happen. There’s no way Allen has two bad games in a row, especially against a team as inept as the Jets. Jimmy G – one of my pile of QBs from earlier this season – comes back to haunt me. Aaron Jones is a super stud, as is Travis Kelce (who has been relatively quiet this season … except when he’s going against me in fantasy).

We’re officially one time through the league on this season. I’ve played everyone once, and I’m 2-7 as a result. Of course, I’m in last place, both in record and in total points. I have five games remaining before the regular season ends and I have to figure out some way to succeed in the Consolation Bracket. Here’s hoping things start looking a little more clear over the next month!

Splinter League Round-Up!

This week was pretty much decided on Thursday night, as Jonathan Taylor scored 34 points when he was projected to only get 18. Otherwise, Vinegar Strokes didn’t do so hot! But, BUCK FUTTER did far worse, in spite of making all the right 50/50 moves on who to start and who to sit. I was severely hampered by the Bucs being on a BYE and losing both of my starting receivers. My team should be at full strength this week, though, as I try to avenge my week one loss to 50 Shades Of Gritty. Her team isn’t super great, but she can step up and bring the smack down when she has to.

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