The Mariners Sure Did Suck On That Road Trip

How do you blow up all the good will you built over an exciting 7-2 homestand? Well, you promptly go out on the road and lose 7 of 9, and you look fucking inept doing it.

There’s nothing quite as impotent as the Mariners when they play baseball in Houston (except maybe the Democrats whenever they have the presidency and a majority in both houses of Congress … politics!). This was on full display this week, as we were treated to a shitshow of all shitshows. The M’s SHOULD HAVE been shut out for three straight games. As it was, they were shut out for 24 consecutive innings in this series, and 26 out of 27 innings overall.

3-0, 4-0, 7-2. That’s all you need to know. We had 5 hits on Monday, all of 2 at-bats with a runner in scoring position; we had 4 hits on Tuesday, again just 2 at-bats with a runner in scoring position; and, for good measure, we had 5 hits yesterday, going 0 for 1 with a runner in scoring position (the two runs were scored on a 2-run bomb by Suarez with a runner on first base, after the Astros had already built up their 7-run advantage).

This was just a pathetic road trip any way you slice it, with the nadir coming in Houston. Crawford and France are the only hitters showing up. Frazier has been a huge disappointment (with his defense being borderline atrocious); Winker has been a collosal fucking turd, and I don’t give a fuck about how “unlucky” he’s been; Suarez is more bust than boom; Toro doesn’t do ANYTHING well, and is killing his trade value; Julio is a rookie and he gets a pass; but Kelenic ISN’T a rookie and he needs to get his shit together in a hurry, or else he’s got a date with a certain Tacoma-based minor league baseball team; and the catchers have cooled off considerably.

The only good thing to come out of this series was Jose Altuve fouling a baseball off his testicles. I know we don’t root for injuries, but we sure as shit root for cheaters to get their just desserts with extra chopped nuts on top.

Oh, and as icing on the cake, Matt Brash suffered his second consecutive shitty start with four runs given up in three innings on Wednesday. I know he’s a rookie and he gets a pass as well, but it would be nice to see a quality start here and there, you know, to mix things up a little bit.

Of course, the Mariners now come home to play the Rays over the next four days. They appear to be vastly better than us right now, so I don’t have a lot of hope for turning things around. In fact, the rest of the month of May looks like one monster matchup after another. This might indeed put us in a hole we’re unable to get out of. Just like last year. Fun!