Monthly Archives: December 2022

The Huskies Handled The Longhorns In The Alamo Bowl

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Nothing felt right about the 8-4 Texas Longhorns being favored by 3 points over the 10-2 Washington Huskies. At best, you could call this a de facto home game for the Austin-based school – a mere 75 minutes away from the San Antonio-based bowl – but I would argue there was a significant talent discrepancy which was only overwhelmed by the gargantuan Want To discrepancy.

I couldn’t possibly keep track of all the perfectly healthy Texas players who opted to NOT play in this game, because they’re certain to be drafted into the NFL next year and would rather save their bodies than play in this meaningless game. We’re talking about really impactful players! I want to say not one but two of their best running backs sat out, and I think the broadcast mentioned a good pass rushing linebacker to boot? That would prove pivotal in this particular game; who knows, it might’ve actually meant the difference between the loss they ended up suffering, and a win they can only dream about.

I can count on zero hands the number of Huskies who opted out of this game, because that number is zero. I wouldn’t have faulted someone like Michael Penix from sitting this one out, but that was before he announced he was coming back for the 2023 season. The Dawgs were indeed as close to full strength as we’ve ever been, less a Cameron Davis injury late in bowl week practice that was only major enough to sit him in this game, but isn’t supposed to cost him next year. Losing our second-best running back isn’t really all that impactful in the grand scheme of things.

I believe a lot of money came in late on the Huskies, as the moneyline payout went down ever-so-slightly. A lot of east coast fucks probably took a bath on this one; that’s what you get for ignoring the Pac-12 this year!

Probably best not to throw stones, for those of us who hammered the over REALLY got snookered!

My big question heading into this one was: how good is Texas’ defense? That was probably my biggest concern. I figured they’d be good-enough moving the ball, and the Huskies are going to be in any game so long as Michael Penix is behind the center. But, if their defense gave us fits, how would we respond? I don’t know if the Huskies had played a truly great defense this year. Probably Oregon State was the best, and you saw how we barely eked out that one.

It never occurred to me that the Husky defense might step up in a big way! Granted, their top receiver Xavier Worthy was KILLING them with drops – including what would’ve been a breakaway touchdown in the second half – but I saw some improved coverage, I saw a drastic decrease in yards after contact/yards after reception with stout tackling, and I saw a good amount of quarterback pressure to keep him off-the-mark on just enough throws to limit them to 6/15 on third downs (2/3 on fourth downs).

That added up to a ragged-as-hell first half. The Huskies finished the game 11/20 on third downs (2/3 on fourth downs), but a lot of that came in the second half. We were limited to a 13-3 lead at the break, with a number of poor throws, costly drops, and baffling referee decisions sprinkled in. There was one long third down would-be conversion we should’ve had – where their guy CLEAR AS FUCKING DAY grabbed our receiver’s jersey in a blatant pass interference move to prevent a huge gain, only to get a no-call from these blind as bats fucking refs. And the Rome Odunze butter fingers moment in the endzone sure looked like it might loom large just before the break, costing us 4 points in the process.

What really saved us and kept us afloat was the production of running back Wayne Taulapapa, who had the only touchdown of the first half on a 42-yard scamper down the left sideline. He ended the game with 108 yards on only 14 carries, and was really gashing them throughout. Richard Newton took on backup duties and had a workmanlike 44 yards on 11 carries.

Both teams came out to play some offense in the second half. The Longhorns marched right down the field to make it 13-10, but the Huskies finally woke up as well. Things were looking dicey as it appeared we might go 3 & Out and shift momentum completely, but we converted a 4th & 1 on our own 34 yard line with a Penix sneak (where it looked like we might just take the delay of game penalty and punt, after not getting them to jump offsides). That propelled us to convert that drive into a nifty touchdown pass to Taj Davis, and we were off to the races from there.

After forcing them to punt, we marched right down the field again to make it 27-10, thanks to an incredible shoe-string catch by Jalen McMillan. Those two touchdown drives were 13 plays and 14 plays, respectively. 75 yards and 90 yards, respectively. 5:47 and 6:57, respectively. Just taking the absolute wind out of their sails. Sure, the Longhorns followed up that second touchdown with one of their own – to make it 27-17 – but by then we were in the meaty part of the fourth quarter, and content to sit on the ball and convert third downs, move the chains, and drain clock. Our subsequent drive ended on downs, but it was still another 13 plays and 5:29 off the clock. Texas got the ball back with just over 4 minutes remaining and needed over half of that just to go 55 yards on 10 plays to convert a field goal to make it 27-20. With 1:40 remaining, we bled their final two time outs, and ran it down to 25 seconds, where they took over on their own 16 yard line, unable to do anything.

That’s precision. That’s execution. That’s a methodical, veteran victory over a marquee football team in the NCAA landscape, against our former head coach (Sark) and our former defensive coordinator (Pete Kwiatkowski). When you think of Kalen DeBoer, you think of awesome passing attack and high-flying offense. But, what you also get is a complete head coach who pushes the right buttons, is aggressive when this team needs him to be, and is smart and conservative when it means our victory is all but certain.

That last drive is a perfect example. How many coaches out there would’ve thrown on one of those downs – especially after we were stuffed on the first play – in order to salt the game away and make a name for himself? Or, take the drive(s) before that. How many up-tempo offenses would’ve caved? Would have given the ball back to Texas with too much time left on the clock? The drive where we gave it up on downs was quietly one of the most critical of the entire game! We took five and a half minutes from them! That’s what great teams do: amass a double-digit lead, then you fucking sit on them and bleed them dry! Don’t give them any opportunity to weasel their way back in the game. FINISH THEM.

We’ve seen the Huskies win a lot of different ways this year, en route to an 11-2 finish. We’ve seen huge blowouts, we’ve seen back-and-forth scoring festivals, we’ve seen tough and gritty low-scoring nailbiters. I think that’s what impresses me most about this team: its adaptability. If we just got a LITTLE bit more out of our defense, we could really do something with this squad.

Without taking anything away – because an 11-win season in the Pac-12 is always impressive – I will say there’s a lot of unknown, but also a lot to look forward to. We beat the Oregon schools, which was impressive, but we lost to UCLA (I refuse to even bring up the other shit school we lost to) and we didn’t even play the Utes or Trojans (our Pac-12 Championship Game representatives). It’s unfortunate that we couldn’t slide into a New Year’s Six bowl, because I’d REALLY like to see what this team could do against the best of the best. I would not put the Texas Longhorns in that tier, for many reasons.

Next year, we don’t have that luxury. Next year, we do play the Utes and Trojans (USC on the road). We avoid Colorado (in full-on rebuild mode with Deion Sanders at the helm) and UCLA (unclear if their quarterback is returning, or if they’ll be worth a damn at all). When you factor in a non-conference road game against Michigan State, there will be every opportunity to prove ourselves.

What we haven’t seen in a while is a Husky team with sky-high expectations. We’ll be major players in the non-conference rankings! We might be as high as the Top 10, we might be snubbed with a slot in the teens, but we’ll be in there somewhere. I think 2017 was the last time we headed into the season in the Top 10; we made it as high as #5 (with our 6-0 start) before losing to the fucking team that shall not be fucking named.

While we all loved those Coach Pete teams – we got to play in our first-ever playoff game, which I attended in Atlanta against Alabama! – there were faults with that offense in big games. So far, I’ve seen none of those issues under Kalen DeBoer and Michael Penix’s leadership. This offense is ready to play with everyone, and I can’t wait to see what we look like next year. Full season AND full offseason under our belts? Watch out, college football!

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2022: Landslide

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This season’s previous fantasy football posts:

Last week was fucking dumb. Everyone in the world shit the bed as the season winds down and the weather gets freezing, except my opponent who had the most points in our league by a wide margin. I had the second-most points of the Consolation Bracket and the third-most points in the league by a pretty comfortable margin. The highest scorer among the playoff teams got 146.85. I had 161.80. My opponent had 199.10.

The other consolation bracket game ended 138.86 to 115.30. It’s patently ridiculous that I’m iced out of a top two pick, meanwhile a team that had 23 fewer points gets to move on. But, that’s fantasy football for you. It’s a fucking waking nightmare for four months a year.

I guess the silver lining here is that there’s nothing I could’ve done to change my outcome. I didn’t tinker endlessly like I did in one of my other leagues, leaving the points on my bench that would’ve propelled me to victory. Sure, Mac Jones outscored both of my starting quarterbacks (somehow, through garbage time points), but not to an extent that would’ve mattered in the grand scheme of things.

So, now I turn my sights to getting the third pick. I have to get through Sloane N Steady – this year’s Toilet Trophy recipient – to do so. Here are my guys:

  • Justin Fields (QB) @ Det
  • Mike White (QB) @ Sea
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) @ Ten
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) vs. NYJ
  • Kenneth Walker (RB) vs. NYJ
  • Tony Pollard (RB) @ Ten
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) @ GB
  • Christian Watson (WR) vs. Min
  • Evan McPherson (K) vs. Buf
  • N.Y. Jets (DEF) @ Sea

It is what it is at this point. I’m legitimately shocked I couldn’t get more out of Tyler Huntley this year. He looked so good last year in his limited reps, at least from a fantasy perspective. Maybe I’m mis-remembering, I dunno. That was my impression anyway, and I was totally off base!

I hate Mac Jones with the fire of a thousand suns, so he seems like a pretty safe bet to become a viable fantasy quarterback in the next couple of years. That’s how it works. You join my team before you’re ready, you STINK up the joint, I give up on you and vow to never have you on my team ever again, someone else takes a flier on you in the later rounds the following year, bingo bango bongo, you’re a superstar.

I’ll tell you this much, I want to bench Kenneth Walker and start Brian Robinson. Walker is going up against a stout Jets defense. Robinson is going up against a poor Browns rushing defense. Everything in my gut tells me Robinson is going to out-score Walker. But, I’ve decided to stop tinkering, to go with the guys who got me here, and in this case that means keeping Walker in my starting lineup come what may. Any choice I make will be the wrong choice, is the conclusion I’ve come to, so I’d rather doom the Seahawks to lose this game if all things are equal.

Here’s who Sloane N Steady’s got:

  • Derek Carr (QB) vs. SF
  • Aaron Rodgers (QB) vs. Min
  • Amon-Ra St. Brown (WR) vs. Chi
  • Michael Pittman Jr. (WR) @ NYG
  • Dalvin Cook (RB) @ GB
  • Nick Chubb (RB) @ Was
  • Juwan Johnson (TE) @ Phi
  • Travis Etienne (RB) @ Hou
  • Brett Maher (K) @ Ten
  • Cincinnati (DEF) vs. Buf

I don’t have anything to say. Frankly, this LOOKS like a matchup of the two worst teams in the league. I have Nick Chubb in another league and I don’t know if he’s had a touchdown in the second half of the season, so watch him blow up in this one.

The Seahawks Are Sputtering To The Finish

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Holding the Chiefs to 24 points in Kansas City is kind of a best-case scenario for this Seahawks defense against that offense. I guess it isn’t wildly shocking when you think about it, though. It’s not like KC has anything resembling a running game. But, that hasn’t stopped other rushing-deficient teams from stampeding all over us. At some point, you just have to want to run the ball, and I don’t think the Chiefs do. And really, they don’t need to; the proof is in the pudding.

If you told me before the game that the Seahawks would hold them to 24 points, I’d say we’d go on to have a competitive contest. But, I would’ve been wrong! That’s what happens when your offensive line is young and injured and exposed. That’s what happens when a Chiefs front seven is free to tee off on us. That’s what happens when Tyler Lockett is injured, D.K. Metcalf is your only pass catching threat, and everyone else is slow or ineffective or both.

That being said, I still don’t fully understand why the Seahawks were held to 10 points in this one. All things considered, I thought D.K. had a pretty solid game in spite of the Chiefs knowing he was the only real threat. He still caught 7 for 81 and was a toe-tap away from a bigtime touchdown in the back of the endzone, when the game was still in doubt. It’s even more mind-boggling when you see that Kenneth Walker was good for 107 rushing yards on 26 carries.

But, this game was a mishmash of Seahawks mistakes from the jump. We might as well have been playing the 49ers’ defense again, with how effective they were at making Geno Smith’s life miserable. He sure didn’t help his cause in becoming some $33 million man. 25/40 for 215, 1 TD and 1 ugly INT. We didn’t actually find the endzone until the second-to-last drive of the game, and the field goal came with no time left on the clock in the first half. We were 2/14 on third down, and needed to go 3/6 on fourth down just to attempt to keep things interesting.

All in all, a pretty boring Seahawks defeat. At least we had the rest of Christmas Eve to look forward to.

Now we’re 7-8 with two home games to go, against the Jets and Rams. At least the Broncos got killed by those very same Rams. I hope we can lose out to further bolster our draft next year.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2022: A Peek Into My Other Teams

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This season’s previous fantasy football posts:

Just to close up a dangling thread from last week, Einfach A.F. did, in fact, win, so they’re moving on to the regular playoffs. Which means the two picks I receive from them in trade are getting worse and worse.

Since nothing happened with RoundTine last week (I will say that I scored the fewest points of any team in the Consolation Bracket, which is either an ominous sign, or the first shitty waffle everyone throws away before the good ones start popping out), I thought I’d talk about my two other fantasy football teams. In leagues where I made the actual playoffs!

Puppy Monkey Baby is my pride and joy. My Splinter League team finished in first place at 11-4, two games better than my playoff brothers and sisters (who all finished 9-6). I’m pretty loaded here at every spot but quarterback (we, thankfully, have eliminated kickers and a mandatory tight end position, though we allow two flex spots where you could play tight ends if you want).

I’m talking CeeDee Lamb and Amon-Ra St. Brown. I’m talking Christian McCaffrey and Austin Ekeler. I’m talking Travis Kelce, Kenneth Walker, and the Steelers’ surging defense. I’m talking a bench comprised of useful dudes who would be starters on other teams: Chris Olave, Cordarrelle Patterson, Gabe Davis, and Mike Williams. I also took a flier on Jameson Williams (who hasn’t panned out, but oh well, you can’t win ’em all).

It’s dicey with the quarterbacks, though (it’s another 2-QB league). Jared Goff has been fine (sometimes good, sometimes not). Kenny Pickett is my preferred #2, however I also have Andy Dalton. If I’m winning this league, I’m winning in spite of these guys. I need the rest of my team to pick up the slack!

In my third league, RUM HAM! went 6-0 to start the year. I was 7-7 heading into last week. I needed to win, and I needed my brother to knock someone out of my spot in the playoffs. It came to pass, and so here I am, the 4-seed, and the least-likely person to win this league.

Justin Jefferson has been as advertised this season. Nick Chubb has been pretty great, but he’s definitely fallen off in recent weeks. Terry McLaurin has been on a disappointing team with disappointing quarterbacks. I figured Lamar Jackson would lay the league to waste this year, but he’s been relatively mediocre. This is another league where I’ve got Gabe Davis, though in this one I’ve had to use him almost every week, to frustrating results.

I’ve had Kareem Hunt as a handcuff all year, but it hasn’t paid off. I also started the year with both starting Rams running backs, and that was a total disaster. I was able to grab J.K. Dobbins a couple weeks ago, and I’ve got Zack Moss (for the Colts) in there now, but it might be too little too late. I do have Buffalo’s kicker and Philly’s defense, who have both been pretty reliable during their non-BYE weeks (both in week 7), but my guys just don’t score enough touchdowns in general. I rarely ever have big breakout weeks. It could be we just haven’t seen my team play to its fullest potential, but I think I’m VERY lucky to be in this position, and this playoff spot is probably wasted on me.

We’ll see how it goes! Fantasy Football gets exciting this week! Let’s get back to RoundTine and see what I’m working with in the all-important Consolation Bracket:

  • Justin Fields (QB) vs. Buf
  • Tyler Huntley (QB) vs. Atl
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. Phi
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) @ KC
  • Kenneth Walker (RB) @ KC
  • Tony Pollard (RB) vs. Phi
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) vs. NYG
  • Christian Watson (WR) @ Mia
  • Evan McPherson (K) @ NE
  • N.Y. Jets (DEF) vs. Jax

I’m only playing Huntley if Lamar Jackson is out again this week. Otherwise, I’m stuck with Mac Jones vs. Cincinnati. Mike White – my ultimate choice to be my #2 QB – was killed in a Revenant-style bear attack on the football field a couple weeks ago.

I have two viable bench players, if needed. Ezekiel Elliott is obviously there, if I need him. And Brian Robinson is going up against the 49ers. So, Zeke would be my obvious first choice between the two.

This week, for my Consolation Bracket livelihood, I’m going up against The Lance Petemans, in a matchup of 8 vs. 9. Here’s his team:

  • Kirk Cousins (QB) vs. NYG
  • Jared Goff (QB) @ Car
  • Tyreek Hill (WR) vs. GB
  • DeAndre Hopkins (WR) vs. TB
  • James Conner (RB) vs. TB
  • Tyler Allgeier (RB) @ Bal
  • Darren Waller (TE) @ Pit
  • Keenan Allen (WR) @ Ind
  • Robbie Gould (K) vs. Was
  • Cleveland (DEF) vs. NO

I traded him Tyreek Hill a few years ago and have rued it ever since. So, expect him to blow up for 40 points. The rest of the guys are capable of big days, but they’re also capable of stinkeroos. So, we’ll see.

I’m not confident. Winning the Consolation Bracket is something I’ve wanted SO desperately for years now; ever since we started trending towards being a dynasty league, with more and more keepers every year. Basically, ever since I realized my team wasn’t good enough to hack it with the big boys, because my keepers (read: quarterbacks) have been trash. The best I’ve finished is second (meaning I had the second overall draft pick) and my reward was the top non-QB rookie position player off the board: Clyde Edward-Helaire.

I need a stud rookie quarterback. I can’t get that guy with the fourth overall pick. I would LOVE it if I landed in the top two. But, for that to happen, I must win this week.

I want it too much! I want it too much, so it’s not going to happen for me. That’s the way this works.

Who Do The Seahawks Have On Defense That’s Worth A Damn?

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There’s nothing worse in football than a shitty defense. Put me in the minority of football fans: I want a defense that far-and-away outclasses the offense. I’d rather root for a team like the 49ers than I would a team like the Chiefs. Great defenses don’t take weeks off. Great defenses can make great offenses look inept; rarely do you see it go the other way. Rarely do you see a great defense – that isn’t totally decimated by injuries, thereby rendering it not-so-great – get totally obliterated. That’s what I’m looking for in a championship-level football team. That’s what I’m counting on when it comes to the playoffs. Great defense, and a quarterback who can get the job done in a pinch.

It feels like it’s been forever since the Seahawks have had a great defense. You could argue we haven’t had one since 2014 or 2015, which in NFL terms IS forever. The Seahawks haven’t just been mediocre, though. They’ve been downright BAD. What’s worse, they’ve often been bad masquerading as mediocre, which has led to this endless fucking cycle of never really going all-in to improve.

Year after year where we start out as the absolute worst defense in football. Then, through smoke and mirrors (and usually a reduction in the quality of offensive opponents), as the season goes along, they improve JUST enough to fool us into believing they’re not as bad as we thought. An inept coaching staff gets to keep their jobs (for a while), inept players get to stick around (for a while), and it starts all over again.

It’s been a long time since we’ve been THIS bad though. The run defense has been bad in spurts over the last half-decade, but never this consistently atrocious. There’s always been SOMETHING to stem the tide, and maybe that something was Bobby Wagner. Maybe we took him for granted for too long, and now we’re reaping what we sow.

There’s been a chicken or egg thing with this defense this year. Is it a scheme/coaching problem? Or is it a lack of talent among the players problem?

I’m inclined to think the scheme is sound – because we’ve seen the Vic Fangio scheme work all over the league – but the key difference is that usually they have Vic Fangio running it. I’ve had a problem with Clint Hurtt since it was announced he was taking over as defensive coordinator. Here’s a guy who’s done nothing in his coaching career, who led a mediocre-at-best defensive line unit under the previous shitty regime, and you just have to wonder what this guy did to deserve a promotion, as someone who’s never coached at this level before.

That being said, I don’t think there’s any question there’s a lack of talent on this team. Tariq Woolen appears to be the only player worth a damn. Uchenna Nwosu looks good week-in and week-out, but that can be deceiving. Is he just a standout among clods? Or is he actually a talented pass rusher/outside linebacker? I think it’s worth questioning since the Chargers let him go in free agency, and the Seahawks were only willing to sign him to a 2-year deal.

After that? Fuck this defense. As has been belabored, Jordyn Brooks makes a lot of tackles, but rarely are they of any impact. What big plays has he generated to put teams behind the sticks? Quandre Diggs appears to have lost a step, and if he’s going to keep dropping interceptions, then what good is he? We’re all well aware of Jamal Adams’ broken-down body; can’t count on him going forward. Darrell Taylor has had a nightmare season, given where we expected him to be in his development. Even Poona Ford and Bryan Mone have appeared to take steps back in their production, and all those guys are paid to do is stop the run! That’s literally their only fucking job!

The third and fourth best players on this defense are Al Woods and Shelby Harris, two aging vets you could get on the scrap heap in any given offseason.

It really makes you wonder how far away we are from building that elite defense we’ve missed so much. Are we just a few impact players away? Or is a total teardown and rebuild required? I don’t think we’re going to see the latter – at least as long as Pete Carroll and John Schneider are here – so that means we have to hope we’re just a draft away from turning things around.

Heading into next year, we’ve got the aforementioned Woolen and Nwosu. We hope the likes of Coby Bryant and/or Tre Brown can make an impact. Beyond that, man, I dunno. It seems more and more like we’re going to need that first Broncos pick to be an impact defensive lineman. I’m wondering if we’re going to need to use the vast majority of our draft picks to go towards the defense!

It’s extremely discouraging. I don’t like calling this a “lost season” because that makes it sound like a failure, when really it’s not THAT bad. But, any season where you’re not seriously contending for a championship – or at least building towards that – is indeed a lost season. You like to at least hang your hat on some players you can point to and say, “These are the building blocks of a potential championship team.” There are guys up and down that offense where you can say that. But, on defense, the cupboard is fucking BARE.

Fans are impatient. I get that. The Seahawks are 7-7 with three weeks to go. We’d need to win out AND we’d need help if we want to make the playoffs as one of the last two wild card teams. To win out, that means we’d need to somehow defeat the Chiefs this weekend, then turn around and beat the Jets and Rams at home. As a team that couldn’t even beat the Panthers, Raiders, or Bucs, that feels implausible. As such, I just want to get this Seahawks season over with as soon as possible, with as many defeats as possible, to better our draft picks for next year. I want to fast forward to the 2023 draft, I want us to select the best possible players, and I want the next regular season to get going with our bounty of improved talent! It feels insane to say that while there are still relevant regular season games left to play in 2022, but that’s where I’m at.

I can’t watch this defense anymore. It’s infuriating. The offense has been a heartwarming story thus far, but it’s not good enough to overcome the other side of the ball being so helpless. It’s time to seriously overhaul the whole fucking unit, from top to bottom, by any means necessary. All these half measures aren’t going to cut it anymore.

Geno Smith Is Good (As Long As The Seahawks Don’t Face A Great Defense)

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Sure, even the best quarterbacks are going to struggle against the league’s best defenses. But, I would say there’s a considerable difference between Aaron Rodgers looking bad, prime Russell Wilson looking bad, and Geno Smith in the two 49ers games this year (not to mention Geno Smith against he Bucs in Germany, and Geno Smith in the second half of that Broncos game to open the season). Usually, the great ones find a way to slug out a game like last night’s 21-13 defeat to the 49ers. Geno Smith, on the other hand, reverts to the Geno Smith of old. The guy who’s prone to turning the ball over, the guy whose first read seems to be the checkdown on 3rd & long, the guy who looks like he’s never even SEEN a football, let alone played a fucking game in his life.

These are the teams you face in the playoffs. You can’t win it all without clawing past a team or two with an elite defense. And that’s my biggest argument against re-signing Geno Smith, against just handing him the keys to this team and building around him. He doesn’t have what it takes. He doesn’t have that It Factor.

Sure, there are plenty of reasons why the Seahawks lost this game. They start and end with the shitty fucking defense. Sprinkle in some harmful injuries, some devastatingly inept offensive line play, and the usual mistakes that crop up when middling teams play great ones (a D.K. Metcalf unsportsmanlike penalty here, a Travis Homer fumble there). But, at some point, you have to figure out a way to move the ball. At no point whatsoever did I have confidence that Geno Smith could move the football against that 49ers team. And, much more often than not, he proved me right.

This is for the best. This team has no business being in the post-season. They need improvements all over the defense, along the interior offensive line, and yes, they need to draft a quarterback. There are limitations to Geno Smith’s game – as fun as this Comeback Player of the Year campaign has been – and he’s absolutely NOT worth $33+ million per season. Not here, not anywhere; let some other team overpay for his services.

So, I’m back to rooting for losses again. Thankfully, the schedule has obliged. We go on the road to Kansas City next week, that should be a big loss. Then, we host the Jets, who have another defense that rivals the quality of the 49ers. There’s a way to lose that game for sure (especially since we’ve set the precedent by losing to an inferior team like the Panthers; the Jets are actually pretty good!). Then, it’s down to the Rams in the season finale; why couldn’t they figure out a way to take us down?!

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2022: The Consolation Bracket BYE Week

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This season’s previous fantasy football posts:

It was a rough final regular season game for ol’ RoundTine. As noted previously, Fields was on a BYE, Christian Watson was on a BYE, Brian Robinson was on a BYE, Kenneth Walker was out injured, and Matthew Stafford was on IR. That left me with one healthy bench option in Mike White, who finished with 13.4 points in a loss at the Bills. I thought that was the smart play – to bench him – and I feel vindicated in that assessment. 13.4 points is nothing for a quarterback in our league. That being said, the guys I had at my disposal – Mac Jones and Tyler Huntley – got me 7.65 and 7.5 respectively. It hurt severely that Huntley had to leave early. Jones doesn’t have that excuse, he’s just a terrible fucking quarterback.

CeeDee Lamb had a predictably mediocre day against the Texans, which led to great numbers for the Dallas running backs (I had both starting, not necessarily out of necessity). D.K. Metcalf had another good day, and T.J. Hockenson had an okay day for a middling tight end.

Anyway, Einfach A.F. defeated RoundTine 150.35 to 118.65. That dropped me to 5-9 on the season and in 9th place in our 10-team league. Which means! That I! Was not! Last Place! I get to hand off the toilet trophy to Sloane N Steady, who had the misfortune of scoring the 7th-most points in our league, yet had the very most points scored against him.

So, here’s how the playoffs work: the top six teams make it. The top two teams – Car Talk With Josh Allen and Beasts – get BYEs in the first round. The other four play this week.

Also getting BYEs this week: the entire consolation bracket. So, I don’t have to set a lineup or do anything right now.

I’ll be rooting for You Dropped Your Dildo to defeat Einfach A.F. because I have Einfach’s top two draft picks next year, and if he loses this week, he’ll be in the 5th place/6th place game next week, which means that pick will be either 5th or 6th depending on the outcome. However, if Einfach A.F. wins this week, then my extra picks are guaranteed to be 7th or later. Every little bit helps in the first couple rounds!

Even though I’m not setting a lineup, I still made a move this week. I’m officially done with Gabe Davis. He’s out of my life forever, so get ready for him to blow up like he did at the end of last season. In his place, I picked up another quarterback: Jordan Love. Who knows what the Packers will do this offseason? They could ship Aaron Rodgers away and start the Jordan Love era (who has looked very good the last couple times he’s played in games). They could trade Jordan Love for draft picks to a quarterback-needy team. Or, they could just fuck me and decide to keep him as their backup. The possibilities are limitless!

That leaves me with the following quarterbacks (for now) heading into the offseason: Justin Fields, Mike White, Tyler Huntley, Mac Jones, Matthew Stafford, and Jordan Love. I figure Fields is guaranteed to be one of my keepers (barring a devastating knee injury), which leaves me with five quarterbacks for one spot. All terrible options, at the moment.

In looking ahead ever-so-briefly, next week I’ll be going up against The Lance Petemans for my fantasy life. Honestly, it’s probably my best option. The other two teams – Korky Butchek and Sloane N Steady – both out-scored the Petemans this year. Nevertheless, he outscored me by almost 100 points, so it’s not like I’ll be favored or anything. If there was a last place trophy for total points, I would’ve run away with it this year. But, thankfully, we’re in a Head To Head league, so the world is a little unfair for everyone involved.

I’ll be honest, though, I’m a little bummed we’re not playing this week. I have some sweet matchups! If I were setting a lineup, I’ll just say it right now: I wouldn’t be starting Kenneth Walker. Not coming off of a foot injury, and NOT against the 49ers. But, I have Mike White against the Lions, my Cowboys against the nothing defense of Jacksonville, I’ve also got Huntley against a terrible run defense in Cleveland, or Mac Jones against a nothing defense in Vegas. Plus, my Jets defense hosts Detroit; I know the Lions have been hot lately, but that ends this week! I would start the Jets’ defense with no fear!

Pro Sports Should Get Rid Of Divisions & Conferences

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This is a tough argument to make, because almost everyone has taken advantage of this at one point or another. The team that gets not only an automatic playoff berth, but home field/court advantage through the first round, in spite of its VERY mediocre record, only because they took advantage of an even-worse slate of divisional opponents.

Although, I wonder, has this team ever gone on to win it all? No one comes instantly to mind. There have certainly been a number of wild card teams who’ve gotten hot late and rode that wave to the promised land. But, what happens with that crappy division winner? Usually a first-round exit. Once in a while – like the Seahawks in 2010 – they win an exciting first round matchup before succumbing to their rightful fate. But, at this point, in 2022, it’s just silly.

It’s silly that the NFC South winner this year (currently Tampa leads with a 6-7 record) should be a 4-seed and host a first round game, while a team like Dallas or Minnesota (favorites for the 5th seed, currently with identical 10-3 records). That’s a 4-game difference! And Dallas has that record in spite of being in a division where all the teams are currently slated to make the playoffs!

It’s incredibly stupid that a 101-win Mets team should be a lower seeded team than a 93-win Cardinals team, just because they had the good fortune of being in a trash division. You could go on and on with these egregious examples.

Why do we have conferences and divisions? Well, because it’s always made more sense for teams – geographically speaking – to play the bulk of their games together. But, is that really necessary anymore? And is it worth the backlash of penalizing great teams and rewarding inferior teams in the post-season? Why is winning your terrible division more important than winning FOUR MORE NFL GAMES, against better opponents?

Also, who cares about all the travel? Major League Baseball is starting to make moves towards eliminating divisions and conferences. For the first time in the modern era, in 2023 every MLB team will play every other MLB team at least once. As a result, the number of divisional games will decrease from 19 games per opponent, down to 13 games. That’s not nothing. I say why stop there, though? Split it up evenly (or as evenly as possible) across the board, play every team the same number of games, and then take the top 12 teams regardless of “conference” or “division”. Give the top 4 teams first round BYEs, let the other 8 teams fight it out in a wild card round, and go from there.

It’s a little trickier with the NFL, given there are fewer games played than there are teams in the league. But, you could still set it up based on the previous year’s records; they have computers to figure this shit out!

I’m just saying, these teams fly in the lap of luxury. They’re already flying to other countries and whatnot; clearly if the money is there, these guys are going to roll with the punches. It just seems to me that conferences and divisions are antiquated notions from bygone eras.

You’ll hear critics lament the loss of rivalries, but who cares? The Packers and Bears supposedly have the greatest rivalry of all time, but when was the last time these two teams were relevant simultaneously? If one team is great and one team is shitty for 50 years, who cares that they play twice a year?

The Seahawks went from the AFC West to the NFC West in 2002, losing 25 years of history as a “rival” with the Raiders, Broncos, Chiefs, and Chargers. You know what happened? We got lumped in with the 49ers, Rams, and Cardinals and started all new rivalries!

If you want those old traditional rivalries to continue, then that can still happen. You both just have to play at the same-enough level to continue being scheduled against one another! Until then, tough titty for the team that’s vastly inferior; you need to earn the right to continue playing the team that stays great!

Who was the greatest rival of the Patriots for the majority of the Tom Brady era? I’ll give you a hint: it wasn’t the Bills, Jets, or Dolphins! It was the Colts and Broncos with Peyton Manning. It was the Ravens under John Harbaugh. It was the Steelers with Roethlisberger. Occasionally, it was the Chargers with Rivers. It was the GOOD teams of the AFC, and those teams – year in and year out – weren’t playing with them in the AFC East.

Of course, the easy fix is to just not reward the shitty division winners with home field/court advantages in the playoffs. But, I would also argue that a lot of these division winners have it too easy for too long. Speaking of those Patriots, how many times could they coast to the top seed because their division sucked? How many times recently have the Packers dominated simply because they lucked into the easiest schedule in football? It’s boring! Great teams sometimes only have a small handful of tough games per year, and the rest of the time they’re feasting on the dregs of their own division and conference.

Anyway, thank you for listening to my Hot Take TED Talk.

It’s Time To Stop Deluding Ourselves With These Seahawks

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This has been the wackiest rollercoaster ride we’ve had with the Seahawks since I don’t even know when. Before the season started, there were people out there predicting the Seahawks would be one of the three worst teams in football. Most Seahawks fans scoffed at that, but still had us pegged for anywhere from 5-7 wins and NOT contending for the playoffs. The season started and – through five weeks – that felt like an accurate prediction, until a 4-game winning streak left our expectations soaring through the stratosphere! With Geno Smith playing out of his mind, with Kenneth Walker and Tariq Woolen possibly locking down their respective rookie of the year trophies, with competent play along both lines, and with no one else REALLY asserting themselves in the NFC, an argument was made that the Seahawks might make some noise this year!

Then, Germany happened, and ever since it’s felt like a waking nightmare. Teams are rushing for an ungodly amount of yards against us. The offense is making just enough mistakes to counter-balance our effectiveness. And now injuries are starting to pile up at positions we can ill-afford to sustain them. We’ve lost 3 out of 4, and it very well could’ve been 4 out of 4 if it weren’t for the Rams being so totally and completely inept.

Our latest embarrassing failure was at home to the woeful Panthers of Carolina. 30-24 was the final score, but that didn’t really tell the tale. We were down 17-0 in the first half, because our defense couldn’t stop them, and our offense kept turning the ball over. We finally scored to bring it to 17-7 and forced a 3 & Out on their subsequent possession, but then we proceeded to turn it right back over on the very next play, which led to them settling for a field goal. We were able to score on a 2-minute drive to make it 20-14 heading into halftime, and it looked like maybe we’d overcome our first half struggles to blow them out in the second half.

On the first drive of the third quarter, we made it 20-17, then forced a 3 & Out. Our defense stiffened up in a big way in that quarter, but our offense wasn’t able to take advantage. Finally, the Panthers broke through in the fourth quarter with a long touchdown drive (both in yards and time of possession). Our offense continued to struggle, as they took a 30-17 lead with two minutes to go. We got a garbage time touchdown late, but couldn’t wrangle the onside kick, and that was that.

Pretty pitiful effort from all phases. Geno had 3 touchdowns, but also two pretty bad picks (one of them was on what we all thought was a free play, but the refs didn’t agree that there was an offsides penalty; nevertheless, you’d like to see a better throw on an expected “free play”). Also, his three sacks were pretty terrible, with opportunities to throw the ball away.

The running game – as expected – stunk. They tried to toy with Kenneth Walker being available, but that was never happening. All that succeeded in accomplishing was fucking over those of us with Walker on our fantasy teams, since we weren’t able to put him in our IR slots until Sunday afternoon. DeeJay Dallas was also out, but I don’t know what kind of loss that is. We were left with the dregs that are Travis Homer (9 carries for 26 yards), Geno Smith (3 carries for 20 yards) and Miscellaneous (2 carries for 0 yards). There aren’t a lot of quarterbacks out there who can succeed without any running game whatsoever; Geno Smith isn’t one of them.

Our top three receivers had good games though. Marquise Goodwin led the way with 5 for 95 and a touchdown. D.K. Metcalf (with an injury designation all week) had 5 for 71 and a TD. And Tyler Lockett (6 yards from hitting the over) had 5 for 60 and a TD.

I don’t have anything good to say about our defense. It’s gross. Everyone knows we suck at stopping the run, and they still do it anyway, with no resistance whatsoever. We lost to Sam Darnold’s 14/24 for 120 yards, because they were able to run it 46 times for 223 yards. That’s absolutely disgusting.

Now we host the 49ers on Thursday night. They’ve got a lot of injuries of their own, but they’re so dominant on defense, it shouldn’t matter. I think everyone’s going to bet on the 49ers and really push that line up. Walker almost certainly won’t be ready to play this week (and you’d be a fool to start him against that defense, if you have him in fantasy), so there’s no reason why the Seahawks should perform well. You know who LOVES to run the football? Kyle Shanahan and the 49ers!

So, get ready for an ugly game where the Seahawks manage to keep it close. It wouldn’t even shock me if we stole a win here. I’m not predicting that, I’m just saying be careful with your confidence level betting this game. The Seahawks are fucking weird, and oftentimes go against expectations. See: this Panthers game. Everyone thought we’d dominate, and look at what happened!

The Mariners Traded For Kolten Wong & Added A Reliever

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I’m a little behind in my Hot Stove updates, but to be fair these things tend to come crashing down in waves, so this relative trickle of moves has come as a bit of a shock.

So far, we’ve brought in Teoscar Hernandez via trade, sent Kyle Lewis for some change of scenery in exchange for a utility player, and more or less declared that the top tier free agents are not going to be targets for us (which I’m more or less okay with). The Mariners have a history of being quick to act at this point in the offseason, so it’s a little surprising to see the relative inaction.

We brought in right-handed reliever Trevor Gott, who’s under team control through 2024. His numbers don’t inspire a ton of confidence, but the Mariners have worked magic with relievers in recent years, so I could see our coaching staff unlocking his full potential. I don’t want to get too high or too low about this guy until he starts showing up in regular season games, so for now I plan on forgetting all about him until next April.

We also, not for nothing, signed Casey Sadler to a minor league deal, which is exciting! He was hurt for the entirety of 2022, but he was one of our very-best relievers (in an already-elite bullpen) in 2021, so if he can get somewhere close to that, I’d be thrilled.

The big news of the last couple weeks was the trade for second baseman Kolten Wong. Like Teoscar Hernandez, Wong is signed through 2023. So, this time next year, we very well might have these two holes to re-fill yet again. But, in the short term, things look promising.

The good thing about trades like this is that they don’t really cost you a whole lot. Hernandez cost us a good reliever and a low-minors prospect. Wong cost us two Major Leaguers who we all grew tired of by season’s end: Jesse Winker and Abraham Toro.

If you’re the Brewers, I think you’re pretty happy with this deal. As I said, Wong’s only under contract for one more year. So is Jesse Winker, but Winker’s upside at the plate (especially in the friendlier confines of the National League Central) is an automatic upgrade if he can return to full health and approach the type of player he was as recently as 2021. Toro is the real prize for them though, because he’s under club control through 2026, he plays multiple positions in the infield and outfield, and he’s already accumulated a number of clutch hits in his Major League career. Consistency at the plate is what he’s lacked thus far. If they can either turn him into a hitter with fewer holes – or find a way to unlock his power potential – they’ll have a real gem on their hands. Both guys, most certainly, needed a change of scenery out of the arms race that is the A.L. West.

As with most of these types of deals, the likeliest outcome is that Winker is toast, Toro will never be anything more than a frustrating utility guy, and Wong will come to Seattle and disappoint.

I’m not as high on the return as other Mariners fans. It’s not that I think the deal isn’t fair, it’s just I’m not sure about the player. Wong is 32. His career-high in homers was 15 last year. His career batting average is only .261, and I feel like both of those numbers are going to take a severe hit in Seattle. I guess he finds a way to get on base fairly regularly, and his defense has traditionally been better than average. But, I hear injuries largely hampered his mobility last year, which seems like a clear sign of aging. Best case scenario has him as a moderately more effective player than Adam Frazier. But, there’s a good chance he’s just as bad or worse.

Where do these moves have us in relation to last year’s team? When you factor in the loss of Haniger (who signed a lovely deal with the San Francisco Giants, finally cashing in on his Major League Baseball skills), it kind of feels like a wash so far. Obviously, the moves aren’t done yet. It feels like there’s something major set to roll down the pike any time now, involving a number of highly-rated prospects for an impact Major Leaguer. But, for now, I don’t think I see this Mariners team as any better than last year’s. Last year was fun and all, but this is the time to make significant strides towards trying to win the division.