Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2023: An Unlucky Start To The Season

I am 1-2 to start the season, thanks to losing 205.70 to 175.72 to Turd Sandwich. He, of course, scored the most points in the league, thanks to the Buffalo defense (53), Davante Adams (42.2), and Mahomes (34.4). I mean, what can you do?

I had a pretty good week, all things considered. I made the right choices at quarterback; Cousins and Love had 33.35 and 26.85 respectively. Alexander Mattison was on my bench and would’ve been my second-leading RB at 17.5, but even my ideal lineup would’ve lost.

With my 1-2 record, I still have the second-most points scored in our league, which is super frustrating. But, you just gotta keep plugging away and hope to catch some breaks. If I can keep scoring points like this, I’ll definitely make the playoffs (fast forward to me continuing to score points like this, languishing in 7th place).

Who am I kidding; there’s no way I’m going to continue scoring like this.

This week, I go up against Toot Cannons. I’m projected to lose by a fair amount, but I also don’t feel like Yahoo has figured out how to project a lot of these players (Kenneth Walker is projected to only get 11.82 points, yet he’s 3rd among all RBs through three weeks). My lineup is going to look the same as last week:

  • Kirk Cousins (QB) @ Car
  • Jordan Love (QB) vs. Det
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. NE
  • Jordan Addison (WR) @ Car
  • Kenneth Walker (RB) @ NYG
  • Tony Pollard (RB) vs. NE
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) @ Car
  • Kyren Williams (RB) @ Ind
  • Evan McPherson (K) @ Ten
  • N.Y. Jets (DEF) vs. KC

Justin Fields had another shit game, this time against the Chiefs. It’s tempting to throw him in there against Denver’s crappy team, but I loved what I saw out of Love in the second half against the Saints last Sunday. He was on point and looks like he could be a great QB. I’m going to continue sitting Mattison for now, because I don’t know what that run game is going to look like once Cam Akers gets into the mix. I feel like they’re looking for any excuse to make a change – you don’t make a mid-season trade like that, for a guy who has proven he’s very capable, if you’re not looking to give him an extended opportunity – and I still believe in Kyren Williams’ usage rate in that Rams offense. It’ll be tough sledding for the Cowboys against the Patriots, but I just gotta hope Lamb and/or Pollard finds a way to break out at some point.

Christian Watson is looking close to returning, but I still want to see him play in a game before I throw him in. It was great of the Panthers to sit Young against the Seahawks; keep taking it slow with him and let’s ramp him up for the second half of the season. I’m looking for any excuse to ditch Joshua Kelley (who has been worthless as the Chargers’ #1 back, in Ekeler’s absence), but I also have the #2 waiver priority, so I have to save it for something important (and not just throw it away on Miami’s De’Von Achane – who had 50+ points against the Broncos, but otherwise has done nothing in a serious time-share that’s only going to get more muddled once Jeff Wilson returns from IR).

Toot Cannons, of course, has a lot of great players. Here are many of them:

  • Tua Tagovailoa (QB) @ Buf
  • Daniel Jones (QB) vs. Sea
  • Justin Jefferson (WR) @ Car
  • Chris Olave (WR) vs. TB
  • Najee Harris (RB) @ Hou
  • Jerome Ford (RB) vs. Bal
  • Dallas Goedert (TE) vs. Was
  • Tee Higgins (WR) @ Ten
  • Harrison Butker (K) @ NYJ
  • San Francisco (DEF) vs. Ari

He’s also got Saquon Barkley, if he’s ready to return from his injury. I would have to imagine – if it looks good for Barkley – we’ll see Harris on the bench.

It’s bittersweet to see both Tua and Danny Dimes doing so well (at least fantasy-wise), since I’m almost positive I had both of them as rookies and promptly gave up on them when they looked like disasters. Jefferson is sure to gobble a ton of points from Cousins, which will (at best) cancel each other out. Higgins seems to be on an Every Other Week schedule of being good, so this figures to be a good week. And, can ANYONE score against the 49ers? I’m guessing NOT the Cardinals (even though they’ve looked relatively impressive through three weeks).

I can’t say I’m very confident. It would be nice if Buffalo came to play defense, but for some reason I doubt it. They only kick fucking ass when they’re going up against MY fantasy team.

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