The Mariners Played The Indians For The Last Time

Haha! Fun with technicalities and team name changes.

This was a camping weekend for yours truly, so I only ended up watching maybe the last couple innings of the Sunday game. Turns out, I didn’t really miss much.

The Mariners lost 7-0 on Friday. A text from my friend came through that read, “At least the Mariners weren’t no hit. Minor win with that.” That was really all I needed to know. I think this was Justin Dunn’s first start back since the brief IL stint, and clearly he didn’t have anything, nor did anyone else on the team.

Saturday’s game was an unfortunate one that we probably should’ve had. A 4-1 lead in the bottom of the ninth? That’s a game you should win 10 times out of 10. The real shame of it all is that another great start by Yusei Kikuchi was wasted; he went 7 innings of shutout ball, giving up 3 hits and 3 walks, while striking out 6. Kendall Graveman – still working his way back from the COVID IL – gave up a solo homer in the 8th, but that’s still no excuse for Rafael Montero blowing the 9th the way he did. That’s his 6th blown save of the season and at this point I just don’t see how we salvage it with him. It’s one of two things with him: either this is a lost season and he’ll get it all back in 2022 (presumably with a new team), or he’s just finished as a Major League pitcher. The way he’s been throwing, I just can’t see him turning things around in 2021, and even if he does, it DEFINITELY won’t be with the Mariners. One of the biggest busts of the year, and that’s factoring in James Paxton getting injured in his very first start.

On top of everything, Saturday’s game was our first loss in extra innings. We salvaged things on Sunday, winning that one 6-2. Logan Gilbert had another great start, going 6.2 innings, giving up 1 run on 4 hits and 1 walk, striking out 6. The bullpen was lockdown from there, until two outs into the 9th inning, when Graveman had some trouble getting that 27th out. He eventually loaded the bases and wild pitched in a run before closing the door. Even with a 5-run lead, Scott Servais wasn’t taking any chances with this one. The aforementioned Graveman went on back-to-back days (throwing 33 pitches in this game alone), Kyle Seager went from DH to 3B for that 9th inning. Shed Long was removed from LF for Jake Fraley; Ty France went from 3B to 1B. He WOULD NOT tolerate another blown save, if he could help it! And yet, Graveman almost did so anyway, which would’ve been pretty hilarious, in a sick way.

The Mariners went 4-6 on that road trip, losing two games in every city they visited. They’ve now earned a nice, long homestand for their trouble.

Sigh, The Mariners Beat The Tigers Once This Season

The Tigers objectively stink. I think that’s what’s so infuriating about all of this. To be fair, the Mariners objectively stink as well, but at least we’re still hovering around .500 because we stink in marginally different ways. Our bullpen usually isn’t a trainwreck, for instance. And, when our guys do hit, they tend to knock other guys in for runs.

The Mariners have a winning record against the A.L. West. We’ve played .500 ball or better against the likes of the Red Sox, Giants, and Indians. On the flipside, the Tigers STINK! They’re winning at a .412 clip against all teams not based out of Seattle; the Mariners meanwhile are winning at a .526 clip against all non-Detroit teams! This is unfathomable!

It is unfathomable that the Mariners went 1-5 against the Tigers this season. And yet, here we are.

On Tuesday, Marco Gonzales made his second start back from the IL, going 4 innings and giving up 4 runs (3 of them in the first inning). The M’s couldn’t do much of anything against the Tigers’ starter and we lost the game 5-3, ensuring that we would lose the season series right off the bat.

Wednesday’s game was a real barn-burner! I ended up watching most of it, as it was easily in the top three of most exciting M’s games of the season. Chris Flexen gave up 3 runs in 6 innings and that held as the game went into extras. Of course, the game only made it that far because Jake Fraley made an insane over-the-outfield-wall catch to rob a game-winning home run. Fraley also went 2/5 at the plate with a run and an RBI. J.P. Crawford added a couple hits, an RBI and a run to continue his hot stretch of hitting. All in all, eight Mariners contributed on offense with at least one hit. But, the star was newcomer Dillon Thomas, who made his first Major League appearance after 10+ years in the minors. He got the start in right field and also had a fantastic defensive catch to rob the Tigers of extra bases early in the game. He came through in the 11th inning with a 2-run single to help put this game away. This ended up being a 9-6 Mariners victory and it was so much fun it ALMOST made up for the other five losses to the Tigers this season.

Today’s game was an 8-3 drubbing that’s better off forgotten to the sands of time. Justus Sheffield struggled, again, giving up 5 runs (3 earned) in 4 innings. He’s been among the biggest healthy disappointments on the Mariners this season; maybe THE biggest. He’s yet to make it beyond the 6th inning in a game, and only has three quality starts. I don’t think there’s a starter in the organization whose games I look forward to less, and that’s including Nick Margevicius when he was healthy. Hell, the Bullpen Days are more entertaining!

I don’t know what to say, other than I guess we’re lucky to be finished with the Tigers this season? Honestly, that record should be reversed – we should’ve gone 5-1 against them – but whatever. It’s one of those things. Like when the Astros were among the very worst teams in all of baseball, and as soon as they joined the A.L. West, they were unstoppable killing machines against the Mariners. It’s a helpless feeling as a fan, let me tell you.

Jarred Kelenic Got Sent Back Down To Tacoma Temporarily

The thing is: I don’t think there’s a way to positively spin this. The best you can do is give it a Not Negative spin, which is that: it happens to the best of them.

There’s no reason to be excited Jarred Kelenic is being sent back down to the minors, after hitting a whopping .096/.185/.193, with 2 doubles, 2 homers, 8 walks, and 26 strikeouts in 23 games (over 83 at bats). The alternative is: he’s great right from the get-go! And who wouldn’t want that? Who wouldn’t want Kelenic to tear the cover off the ball from his very first game and laugh all the way to the bank at all the people who doubted he was ready when he said he was ready?

I guess the only thing that came to my mind was that he’s a cocky little shit, so maybe a little humble pie wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for him to be eating. But, that’s really only a positive for his everyday life. When he’s on the field, and at that plate, I think you WANT him to be a cocky little shit! You want him to walk with that swag everywhere he goes between those lines! You want him to talk trash and give entertaining post-game quotes, it makes baseball – one of our most-boring professional sports – fun!

There’s an impulse to want to say, “Here we go again, the Mariners fucked up another one of their can’t-miss prospects.” I’ll admit, it’s hard for me not to come out with both barrels blazing. This fucking organization is so fucking God damned inept … BUT, in this one instance, I don’t think that’s true. I don’t think they rushed him like they clearly did with Mike Zunino, Dustin Ackley, and some of their pitchers through the years (Brandon Morrow being jerked around from starter to reliever comes to mind). Jarred Kelenic has proven every step of the way that he’s too good for the minors. And, where it matters most – his mental make-up – is clearly off the charts. While it feels idiotic to put him as your leadoff hitter from his very first game, even then I don’t think they gave him anything that was too big for him to handle. If they had “hidden” him as a 7-hole hitter from Day One, I don’t think his batting average would be any better today. Who knows? I could be totally off-base. But, I think this is just one of those things.

He wasn’t ready this time. I expect Jarred Kelenic will be ready next time.

Sometimes you just need an opportunity to reset. I understand – as I think we all do – how difficult life can be when you’re overwhelmed, your mind is racing a mile a minute, and it’s a struggle just to keep your head above water. With everything feeling like it’s happening all at once, you become overstimulated, and it fries your brain a little bit. It’s nice, in those cases, to just get away from whatever it is that’s dominating your focus, think about literally anything else, and just breathe, without the lights constantly pointed at you.

I don’t care how great your mental make-up is, look at what Jarred Kelenic has come to represent: the next big hope for one of the most hapless organizations in Major League Baseball history. The guy that is supposed to lead the charge out of the 20-year playoff drought and get us to our first-ever World Series. The tentpole for this great rebuild back to respectability. That’s a lot to carry on one kid’s shoulders. Besides that, I’m sure he wants to be great for himself, and for his career, to be the superstar that he feels he was always destined to be. It’s hard not to want all of that RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND.

But, baseball has a way of knocking you down. It’ll be very interesting to see how he responds when he gets his next opportunity.

If you’re one of those fans who is freaking out about Kelenic being a bust, just go ahead and slow your roll. He’ll be fine. Probably. I mean, no one really knows, I guess. But, if you were a believer before, one month of shabby play shouldn’t deter you. My hunch is: he’ll go to Tacoma for a month, do fine, get called back up, and be much better than he was in his initial call-up.

Years from now, we’ll forget all about this unpleasant little first stint in the Majors. Hopefully it’s because he’s going to All Star Games every year, and not because he’s totally flamed out.

The So-So Mariners Split A Series Against The Angels

We kicked things off last Thursday with an impressive 6-2 victory, behind a gutty Justus Sheffield performance (2 runs in 5.2 innings), when he didn’t necessarily have his best stuff. Jake Fraley hit his first big league home run – a 3-run shot – and continued to add to his crazy-high on-base percentage with two more walks. Seager and Haniger also had a couple hits each (including a solo homer for Seager), and the bullpen totally shut things down in the end.

Friday’s game was a hard-luck 3-2 defeat. We were able to touch up Shohei Ohtani for a couple runs in his 6 innings of work (thanks to J.P. Crawford, who has been remarkable of late). Even though Taylor Trammell and Donovan Walton both had a couple hits each, there just wasn’t enough offense to go around. The Bullpen Day did its job and then some, with Robert Dugger giving up 2 runs in 2.1 innings, but there was only one run given up the rest of the way. The Mariners actually had the bases loaded with nobody out in the 8th, with the heart of the order coming up. We’ve been much better with runners in scoring position this season than we have with the bases empty – which seems more a byproduct of flukiness than anything – but it wasn’t to be on this night. Haniger fouled out, and Seager and France both struck out to end the threat.

Saturday’s game was a nightmare scenario (12-5 defeat) that thankfully wasn’t even worse. I would argue the Mariners had a very good chance to take this game, except Yusei Kikuchi – who had been pretty much cruising as usual to this point – took a line drive off of his knee in the bottom of the fifth with nobody out and had to come out of the game. This was on his 64th pitch of the game, so his arm was fresh enough to take him into the seventh or eighth. If that batter hits it anywhere else in the infield, we might’ve been looking at a double play and a quick end to that inning! Instead, he gave up 4 runs in 4 innings, and the overworked bullpen imploded from there, giving up 8 additional runs the rest of the way. The lone bright spot was the 5-run fourth inning for the Mariners, thanks in large part to a Jake Fraley grand slam. I don’t know how the Angels’ starter ended up going 7 full innings, but I guess other than that one inning, the Mariners rolled over like obedient puppy dogs (literally figuratively, with a 12:3 ground ball to fly ball ratio). The silver lining here is that Kikuchi responded well to treatment and might not miss a start, which is a relief considering how much agony he was in on the field when he had to be helped off.

That was unfortunate, but the M’s bounced back with a 9-5 victory on Sunday to even the series. Logan Gilbert was really impressive for his second consecutive outing, going 5 innings, giving up 1 run, and getting his first Major League win. He struck out 7 (which is good), gave up only 2 hits (which is great), but did walk 4 guys (not so hot). We did stretch him out for 105 pitches (his previous high in a big league game had been 80), but that’s probably just as much out of necessity (the bullpen being shot) than wanting to build up his arm. This one could’ve gotten hairy, as the Mariners only had a 4-2 lead heading into the ninth, but we were able to add on 5 runs in the top half, to counter their 3 additional runs in the bottom. J.P. Crawford continued his hot streak with 2 hits, runs, and RBI. Fraley had another hit, walk, and RBI (on said walk). Donovan Walton had two more hits, including a solo homer, 2 RBI, and 3 runs scored. And Jarred Kelenic didn’t get any at-bats, as he’s mired in an 0-for-forever slump, with his batting average down to .096.

The road trip continues through the midwest this week – Detroit and Cleveland, so hopefully no weather SNAFUs – before another nice, long homestand.

The Mariners Bounced Back The Opposite Way, Lost A Series To The Athletics

The 6-5 victory on Monday sealed off five wins in a row, and a stretch of 7 wins in 8 games: relatively impressive after the 6 losses in a row that preceeded it. Granted, the bullpen gagged away our 4-2 lead late in the game, blowing a would-be victory for Logan Gilbert – who was impressive over 6 innings, giving up just 2 runs on 5 hits and a walk, with 5 strikeouts, on 80 pitches – but we were able to prevail in extras thanks to some clutch hitting and a rabid sacrifice fly by Tom Murphy.

My friends and I went to the game on Tuesday thinking we had this game pegged. Marco Gonzales was making his return from the IL and wasn’t projected to go very far, since he hadn’t made any tune-up starts in the minor leagues. This one had all the feel of a game that might get out of hand early, with the bullpen carrying the mail like it usually does to keep things interesting to the end.

Instead, Marco was great! He threw 50 pitches, made it through 4 innings, and gave up only 1 run on 2 hits. It was, indeed, the bullpen that was shot, giving up the other 11 runs that turned this game into a rout, particularly with a 6-run seventh inning. We left the game not long after that debacle.

Wednesday’s rubber match was a total nightmare. I watched for almost three innings, but the A’s put up a 5-spot in the third and I knew it was over from there. I don’t know a ton about the Athletics and their players, but I know Sean Manaea fucking owns our asses. One run would’ve been too much, as this ended in a 6-0 complete game shutout for the man. Chris Flexen was able to gamely make it through 6 innings, just giving up those 5 runs, so it was nice of him to spare the bullpen a little bit (as Justin Dunn is going to miss his next start, which means we’re in for yet another bullpen day coming up).

It’s actually kind of crazy how many Mariners are hitting the IL this year. I have little frame of reference how they compare to the rest of MLB, or how they compare to normal seasons in the recent past, but it feels like a lot. It feels somewhat abnormal. Some of these would have happened in any ol’ season – I’m looking at Ty France getting hit by a pitch, and Kyle Lewis’ bum knee – but there has to be a non-zero number of injuries that we can attribute to COVID-19 and the cockadoodie 2020 season with only 60 games and no minor leagues. Guys whose bodies … for lack of a better phrase are out of baseball shape. So they’re getting these strains that they might not otherwise.

Of course, this could also just be a byproduct of the game today. Today’s player probably needs more regular off-days than they’re getting. Teams are unwilling or unable to roster full benches – because they’re using every extra spot on their bullpens – and obviously that’s for good reason, given how many of these injuries are happening to pitchers. When you’re a team like the Mariners – trying to run a 6-man rotation out there, partially in hopes of reducing some of the wear-and-tear, even though we no longer employ more than 6 viable starting pitchers at the Major League level – this rash of injuries becomes more pronounced. When fans are forced to watch many multiple bullpen days because the organization fucked around in the offseason putting all their chips in on James Paxton, there’s an injury trickle-down effect when that very bullpen that’s been carrying this team gets overworked. All in the name of this theory that a 6-man rotation is supposed to cut down on injuries.

IT’S NOT WORKING, MARINERS! All it’s doing is costing you games and the livelihood of your relievers that you’re running through a fucking meat-grinder.

In theory, in an ideal world where the Mariners have an unlimited source of quality starting pitchers, a 6-man rotation might be a good idea. But, in reality, almost no team has 6 good-to-great starters. They BARELY have 5, with the depth being of the sub-replacement level variety. There’s a reason why teams in the playoffs scale back to three starters, maybe four at the most. Obviously, you can’t do that over the course of a full 162-game season, but it’s pretty apparent you also can’t stretch it out to 6 without throwing away some games.

Those games start to add up when you’re hovering around .500 and ostensibly in contention for a postseason berth.

The Mariners Still Have A Few Tricks Up Their Sleeves, Swept The Rangers

I spent the better part of Memorial Day weekend camping, with very limited access to Twitter or anything else. As a result, I missed the festivities, so let’s go through this 4-game series against the Rangers together, shall we?

The first game was last Thursday, which I probably saw at least some of, but for the life of me can’t remember. It was a 5-0 victory. Chris Flexen had 7 shutout innings. Oh, that’s right, Tom Murphy and *checks notes* Jacob Nottingham both had homers. I definitely saw those. Also Jack Mayfield had a 2-RBI double and Mitch Haniger closed it out with an RBI single. Pretty impressive victory all around, but also these are the Rangers, and that’s what you’re supposed to do to the Rangers.

On Friday, the M’s won 3-2 behind some phenomenal bullpen work. Justus Sheffield was just good enough (5 innings, 2 runs), but far from great. Erik Swanson came through in the clutch with the 4-out save, though he promptly was placed on the IL this weekend with a groin strain, so hopefully that won’t linger too long. Kyle Lewis had a 2-run homer and Ty France continued his hit parade since returning from the IL.

Saturday was another 3-2 Mariners victory, this time behind a solid outing from Justin Dunn (5.2 innings, 1 run, 2 hits, 2 walks, 8 strikeouts). J.P. Crawford and Mitch Haniger both homered, and replacement catcher Jose Godoy knocked in the first run of the game on a single.

For the Sunday finale, the Mariners gave themselves a little extra insurance in a 4-2 victory. Yusei Kikuchi continued his great season, with 6.2 innings of 2-run ball. Ty France and Kyle Seager both had multi-hit games (including a late solo homer for Seager) to lead the way offensively.

This was a pretty impressive little series for the Mariners. They pulled themselves back to .500 on the season, which is nice to see after that long drought in mid-May. I know it’s only the Rangers, but the Tigers were only the Tigers and look at what happened there.

We’re still not getting a ton from the offense, obviously, and you wonder how the pitching staff is going to hold up – particularly the bullpen – with so many injuries and so many high-leverage situations to have to pitch through. The bottom of the lineup doesn’t figure to improve all that much, and there really doesn’t look like much offensive help on the horizon. It would be nice if Jarred Kelenic started hitting sooner rather than later; I think it was reasonable to expect him to struggle for the first couple weeks or so, but not THIS much, and not for THIS long. We’re through three weeks now, and I’ll NEVER understand why he was put first in the batting order from day one.

I’ll be curious to see what the next four months bring, because clearly things aren’t going quite as planned. The winning is nice and everything, but we seem to be relying largely upon veterans and guys who might not necessarily figure into the team’s long-term plans. Haniger, Seager, and France are still producing the bulk of the offense. Kelenic is struggling, Crawford is streaky, and White is still on the IL (with Kyle Lewis joining him, it would seem). I like what we’re seeing from Kikuchi, Flexen, and Dunn (for the most part), but Sheffield remains a mystery.

All in all, a pretty odd first couple months of the season.

The Mariners Bounced Back With A Series Win In Oakland

The six-game losing streak really took it out of me, fanwise. To be fair, the three-game losing streak to just the Tigers caused the most damage, since that was probably the last time I watched a full game. I missed the entire Padres series, then the first two games of this past Athletics series, before dipping my toe back in those Mariners waters. So, of course, I missed the two victories, while the bad taste in my mouth remains.

Yusei Kikuchi had another solid outing on Monday, going 6 innings, giving up just 1 run. He might’ve gone longer, but had some sort of back issue that prevented him from going any further, but it shouldn’t keep him from his next start, which is nice. Kikuchi has EASILY been our most reliable starter this season, which is great to see since this is his big option year. 7 of his 9 starts have officially been Quality Starts (at least 6 innings, with 3 runs or fewer given up), and if he keeps this up, he will easily earn the remainder of his contract from the Mariners.

This game featured homers by Kyle Lewis and Jarred Kelenic, as well as doubles by Mitch Haniger, J.P. Crawford, and the return of Ty France. Of course, the bottom third of the lineup is a complete wasteland of nobodies not even worth mentioning here, but at least there are 6 hitters now who I don’t totally loathe. The M’s won 4-2, as the bullpen (minus Graveman, who is another one of those COVID casualties) managed to lock it down. Erik Swanson in particular is more dominant than I’ve ever seen him; he got out of an 8th inning jam by striking out the side.

Tuesday featured another mediocre start by Logan Gilbert, who has yet to get beyond the 4th inning or throw more than 80 pitches in any of his three starts. He can’t seem to avoid giving up a big inning or two in each of his appearances, and the team is obviously unwilling to push it by having him try to pitch through trouble the third time through the order. Technically, this was his best start, as he only gave up 2 runs in 4 innings, while striking out 4, walking 0, and giving up only 4 hits. But, obviously, that’s a low bar to clear. The bullpen once again showed up in a big way, giving up just 1 more run over the remaining 5 innings.

The M’s scratched out their runs on 11 hits, with Kelenic, Crawford, and France all having multi-hit games. It’s nice to see France healthy and Kelenic finally have some success at the plate. He’ll be hitting over .200 in no time at this rate!

The afternoon get-away game on Wednesday was a 6-3 defeat, and hopefully the final bullpen day for a while. Robert Dugger gave up 5 runs in 3.1 innings, and that’s obviously not going to fly. He just didn’t have it, but we had to stick with him just to eat up a few innings. It sounds like Marco Gonzales will be back in the next turn of the rotation, so that’s a bit of happy news.

This game was particularly brutal because it looked like so many other Mariners defeats, in that we didn’t put up any runs until the 8th inning. It is what it is, though. This offense is rarely going to be competent.

This Time It Makes More Sense: The Mariners Were Swept By The Padres

When the Mariners got swept by the Tigers at home immediately preceeding this weekend series down in San Diego, it was coming off of a 3-game series win against a pretty good Cleveland Indians squad. While overall the Mariners have been in a free-fall over the last month (since April 24th – when we were 13-8 – we have gone 8-18), that little 3-game oasis had the looks of a possible turnaround. Or, a pulling up from the nosedive. Instead, it was just a mirage, as now the Mariners have lost six in a row.

Losing all three to the Tigers is an outrage. Losing all three to the Padres is pretty understandable. That’s a great baseball team right there!

The Mariners are also – not for nothing – a fucking mess right now. There’s the hitting woes. The shuttling of position players to and from Tacoma (Taylor Trammell continues to fucking rake for the Rainiers, and even Luis Torrens hit a grand slam over the weekend; thus continues the trend of players who leave Seattle and go on to better things *sarcasm emoji*). There’s the injury woes, particularly to our pitching staff (but, obviously, seeping into the everyday players as well). There’s the pitching woes, with the shuttling of relievers to and from Tacoma. That red-hot bullpen was never going to be sustainable, but now even our very best reliever – Kendall Graveman – has landed on the IL.

And, to top it all off, there was a COVID outbreak, of sorts, late last week. One guy either got it or came into contact with someone who had it, and he and his unvaccinated close contacts on the team were forced onto the COVID IL. The Mariners are one of the least-vaccinated teams in all of Major League Baseball which just … I don’t even know. Trying to explain it is only going to make me angry, for a variety of reasons. I don’t have a lot of sympathy for anti-vaxxers in general. Maybe go to medical school and get a legitimate degree before you start thinking you’re smarter than scientists or doctors. Oh, you’re a baseball player? Then shut your fucking mouth and get the fucking shot.

What is that about anything that can go wrong will go wrong? Something tells me that quote originated before the Seattle Mariners were even in existence, but they were definitely saying that about the Seattle Mariners; I know it in my gut.

The Mariners lost 16-1, 6-4, and 9-2. I don’t need to talk about these games. Truth be told, I didn’t see one second of any of them. If anyone was curious, this series dropped our run differential to -52, which is third-worst in all of baseball. I know it’s a long season, and this year isn’t about getting a high draft pick, but if things continue to spiral out of control like this, we could be looking at a VERY high draft pick anyway. Not the worst consolation prize, considering we weren’t going to win a World Series regardless.

In our immediate future, we’ve got a relatively easy slate of games. Six against the A’s (but we usually play them pretty tough), four apiece against the Rangers and Angels (both bad), and then three-game sets against the Tigers, Indians, and Twins. If I had any confidence in the Mariners whatsoever, I’d say this is the part of the schedule where they should rack up a bunch of easy wins. But, now I’m thinking we’ll get a good glimpse into just how bad the M’s really are.

Good teams are supposed to beat the bad teams, that’s what we always say. But, if you’re bad and you lose to the bad teams? That’s laughingstock territory. That’s Guys Losing Their Jobs Land. That’s Panic Moves Ahoy! Wanna see how the cookie crumbles? I’ve got a dried out, expired box of Nilla Wafers ready to meet its maker at the garbage dump.

The Mariners’ Hitting Is Fucking Atrocious

Welp, the Mariners were no-hit. Again. They have a team batting average of .198 on the season, easily dead last in all of baseball (that’s including worse than the entire National League, which regularly has pitchers bat where a Designated Hitter would be more appropriate). They have an on-base percentage of .279 on the season, easily dead last in all of baseball (that’s in spite of the fact that their organizational motto is to Control The Zone or Dominate The Zone or whatever the fuck is supposed to boil down to: swing at pitches inside the strike zone, don’t swing at pitches outside the strike zone). They have an OPS of .639 (dead last in all of baseball), they’re 22nd in runs scored, they’re tied for 8th in most times striking out, I’m sure I could go on and on, but I don’t have the time nor the patience to get into the weeds of all the advanced analytics.

The long and the short of it is what’s right there in the headline: the offense is fucking atrocious.

Sam Haggerty is practically an everyday player at this point, thanks to the litany of injuries the M’s have suffered; he’s hitting .185.

Jarred Kelenic isn’t yet the savior we kinda sorta expected him to be right out of the gate; he’s 5 for 28 to start his Major League career.

Luis Torrens was supposed to be one-half of a dynamic catching duo that was supposed to be the LEAST of our worries. He’s hitting .178 and was just demoted to the Rainiers because not only does he stink with the bat, but he’s also among the worst with his glove. Tom Murphy, meanwhile, is somehow even more God-awful at the plate, hitting .130, but he’s too much of a veteran to send to the minors.

Dylan Moore was just put on the IL; he was starting to come around, and yet his start was so poor he’s only hitting .168.

Taylor Trammell was demoted when we called up Kelenic; he’s been tearing the cover off the ball in Tacoma, but he was only hitting .157 in Seattle.

Evan White is on the IL for God knows how long; his miserable start to 2021 saw him hitting .144.

Jose Marmolejos was just DFA’d because he SUUUUUUCKS at literally everything; he was hitting .139.

Jake Fraley is on a rehab assignment for his IL stint; he was hitting a cool .100 in his 5 games to start the season.

And those are just the guys hitting UNDER .200. Not counting the recent call-ups who aren’t even worth mentioning because the expectations for these players are less than nothing.

If you want to delve into the semi-productive disappointments, there’s Ty France – who hasn’t been the same since he took a fastball off of his forearm, and who currently finds himself on the IL – whose average has dipped to .229. There’s Kyle Lewis – whose first month of the season found him largely on the IL – who is hitting .239. There’s the inherently streaky J.P. Crawford who’s hitting a robust .247. Even our very best and most productive hitters – Kyle Seager and Mitch Haniger – are only hitting .224 and .256 respectively. Obviously, batting average isn’t really the best indicator of a hitter’s productivity, and can largely be dependant upon luck on balls hit in play. But, when the team is collectively hitting under .200, I don’t give a flying piece of shit what sabermetrics you give me. THESE GUYS ARE ALL OF THEM FUCKING TERRIBLE!

The Detroit Tigers have the third-worst record in all of baseball. They have the VERY worst run differential (-57) in all of baseball. And yet, they just came into Seattle and swept the Mariners in a 3-game series, including the aforementioned no-hitter (the second time the M’s have been no-hit this season, that’s a little over a quarter of the way completed). I will not be going game-by-game on this series, because what’s the fucking point? It was an unmitigated embarrassment from the top of the organization on down.

The Mariners should be fucking ashamed of what they’ve done. They should fire every coach who has ever even referenced the concept of hitting to these players. And that’s all I have to say.

The end of May is generally when I’m my most annoyed with the Seattle Mariners, because that’s usually when they’re exposed for the frauds that they are (if they haven’t been exposed beforehand). So, by most every season’s expectations, this is coming right on cue. Nevertheless, watching so many of the potential core players flounder like this is especially demoralizing (rendered even more hopeless as key guys suffer injuries to further skew our results to the negative). Thank Christ the weather is improving and I won’t have to give as much of a shit that we’re watching the return of the Same Old Mariners.

The Mariners Bounced Back With An Impressive Series Win Over The Indians

I didn’t have much in the way of high hopes for this 4-game home set, in spite of Jarred Kelenic and Logan Gilbert getting the call-up. Nevertheless, Thursday’s game held the highest anticipation for me since Opening Day; it did end up disappointing, however.

The 4-2 defeat looks better than it actually was; the Mariners were held hitless through seven innings before a J.P. Crawford single and a Dylan Moore homer made it remotely interesting. Things got moderately more interesting in the ninth, as the M’s walked the bases loaded, but the Indians were able to escape.

Gilbert struggled somewhat in his four innings of work, giving up all four runs. His stuff looked good, though I would argue he kept catching too much of the plate, and hitters at this level aren’t going to miss when you do that, regardless of how hard you throw. No walks and five strikeouts are both great; but, obviously the two homers are far from ideal. Mixed bag of a first start for a guy the Mariners plan on handling with kid gloves (he was limited to 71 pitches, which is well below even what the plan was heading in; somewhere around 85, I believe).

As for Kelenic, he’s apparently our leadoff hitter now! Right out of the box, no slow ramp-up, no soft landing. Fucking, right into the fire. He went hitless in 4 at-bats, with a strikeout; but the Mariners all day only had 2 hits, so whatever.

The tide changed immediately afterward, starting on Friday, with a 7-3 victory. Kelenic went 3 for 4 with two doubles and a homer, two runs scored and three runs batted in. THAT’S the guy we all expected to see, and that’s the guy we figure to see a lot more of as he gets used to playing at this level. Mitch Haniger and Kyle Seager both hit homers as well, as the team combined for 10 hits.

Chris Flexen gave up only 1 run in 5.2 innings, and Kendall Graveman followed with 1.1 shutout innings. Erik Swanson added another inning of shutout relief before J.T. Chargois (never heard of him) stumbled in the ninth. Rafael Montero had to come in to lock it down for the 1-out save.

The Mariners followed this up with another 7-3 victory on Saturday. Kelenic had another rough day (no hits, 3 strikeouts), but Haniger and Dylan Moore both had homers, and recently called-up Donovan Walton had a triple to lead the way.

Justus Sheffield came away with a quality start (6 innings, 2 runs) and the bullpen did its job.

I was all set for the series split on Sunday, with Shane Bieber getting the start for the Indians. But, the Mariners had an excellent approach to the Cy Young winner, roughing him up for 3 runs in 4.2 innings, which turned out to be all the M’s would need on a bullpen day. Rafael Montero gave up our only two runs; everyone else pitched a shutout in the 3-2 victory.

I’ll say this much: Erik Swanson is looking like our second-best reliever at the moment (so, watch for the jinx to fuck him the next chance it gets). Rafael Montero should probably be DFA’d at some point, as other relievers return from injury, because he looks like a total lost cause.

It was another 0 for 5 for Kelenic in the weekend finale; he’s down to .167/.167/.444 in his 4-game career. I wouldn’t expect that to continue, but I also wonder how much longer we opt to keep him as our leadoff hitter. I get the team is excited and they want to cultivate excitement in the fanbase, but putting him at the top of our lineup right out of the gate seems a little extreme and unnecessary. We’ll be just as excited to see him batting 7th as we are now.

The Tigers come to town for three starting tonight; they are truly awful. So, this looks like a great opportunity to pick up some easy wins!