Tag Archives: A.J. Brown

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2022: Screwed By My Own Incompetence

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My team is not good, and it was on full display this weekend as I lost to You Dropped Your Dildo 170.60 to 132.20. If I could go back in time and cherry pick my perfect roster, I would have prevailed, but that’s the thing about points on your bench, isn’t it? You’re supposed to take solace in the fact that your logic might’ve been sound for the decisions you made, but you still take the L, don’t you?

So, I guess I have to play Justin Fields every week now. That’s four weeks in a row of 20 or more points, which isn’t much in any fantasy football scoring system, but it’s especially unimpressive in our 2-QB league. Yet, I’d kill for a quarterback who averages 20+ points per game, given the fucking paltry numbers I’ve gotten this season. How many of these last four weeks have I had Fields in my lineup? Two. Two of the four. Incidentally, the first two of the four. The last two of the four – the most two recent games – he’s managed 25 and 31 points, against the Patriots and Cowboys. Those are serious defenses! That means this is something close to legit.

Of course, now that he’s locked into my starting lineup regardless of opponent, watch him fucking shit his fucking pants. God fucking dammit I fucking hate fantasy fucking football.

Anyway, that was a bummer. Fields’ 31 points on my bench, while Davis Mills got me a whopping 10 and Mac Jones got me 13. For some reason, even though Mac Jones has sucked like no one has ever sucked before – he has yet to score over 15 fantasy points this season – I thought it was a good idea to play him over Fields, who is clearly starting to find his fantasy footing. I’m an idiot.

I did get to enjoy Tony Pollard, the Philly defense, and CeeDee Lamb’s consistent awesomeness, but they weren’t nearly enough. I ran into a buzzsaw. I’m slowly getting closer to having the most points scored against me, right now I’m 8 behind the leader.

I’m in a bit of a sticky spot this week, as the Cowboys are on a BYE, which means my best receiver is down, as well as two of my running backs. So, I’ve gotta find a way to mop up with the dudes on my roster. Have a looksee:

  • Justin Fields (QB) vs. Mia
  • Mac Jones (QB) vs. Ind
  • Gabe Davis (WR) @ NYJ
  • Romeo Doubs (WR) @ Det
  • Kenneth Walker (RB) @ Ari
  • Brian Robinson (RB) vs. Min
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) @ Was
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) @ Ari
  • Evan McPherson (K) vs. Car
  • Philadelphia (DEF) @ Hou

I’m SOOOOO ready to write off Mac Jones, as I think he’s a garbage piece of shit football player. But, he has a considerably better matchup over Davis Mills, who is going up against the Eagles. In the end, it might not matter, as Mac Jones will probably turn it over three times, but what can you do?

I nabbed Doubs last week before Sunday’s games started, when I was finally allowed to put Zeke Elliott into my IR slot. I’m keeping Zeke in my IR slot through the BYE week, because fuck the world. Anyway, Doubs had a nice bounce-back last week (getting 16 points for my bench) after three straight games of less than 10 points. I would hope – if he has any future in this league whatsoever – that he’ll feast against the Lions’ secondary.

Also, big ups on D.K. Metcalf for playing last week, after what seemed like a serious knee injury. I don’t know if he’s going to make it the whole year on that leg, but if he could replicate the 17 points he got for my bench last week, I’d be happy.

T.J. Hockenson was traded to the Vikings this week, which seems like a boost for him long-term, but will probably mean he’s hardly involved at all in the game this week. I’m expecting a 0 from my tight end spot, so anything above that will be gravy.

I don’t know how playable Brian Robinson is going to be for me this year, outside of an injury replacement or BYE weeks. His O-Line is a steaming turd, and they refuse to throw him the ball.

This week, I face Korky Butchek, who has to be bummed he only gets to play me once this year. Here’s who he’s got:

  • Joe Burrow (QB) vs. Car
  • Trevor Lawrence (QB) vs. LV
  • A.J. Brown (WR) @ Hou
  • Tyler Boyd (WR) vs. Car
  • David Montgomery (RB) vs. Mia
  • D’Andre Swift (RB) vs. GB
  • TBD (TE) vs. TBD
  • D.J. Moore (WR) @ Cin
  • Daniel Carlson (K) @ Jax
  • Indianapolis (DEF) @ NE

Every time I go up against D.J. Moore, he gets a shit-ton of points. Indeed, it seems like whenever I go up against ANY #1 Carolina receiver through the years, I get burned. It’s annoying.

Predicting The 2022 NFL Season

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You know it and love it! The NFL prediction post is back again! Here are the prior years I’ve done it:

Not to toot my own horn too much, but I did pretty damn good last year. I had all of the NFC divisional winners, and 5 of the 7 playoff teams from that conference. I only missed the Eagles and Cardinals (I had WFT and the Seahawks, of course). I wasn’t quite as good with the AFC, picking half of the divisional winners correct. But, I still managed 4 of the 7 playoff participants. I’ll take it!

I even nailed half of the Super Bowl matchup, though the Bills screwed me. If they weren’t so unfathomably shitty on defense against the Chiefs, they might’ve made it!

Anyway, that’s last year. This year, I’ve done even less research than usual. That’s what happens when you pack your summer with trips and activities. That’s also what happens when the Seahawks suck and I just don’t give a fuck. Let’s get into it.

NFC East

  • Dallas Cowboys
  • Philadelphia Eagles
  • Washington Guardians
  • New York Football Giants

I know everyone is on the Eagles’ hype train this year, after apparently making every single correct move this offseason. But, I’m not there yet. I need to see it before I’ll believe it. The Cowboys are still really fucking talented, and in spite of their bumbler of a head coach, I think they’ll prevail in the division. I think Washington will probably be middle-of-the-road at best, and I think the Giants will be among the worst four teams in football.

NFC North

  • Green Bay Packers
  • Minnesota Vikings
  • Detroit Lions
  • Chicago Bears

I wanted to put the Vikings in the top seat, but I kept feeling supremely dumb going against the Packers. I’ll say this much: the Packers won’t get to 13 wins again this year. The receivers are GOING to be an issue, that’s just the way it is. But, they should have enough talent to hold everyone else at bay. I do think the Vikings have a good shot to make it as a wild card. I’m not drinking the Lions’ Kool Aid after watching them on Hard Knocks, but I do think they could be a 7-8 win team. I think the Bears will be among the worst four teams in football.

NFC South

  • Tampa Bay Buccaneers
  • Carolina Panthers
  • New Orleans Saints
  • Atlanta Falcons

REAL fucking samey in the NFC so far. I like the Bucs even less than I like the Packers, what with their O-Line woes. If the O-Line doesn’t hold up, and if the receivers aren’t back to full health, I think this will be a LONG year for Brady. I predict this is the beginning of the end, and we won’t see Brady in the NFL next year. I’m not as high on the Saints as most people; I think the surprise team will be the Panthers and how competent they are with Baker at the helm. And I think the Falcons will be among the worst four teams in football.

NFC West

  • San Francisco 49ers
  • Los Angeles Rams
  • Arizona Cardinals
  • Seattle Seahawks

I was going to run it back with all four same division winners, but I could see some Super Bowl Hangover with the Rams. The 49ers are loaded all over the place, and I think Trey Lance will be just dynamic enough to make some plays and not screw things up. He could also be amazing with that Shanahan offense. I like the Cards to take a step back this year. And I HOPE BEYOND HOPE that the Seahawks are among the worst four teams in football.

AFC East

  • Buffalo Bills
  • Miami Dolphins
  • New England Patriots
  • New York Jets

Surprise surprise, I love the Bills again! God dammit. I hope they shored up their defense. I don’t like any of the other teams, but that’s also not shocking. I think the Dolphins get one over on the Pats, even though Tua’s Noodle Arm looks like a poor fit for what should be a high-volume passing offense. I’m not hearing great things about the Pats, which is just fucking great, because I’m saddled with Mac Jones in my dynasty league. And the Jets are gonna Jets.

AFC North

  • Baltimore Ravens
  • Cincinnati Bengals
  • Pittsburgh Steelers
  • Cleveland Browns

Definite Super Bowl Hangover for the Bengals, but I still like them enough to make the playoffs. I think Lamar Jackson comes out on fire this year, in looking for a new deal. The Ravens might vie for the top seed overall. I think the Browns will STINK under Jacoby Brissett, and I think they will continue to stink under Deshaun Watson. The dude will have missed nearly two full years, there’s no way he’s coming back and being awesome right off the bat. On top of which, he’s pretty much going to be hated everywhere he goes, so he’s definitely going to feel the effects of that on the field. The Steelers won’t be good, but I think they’ll out-perform expectations.

AFC South

  • Indianapolis Colts
  • Tennessee Titans
  • Houston Texans
  • Jacksonville Jaguars

All right, THIS is the year the Colts put it together and supplant the Titans atop the AFC South. Matt Ryan might not be elite, but he’s good enough, and the pieces will be around him to coast to an easy 10 or 11 wins. This might be the end of the road for Ryan Tannehill; where are his weapons? The loss of A.J. Brown is going to be HUGE, and look for them to over-compensate next offseason by whatever means necessary. I also think Derrick Henry is going to continue breaking down; they might not even be the second-best team in this division. Kill me, I like Davis Mills! I know most people like the Jags to be a sleeper, but I think they’re still a year away. I like the Texans to be a possible sleeper, since really EVERYONE is sleeping on them.

AFC West

  • Denver Broncos
  • Kansas City Chiefs
  • Los Angeles Chargers
  • Las Vegas Raiders

I kinda want to put them all in the playoffs! But, ultimately, I think the Raiders come up JUST short. The Chiefs are definitely going to be hurt by the loss of Hill; it can’t all fall on Kelce. Defenses are going to double-team him and no one else will be there to step up (you can save the JuJu talk). I like the Broncos here because there’s no way the Seahawks don’t get screwed in this Russell Wilson deal. They’re going to win 12-13 games just to spite me. I do like the Chargers to finally get over the hump and make it as a wild card, though.

NFC Playoffs

  1. Dallas Cowboys
  2. San Francisco 49ers
  3. Green Bay Packers
  4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
  5. Los Angeles Rams
  6. Philadelphia Eagles
  7. Minnesota Vikings

AFC Playoffs

  1. Buffalo Bills
  2. Baltimore Ravens
  3. Denver Broncos
  4. Indianapolis Colts
  5. Kansas City Chiefs
  6. Los Angeles Chargers
  7. Cincinnati Bengals

Wild Card Round

  • 49ers over Vikings
  • Packers over Eagles
  • Rams over Bucs
  • Ravens over Bengals
  • Broncos over Chargers
  • Chiefs over Colts

Divisional Round

  • Cowboys over Rams
  • Packers over 49ers
  • Bills over Chiefs
  • Broncos over Ravens

Championship Round

  • Packers over Cowboys
  • Bills over Broncos

Super Bowl

  • Bills over Packers

Now that I have it all laid out, I could not be less enthused by this prediction post. I think I’m going to be LAUGHABLY off-base. None of it is coherent; for some reason I’m skeptical about the Packers up top, but I like them to go all the way to the Super Bowl? I dunno. This is gonna be one of those years where it’s a total crapshoot. Kinda exciting!

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2021: Not The Absolute Worst

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If the Toilet Trophy went to the ultimate loser of the Consolation Bracket, and not just the last place team of the regular season, I would’ve actually dodged it this year. What can be worse than being both last place AND the Consolation Bracket loser? Well, playing in and losing the 5/6 game. Not only did you go down in the first round of the playoffs, but you draft below all the Consolation Bracket teams. Woof.

Snoopy & Prickly Pete defeated The Lance Petemans 155.40 to 109.48. He scored far and away the lowest points, but my team actually put up a semi-respectable showing (even if he’d given a shit and filled in the two spots who didn’t play, I’d like to think I would’ve made it interesting). Mac Jones got 30+ for the first time all year (if only every game could be played at home against the Jags), D.K. Metcalf woke up from his lengthy slumber to get 30+, the Rams’ defense got me 23, my rookie kicker got me 11, and even Sean Mannion (a late-week pick up for the injured Justin Fields) got me nearly 17 points and out-performed Taylor Heinicke (who I waived earlier in the week for James Robinson).

This all means that I get the third pick in our fantasy draft next year (where we just draft for our bench spots). I would’ve been much happier drafting in the top two, but it wouldn’t shock me if the cliff of high-profile rookies happens just AFTER the third pick. I don’t know a lot about this rookie class, but we’ll see. Fingers crossed!

All that’s left is to decide my keepers. But, before I do that, let’s run through the other leagues really quick.

Splinter League Round-Up!

BUCK FUTTER handled Beer Thirty relatively easily for third place. Not a bad little season! I’m not as upset by losing last week, knowing that the eventual champion would’ve seriously kicked my ass regardless. Ja’Marr Chase won many championships this week with his 50+ point output. The only downside to third place is I don’t get my money back. But, in this league, if you’re not first, it’s not profitable in the slightest. I’ve never finished worse than 5th, but I’ve also never finished higher than 3rd in the Splinter League (dating back to its inception of 2015). This year really felt like the best team I’ve had in quite some time, in ANY league, so maybe my instincts are heading in the right direction? Or, maybe I just got lucky for a while, until my luck ran out.

Third League Round-Up!

Unfortunately, RUM HAM! didn’t show up at all. I wish I had the fortitude to start Amon-Ra St. Brown (who put up 32.4 points), but he was a waiver pick-up that very week, and I had three other receivers going who I liked a lot. Who wouldn’t start Stefon Diggs vs. Atlanta? Or A.J. Brown vs. Miami? And Jaylen Waddle had been a stalwart for my team all year (at Tennessee). You gotta ride the horses who brought you to the championship; that’s what everyone says. Well, Diggs was an utter disappointment of a second round pick all year (he got me 7.7 this week) and Brown is someone I’m never drafting again after taking him in the third round (he got 5.1 a week after scoring 27 for my bench). Still, I was lucky to get where I got, considering my team was middling-at-best. Not a bad little $50 payout for second place; I doubled up my money. Plus, I can keep Jaylen Waddle heading into next year, which will only cost me a 13th round pick.

Potential 2022 Dynasty Keepers

I don’t have to decide who my dynasty team will be until somewhere around a week before next season’s fantasy draft. Nevertheless, barring some shocking developments, I have my mind set for the most part.

Quarterbacks – Mac Jones is as close to a lock as I have (he’s the only one on my roster in the top 25 in our league in scoring, 18th overall). Then, it boils down to Justin Fields or Jordan Love. Love is, obviously, off the board if Aaron Rodgers is back again. But, otherwise, I’m strongly considering him over Fields. Fields obviously has a lot going for him: his legs, his high draft status, his acumen in big games in college. But, he’s got a terrible coaching staff (that, in all likelihood, will turn over this offseason), while Love (assuming he’s still with the Packers) will be part of a first-rate organization and a high-quality offensive mind at head coach. I’ll need to see who takes over for the Bears as head coach and what his offensive pedigree is before I opt for Fields. I have no problem keeping Love, because I know regardless, the quarterback position will be a high priority for me again in the 2022 draft.

Wide Receivers – This is probably a done deal, but I can’t yet say it’s 100% locked in. However, in some order, I like D.K. Metcalf (15th in scoring), Diontae Johnson (8th in scoring), and CeeDee Lamb (16th in scoring). We’ll have to see what the quarterback situation is in Seattle and Pittsburgh before I can fully commit. The lone downside to keeping three receivers is the fact that there’s usually an uber-stud at receiver in the NFL Draft every year. Two years ago, it was Justin Jefferson; last year, it was Chase. Who will it be this year, and will that person be available at the third overall pick in our league? Regardless, it’s usually easy enough to find a third receiver on waivers; hell, I picked up Johnson as a free agent someone let go! So, I might keep an extra running back just to hedge my bets on that position, which can be so difficult to fill and keep healthy.

Running Backs – Javonte Williams is a lock (15th in running back scoring); I just have to hope the Broncos fire their coaching staff and come to their senses in making him the bellcow. Ezekiel Elliott is probably a lock (7th in running back scoring), simply because he has to have at least one more good year left. I’m reluctant to get too excited, because his contract is so high; I could see Dallas wanting to get out from under it as soon as financially viable. They’ve also pretty much made their running back position a timeshare with Tony Pollard, who has often flashed as the better back this season. If I were to keep a third back, I have options. If, for whatever reason, Dalvin Cook is no longer the guy in Minnesota, then Alexander Mattison becomes a Must Keep. I also took a flier on the aforementioned James Robinson (24th in scoring in spite of all his injury woes this year); we’ll have to see how he recovers from his torn Achilles. If it looks like he might be back for the regular season (or not too long after the season starts) he could be a good player to stash. He’s been remarkably effective for a guy on a terrible team the last two years. The more I think about it, the more I’m leaning towards keeping three running backs, and hoping to fill out the receiver position in the draft. The running back I’m definitely NOT keeping is Clyde Edwards-Helaire; what a BUST! I took him with the second overall pick as a rookie and he’s done NOTHING to justify it. I don’t even want to know who I passed over to take him.

Tight End – It’s T.J. Hockenson (13th among tight ends, in spite of missing multiple games due to injury). He was somehow left on the waiver wire and I snapped him up. My other option is Mike Gesicki (8th among tight ends), but I don’t love the fact that he hasn’t developed a rapport with Tua. Usually, mediocre quarterbacks with no deep game thrive with tight ends, but somehow it hasn’t clicked (Gesicki was MUCH better with FitzMagic at the helm). Hockenson is the kind of talent who could make a huge leap forward in the next year or two; sort of the next Mark Andrews perhaps.

Kicker – I thought I was going to be screwed here after trading away Justin Tucker; it was still a good trade for me, because I need the extra draft pick more than I need an elite kicker over 30 years of age. As it turns out, I may have fallen ass-backwards into Justin Tucker 2.0 with Evan McPherson, the rookie Bengals kicker who was just named the AFC Special Teams Player Of The Month for December. Through this past week, he’s the third-highest scoring kicker in the league (just 2 points behind Tucker), he’s hit the most 50+ yard field goals, and he’s only missed 2 extra points for an offense that scores in bunches. Considering the first kicker off the board in our last draft was Harrison Butker, and McPherson has outscored him by 24 points, I think I’m in a pretty strong position for years to come (now watch him totally shit the bed as a sophomore).

Defense – I guess I’m happy enough with the Rams. They were the 8th highest scoring defense this year in our league, which is respectable. I’m assuming they’ll continue to be pretty reliable next year, but I’m also confident this will be a position from year-to-year with the most turnover in our league.

Here’s a quick cheat sheet for what I’m thinking for next year:

  • Mac Jones (QB)
  • Justin Fields (QB) or Jordan Love (QB)
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR)
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) or Diontae Johnson (WR)
  • Javonte Williams (RB)
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB)
  • FLEX: Metcalf/Johnson, Alexander Mattison (RB), or James Robinson (RB)
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE)
  • Evan McPherson (K)
  • L.A. Rams (DEF)

I’m excited about my receivers, I’m excited about Williams, and I’m really excited about my tight end, kicker, and defense. I’m cautiously optimistic about Jones, but overall underwhelmed with all of my quarterback options. And, considering the early comments on rookie QBs coming out of this draft, I don’t know if there’s a lot of hope for the 2022 season. I need to catch a few breaks somewhere.

Well, that’s it for fantasy football in 2021. As always, I’m glad it’s over. I will say, this year hasn’t been so agonizing from week to week. I had one really good team, one team that over-achieved, and my dynasty team was in a full rebuilding mode. I didn’t get everything that I wanted out of this year, but no one ever does. On to 2022.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2021: Toilet Bowl Week

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Hahmez Wah 360 Allstars defeated Snoopy & Prickly Pete 163.00 to 100.60. All of our players were done playing before Monday, but the matchup between the two fantasy teams was over pretty much during the first quarter of the morning games on Sunday. Justin Fields underperformed and got hurt. CeeDee Lamb underperformed and got hurt. The only player on my team worth a damn was Diontae Johnson, and by the time his game started I was already out of it. His 23.1 points spared me from a sub-100 point game, so for that I’m grateful.

Nothing went right. I had Taylor Heinicke on my bench, who scored 31.2 points. I left Clyde Edwards-Helaire in my IR spot (because no one knew until gametime that he’d actually play this week), who got 15.6 points. Of course, I wouldn’t have won regardless of how I set my lineup, but I’m just pointing it out to show the forces at play in my futility.

Taking a look at the immediate results of my trades last week, Justin Tucker outscored Zane Gonzalez 11 to 3. Again, it’s not WHY I lost, but there you go. Mike Gesicki scored an even 10 points for my TE spot; Pat Freiermuth would’ve gotten me 11.1 (not for nothing, but Noah Fant would’ve gotten me 10.9, just to show you what a wasteland tight end has become). The only moderately good news is that A.J. Brown is no longer on my team; he had to leave the game twice last week for two different injuries (and is officially questionable for this week). I’m sure he’ll return and kick some ass, but I gotta tell you, I’m just glad I don’t have to worry every time I play catch-up on Twitter that I’m going to read some tweet to the effect of “A.J. Brown is limping off the field”.

Anyway, the Toilet Bowl is upon us! Snoopy & Prickly Pete is taking on Korky Butchek for a battle to help decide who ends up with the 2021 last place trophy! I’m 2-9, he’s 3-8; he’s got a 50-point lead. If he beats me, he’ll have a 2-game advantage with only two weeks to go, and it will be a virtual lock that I take home the toilet trophy. If I win, we’re tied in record, and I make up some of that deficit in total points (the tiebreaker if our records are the same at season’s end), giving me two weeks to surpass him in total points to avoid the dubious honor.

Here’s my lineup in this do-or-die week:

  • Mac Jones (QB) vs. TEN
  • Taylor Heinicke (QB) vs. SEA
  • Diontae Johnson (WR) @ CIN
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) @ WFT
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) vs. LV
  • Javonte Williams (RB) vs. LAC
  • Mike Gesicki (TE) vs. CAR
  • Rhamondre Stevenson (RB) vs. TEN
  • Zane Gonzalez (K) @ MIA
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) @ GB

I am majorly irritated CeeDee Lamb is out with a concussion this week. I’m also majorly irritated CEH is on BYE; I don’t understand why he was brought back last week at all! Why risk it if you’ve got a BYE this week?! Anyway, it looks like I’ll be saddled with starting Stevenson in my FLEX, which is far from ideal.

Of course, Korky Butchek has reason to be irritated himself with the various maladies his team is beset with. Here is a possible alignment of players for him to start this week:

  • Joe Burrow (QB) vs. PIT
  • Daniel Jones (QB) vs. PHI
  • DeVonta Smith (WR) @ NYG
  • A.J. Brown (WR) @ NE
  • David Montgomery (RB) @ DET
  • A.J. Dillon (RB) vs. LAR
  • George Kittle (TE) vs. MIN
  • D.J. Moore (WR) @ MIA
  • Daniel Carlson (K) @ DAL
  • New Orleans (DEF) @ BUF

He’s actually got plenty of options to play around with on his bench, so we’ll see what the lineup looks like at gametime. I would assume A.J. Brown will be in there if he’s playing. Otherwise, I’m looking at James Robinson going against a poor Falcons defense. I’m a little surprised to see Danny Dimes in there over Trevor Lawrence, but I could see the Giants making an immediate improvement now that they’ve fired Jason Garrett from the offensive coordinator job.

Korky Butchek has a lot of good players who have simply underperformed this year. I’m going to need them to continue underperforming this week, otherwise it’ll be curtains for me.

Splinter League Round-Up!

BUCK FUTTER took out Beer Thirty pretty handily, even though he got a strong comeback effort in that Chargers game with Herbert and Williams. Aaron Rodgers finishing with 50+ points and the rest of my guys (sans Tee Higgins) pulling their weight made things pretty comfortable. I’m still in third place, but only a game behind Beer Thirty, and only two games behind the first place team. I’m in for a dogfight this week with another 7-4 team; it would behoove me to knock out ChubbyDumplings to put a little distance between me and the teams behind me trying to take me out of a playoff spot. The Saints’ running back situation is scaring the living daylights out of me; I need ONE of either Kamara or Ingram to play. If they both have to sit, I’m in trouble.

The Seahawks Should Trade D.K. Metcalf

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Right off the bat, I have to say this is predicated on Russell Wilson demanding a trade out of town. I’m just assuming that’s going to be our reality after this season; it was vey nearly our reality after last season! What about the 2021 Seahawks would lead Wilson to believe things are trending in the right direction? Especially since it seems to me – at least – that Wilson is a major reason why it’s trending in the wrong direction.

If we take that as our eventual reality, then there’s really no point in hanging onto D.K. Metcalf. Presumably, the Seahawks will get a nice little haul of draft picks and/or players in return for Wilson. Whether or not this is the best draft for these purposes remains to be seen, but our front office is going to have to make it the best if we’re going to rebound in the coming years. Regardless, what we get in trade for Wilson won’t be enough to fill out this roster. Not right away. I would guess the return for him will include any number of draft picks over the next 2-3 years. So, we’re going to need more than just that to rebuild.

2022 is set to be the final year in Metcalf’s rookie contract. In other words, he’ll still be a bargain. His value from a contract perspective is as good as it’s ever going to be; very soon, he will be making money commensurate with the top receivers in football. We have one year left until he’s no longer a value player, but just a very good player. And, really, we might have zero years left, because would it surprise anyone to see him hold out for a new deal this upcoming offseason? I mean, the guy is already allegedly engaging in four-ways; he’s got a lifestyle to support!

I only want Metcalf here if he’s got a franchise quarterback throwing to him. Otherwise, I think it’s a waste of his gifts. If I’m right, and the Seahawks trade Wilson this offseason, I’m assuming we will sign in free agency some retread of a veteran quarterback, like Andy Dalton, Cam Newton, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Tyrod Taylor, or Joe Flacco. Do you really look forward to one of those guys making severely off-target throws to D.K. Metcalf, while Metcalf is earning $20 million a year? What’s that going to get us?

Then, there’s the matter of that contract Metcalf will command. We’re looking at $20-$25 million a year. Is ANY receiver worth that? Maaaaaybe, but it depends on the team and the scheme. Is Metcalf worth that? Same answer: depends on team and scheme. Is Metcalf worth that on THIS team with THIS scheme? No and no. Why would you pay a receiver that kind of money and then run a scheme that aims to throw the ball no more than 25 times a game? That’s insanity.

It’s even more insane to do that with Russell Wilson out of the picture. Because that then makes Metcalf the top dog on this team, and when has that EVER worked out, for ANY team? Elite receivers earning elite money on teams with sub-elite quarterbacks is only a recipe for headaches and losing (see: the careers of OBJ, Terrell Owens, Ochocinco, Brandon Marshall, Dez Bryant, etc.). With Wilson around, you at least have someone to help keep him in line. I guarantee there will be a vast increase in sideline tirades with Wilson gone, and Metcalf unhappy with the number of balls he’s getting thrown in his direction (hell, there might be an increase anyway; Metcalf is pretty volatile).

Of course, the key here is what the Seahawks would get in return for Metcalf. I’d love multiple first rounders, but I’d also take a first and a future second (or vice versa). I think the peace of mind alone would be worth it, as well as being able to spend $20-$25 million in other areas of the team where it would be money better spent.

The combo of trading Wilson and Metcalf would be quite a haul in draft capital! We can use that to improve the team as a whole, or we can use some of that to trade up and maybe find the next franchise QB.

I’ll also say this, as someone who has Metcalf in a fantasy football dynasty league: I worry about his longevity. He takes a lot of hits. I’d be concerned about Metcalf’s availability over the course of his second – and especially third – contract.

I could be wrong, of course, about all of it. But, right now I see a Seahawks team that’s one of the very worst in all of football. Changes need to be made. And, other than Wilson, there’s no one else on this team that has the kind of value to make franchise-altering moves. Metcalf is the next best player to trade. So, I think the Seahawks should do it. There will never be a better time.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2021: Monday Night Disappointment

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I’ve long bemoaned my Monday night plight when it comes to fantasy football. I’ve lost countless games I was otherwise leading heading into Monday, while almost never flipping the script on someone else. If I have, I don’t remember it, and I feel like I’d remember the glory of snatching victory from the jaws of defeat.

Look, I’ll be the first to admit I probably didn’t deserve to win this one. But, I don’t necessarily think my opponent did either. Car Talk With Josh Allen beat Snoopy & Prickly Pete 146.40 to 141.16.

It was simple: I was up 139.16 to 125.20. I had the Rams’ defense (usually a pretty reliable one that’s good for 10-15 points or so) and he had Jimmy G, going up against that Rams defense. Jimmy G, as we all know, is usually good for a turnover or two, so I felt reasonably confident that I could pull this one out.

Instead, the Rams decided to let Deebo Samuel take over – apparently Jalen Ramsey had more pressing matters to attend to than lock down the 49ers’ best offensive weapon – and he absolutely fucking DOMINATED! Good lord. What were the Rams thinking?

Anyway, I also lost because of my own stupidity. Ben Roethlisberger was diagnosed with COVID and out for Sunday’s game. As a result, I got cold feet on Diontae Johnson and benched him for A.J. Brown. Johnson got 13.3 points – which is nothing special – but Brown, predictably, was shut down by the Saints’ defense, scoring only 3.3 points. I knew it was going to happen, but I followed Yahoo’s stupid advice anyway, and there we have it. Having rostered Brown for long enough, I have a pretty good feel for when he’s going to lay an egg. He can’t seem to get it up for elite cornerbacks. It happens to the best of us.

We prattle on. Here’s my lineup for this week:

  • Mac Jones (QB) @ ATL
  • Justin Fields (QB) vs. BAL
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) @ KC
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) vs. ARI
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) @ KC
  • Rhamondre Stevenson (RB) @ ATL
  • Mike Gesicki (TE) @ NYJ
  • Diontae Johnson (WR) @ LAC
  • Zane Gonzalez (K) @ SEA
  • Cleveland (DEF) vs. DET

I picked up Stevenson, dropping Mark Ingram. Again, let’s keep the focus on guys who might be relevant next year and beyond. A Dynasty League owner’s roster tweaking is never done.

That’s a clear example of burying the lede, because Trader Steven was on the prowl this week! First and foremost, our trade deadline is November 20th (this upcoming Saturday). Second, as has been discussed ad nauseam throughout most of the year, I have four really good wide receivers who I like a lot; we are only allowed to keep up to three of them (two in the WR spot, one for a FLEX if that’s your preference). It was a nice luxury to have through most of the BYE weeks, because between BYEs and injuries, I always had at least three guys I could play. But, having all four on my roster to the end of the season did me no good in the grand scheme of things.

While I had four receivers I liked, I only had one running back (at most) that I liked. Ezekiel Elliott has been fine this year, but his clock is ticking. Nevertheless, the dropoff from Zeke is a steep one. Bottom line is: I was going to have to keep a running back I hated, unless I made a trade. So, with Korky Butchek, I traded away A.J. Brown, receiving in return tight end Mike Gesicki and rookie running back Javonte Williams (to make the numbers match, I dropped the other tight end I picked up recently, Pat Freiermuth).

I originally offered him Diontae Johnson straight up for Williams, but he rejected that one and countered with the above deal that I accepted. For me, the ranking of my receivers went like this:

  1. CeeDee Lamb
  2. D.K. Metcalf
  3. A.J. Brown
  4. Diontae Johnson

Lamb was as close to untouchable as it gets, and Metcalf is pretty close to untouchable as well. Brown, on the other hand, is frustratingly boom or bust, and always finds himself on the injury report in spite of his young age. He tends to get better as the season goes along, though, so I would expect great things out of him in the month of December. Plus, with Henry out, and Julio Jones largely a non-factor, Brown figures to be far and away the #1 offensive option on the Titans. This could very well be the move that spares Korky Butchek of a last place finish!

On the flipside, Javonte Williams is seen by many experts to be a “league winner”. One of those guys good teams stash on their bench, who explode for huge fantasy numbers in the final month of the season (a la Cam Akers last year). He plays on the Broncos, who are pretty devoted to the run; but they’ve – to date – also been devoted to a running back by committee approach. Here’s to hoping that changes as we head into next year.

I’m not totally sold on Gesicki’s prospects as a dynasty tight end, mostly because Miami’s quarterback situation is muddy at best. Nevertheless, you can’t deny his talent, when he’s managed to stay healthy. I’m not getting my hopes up too high, but he’s a far cry better than Noah Fant at this point.

Then, late last night, I discovered a trade was offered to me. My opponent this week wants to swap kickers – I get Gonzalez, he gets Justin Tucker – and for my trouble, he’s giving me his 2nd round draft pick next year, in exchange for my 5th rounder (in our dynasty draft, the first 10 rounds are devoted to keepers; so technically it’s a swap of his 12th rounder for my 15th rounder).

I think this is a helluva deal for me! I get better draft positioning for next year, in exchange for Justin Tucker. I can stumble into the next Justin Tucker, no problem. Besides, thus far this year, Zane Gonzalez has more points than Tucker, and is hitting at one of the highest rates of anyone in the NFL. We’ll see if that carries over into next year and beyond, but the last thing I’m going to sweat is the kicker spot, especially when I have a chance to improve through the draft next year.

We’ll see how it goes. My season is already fucked – I’ve been playing for next year since day one – so I might as well take some big swings and hope for a huge turnaround. And, you never know, if my QB situation picks up, and Williams emerges as the stud a lot of people think he’ll be, I could be well on my way to making some noise in the Consolation Bracket!

This week, I’m going up against the annoyingly-named Hahmez Wah 360 Allstars, who has been Joey IR Police on the message boards. God forbid anyone leave a player on the IR spot for an extra week to try to get through the BYE weeks with all your players! IT’S THE CRIME OF THE CENTURY, AND HAHMEZ WAH 360 ALLSTARS IS GOING TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT! Here are the guys who will defeat my guys:

  • Jalen Hurts (QB) vs. NO
  • Tyrod Taylor (QB) @ TEN
  • Deebo Samuel (WR) @ JAX
  • Stefon Diggs (WR) vs. IND
  • D’Andre Swift (RB) @ CLE
  • D’Onta Foreman (RB) vs. HOU
  • Zach Ertz (TE) @ SEA
  • Marquise Brown (WR) @ CHI
  • Justin Tucker (K) @ CHI
  • Buffalo (DEF) vs. IND

I’ve got three of his guys (Hurts, Diggs, and Brown) in another league, so it’s like looking in a mirror this week. There’s no analysis needed here, his team is better than mine from top to bottom. I’ll take my loss like a man and move on.

Unfortunately, bungling the game last week drops me to 2-8. I’m still in last place by a full game, and also 50+ points behind Korky Butchek in the tie-breaker of total points. That’s huge, because I recently learned the Toilet Trophy goes to the regular season last place team, and not – as I’d originally hoped – the Consolation Bracket loser.

So, here’s the deal: I play Korky over Thanksgiving weekend. If trends continue, that game might very well decide the Toilet Trophy winner. I’m calling it the Toilet Bowl. I just hope he doesn’t win this upcoming week to ruin my narrative ahead of our Sludge Match!

Splinter League Round-Up!

BUCK FUTTER bounced back with a victory that was more difficult than it needed to be, over 50 Shades Of Gritty. That improves me to 6-4 and in third place (the best of all the 6-4 teams). So far, it looks like a 5-team race for four spots. The top two teams are 9-1 and 8-2; they’re going to be hard to catch up to. Though, one of them (Beer Thirty, the 8-2 team) is going up against me this week. Ideally, I need one of the other 6-4 teams to start losing, but it’s getting scary out there for ol’ BUCK FUTTER. Someone give me a break!

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2021: A Three-Time Loser

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I’m in three fantasy football leagues. I didn’t intend to be in so many, but it just happened that way. I have my longstanding – now Dynasty – league with my college friends that I write about here; I have my Splinter League that I write a little blurb about at the end of each of these posts; and I’m in a league with my brother and his work friends (they had an opening and needed someone to fill it at the last minute). All three leagues have different rules and therefore bring something unique to the table.

And, somehow, I managed to lose in all three this week.

The ONLY positive to being in three leagues is that it’s really hard to lose ALL of your games. You can have a really shitty weekend, but usually you’ll at least find one of your three teams victorious. It’s a rare, special kind of sucking that sees you go 0-3 in the same calendar weekend.

Snoopy & Prickly Pete lost to Beasts 157.15 to 80.25. I was without a tight end – due to injuries/COVID – but that didn’t matter. I got just over 20 points combined out of my two QBs, and everyone else just sort of shit the bed. Somehow, Justin Fields outscored everyone on my team, but he was on my bench because he was going up against the Steelers’ defense. Mike White somehow outscored Mac Jones even though White lasted only two drives and Jones’ team won 24-6. I don’t even know.

My general thoughts on last week are that scoring was down for pretty much everyone because it was a weird week in the NFL. Also, my team fucking SUUUUUUUCKS, so there’s that.

Jordan Love looked … not great. From what I saw of that game, the Chiefs’ defense was blitzing early and often, and he couldn’t make them pay. I know he’s a young guy making his first regular season start, but that was hella cringe. I am, helplessly, still no closer to finding my quarterbacks of the future.

This week, I’ll be facing Car Talk With Josh Allen, the team I played in week one. That was one of my two victories this season, so I’m sure he’s looking for revenge. Here is a tentative lineup I’m looking at:

  • Mac Jones (QB) vs. CLE
  • Taylor Heinicke (QB) vs. TB
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. ATL
  • Diontae Johnson (WR) vs. DET
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) vs. ATL
  • TBD (RB)
  • Dawson Knox (TE) @ NYJ
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) @ GB
  • Justin Tucker (K) @ MIA
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) @ SF

I need to pick up another running back. David Montgomery is back, which means Khalil Herbert is back to being his understudy; regardless, the Bears are on a BYE this week anyway. CEH is still on IR and isn’t likely to return this week. So, I’ll be looking to drop Herbert after everyone clears waivers and pick up someone to get me points. I would think about dropping one of my tight ends – I have Knox and Noah Fant still – but this tight end decision is going to have ramifications for years to come, so I’d like to make a measured, patient decision on the matter.

As for QB, Fields is on BYE, Love returns to my bench (as Rodgers is said to be starting against the Seahawks, assuming he clears COVID), and White is coming off of an in-game injury, so I’d like to see him survive a full game before starting him. Also, Buffalo has a pretty good defense and I could see them smashing the living daylights out of the Jets in response to blowing it against the Jags last week.

A.J. Brown is the WR I’m sitting this week. I don’t know if that’s a smart choice or not, though I have to expect the Saints (who they’re playing this week) will put their very best cornerback on him all game. Now that I’ve said that, I’ve just ensured Brown goes off for multiple TDs; it’s okay, I have him going in another league, so it won’t be a total waste if he crushes it.

Car Talk is looking at this collective of players:

  • Josh Allen (QB) @ NYJ
  • Jimmy Garoppolo (QB) vs. LAR
  • Robert Woods (WR) @ SF
  • Cole Beasley (WR) @ NYJ
  • Aaron Jones (RB) vs. SEA
  • Leonard Fournette (RB) @ WAS
  • Travis Kelce (TE) @ LV
  • Melvin Gordon (RB) vs. PHI
  • Tyler Bass (K) @ NYJ
  • Baltimore (DEF) @ MIA

This looks like a massacre waiting to happen. There’s no way Allen has two bad games in a row, especially against a team as inept as the Jets. Jimmy G – one of my pile of QBs from earlier this season – comes back to haunt me. Aaron Jones is a super stud, as is Travis Kelce (who has been relatively quiet this season … except when he’s going against me in fantasy).

We’re officially one time through the league on this season. I’ve played everyone once, and I’m 2-7 as a result. Of course, I’m in last place, both in record and in total points. I have five games remaining before the regular season ends and I have to figure out some way to succeed in the Consolation Bracket. Here’s hoping things start looking a little more clear over the next month!

Splinter League Round-Up!

This week was pretty much decided on Thursday night, as Jonathan Taylor scored 34 points when he was projected to only get 18. Otherwise, Vinegar Strokes didn’t do so hot! But, BUCK FUTTER did far worse, in spite of making all the right 50/50 moves on who to start and who to sit. I was severely hampered by the Bucs being on a BYE and losing both of my starting receivers. My team should be at full strength this week, though, as I try to avenge my week one loss to 50 Shades Of Gritty. Her team isn’t super great, but she can step up and bring the smack down when she has to.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2021: Down Goes Jameis

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Hilariously, after writing about how down I was on Justin Fields last week, his beleaguered head coach, Matt Nagy, was kept home due to a COVID outbreak, and Fields ended up having the greatest fantasy game of his career! For my bench, of course, but weird how that happens. It’s like Nagy’s incompetence might be the one holding him back or something!

Snoopy & Prickly Pete lost to The Lance Petemans 151.95 to 139.48. He almost blew it by leaving Calvin Ridley in his lineup, but unfortunately Jameis Winston blew out his knee on an illegal horsecollar tackle and my team was properly fucked as a result. If he had the kind of game it looked like he was going to have, I think I would’ve overcome the final deficit. As it stands, a zero for Ridley kept me in it enough to pick up the Giants’ kicker on Monday night. But, as I expected, Tyreek Hill went off (he always does when I’m up against him, because I foolishly traded him to The Lance Petemans a few years ago), and the Giants’ kicker was worth all of 5 points to me.

A.J. Brown, D.K. Metcalf, and CeeDee Lamb all had good-to-great games for me. The Rams’ defense was solid, but could’ve been better. Noah Fant was fucking miserable, and is making me re-think my tight end plans as I consider what I’ve got going for next year. I might end up dropping him entirely if I find a better tight end on the market. I asked on Twitter, and a Denver fan responded that Fant hasn’t been all that great (so it’s not just their lack of talent at quarterback). Either way, a Broncos tight end seems to be a dead end in fantasy. Half his games so far have seen him get less than 10 points (PPR); only two games have seen him get 10 targets or more. I don’t know what to do here.

Mac Jones didn’t do much of anything in my starting lineup, but Taylor Heinicke didn’t do much for my bench either. With Jameis out for the year, I’m left scrambling once again to find a replacement quarterback. I made a couple of waiver claims. Taysom Hill – Jameis’ backup – was snagged out from under me, so I got the next best thing available: Jets’ Week 8 phenom Mike White.

Even though the Bengals did good work against the Ravens, I’d still say their defense is somewhat suspect. Well, the Jets are now going up against the Colts, who have proven to be pretty effective on D. Since this is a road game, and a Thursday night game, I’m going to go ahead and hold off on starting White. However, if he balls out in this one, he might be a redneck the real deal.

On the tight end front, Noah Fant got dinged with a COVID IR designation this week. He needs back-to-back negative tests to be able to play this Sunday. I went ahead and picked up Dawson Knox in free agency, who has missed one game so far with a fractured bone in his hand, but otherwise was on a 3-game run of excellent tight end play before the injury. Since he’s on a quality offense in Buffalo, I’m going to keep him regardless of whether or not he can play this week. Ideally, for Week 9 purposes, one of these guys will return for me. But, long-term, I think Knox might be my guy. He’s only in his third year, and if all goes according to plan, he’ll have Josh Allen throwing to him for a good chunk of his career. That beats whatever the hell Fant has to look forward to in the quarterback quagmire that is Denver.

Put it this way: Fant has 5.4 more points than Knox on the season, yet Knox has missed a game to injury AND had his BYE week (Fant doesn’t have his until Week 11). That tells me everything I need to know about their potential both this year and beyond.

This week, I’m going up against Beasts, who is 4-4 and in 4th place. He’s got beat up by the injury bug, with Russell Wilson going on IR for his hand, and Derrick Henry recently being lost for most of the rest of the season. He’s also had Christian McCaffery doing the Will He Play/Won’t He Play game for most of the season. Given the rest of the talent on Beasts, he’s certainly a contender for the league championship. But, he’s going to have to find a way to hang around and somehow crack the top six to make the playoffs.

Luckily for him, he’s got Snoopy & Prickly Pete this week. Here’s my lineup:

  • Mac Jones (QB) @ CAR
  • Justin Fields (QB) @ PIT
  • A.J. Brown (WR) @ LAR
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. DEN
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) vs. DEN
  • Khalil Herbert (RB) @ PIT
  • Dawson Knox (TE) @ JAX
  • Diontae Johnson (WR) vs. CHI
  • Justin Tucker (K) vs. MIN
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) vs. TEN

You know what us fantasy owners of the Rams’ defense loved to see this week? Them trading for Von Miller! Of course, with the way they’re just throwing away draft picks, the long-term viability of the Rams defense seems a little iffy from a dynasty perspective. But, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Fantasy defenses are a lot like bullpens in baseball, they can be a little volatile from year to year.

I’m dealing with a D.K. Metcalf and Taylor Heinicke BYE situation, so that rules both of them out. I tell you, I’m loving having four quality starting wide receivers, even though I know I can only keep three of them. It’s a nice problem to have; one of the few nice problems about my fantasy team!

Here’s what Beasts figures to run out there:

  • Justin Herbert (QB) @ PHI
  • Teddy Bridgewater (QB) @ DAL
  • Cooper Kupp (WR) vs. TEN
  • Adam Thielen (WR) @ BAL
  • Boston Scott (RB) vs. LAC
  • Chuba Hubbard (RB) vs. NE
  • Mark Andrews (TE) vs. MIN
  • Courtland Sutton (WR) @ DAL
  • Randy Bullock (K) @ LAR
  • Arizona (DEF) @ SF

It’s definitely not an ideal lineup compared to what he was rolling with earlier this year, but I think there’s easily enough there to get the job done. Herbert and Kupp alone are probably good for 60+ points combined. I have Mark Andrews going on my Splinter League team, so it’s going to be weird to root for him to kill it.

I’m guessing I get a 0 from my tight end position, and under 10 from Fields. The rest of my guys have tough opposing matchups or are on the road. I think I’ll be lucky to clear 130 points this week. So, even if Beasts underperforms, he should still have enough firepower to defeat me.

Splinter League Round-Up!

That’s back-to-back wins for BUCK FUTTER, with the week’s biggest blowout over the last place team. The latest impressive victory makes me the league leader in total points this season, which you love to see. I had a bit of a dilemma with both of my Bucs receivers on BYE this week, but I found Cole Beasley in free agency. I hope the anti-vaxxer doesn’t get COVID this week! He and Tee Higgins will be my guys in the WR spots, with the rest of my team being running back-heavy. I was able to drop Deshaun Watson this week, since the trade deadline passed with him still in Houston. That’s okay, I’ll only need Mac Jones to start for two weeks. If he needs to start more than that, something has gone seriously wrong. I have a tough one this week against Vinegar Strokes, who is right on my heels at 4-4. This week will be HUGE for my playoff implications.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2021: Justin Fields Looks Far From Ideal

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Well, it was a nice idea: Justin Fields had been slowly, but surely, getting better every week he’d been starting for the Bears. But, that offense is broken and they’ve done nothing to help their rookie quarterback succeed. The Bears even managed to be the first team this year to successfully run the ball against the Bucs! You’d think with that advantage, they would’ve mustered something against a depleted secondary. But, based on my eye test, I didn’t see a lot of play-action. Just a lot of plays that were probably designed for an Andy Dalton-led offense (or, given Matt Nagy’s reptuation, probably just a generic offense he’s hoping to shoe-horn into any situation, regardless of who’s under center).

There are two things at play: either Justin Fields just doesn’t have it and is a bust, or the Bears coaches are failing him and will likely be fired at season’s end (if not sooner). Either way, that doesn’t give me a lot of confidence in Fields’ viability as a fantasy quarterback. Certainly, he’s not someone worth hanging onto for next year.

Of course, I’m not going to waive him; I’ll let the season play out and see if there’s a dramatic turnaround. But, I’m assuming we’ll see more of the same conservative, unoriginal play-calling, resulting in the same conservative, mediocre offensive scoring output. That will, ultimately, break Fields as a prospect and we’ll all be wondering which team he’s going to be a backup on in a few years.

Mac Jones, on the other hand, looks pretty good! It’s hard to say if he’s going to be an elite fantasy quarterback; he very well could just be one of the better game managers a la Andy Dalton, Joe Flacco, Carson Wentz (in Indy, so far) and not a Justin Herbert or Joe Burrow or Patrick Mahomes. That doesn’t do me a lot of good, though those types of game managers – in their primes – can be okay as a second quarterback in a 2-QB league. But, you really need a stud to anchor your team week-in and week-out in fantasy, and it’s still up in the air whether or not Jones can be that guy.

His 29.25 points (for my bench) this week against the Jets was a season (and therefore career) high. Prior to this week, he had three games right around 20 points, with three other games significantly under 20 points. It’s fair to say they haven’t taken his training wheels off yet, so the best may still be to come. But, there’s also the chance for – as he gets more freedom – increased turnovers and other mistakes. Also, 29.25 is fine, but a stud will get you 30+ on the regular. Let me know when Mac Jones has multiple 40+ games. Also, 29.25 came against the Jets. I know they hampered him earlier in the season, but their defense is starting to get mighty depleted, and I bet any mediocre QB would’ve done something similar against that flailing team.

Taylor Heinicke (also for my bench) managed to out-score either of the guys I started this week, and he was close to having a 30+ point game. That was on the road, in Green Bay, against some shaky officiating, so color me moderately impressed. I’m not giving up on him just yet, though he might be running out of time, with Fitzpatrick on the mend and set to get his job back when he’s ready.

As expected, Snoopy & Prickly Pete lost to COVID Bubble Boys 171.25 to 111.20. Even if I had fielded a FLEX guy, I would’ve lost. Perhaps if I’d played my best two QBs AND fielded a FLEX guy, I could’ve made it interesting (this would also assume I’d drop Trey Sermon – who had zero stats in the 49ers game this week, as he seemed to be strictly an emergency back for them – and inserted a running back from the scrap heap), but even with COVID Bubble Boys starting Trey Lance at QB (who wasn’t even active), he scored a ton of points that my team wasn’t equipped to cover. You hate to see it.

No roster moves this week, so it’s on to Week 8. Snoopy & Prickly Pete goes up against The Lance Petemans. He’s in 9th place, I’m in 10th place (out of 10 teams); we’re both 2-5. We very well may be looking at a future Consolation Bracket matchup, so it’ll be fun to scout things out now.

Here’s what my lineup is looking like:

  • Jameis Winston (QB) vs. TB
  • Mac Jones (QB) @ LAC
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) vs. JAX
  • A.J. Brown (WR) @ IND
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) @ MIN
  • Khalil Herbert (RB) vs. SF
  • Noah Fant (TE) vs. WAS
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) @ MIN
  • TBD (K)
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) @ HOU

You know what? I’m not gonna lie to you, I like a lot of my matchups! I like a Jameis Revenge Game at home against the Bucs. I like Mac Jones needing to throw a lot on the road against the high-flying Chargers. I like D.K. against the Jags (where the Seahawks should FINALLY have a get-right game with Geno at the helm). I like A.J. against a depleted Colts secondary. I really like Fant against a suspect Football Team defense. And, the Rams should have no trouble making life miserable for the Texans and their inept offense (though, I’m less than thrilled with the prospect of Tyrod Taylor returning; he’s actually competent).

My bench includes Diontae Johnson, who has to go on the road to play a tough Browns team. I could see that game being very low-scoring, but I could also see Johnson racking up points anyway and making me rue the day I went with D.K. over him. Otherwise, it’s Fields against the 49ers (we’ll see) and Heinicke against the Broncos on the road (far from ideal).

Here’s what The Lance Petemans are running out:

  • Ryan Tannehill (QB) @ IND
  • Kirk Cousins (QB) vs. DAL
  • Tyreek Hill (WR) vs. NYG
  • Calvin Ridley (WR) vs. CAR
  • Darrell Henderson (RB) @ HOU
  • James Conner (RB) vs. GB
  • Tyler Higbee (TE) @ HOU
  • Keenan Allen (WR) vs. NE
  • Matt Gay (K) @ HOU
  • San Francisco (DEF) @ CHI

He’s got a pretty good team, that’s clearly favored over me this week, and would likely defeat me even if I pick up a kicker. He’s unfortunately got Tyreek Hill going on Monday Night, which means A LOT would have to go right for me and wrong for him on Sunday if I were to – at the last minute – want to pick up the Giants’ kicker on Monday Night. Hill always has the potential to go off for 40+ points in any given game, and the Giants’ defense is God-awful. So, we’ll see, but I’m not holding my breath.

If I do end up dropping anyone, it’ll be Trey Sermon. It’s probably a bad sign that the 49ers have two rookie running backs, and the lower-ranked one is the workhorse in this situation. I’m sure there’s still ample opportunity for Sermon to pick up the offense and be a dynamic player late in the season. But, they have another running back returning from PUP or IR pretty soon, so it’s looking highly doubtful.

Splinter League Round-Up!

No trouble this week for BUCK FUTTER! I had the biggest blowout in the league, 198.44 to 131.26 over I REGRET NOTHING. Huge days from A-Rod and Stafford, huge days from my TB receivers, and a huge day from Kamara on Monday Night all sealed the deal. I REGRET NOTHING mistakenly left in Sterling Shepard even though he was inactive (probably leading him to regret that, at least), but it wouldn’t have mattered. This time I had the third-most points scored in the league, but lady luck was on my side (as I didn’t go up against one of the top two). That brings my record up to 4-3 (third place overall), still with the second-most points scored in the league this season. Now I get the luxury of going up against the last place team, sitting on a ton of injuries. Here’s hoping I don’t massively underperform!

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2021: My Best Week Of The Year, Followed By Probably My Worst

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I have no explanation for what just happened last week. Snoopy & Prickly Pete came from out of nowhere to blow out Space Forcin’ 200.45 to 127.00. I’ll be honest, I can’t remember the last time I had a 200-point game in this league. I can’t remember ANYONE who’s gotten a 200-point game in this league who had a combined 30.15 points between their two starting quarterbacks. But, that’s what I got out of Mac Jones and Taylor Heinicke.

Heinicke is an interesting test case for me and my luck in this league when it comes to quarterbacks. In his three starts before I picked him up, he averaged 28.57 points; in his two starts since, he’s combined for 19.50 points. Yeah.

But, the rest of my team absolutely DOMINATED! CeeDee Lamb led the way with 36.1, the Rams’ defense got me 29, Noah Fant got me 24.7, Khalil Herbert, Diontae Johnson, and Zeke Elliott all got me in the high teens. D.K. Metcalf was my lowest scorer and he still managed 11.8.

The victory improbably – and temporarily – improved me to 2-4 and in 9th place in the league. I say temporarily, because this week is bound to be a shitshow. There are lots of great teams on BYE this week, and I am among the many fantasy owners hurting to fill out a roster.

This week, I face COVID Bubble Boys, the first place team. It’s going to be a massacre; here is my lineup:

  • Jameis Winston (QB) @ SEA
  • Justin Fields (QB) @ TB
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) vs. NO
  • A.J. Brown (WR) vs. KC
  • Khalil Herbert (RB) @ TB
  • Trey Sermon (RB) vs. IND
  • Noah Fant (TE) @ CLE
  • TBD (FLEX)
  • Justin Tucker (K) vs. CIN
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) vs. DET

Lamb & Zeke are on BYE for Dallas, and Johnson is on BYE for Pittsburgh. I’m starting Jameis because he’s going up against the Seahawks and that’s what you do when you have guys going up against that defense. I’m starting Fields mostly based on a hunch. The Bucs’ secondary is depleted and their defense as a whole is pretty underwhelming. That means, of course, I’m benching Mac Jones against the Jets, but he struggled mightily the last time they played the Jets; I’m also benching Heinicke because he’s annoying the shit out of me.

Both of my running backs are in terrible matchups, and only one figures to get the start for his team. That’s putting me at a severe disadvantage; I’m sure there are more viable options on waivers. Furthermore, I have no one to go in my FLEX spot. And I don’t think I’m going to do anything about it.

Look, it’s a dynasty league. I have a terrible team that has no chance this season, and I am dedicating my year to going all-in for the future. That means not losing potential keeper candidates in trying to win one meaningless game in Week 7. The bottom line is: I have a quarterback problem. I’m HOPING that Justin Fields and Mac Jones will become worthy starters going forward, but so far they’ve yet to really bust out or even give me consistent average production from week to week. Jameis Winston is probably my best trade chip at this point, so I’m not just going to drop him for nothing. Heinicke has been disappointing since joining my team, but at least he still fits the criteria of being a young guy who has the potential to bust out. And, as I’ve stated all along, I’m holding onto Jordan Love through the season, in the event that I opt to go with him (assuming he’ll be the starter in Green Bay next year).

I also have a lowkey running back problem. Zeke Elliott is great, but has a lot of mileage on his legs. CEH has largely been disappointing. Below them, I have two young guys who are backups, but both look like potential keeper candidates (especially Sermon) who I don’t want to lose.

These are the weeks where there’s a lot of roster turnover on the waiver wire, as contending teams look to fill out their rosters. I’m not in a position to win this year, so I’ll be looking to bolster my future prospects. That’s all there is to it. If you’re lucky enough to play against me in these types of weeks, you’re more likely to see a victory. If you’re the rest of the league, you’re bound to be upset. I don’t know what to tell you; take care of your own business and stop worrying about mine.

COVID Bubble Boys has that luxury this week, and here’s who he’s running out there:

  • Lamar Jackson (QB) vs. CIN
  • Trey Lance (QB) vs. IND
  • Terry McLaurin (WR) @ GB
  • Ja’Marr Chase (WR) @ BAL
  • Jonathan Taylor (RB) @ SF
  • TBD (RB)
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) @ LAR
  • Jaylen Waddle (WR) vs. ATL
  • TBD (K)
  • New England (DEF) vs. NYJ

As you can see, he’s not taking me seriously. Frankly, I don’t blame him. Lance would be a good option, if it looked at all like he was going to start this week. But, Jimmy G is back (and some other fantasy owner snapped him up recently), so Lance figures to be a zero, or close to it.

COVID Bubble Boys has a lot of Cowboys on his team, including Amari Cooper, Dak Prescott, Tony Pollard, their kicker, and their defense. That’s a lot of BYE real estate, and he’s not looking to drop any of them (at least, at press time). Most likely, he won’t need to do a thing to beat me, but it wouldn’t shock me if we see some moves made in the wee hours of Sunday morning, when no one is paying attention.

I should say that I made him an offer this past week, Jameis for Lance, with a swap of picks in next year’s draft. Considering he’s got Lamar and Dak, and considering he can only keep two quarterbacks heading into next year, there isn’t a ton of incentive for him to hang onto Lance. Jameis would be a much better fantasy backup for him, considering he’s very much in the running for a championship this season. But, who am I to tell someone how to run his team?

I’m expecting to lose regardless, but it will be virtually guaranteed if-and-when he makes any roster changes ahead of Sunday morning. I’m sure my team will score well under 100 points, and more than a few people in the league will be mad for a while. What can you do?

Splinter League Round-Up!

I motherfucking lost with the second-most motherfucking points to the motherfucker with the most points, because this is my motherfucking luck in this motherfucking league! I’m 3-3 now, I’ve scored the second-most points in the league after six games, but I also have the second-most points scored against me. It’s asinine! What in the motherfuck do I have to do to start piling up some motherfucking wins?! I’m good enough to win it all, but I’m not going to do that if I bad-luck my way into the Consolation Bracket! GOD DAMN I hate motherfucking fantasy football!