Seattle Sports Hell Goes On His Honeymoon!

The blog will be dark for Thanksgiving week as I will, indeed, be on my honeymoon. Now, I know what you might be thinking: who in their right mind would get married to this jaded, bitter Seattle sports fan with all of his rational and irrational sports insecurities and delusions? Well, it helps that she’s not much of a sports fan! She doesn’t get to enjoy all of the mood swings and obsessiveness of my sports mania, which frankly is probably the best for all involved.

As a result, though, I’m going to miss writing about a pretty pivotal stretch in Seattle sports. The Huskies will play two football games in that span, against a Top 10 Oregon State team, and in a potentially all-important final Apple Cup as a member of the Pac-12 conference. As I wrote about previously, this game against the Beavers – while important, as all college football games are this time of year – isn’t necessarily a Must Win. That being said, you have to win ONE of these next two, to at least guarantee a spot in the Pac-12 Championship Game. Not to mention the fact that, as we saw in the latest playoff rankings, the Huskies don’t necessarily command the respect of the top four teams (the top four, as we all know, advance to those playoffs). If Florida State runs the table, if Alabama beats Georgia, and/or if the Ohio State/Michigan game is close, a 1-loss Husky team could find itself on the outside looking in, even if we manage to beat the Ducks a second time. So, you know, it’s tough to say. Maybe this Beavers game IS a Must Win affair. I don’t know if I’ll be able to watch it from the cruise ship we’ll be on, but I’m going to try my damnedest.

I will also miss a couple of huge Seahawks games. You could argue – though they lack the importance of either of the Husky games – that these too are Must Win. The Rams, while not likely to be playoff-bound, still are a divisional and conference opponent, which makes it important for tiebreaking purposes. Then, there’s the 49ers on Thanksgiving night; it’s always fun to play on Thanksgiving, and obviously they’re our direct rivals for the divisional crown. I’ll try to at least watch that one, but again, I can make no promises.

There will be a number of Kraken and Husky basketball games going on – two teams I’ve written nothing about in the early going of their respective seasons – during pivotal seasons for their future growth. The Kraken seem to be swirling down the toilet bowl fast and furiously, and it’s fair to wonder where they’ll be by the time I get back. Will Dave Hakstol still have a job? Seems like, the way they’re playing – after an inspirational playoff run last season – he has to be on the hottest of seats. As for Mike Hopkins, his seat has been on fire for the last few years, and this thing feels as hopeless as it’s ever been. Feels like more than anything, we’re just waiting and riding out this string of seasons until it’s less prohibitive to shit-can him and pay off the remainder of his fully-guaranteed salary. With the way this squad turns over every year, there’s really no joy or fun to be had by Washington college basketball – let alone college basketball in general – so I’m hard pressed to say I’ll be missing it, Bob.

And you just know – what with me being on vacation and away from my computer – that the Mariners are poised to make a big move or two, that will rattle this region to its core. The Mariners are always interesting to think about, especially in the offseason, but even moreso when you factor in how they underperformed in 2023.

And that’s not even mentioning how much my fantasy teams affect my day-to-day life. I’ve got some humongous matchups coming up! In one of my leagues, I started out 0-4, biding my time until my studs got healthy (Jonathan Taylor, Cooper Kupp, Breece Hall), then I won 3 straight, before dropping the subsequent 3, putting me in a position where I pretty much have to win my last five games (and catch some breaks along the way) just to crack the playoffs. In another league, I’m in pretty good shape – having scored the second most points in the league – but I’m still only in third place at 6-4, and can ill afford to drop too many more winnable games. And, in my main league – that I write about on a weekly basis – I’ve fallen into the Consolation Bracket realm, and am in serious danger of suffering yet another lost season, with no end in sight to my quarterback woes (VERY serious woes when you consider it’s a 2-QB dynasty league).

So, yeah, my mind will still be here, at least in part. But, I’m not going on this honeymoon to try to recreate my sports life. It’s a chance to get away! A chance to be alone with the woman I love! If anything bad happens, so what?! I’m in a Caribbean paradise! But, if anything great happens with the teams I follow, it’ll be all the sweeter.

Until I get back home and am smacked in the face with stupid reality.

Have fun while I’m away. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Or, you know, do it anyway! Let me know how it goes, maybe I’ll join you.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2023: The Cousins Curse Continues

I lost 188.35 to 180.62 to You Dropped Your Dildo. Bryce Young scored 11.05 against the Bears of all teams. You’re telling me I couldn’t have gotten a measly 19 points from Cousins in a game where Josh Dobbs put up 29.8 on the Saints?

Not for nothing, but Jordan Love threw two late interceptions in Green Bay’s loss to the Steelers. Interceptions in our league are -4 points. That’s the difference. That’s technically DOUBLE the difference, because my opponent had the Steelers’ defense, and they get +4 points for INTs! One fewer interception by fucking Love would’ve won me the game!

I hate my fantasy life.

It’s especially galling because there were so many teams I would’ve easily beaten this week with 180. Only two would’ve gotten the better of me, so OF COURSE I have to be playing one of them. That’s just the way it works for me.

CeeDee Lamb had another monster game of almost 40 points. Hockenson had 30+, Walker and Tank Dell had nearly 20 apiece, the Jets got me a respectable 15 (but, alas, couldn’t hold it down against a pretty inept Raiders team), and even my kicker got me 13. I’m solid! At every spot but quarterback. Broken record, playing on repeat, until the end of time.

This week, I’ve got a date with Beasts, who is 9-1 and in first place. I have fallen to 4-6 and am now in seventh place, one spot outside of the playoffs. It’s getting real dark! I can’t believe I’m going to be playing in the Consolation Bracket once again!

Here’s my lineup:

  • Justin Fields (QB) @ Det
  • Jordan Love (QB) vs. LAC
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) @ Car
  • Terry McLaurin (WR) vs. NYG
  • Kenneth Walker (RB) @ LAR
  • Tony Pollard (RB) @ Car
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) @ Den
  • Tank Dell (WR) vs. Ari
  • Dustin Hopkins (K) vs. Pit
  • N.Y. Jets (DEF) @ Buf

God bless Tank Dell! I knew last week would be my last chance to pick him up, and he really looks like a stud! Alexander Mattison was a last-minute benching last week, which is a rare moment of prescience for me. He sucks! His team knows it, which is the worst part. Granted, they were going up against the Saints’ defense – generally stout against the run – which is what scared me off in the first place. But, seeing his carries fall to the next man up, and seeing the other moves the team is making to bolster their RB room, it seems unlikely Mattison will ever be That Guy for me. He’s Just A Guy instead, which is someone I can ill-afford to start unless in an emergency.

As such, he’s essentially useless to me, so I ended up dropping him and picking up Trey McBride as a free agent. I don’t have an immediate need for a tight end, however Hockenson does have a BYE coming up in Week 13. Frankly, it’s silly that McBride was still out there to be had by anyone; are there 9 better fantasy tight ends in the league right now? I don’t think so. This is his second year in the league, and he’s already taken over for Zach Ertz (thanks to injury, but he’s also better than Ertz, so there’s that). After starting off as the team’s #2 TE and doing very little the first five weeks, he’s really come on, scoring over 20 in two of the last three weeks. The sky seems to be the limit for him. In an ideal world, I would trade one of my tight ends for a more competent starter (especially at QB), but the trade deadline is this week and I just don’t think there will be time. Really, it might be prudent just to hang onto him, since it seems like Hockenson is a little banged up and is on the injury report every week. You never know when he might go over the edge, or have to otherwise sit out a week. And, you know, if I can hang onto McBride through the end of the season, it gives me an option as far as keepers go heading into next year. That’s one less quality keeper for someone else.

When Kyren returns, I’ll have a legitimate decision to make on Tony Pollard. He ALSO stinks! I can’t explain how invisible he’s been this year, but it’s starting to become absurd. The Cowboys are doing pretty well on offense – and going up against some pretty miserable defenses – but Pollard is nowhere to be found! I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit.

Addison and Dell are the two flexes for me, going forward, depending on who the Commanders are playing. I’ll sit Scary Terry against an elite defense, but otherwise he’s pretty reliable. I just have my doubts about Dobbs as a passer of the football to NFL wide receivers. I’d like to see Addison really blow up one time before I start him again. Also, not for nothing, but Justin Jefferson is coming back soon, and will surely command the lion’s share of the targets again (targets that figure to diminish due to Dobbs’ ineffectiveness as a passer).

Fields returns this week; it’s not a moment too soon. If Young can’t get it going against the crappy Bears, what hope does he have ever? This week, Young is at Dallas, and there’s no way in hell I can start him there; he’s a negative points day waiting to happen! Aidan O’Connell followed up a mediocre start against the Giants with an even more mediocre start against the Jets. Not totally surprising there, but he’s also not giving me a whole helluva lot of confidence. As such, with Deshaun Watson being lost for the year, and Dorian Thompson-Robinson being named his replacement, I decided to cut O’Connell and pick up DTR.

O’Connell has, like, zero upside. He doesn’t run, he doesn’t throw deep, he’s helming an offense that’s run first, run second, run infinity. He’s like a dumpier version of Mac Jones (and now that I say that, watch him turn into the next Tom Brady). At least DTR theoretically has some wheels. If nothing else, he’s more of an unknown than O’Connell, since he has one fewer start. On the plus side, Will Levis has had back-to-back not-good games, so I don’t have to be totally devastated anymore.

I actually like Love’s matchup against the Chargers; if he can’t blow up this week, I don’t know what to tell you. I like Scary Terry against the Giants, I like the Cowboys against the Panthers, I like Hockenson against the Broncos. Give me all the Dell against Arizona, and all the Hopkins against the Steelers’ defense. I’m a little unsure about Walker against the Rams, but that’s no slight against him, rather an acknowledgment of the weird mastery the Rams have over the Seahawks.

Here’s who Beasts has going:

  • Justin Herbert (QB) @ GB
  • Russell Wilson (QB) vs. Min
  • Cooper Kupp (WR) vs. Sea
  • Tyler Lockett (WR) vs. LAR
  • Derrick Henry (RB) @ Jax
  • Josh Jacobs (RB) @ Mia
  • Mark Andrews (TE) vs. Cin
  • Christian McCaffrey (RB) vs. TB
  • Jason Myers (K) @ LAR
  • Detroit (DEF) vs. Chi

Look at all the studs! He’s also got Calvin Ridley if he wants to swap out Lockett. Hard to love Russ the Fantasy Quarterback anymore, but he has been better this season. Also Minnesota’s defense is no great shakes. Herbert is a points monster, and always blows up when he plays against me. Kupp is a stud, Henry and Jacobs are both studs, and CMC is like a god at this point. He’s even got Andrews, probably the best fantasy TE in the game, if that all wasn’t bad enough! To boot, he gets the Lions’ defense to rub it in my face when Fields either sucks or doesn’t end up playing. I’m going to get massacred.

The Seahawks Are Looking To Head Into Their BYE Week On A Roll

This is our only Monday Night Football appearance this year, so live it up!

The Seahawks are 11-2 in games immediately preceeding their BYE week in the Pete Carroll era (a loss in 2010, and a loss last year vs. the Bucs in Germany, so technically 11-1 in games immediately preceeding their BYE week that take place in America). One of those games, oddly enough, came at the Giants back in 2011, so that’s neat!

We’re in an interesting spot right here, because I think this game can teach us a lot about where the Seahawks are as a team as they compare to the rest of the NFL. I know you can argue the Lions were a pretty good test, but they’re obviously a very different team than the Giants. The Lions feature a lot of offense, a solid – if undersized – pass rush, and that’s pretty much it. The Giants, conversely, want to pound it down your throats, and use that to play up their play-action game. They’re the team, quite honestly, that the Seahawks WANT to be.

I know it hasn’t been pretty thus far for the G-Men, but I would argue they’ve played an exceedingly difficult schedule to date. They’re one awesome half of football away from being 0-3 (that was against the Cardinals, who might be better than we thought). The Cowboys are rock solid, and the 49ers might be the best team in football. Conversely, I would say the Seahawks have played a soft – if unfortunately-sequenced – schedule that featured the Rams at their healthiest (minus Kupp). I won’t dismiss the Lions victory, but I will say it’s not super encouraging how ugly our first half was against an atrocious Panthers team.

It’s hard to assess how good or bad the Giants are, because while they might not be in the same class as the Cowboys or 49ers, they haven’t really played a team on their level until now (unless the Cardinals really ARE good, which I don’t think they are). The Seahawks, I would say, are on the same level as the Giants. We just get there in different ways.

The Seahawks match up better against a team like the Lions. But, I don’t know if we’ve got the horses to hang with a tough, hard-nosed team like the Giants. Not that I don’t think it’ll be close; this has all the trappings of a 3-point game either way. But, it also has the trappings of an ugly 20-17 contest. If the Seahawks continue to play the way they’ve played on third/fourth down – on both sides of the ball – it’s going to be a long game.

At this point in the week’s progression, I’m going into this game assuming Saquon Barkley will be in there. That’s … far from ideal. Granted, the Seahawks have looked much better against the run this year, but we’ve also not faced a running back even close to Barkley’s elite level. A guy who can do it all. A guy who can beat you between the tackles, who can run around you outside, who can break tackles, who can catch the ball in space and make something out of nothing. Even at 80%, he’s better than any other back we’ve faced this year.

This one, I think, comes down to Danny Dimes. If he can play a clean, turnover-free game, I think we’re toast. If he takes his check-downs, takes advantage of our various lapses in communication on the back-end, and either gets the ball out quickly (to avoid the rush), or scrambles with his legs (to both avoid the rush and generate positive yards), I think they’ll be able to dink and dunk us to death – with just enough chunk plays on the ground and through the air – to consistently generate scoring opportunities and run time off the clock.

That’s the worst-case scenario. We get run out of the stadium, can’t do enough on offense, and lose by 20.

I’d like to sit here and tell you that’s NOT going to happen. That we’ll continue our strong showing against the run, that we’ll contain Dimes (and maybe sack him a time or three), and blanket their mediocre receivers. That’s what SHOULD happen. That’s what teams like the 49ers and Cowboys have done to them (and what the Cards did for a half).

I’d also like to point to the potential return of Jamal Adams and Riq Woolen as major boosts to this side of the ball. Seeing Woolen and Witherspoon play opposite one another for the first time – with Adams flying all over the place – really has the potential to be something special. But, we might be a week or two away from seeing that (it’d be weird if we saw it next week, since we’ll be on BYE), not knowing their specific levels of health, or willingness to throw both guys into the fire right away.

I would say I’m fairly confident we’ll manage to keep it close on defense, and at least force a few punts. But, we’ll also see some more frustrating big plays given up, to prevent us from actually doing what we SHOULD do, and that’s run away with it.

I don’t have a great handle on what the Giants do well on defense. Based on three games, I’d say NOTHING. This is a team, last year, that really relied on their defense. Tough to run against, underrated pass rush, and good enough on the back end to capitalize on mistakes. Have they taken a step back? I’ll be very interested in finding out.

The Seahawks should be impervious to any and all opposing defenses. We have enough talent at all the skill positions to move the ball against anyone. But, it’s going to come down to the O-Line. And how we help out that O-Line by chipping, leaving TEs in there to double-team, RBs picking up blitzers, and making quick, decisive throws on time.

That blitzing thing will be key. It’s my understanding their defensive coordinator loves to throw out exotic blitzes early and often. We’ve seen two kinds of Genos in those situations. Sometimes, he takes advantage for big gains; sometimes he succumbs to the pressure and we’re chock full of 3 & Outs. The Rams game was a great example of the latter. I would argue in most of our defeats last year, him falling to opposing pressure was a primary reason for those L’s.

I get the feeling the Giants aren’t quite at the level the were last year, but that can change at any moment. This is a game the Seahawks DESPERATELY want to win. If you believe the Giants are a contender for one of those precious wild card spots – and if you believe (like I do) that the Seahawks are destined for the same, given how good the 49ers are – then you’re going to want that tiebreaker over them. And, not for nothing, this is an NFC game. You want these! You NEED these! You’ve already lost one to the Rams, it would be a damn shame to go into the BYE 2-2 in conference.

Getting a leg up on the Lions and Giants would put us very much in the driver’s seat for a playoff berth. At which point, you can start to dream a little bit bigger. A lot can happen between now and Thanksgiving. Maybe the 49ers suffer some injuries to key guys. Maybe the Seahawks start to gel with this young collection of players. Maybe we close the gap not by what we did in the offseason, but how we develop over the course of the regular season.

But, you can’t realistically see that happening if you lose one of these 50/50 games to a team directly on your level, and directly in your way for a playoff spot.

You also, not for nothing, can’t keep bending over and taking it up the pooper against elite defenses. At some point, you have to figure out a way to grind these games out. We have LOTS more of these types of opponents left to come. The entire AFC North, the aforementioned Rams and 49ers, the Cowboys and Eagles, even the Titans manage to have a stout run defense every year (in spite of their offense’s inability to move the ball with any consistency). If we can’t play well on this level, how do we EVER expect to take it up to the next level, with the truly elite teams?

It would be a bad, yet predictable omen for the Seahawks to lose this game. I feel like we, as fans, would be right back to where we were after week 1: left questioning what we have with this team. Whether or not it’s a 10-7 team or a 7-10 team. I would hate to have to stew on that for the next two weeks.

On the plus side, we have our record in pre-BYE games. We also have our record on Monday Night Football, which is among the best in the NFL. Can we ride that magic to victory? We are 1.0 favorites at the time of this writing; can’t get much closer than that.

I am officially expecting the Seahawks to prevail, which is probably bad news for me. It’s going to be an obnoxious evening if I have to sit there and watch us lose for 3+ hours.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2023: A D-Lightful Week 1 Victory

In my dynasty league – which I write about here almost exclusively – I was given a D draft grade, and my Draft Day Projections were for a 5-9 record and a 7th place finish (the top 6 go to the playoffs). In my other two leagues, I was given A+ grades and projected for very successful records. Last week, I won my first dynasty league matchup and scored the second-most points in doing so; in my other two leagues, I lost miserably and am among the bottom-dwellers in points scored. Sure, it’s only one week, but it’s kind of funny how that works out.

For what it’s worth, I’m still projected to finish 7th, but now with a 6-8 record.

I do, to a point, trust in the draft grades. That seems to largely bear out with past results. I remember in particular, in the league I won last year, I was among the top graded teams out of the draft. I also remember regularly getting blasted in my grades in this dynasty league, and finding myself at or near the bottom by season’s end.

I don’t know yet if I have anything special with Fight The Mattriarchy, but I’m cautiously optimistic after what happened in Week 1.

I defeated You Dropped Your Dildo 158.30 to 108.30. My first blush of week 1 as a whole is that scoring was down among fantasy players, unless you were blessed to have the Dallas or Jets’ defense, or if you had Tua or Tyreek Hill. Seems like what scoring there was came from sources not on anyone’s rosters, or flooding their benches. I certainly saw some of that on my team.

I started Fields and Cousins at my QB spots. They did okay; but I had Jordan Love on my bench, and he nearly outscored both of them by himself. Live and learn. I don’t know if Love is the real deal yet – it’s only one week, and the Packers seem to own the Bears no matter who’s under center – but I’m encouraged. He has this in him. He looked good throughout; it wasn’t just bubble screens and receivers breaking umpteen tackles. He found open men, down field, and took advantage.

I was able to pick up Courtland Sutton – with Christian Watson out and in my IR spot – and started him over Terry McLaurin, which was the right move. Unfortunately, Jordan Addison outscored them both and he was on my bench. I think I might need to see him do that on a regular basis before I can trust starting him.

Bryce Young had a rough game. Looks like, if he’s ever going to make it, it’s going to take more than a few weeks for him to get going. My hope is, by season’s end, he’ll start to assert himself. I’ll say this much: Justin Fields looked as bad as ever throwing the ball. D.J. Moore appeared to make zero impact in the passing game, and I REALLY thought he was going to have a big day.

Everyone besides the Jets’ defense did just okay. My opponent had Austin Ekeler to take care of business, but just about everyone else underperformed (Dak, Lamar, Waddle, Chase, and the Dolphins’ defense all sucked). I think I got lucky in that regard; he’s got a solid team that should go far this year.

This week, I’m going up against Beasts. He’s a regular playoff participant, and a multi-year champion. I’ll have my hands full; here’s my lineup:

  • Justin Fields (QB) @ TB
  • Jordan Love (QB) @ Atl
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. NYJ
  • Terry McLaurin (WR) @ Den
  • Kenneth Walker (RB) @ Det
  • Tony Pollard (RB) vs. NYJ
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) @ Phi
  • Alexander Mattison (WR) @ Phi
  • Evan McPherson (K) vs. Bal
  • N.Y. Jets (DEF) @ Dal

I’m sitting Cousins because it’s a road game in Philly on Thursday night. I don’t have a lot of experience with Cousins on my fantasy teams – because I usually actively avoid having him – but I know his reputation against great defenses in primetime games. No thanks.

I had to drop Sutton because Christian Watson was questionable all week. For now, I have McLaurin over Addison. Addison was third among receivers in snaps – as is expected, given his rookie status – and while I expect that to grow as the season goes along, I just don’t think the Vikings are going to have a great game and I’m trying to limit my usage of them this week.

I don’t love starting McLaurin because he might be going up against Denver’s #1 cornerback. So, I’m hoping Watson can slide back into my IR slot and I can pick up Sutton again. I like having Sutton because my opponent appears to be starting Russell Wilson this week. If he does throw any TDs, I’d like them to go to Sutton please!

I waived Dalvin Cook because Breece Hall looked amazing on Monday night, and I hate a time share more than life itself. In his place, I picked up Chargers backup RB Joshua Kelley. I was hoping to throw him into my lineup this week, but I don’t know if Ekeler will play or not, and with a Thursday game gobbling up a lot of players on my roster, I didn’t have the flexibility to sit Mattison and wait it out. But, I’m trying to think long term with Kelley. Can Ekeler play in every game like he did last year? Seems unlikely. Also, Ekeler is on the final year of his deal, so if Kelley wins that job next year, I can keep him going forward if he proves to be as effective as he’s been in his limited touches.

Here’s who Beasts has going for him:

  • Justin Herbert (QB) @ Ten
  • Russell Wilson (QB) vs. Was
  • Tyler Lockett (WR) @ Det
  • Calvin Ridley (WR) vs. KC
  • Derrick Henry (RB) vs. LAC
  • Christian McCaffrey (RB) @ LAR
  • Mark Andrews (TE) @ Cin
  • Josh Jacobs (WR) @ Buf
  • Jason Myers (K) @ Det
  • Washington (DEF) @ Den

He’s looking pretty stacked. He’s also got Cooper Kupp in his IR slot, which makes him dangerous down the road.

I’m expecting Ridley will come back down to Earth a little bit, after an explosive return to the NFL in week 1. I’m kind of banking on it, as I have Christian Kirk in another league. I also think Lockett is due for a rebound after a tough game against the Rams. Henry and CMC are both studs, and Jacobs is quietly effective. Mark Andrews returning from injury should be a big boost; if not, Beasts also has Higbee from the Rams, so he’s more than set there.

I don’t have a lot of confidence this week. I’m going to be worried for days if I made the wrong choice benching Cousins. Lamb has a tough matchup against the Jets; the Jets’ defense has a tough matchup against Dallas’ offense. And Fields could very easily give me two clunkers in a row, against that Bucs front seven.

But, you know, that’s fantasy football. Anything can happen. I’m 1-0 after one week, that’s pretty good in my book.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2023: Draft Results May Vary

I completed three fantasy football drafts in about an 80-hour span; is it possible to feel terrible about every single one of them?

Before we dive into my Dyntasy League 5-round draft, I’ll talk a little bit about my other two teams, as I seem to have stumbled into a couple of different strategies without even trying.

Every draft is different. You never know where you’re going to land in any given draft (assuming it’s randomly selected for you), you never know who’s going to be available (who people reach for, or who people steal from you at the last moment), and so you can go into a draft with one plan, but circumstances force you to go another way.

I try to be adaptable. I’m just looking for as many good players as possible. If it comes down to one of two guys, I’ll simply take the player I want to root for more. And I definitely tend to skew towards younger players, especially at running back and wide receiver.

Yet, I think I have two wildly different teams! To wit, the True League, and my team, RUM HAM:

  • Jalen Hurts (QB)
  • Aaron Rodgers (QB)
  • James Conner (RB)
  • Dalvin Cook (RB)
  • Breece Hall (RB)
  • Elijah Mitchell (RB)
  • Jonathan Taylor (RB)
  • Jahan Dotson (WR)
  • Treylon Burks (WR)
  • Zay Flowers (WR)
  • Jaxon Smith-Njigba (WR)
  • Cooper Kupp (WR)
  • Jameson Williams (WR)
  • Travis Kelce (TE)
  • Kicker TBD
  • New York Jets (DEF)

There’s injury concerns (Conner, Hall, Mitchell, Taylor, Kupp), there’s age concerns (Rodgers, Kelce, Conner again), and then there’s just an endless array of first- and second-year players (Hall, Dotson, Burks, Flowers, JSN, Williams). This is more of a standard scoring league, with half-PPR I believe, but I don’t know if I have enough TD-power to cut the mustard. Will Taylor return to playing football this season? How bad is Kupp’s injury? How many games will I get out of Conner? When will Hall have his inevitable set-back? Will I be able to hold onto Williams through his entire 6-week suspension?

There’s a lot of questions swirling around my team. On the one end of the spectrum of possibilities, I’ll be spending every week scrambling to field a healthy team, constantly worried about and second-guessing injury reports. On the other end, my hurt guys get healthy, and I’m able to field a juggernaut by season’s end that will take me all the way to the championship. High variance, high reward!

Also, I should say, I do like Dotson and Burks more than most. And, really, the Cardinals ONLY have Conner, so he should feast as the only dude on that offense.

Now, here’s my other team, The Annexation Of Puerto Rico, in my beloved Splinter League:

  • Josh Allen (QB)
  • Dak Prescott (QB)
  • Matthew Stafford (QB)
  • Bijan Robinson (RB)
  • Rachaad White (RB)
  • Tyler Allgeier (RB)
  • Amon-Ra St. Brown (WR)
  • Tee Higgins (WR)
  • Christian Kirk (WR)
  • George Pickens (WR)
  • Brandon Aiyuk (WR)
  • Treylon Burks (WR)
  • Jameson Williams (WR)
  • Pittsburgh Steelers (DEF)

On the flipside, not a lot of injury issues here, at least out of the gate. But, I also don’t have the glut of running backs to pull from in a pinch. Thankfully, I have the Falcons guys to fall back on, but if White is a bust, I’m kind of screwed.

In the True League, I had the fifth pick in the draft. After the usual suspects went 1-4, I made Kelce my top overall pick. By contrast, in the Splinter League, I had the second pick. Last year, I won it all by having the 10th pick, so this was a VASTLY different experience for me. My Splinter League is even more quarterback-crazy (2 QB league, 1 point per 15 passing yards, 6-point TDs, -4 INTs), and I’m happy to say I got to take Josh Allen for the first time ever. That’s a recipe for him having an uncharacteristically-down year if I’ve ever heard one!

Anyway, I guess we’ll see. I should point out that in the True League, I got an A+ grade by Yahoo, second overall in the league. And, in the Splinter League, I also got an A+ grade, first overall. Will that mean anything? We’ll see. I had a high grade last year in Splinter as well, and ended up winning the whole thing. But, there’s a lot that goes into a championship season; you need to get extremely lucky along the way.

In my Dynasty League, my team – Fight The Mattriarchy! – got a D grade, 8th out of 10 teams. Since everyone’s 10 keepers get slotted randomly into the draft rounds 1-10, I don’t know how much of that grade is outside of my control. But, with the way AI has been trending, I think Yahoo is probably able to take a global view of every team’s quality and depth of players and make an honest assessment. I mean, I’ve been kind of bottom-feeding for a while now; maybe my keepers aren’t up to snuff.

I wrote about my dilemma last week, so you can read that HERE. That link will also tell you who my keepers were. Without further ado, let’s talk about my 5-round draft! Or, rather, my 3-round/5-person draft.

As expected, the two rookie running backs went 1 and 2 (Bijan and Jahmyr Gibbs). That left one guy standing between me and the quarterback of my dreams/nightmares. He ended up taking Anthony Richardson, which left me no choice but to take Bryce Young. Here’s hoping that #1 overall NFL draft pedigree accounts for something!

By the time I selected with my second pick in the first round, I sadly missed out on re-acquiring D.K. Metcalf, who went two picks earlier. I also missed out on Joe Mixon, C.J. Stroud, Calvin Ridley, and Daniel Jones. So, I made my pick, and I made it Kirk Cousins.

He was already on my radar as a potential pick at #4, because I’ve got Fields and Love, so why not have a little leeway in case of injuries or ineffectiveness? Now, I get to have both my cake and eating it too! I get my rookie lottery ticket, AND I get the veteran who’s mostly good, but occasionally terrible when you least can afford it. I’m not saying I love having Cousins on my team; I’m just saying he should be better than Young and Love, at least in the early going.

I’M FIELDING A FANTASY TEAM WITH TWO COMPETENT QUARTERBACKS IF IT FUCKING KILLS ME!

The second round went pretty well for me: JSN, Sam Howell, and Isiah Pacheco with the top three. I had pretty much my pick of the rookie receivers, and opted to go with the guy from the Vikings, Jordan Addison. I would’ve taken him even if I didn’t have Cousins, but I love having them both, for obvious Double Touchdown reasons! The rest of the second round went Miles Sanders, James Cook, Dotson, Mac Jones, and Mike Williams before I selected again. I would’ve only wanted Dotson, or MAYBE Cook, out of that group. I’ve had Mac Jones for the last couple seasons, and good riddance!

With my second pick in the second round, I got to FINALLY draft Scary Terry McLaurin! I’ve wanted him since he was a rookie, but he was snagged out from under me. Having him fall to me couldn’t have gone better; I’m very happy with my receiver depth now!

Finally, the third round went like this: Dalton Kincaid, Christian Kirk, and Aiyuk. That left me with Dalvin Cook as my final draft pick of the evening. I don’t love him as a long-term prospect, but early on he should get the bulk of the carries as Hall returns from his injury. Cook is also insurance against Alexander Mattison, in the event a starter’s load doesn’t suit him well. As long as Cook stays healthy, Aaron Rodgers is going to want him in there, and that offense should have enough meat on the bone for all their stars, including Cook for an occasional TD. Who’s to say Cook couldn’t be the Ezekiel Elliott in this offense, vulturing touchdowns left and right?!

For Week 1, I’m starting Fields & Cousins, Lamb & Watson, Walker & Pollard, Hockenson & Cook (though, I may put McLaurin in there as a last-minute replacement, if it looks like he’s fully healthy, because that Arizona defense looks like straight garbage).

We’ll see how it all goes! I’ll be on here every week lamenting my losses and celebrating my victories.

Reasonable Expectations For Jaxon Smith-Njigba

People are very excited about Jaxon Smith-Njigba. I know I am! I like to think I have a sixth sense about wide receivers that the Seahawks draft. I was a HUGE fan of Tyler Lockett, even before he turned pro. I loved the D.K. Metcalf selection, both for value and potential. I remember being pretty high on Golden Tate, and even though he took a while to fully blossom, it was all worth it in the end.

And I’m very firmly in the camp of the Jaxon Smith-Njigba believers.

But, I think people – especially fantasy football people – need to temper expectations a little bit, especially in his rookie season. There’s a reason why the Seahawks are considered to have one of the best wide receiver rooms in the league. That’s because D.K. Metcalf and Tyler Lockett were already one of the best wide receiver duos in the league. Now you add Smith-Njigba to the mix, and this has the potential to be an extremely dynamic passing game.

That being said, there are only so many targets to go around. Even in the most pass-happy offenses, how much production does the third receiver get? Who was the guy in Kansas City after Tyreek Hill and Travis Kelce (before Hill’s trade to Miami)? In 2019, it was Sammy Watkins with 90 targets (52 receptions). In 2020, it was Mecole Hardman with 62 targets (41 receptions). In 2021, it was Hardman again with 83 targets (59 receptions). Going around the league, can anyone even name the third receiving option for the Bills? How has Tyler Boyd fared with the Bengals the last couple years? The Rams of late can barely field a SECOND receiving option after Kupp, let alone a third.

Now you have to factor how much the Seahawks like to run the ball. Some people would say they’re run-heavy. Others would say they’re balanced. I would liken the Seahawks to a slow-it-down sort of offense that prefers to limit possessions and bleed opponents with a thousand cuts. Not that I’m the first person to make than distinction, I’m sure.

The point is, third receivers already get overlooked by design. Now you want to put him on the Seahawks?

I don’t see Smith-Njigba as a viable fantasy option in 2023 whatsoever. Maybe take a flier on him late in the draft and bank on an injury to Metcalf or Lockett. If you’re in a dynasty league, I think there’s a little more meat on that bone, but you don’t want to go into this season wanting to depend on production out of him.

I’m guessing Smith-Njigba will have somewhere around 45 receptions for 512 yards and 3 touchdowns. Even in PPR, that’s nothing. That’s less than 7 fantasy points per game. But, for dynasty purposes, Lockett isn’t getting any younger, so I could see those numbers grow considerably in the next 2-3 years.

But, let’s put fantasy football aside now. What does he mean from a team-building perspective? As a Seahawks fan, did we use our draft capital wisely?

I say 100% yes! If Jaxon Smith-Njigba is as talented as he projects to be, the value of a high-quality third receiver is immeasurable. That’s one more elite athlete a defense has to worry about. If the best opposing cornerback is going to clamp down on D.K., you can interchange Lockett and Smith-Njigba in the slot or on the other side and create tons of mismatches. You can line them all up in a bunch formation and wait for the defense to make a coverage mistake. If teams double D.K. and Lockett is covered, then you’re talking about the 4th-best corner trying to keep up with Smith-Njigba.

Every time he makes a huge catch on third down, every time he moves the chains, that’s one more feather in the cap of Smith-Njigba being a great draft pick for this team. On top of everything else: the need for depth, injury insurance, and so on.

I think Seahawks fans are going to be elated to have Jaxon Smith-Njigba on their team. But, fantasy football players might not be super thrilled, as is our lot in life.

But that brings up a broader point: how good are the rest of the Seahawks for fantasy purposes?

It still blows my mind that Geno Smith was a value-add to a playoff team in the NFL. It blows my mind even more that he was also a Top 5 fantasy quarterback. Granted, I would say there’s a significant drop-off from the Top 4, but still, that’s impressive.

I guess it depends on where you get them, but if Seahawks players are going to be undervalued, there’s definitely an argument to be made that stacking these guys – Geno Smith, D.K. Metcalf, Tyler Lockett, Kenneth Walker, and Zach Charbonnet – while keeping Smith-Njigba as a late-round insurance pick, could be a recipe for success. You might not get as many touchdowns from Geno as you’d like, but he’s also going to limit turnovers with the best of ’em. You know where his targets are going. I’m keeping Walker in my dynasty league without hesitation, but I think it might be wise to handcuff him with the rookie just in case. Given how the Seahawks have suffered with running back injuries since Beastmode left town the first time, it’s just a fact of life at this point.

I think I’ve long lived under the impression that the Seahawks’ passing game is to be avoided in fantasy. Oh sure, Russell Wilson was great, but going after his receivers felt like a fool’s errand with the way he spread the ball around. But, these Seahawks go target heavy on the top two guys, which is right where you want it. Give your best players as many opportunities to make plays as possible!

Who Are Some Future Stars On The Seahawks Right Now?

I’m a regular listener to the Brock & Salk show, via podcast. I don’t listen to every single minute; I’m not demented. I’ve got other things I like to listen to, I’ve got work to do and so on. But, I look at the descriptions of each hour and I’ll pick and choose what sounds interesting to me.

Recently, there’s been chatter on the show about the Seahawks, and who their stars are. Some guy had a Top 100 rankings recently and I think D.K. Metcalf was the first Seahawk listed, and he was positioned outside of the Top 50. I think, in total, maybe there were two Seahawks in the Top 100, with a number of Honorable Mentions coming just after. I think that’s probably a fair assessment. If by “star” we’re talking about the very best at their respective position (and not just name recognition), I think D.K. is probably the biggest star, and I also think he probably doesn’t deserve to be in the Top 50.

D.K. Metcalf is very good. But, I don’t think he’s elite. He drops too many balls. He has too many games where you’re getting nothing from him. You don’t see those nothing games from Cooper Kupp or Justin Jefferson or Ja’Marr Chase. Last year, D.K. had five games of 4 receptions or less; three games where he had 2 or less. He had seven games last year with 40 yards or less. An elite receiver should get 40 yards in his sleep. That’s not elite material, I’m sorry. Maybe part of that is usage and/or scheme. Still, he only had one game with under 5 targets. He’s the number one focus on this passing game. But, I don’t think we’ve ever seriously seen him distinguish himself from Tyler Lockett (who I think, for the record, is criminally disrespected; if you play fantasy football – which is the majority of football fans – you think of Tyler Lockett almost immediately when you think about the Seahawks).

They’re both very good, is what I’m getting at. I would say they’re both “stars” in the sense that we’re using here, even if they’re not the most elite of elite receivers. I think D.K. and Tyler are the cutoff. If you’re below in quality or production than those two, you’re not a star.

I wouldn’t say Bobby Wagner is a star, even though he might have the biggest name recognition on the team (or, at the very least, in the Top 3 for most recognizable Seahawks by the football-viewing public at large); he was a star. But, he doesn’t make the cut.

In fact, I wouldn’t say anyone in the front seven makes the cut, but there’s potential for the future. I also wouldn’t say anyone on the offensive line makes the cut, but there’s also potential there for the future.

I would say Geno – based on his performance last year – is right at that D.K./Tyler cutoff, but he’s a big wild card, isn’t he? I don’t know if he elevates this team so much as keeps it afloat.

I think Kenneth Walker is a possible future star, as is Jaxon Smith-Njigba, as are both of our bookend offensive tackles. Ideally, one of the interior linemen we drafted – I’m looking at the center more than the guard – is also a future star in the making. Also, the second round running back we drafted this year could be on that path, but my caveat here is: I don’t believe both running backs will be stars. I think ultimately one will overshadow the other, with the other being a good backup/spot starter.

As for the defense, I think both Nwosu and Taylor are below the cutoff. Of the two, Taylor probably has the higher ceiling, but I don’t believe he’s going to reach that star level. I also think Jordyn Brooks is below that star level, and I don’t think he’ll ever make enough of an impact at his non-premium position to do any damage.

I think Quandre Diggs is JUST below the cutoff, and I’ve lost all faith in Jamal Adams ever being a star again. However, both of our starting cornerbacks could be stars as early as this year. I’d still like to see Tariq Woolen replicate what he was able to do as a rookie, but I’m all in on Witherspoon.

I like the Dre’Mont Jones signing, but I don’t think he’ll ever be a star. I think Jarran Reed is post-stardom. I think if Derick Hall ends up being a star, we talk about this 2023 NFL Draft as one of the greatest of all time in Seahawks history, right up there with 2010-2012; I’m still saying he’s a longshot though.

I guess my point is, there are probably more stars on this Seahawks team than anyone is giving them credit for; some of them just haven’t emerged yet. But, will it be enough to propel us to greatness? Do we NEED a Top 1 of 1 player on this team to be great? We’ll see. I don’t know if the Eagles had that Top 1 of 1 player last year, and they made it to the Super Bowl largely on the strength of their massive depth. Maybe we could do that?

The Seahawks Are Somehow Back In The Playoffs

As a Seahawks fan – but really, as a longtime, hardcore fan of most (if not all) Seattle sports – there are a few universal truths. The Mariners are always going to bring in a guy who looks like an amazing fit, only for him to immediately go in the tank (last year it was Jesse Winker, this year it figures to be A.J. Pollock; though never discount the surprise bust). Similarly, the Mariners are always going to give up on someone who goes somewhere else and plays amazing. The Sonics are always going to get screwed over by the NBA (who continually tantalizes us with promises of a new team, with zero follow through) until they’ve crushed the spirit of every last basketball fan in Seattle. The Husky football team is always going to have at least one enraging defeat to a mediocre-to-bad team that prevents them from ever making the playoffs. And for every Seattle-based team, it goes like this: if you need help from someone else to bolster the future of our franchise – whether it’s the near-future, in helping us win a division title in the final week of the season, or the more distant future by giving us an improved draft pick – bet against our interests, because that’s the result you’re going to get.

Now, you can read that and say, “But! But!” And yeah, duh, it’s not literally 100% of the time that these “universal truths” come to fruition, but more often than not. And when it’s not in our favor, BOY does it seem to hurt us bad.

Remember in 2008, when the Mariners were expected to compete for a playoff spot, only to lose over 100 games and be in direct competition for the top overall draft pick? Remember how we won a meaningless series against Oakland at the very end of the year to fall to the #2 spot (whereas the Washington Nationals did their fucking jobs and got to draft a great starting pitcher)? The Mariners got Dustin Ackley and it set us back considerably. Remember in 1992 when the Seahawks had maybe one of the worst offenses in NFL history and finished 2-14? We were in direct competition with the 2-14 Patriots for the top overall pick. Since we beat them, they had the tiebreaker and got to pick first (incidentally, they also had a chance to get a third win in the final week of the season, but lost to the Dolphins in overtime; what’s most galling is that the Pats had a 10-point halftime lead and a 7-point lead heading into the fourth quarter, to say nothing of being in field goal range just before regulation expired, before taking a brutal sack to get knocked back). The Patriots got to draft Drew Bledsoe; the Seahawks were saddled with Rick Mirer.

There are countless examples of the Seattle team getting fucked over at the very end by outside forces compelled to make us all feel bad. It’s the We Can’t Have Nice Things law of nature, and it’s a bitch.

Now, you might also say, “What about the Lions? They just did us a solid by defeating the Packers in Green Bay last night, sending us to the playoffs!”

But, DID they do us a solid? Do we have ANY business being in these playoffs? It took overtime and the total and complete depletion of the Los Angeles Rams by injury (including their three best players: Aaron Donald, Cooper Kupp, and Matthew Stafford, who also rank among the best players in the NFL at their positions) for the Seahawks just to finish 9-8 and in a position to need help last night.

Part of me will accept the answer that you shouldn’t get accustomed to losing. That it’s better to do sort of what the Seahawks did and hover around .500, than it is to be 3-14 and vie for the top overall draft pick. That means the players you have currently on your roster – and in our case, a lot of them are very young, with room to blossom and improve – are pretty good and gained valuable experience while getting better as the season progressed. But, at the same time, this Seahawks team isn’t good enough to win ONE playoff game, let alone enough to get us to Super Bowl. I would say it doesn’t matter who we play – we could go to any of the top four seeds and most definitely lose – but having to face the 49ers (who already DOMINATED us twice, and is probably the best team in the NFC) is just a blowout embarrassment waiting to happen.

You might say, “Well, it’s hard to beat a team three times in the same season. Plus, they’re down to their third quarterback, and if our defense can just keep things close, you never know.” Even if I give you that – and assume, for the sake of argument, that we find a way to prevail next week – you’re telling me then we have to go to Philly, and I’m telling you there is NO FUCKING CHANCE we win that game against a #1 seed that just had a bye week to get healthy. All that does is bump our draft pick to 25th (or even 26th, if the Bucs upset the Cowboys in the first round before succumbing to reality).

You know what I would’ve rather had? The 14th pick, which is what we would’ve gotten if we’d lost to the Rams on Sunday. Failing that, you know what I would’ve rather had? The 17th pick, which is what we would’ve gotten if the Packers defeated the Lions (everything else being the same). Now, as it stands? We have the 20th pick. If everything goes according to plan – we lose to the 49ers, the Bucs lose to the Cowboys – we get the 20th. What’s the one thing that could help us? The Bucs winning next Monday night and the Seahawks losing, which would bump us up one to 19th overall. Will that happen? Please see: the entire beginning to this blog post.

I would argue that just being 8-9 or 9-8 has achieved everything we wanted. It kept the team relevant to the very end, it showed us a lot of the young guys who figure to be stalwarts on this team for the foreseeable future, and it didn’t get anyone on the coaching staff fired, so we can have that continuity going into the 2023 season. We already HAD that, we didn’t need to add a meaningless playoff defeat into the mix! All that does is hurt our potential in next year’s draft.

And, if you think I’m being an overly-dramatic Negative Nelly, I want you to look at some of the OTHER ways the rest of the NFL could’ve helped us … with the Denver draft pick.

We have the 5th pick. If the Chargers had simply tried to beat Denver and succeeded, that would’ve improved to the 3rd pick. Or if the Colts and Cards had won ONCE in the last seven weeks, it would’ve been the 3rd pick. The Colts had the fucking Texans of all teams in week 18, and still managed to bungle it! And the Cardinals the week before blew it at the end against the lowly Falcons.

Then, there would’ve been the ultimate prize, if Denver had lost to the Chargers, and the Bears had won once in the last TEN weeks, that could’ve moved all the way to a 2nd overall pick.

So many fucking possibilities to get into the Top 3. Instead, we’re saddled with 5th. There were chances to get one of the two best defensive line prospects in this draft class. But, looking at it now, it’s going to require teams trading down:

  1. Chicago – probably keeping Justin Fields and taking the best defender available, unless they trade down
  2. Houston – quarterback most likely
  3. Arizona – committed to Kyler Murray for many years, GM situation in flux, probably not trading at all and taking best defender available
  4. Indianapolis – quarterback all but certainly
  5. Seattle – fucked

What’s worse is that if Chicago trades down, they probably don’t want to trade very far, so I’m guessing Indy will be a likely trade partner; that does not help us. We need someone like the Raiders (7th), Panthers (9th) or Titans (11th) to make a big move, since all three are probably in the market for a quarterback upgrade.

It sucks. What does 5 and 20 get us? One stud, hopefully, and maybe the best guard or center in the draft (assuming there’s one worth taking in the first round; quality centers can usually be had in rounds 2 or 3). Otherwise, at 20, you’re looking for a good quarterback who’s fallen (maybe packaging that with our high second rounder to move up into the teens).

I dunno, I guess that’s Future Me’s concern. For now, I have to try to talk myself into a scenario where the Seahawks aren’t blown out of the stadium on Saturday afternoon (always the anticipated Worst Wild Card Round Game). God help us if we find a way to win, and that 20th overall pick falls to where it normally is, in the mid-to-high 20’s. I may lose my God damn mind.

The Seahawks Struggled To Take Down A Bad Rams Team

Pretty standard Seahawks game, all things considered. Lots of turnovers and flukey plays, controversial referee decisions, with a generous portion of Playing Down To The Level Of Your Opponent. In the end, talent overcame whatever the football gods have for us when it comes to the Seahawks playing the Rams, in a 27-23 victory.

It’s hard to come away too impressed, though there were some impressive elements. You have to start with Geno Smith, who finally got the monkey off his back when it comes to leading his team on a 2-minute drive to come from behind and win it. We had every opportunity to blow it at the end. We also had every opportunity – once we got into field goal range – to sit on the ball and play for overtime. But, Geno rared back and won this game with his arm, and it was refreshing to see.

I also gotta say I was impressed we were able to do it while getting absolutely nothing from our running game. Kenneth Walker left the game early with an ankle injury, as he was limited to 3.6 fantasy points 36 rushing yards. We’re obviously down Rashaad Penny from his injury weeks ago, not to mention Travis Homer, who failed to suit up for this one. That left us with DeeJay Dallas – who came into the second half “doubtful” to return, only to gut it out until the end – and someone named Tony Jones, who I’d never heard of before. All told, the running game got us 90 yards on 22 carries and zero scores.

On paper, the defense seemed to have a good game – 5/14 on 3rd/4th downs, 319 total yards (5.1 yards per play), 148 yards passing, 4 sacks, and two interceptions – but it’s infuriating that the Rams were able to score 23 points with no one but backups all across their offense. No Matthew Stafford, no Cooper Kupp, no Darrell Henderson; we should’ve held them to single digits.

That being said, it was cool to see Tariq Woolen get another pick, and have a beautiful tipped pass on what would’ve been a huge gain. Nwosu had a couple more sacks, and Jordyn Brooks had a great game. Even Cody Barton got another late pick to shut it down.

The wide receivers showed up and balled hard in this one. Tyler Lockett had 128 on 9 receptions, with a TD, and D.K. Metcalf had 127 on 8 receptions, with a TD. Noah Fant also had a nice game with 4 catches for 42 yards and a TD.

There was a point here – when this game was still a 50/50 deal – where it kinda felt like maybe losing would be the better result. Look, a 7-5 Seahawks team led by Geno Smith is a nice story and all. But, the 49ers just played the bulk of their last game against a very good Dolphins team without Jimmy G and they HANDLED them. We’re not winning the division. At best, we’re playing for a wild card spot, but now even our victory over the Giants is meaningless since they have a tie on their record. Even if we do sneak into the playoffs, it’s hard for me to see us getting to the Divisional Round, and impossible for us to make it beyond that point. In spite of how great a lot of younger guys are playing, there are still MANY holes left to fill before we can consider ourselves to be a championship-contending team.

Now, obviously, the good news is that the Broncos lost again. The more we win, the more we NEED that pick to land in the top 5, and ideally in the top 3. They’re having a true Season From Hell, with everything that CAN go wrong actually going wrong. I don’t know how many more weeks we’ll be able to depend on them choking these games away.

We get back-to-back home games on the horizon, with a weird 4-8 Panthers team that’s still somehow playing for the division, followed by a Thursday night showdown against the 49ers. That’s two very good defenses, with the Seahawks heading into these games sorely banged up.

I have to like our chances against the Panthers – because their offense looks so bad – but that’s a team that can easily nip us in a close one. I’m officially predicting a 19-16 Seahawks victory, but I’m not super confident about it.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2022: I’ve Got Good News & Bad News

Damnedest thing: I won again! That’s three wins in a row, for those keeping track. This time, it was a pretty healthy 161.00 to 136.90 victory over Toot Cannons. That brings my record to 4-7, and my place in the standings ALLLLL the way up to 8th place. I have a one-game lead over the two teams below me, but of course, I have the fewest points in the league, so tying in record with those animals will put me right back in last place where I belong.

I will say that I’m slowly, but surely, creeping up on The Lance Petemans in points. He has less than a 10-point lead, with three weeks to go in the regular season. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) we don’t play one another in any of those games; I’ll see him next in the Consolation Bracket (which doesn’t factor into who gets the Toilet Trophy).

The bad news is: my meal ticket might be going away, as Justin Fields injured his non-throwing shoulder. That’s not always the end of the world for a quarterback, but it can be pretty devastating for a quarterback who’s better at running with the football than throwing it.

Fields had another respectable week, getting me over 24 points. Christian Watson kicked off the week strong wth 21. The Jets defense did me proud (a couple weeks after I traded away the Eagles) with 19, and Evan McPherson kicked in 17 points in The Week Of The Kicker (where Tyler Bass got over 20, and Brett Maher tied the single-game record for kickers, all-time, with 29).

The star of my team was Tony Pollard. He’s been thrashing the league during my winning streak, thanks in large part to Ezekiel Elliott being injured. Zeke returned this past week and got 17 points for my bench. But, Pollard’s big-play ability netted me almost 37: 2 touchdowns, 109 receiving yards, and 80 rushing yards to boot. My dream for this offseason is the Cowboys cut Zeke in a cost-cutting measure, and make Pollard the full-time #1 running back. He’ll set NFL records!

My big boner of a move was benching Matthew Stafford in favor of Davis Mills. Stafford got me 20 points for my bench, while Mills needed garbage time to get up to 7.45. Mills had the better matchup, and was projected to out-score Stafford (who is without Cooper Kupp for the foreseeable future), but at some point common sense needs to prevail.

This week, I go up against Car Talk With Josh Allen, the second place team in our league. I’m just happy I get to play him both times without Deshaun Watson, as he doesn’t need any extra help to lay me to waste. Here are my guys:

  • Justin Fields (QB) @ NYJ
  • Mac Jones (QB) @ Min
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. NYG
  • Gabe Davis (WR) @ Det
  • Kenneth Walker (RB) vs. LV
  • Tony Pollard (RB) vs. NYG
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) vs. NE
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) vs. LV
  • Evan McPherson (K) @ Ten
  • N.Y. Jets (DEF) vs. Chi

I might have to start BOTH of my backup quarterbacks. Matthew Stafford had another concussion late in the game last week, which almost guarantees he sees time on the IR. I don’t like Mac Jones, but I’m going to hope he has a little something left in the tank against the Vikings, in what will need to be a high-scoring affair if the Patriots hope to win. If Fields goes down, I’ll have to start Davis Mills against the Dolphins (assuming he’s still starting for the Texans).

It’s a toss-up between Zeke and Pollard as long as both are healthy. When they’re both healthy, they split carries pretty evenly. Pollard gets the advantage of being a bigger factor in the passing game, but Zeke gets the advantage of being the goalline back by and large. Pollard is more boom-or-bust as a result, but also somehow has a higher floor. That isn’t to say Zeke won’t out-score him on the regular, because their offense is very efficient, so he’ll get his opportunities to punch it in. But, I’m sort of resigned to being disappointed whenever my guy isn’t in there.

This might be the last week I play Gabe Davis over Christian Watson. The Lions stink. I know they’ve been a lot better of late, but Davis should have no problem scoring in bunches in this matchup. The concern is that the Bills get Diggs going and forget about Davis, which is a nightmare scenario. I kinda need Davis to be The Guy since I’m going up against Josh Allen (spoiler alert). Taking away his touchdowns would be a big help. On the flipside, Watson is going up against the Eagles’ defense, which is very good against the pass. My hunch is that he comes down to Earth a little bit this week. However, if he puts in a third consecutive humongous week, then it’s time to set him (in my lineup) and forget him.

Here’s the list of players who figure to destroy me:

  • Josh Allen (QB) @ Det
  • Tom Brady (QB) @ Cle
  • DeVonta Smith (WR) vs. GB
  • Amari Cooper (WR) vs. TB
  • Aaron Jones (RB) @ Phi
  • Joe Mixon (RB) @ Ten
  • Travis Kelce (TE) vs. LAR
  • Christian Kirk (WR) vs. Bal
  • Tyler Bass (K) @ Det
  • Kansas City (DEF) vs. LAR

A lot of these guys had big weeks LAST week, so my hope is that they … don’t have big weeks this week.