Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2021: Toilet Bowl Week

Hahmez Wah 360 Allstars defeated Snoopy & Prickly Pete 163.00 to 100.60. All of our players were done playing before Monday, but the matchup between the two fantasy teams was over pretty much during the first quarter of the morning games on Sunday. Justin Fields underperformed and got hurt. CeeDee Lamb underperformed and got hurt. The only player on my team worth a damn was Diontae Johnson, and by the time his game started I was already out of it. His 23.1 points spared me from a sub-100 point game, so for that I’m grateful.

Nothing went right. I had Taylor Heinicke on my bench, who scored 31.2 points. I left Clyde Edwards-Helaire in my IR spot (because no one knew until gametime that he’d actually play this week), who got 15.6 points. Of course, I wouldn’t have won regardless of how I set my lineup, but I’m just pointing it out to show the forces at play in my futility.

Taking a look at the immediate results of my trades last week, Justin Tucker outscored Zane Gonzalez 11 to 3. Again, it’s not WHY I lost, but there you go. Mike Gesicki scored an even 10 points for my TE spot; Pat Freiermuth would’ve gotten me 11.1 (not for nothing, but Noah Fant would’ve gotten me 10.9, just to show you what a wasteland tight end has become). The only moderately good news is that A.J. Brown is no longer on my team; he had to leave the game twice last week for two different injuries (and is officially questionable for this week). I’m sure he’ll return and kick some ass, but I gotta tell you, I’m just glad I don’t have to worry every time I play catch-up on Twitter that I’m going to read some tweet to the effect of “A.J. Brown is limping off the field”.

Anyway, the Toilet Bowl is upon us! Snoopy & Prickly Pete is taking on Korky Butchek for a battle to help decide who ends up with the 2021 last place trophy! I’m 2-9, he’s 3-8; he’s got a 50-point lead. If he beats me, he’ll have a 2-game advantage with only two weeks to go, and it will be a virtual lock that I take home the toilet trophy. If I win, we’re tied in record, and I make up some of that deficit in total points (the tiebreaker if our records are the same at season’s end), giving me two weeks to surpass him in total points to avoid the dubious honor.

Here’s my lineup in this do-or-die week:

  • Mac Jones (QB) vs. TEN
  • Taylor Heinicke (QB) vs. SEA
  • Diontae Johnson (WR) @ CIN
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) @ WFT
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) vs. LV
  • Javonte Williams (RB) vs. LAC
  • Mike Gesicki (TE) vs. CAR
  • Rhamondre Stevenson (RB) vs. TEN
  • Zane Gonzalez (K) @ MIA
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) @ GB

I am majorly irritated CeeDee Lamb is out with a concussion this week. I’m also majorly irritated CEH is on BYE; I don’t understand why he was brought back last week at all! Why risk it if you’ve got a BYE this week?! Anyway, it looks like I’ll be saddled with starting Stevenson in my FLEX, which is far from ideal.

Of course, Korky Butchek has reason to be irritated himself with the various maladies his team is beset with. Here is a possible alignment of players for him to start this week:

  • Joe Burrow (QB) vs. PIT
  • Daniel Jones (QB) vs. PHI
  • DeVonta Smith (WR) @ NYG
  • A.J. Brown (WR) @ NE
  • David Montgomery (RB) @ DET
  • A.J. Dillon (RB) vs. LAR
  • George Kittle (TE) vs. MIN
  • D.J. Moore (WR) @ MIA
  • Daniel Carlson (K) @ DAL
  • New Orleans (DEF) @ BUF

He’s actually got plenty of options to play around with on his bench, so we’ll see what the lineup looks like at gametime. I would assume A.J. Brown will be in there if he’s playing. Otherwise, I’m looking at James Robinson going against a poor Falcons defense. I’m a little surprised to see Danny Dimes in there over Trevor Lawrence, but I could see the Giants making an immediate improvement now that they’ve fired Jason Garrett from the offensive coordinator job.

Korky Butchek has a lot of good players who have simply underperformed this year. I’m going to need them to continue underperforming this week, otherwise it’ll be curtains for me.

Splinter League Round-Up!

BUCK FUTTER took out Beer Thirty pretty handily, even though he got a strong comeback effort in that Chargers game with Herbert and Williams. Aaron Rodgers finishing with 50+ points and the rest of my guys (sans Tee Higgins) pulling their weight made things pretty comfortable. I’m still in third place, but only a game behind Beer Thirty, and only two games behind the first place team. I’m in for a dogfight this week with another 7-4 team; it would behoove me to knock out ChubbyDumplings to put a little distance between me and the teams behind me trying to take me out of a playoff spot. The Saints’ running back situation is scaring the living daylights out of me; I need ONE of either Kamara or Ingram to play. If they both have to sit, I’m in trouble.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2021: A Week 2 Trouncing

This is more in line with what I was expecting out of Snoopy & Prickly Pete, a total and complete drubbing. Last week, I scored the 7th-most points in the league, this week it was the 8th-most (out of 10 teams), and by a considerable margin to boot.

The week was never even competitive, as Hahmez Wah 360 Allstars defeated Snoopy & Prickly Pete 172.80 – 122.50.

For starters, Jameis Winston sucked to the tune of 5.45 points (a far cry from his Week 1 output). Jimmy G did slightly better than what he was supposed to, but obviously not enough to make up for the failure that was Jameis (and the entire Saints offense, but that’s neither here nor there).

On top of which, my skill guys did very little. Ezekiel Elliott and CeeDee Lamb had relatively productive games in a low-scoring affair; Noah Fant got me a TD from the tight end spot; and the Rams’ defense was pretty solid. But, D.K. Metcalf and A.J. Brown both REALLY disappointed in an otherwise high-scoring game, and CEH is who we thought he was, even though he’s getting the lion’s share of the carries in that offense. Miserable.

My opponent didn’t have a crazy day, but none of his guys slumped either. Tyler Lockett, of course, continued his hot start, and Gronk annoyingly got him 2 TDs. But, up and down, his guys just produced for him, and mine did not.

I didn’t bother making any roster moves this week, as there was no real need and no one available who interested me.

I do have an interesting possibility that I’ll have to monitor as the week goes on. Namely: will Andy Dalton return and start for the Bears? Or will Justin Fields get his first career start? I’m telling you right now, if Fields starts, I’m throwing him into my lineup immediately. I tentatively have him in there for Jameis – who is going up against the Patriots. I don’t trust Jameis against a quality defense, especially since his only weapon is a running back, and he’s never been a checkdown artist in his career. The Pats just got 4 picks off of a rookie, but Jameis is Jameis, and turnovers will likely continue to plague him against better competition. I obviously also have Mac Jones as an option, but the Saints’ defense is tough in its own right, and I’d like to see Jones actually throw more than a single TD pass in his professional career before I start using him in fantasy. Fields has higher upside, against a Cleveland defense that can be scored on. I’m not going to guarantee a high output out of him, but based on my limited options, he seems like the best of a bad situation.

Here’s what my lineup is looking like now, at press time:

  • Jimmy Garoppolo (QB) vs. GB
  • Justin Fields (QB) @ CLE
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) @ MIN
  • A.J. Brown (WR) vs. IND
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) vs. PHI
  • Clyde Edwards-Helaire (RB) vs. LAC
  • Noah Fant (TE) vs. NYJ
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. PHI
  • Justin Tucker (K) @ DET
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) vs. TB

I’m ride-or-die with my 3 WRs again, expecting ANYTIME NOW for Metcalf and Brown to bust out for big games. I’m giving CEH one more week, trying to practice patience with him in the early going. My instinct is to start Ty’Son Williams at Detroit (he at least got 11.3 points against the Chiefs last week, in split duties), but I’d REALLY like to see him establish himself as the unquestioned best RB on the Ravens before I dedicate my fantasy lineup to him. Prognosticators keep saying it’s only a matter of time before CEH busts out with a big game, given the percentage of snaps/carries he gets out of the running back room. I just know as soon as I bench him, he’ll go off, so I might just continue starting him out of spite and see what happens in a throwaway year.

This week, I’m going up against Korky Butchek, who is 1-1 and in 9th place in the league (I am currently in 6th, also with a 1-1 record). He has the lowest point total of everyone in the league at the moment (there’s an unlucky 0-2 team with 14 more points than Korky), so it appears we have a matchup of two rebuilding squads. Here is his projected lineup:

  • Joe Burrow (QB) @ PIT
  • Trevor Lawrence (QB) vs. ARI
  • DeAndre Hopkins (WR) @ JAX
  • D.J. Moore (WR) @ HOU
  • David Montgomery (RB) @ CLE
  • James Robinson (RB) vs. ARI
  • George Kittle (TE) vs. GB
  • DeVonta Smith (WR) @ DAL
  • Ryan Succop (K) @ LAR
  • Indianapolis (DEF) @ TEN

Burrow against the Steelers feels like a tragedy waiting to happen. But, Lawrence should help make up for that in a likely shootout against the Cards. Hopkins will have a HUGE day, and we’ll see about Moore (I think he’s always better than I give him credit for, but who enjoys having a receiver that’s catching balls from Sam Darnold?). Montgomery is just a solid all-around back (and they will likely lean on him heavily if Fields does, indeed, make his first start). Robinson is just not as good as he was last year, but could bust out against a mediocre Cards defense. Kittle is always a strong play, especially in a primetime game. And DeVonta Smith is going up against a bad Cowboys secondary, so watch out. Hard to like his defensive matchup though; we’ll see if Korky opts to stream this week.

I dunno, it’s hard to say what will happen, but I weirdly like my chances. I won’t go guaranteeing a victory or anything, but my team can’t stay in the fucking tank forever, can it? Who knows, maybe it can!

Splinter League Round-Up!

All right, that’s more like it! I had a big, almost-30 point deficit heading into Monday night, when Aaron Rodgers bounced back in a huge way to give me a comfortable 14-point victory. I ended up scoring the second-most points in the league this week, and overall I’m in much better shape going forward. I’m in 6th place, with a 1-1 record, but I’ve got a fairly decent matchup next week.

The real bummer, if I can talk about my third league for a bit: it’s a standard league where I have Aaron Jones. I was left for dead heading into Monday, but he busted out in a HUGE way. Unfortunately, I ended up losing by less than a point, mostly because my Miami kicker got me zero points. Brutal fucking loss.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2020: Tua Err Is Human

  • Pre-Season Week 1 HERE – Here We Fucking Go Again
  • Pre-Season Week 2 HERE – Corona-Draft Prep
  • Fantasy Draft HERE – Nobody Beats The Wiz!
  • Week 1 HERE – Crisis Averted!
  • Week 2 HERE – Everything That Could Go Wrong
  • Week 3 HERE – Some Nobody Did, In Fact, Beat The Wiz!
  • Week 4 HERE – Literally Everyone Beats The Fucking Wiz
  • Week 5 HERE – Signs Of Life!
  • Week 6 HERE – And Tua All A Good Night
  • Week 7 HERE – Tua Be Or Not Tua Be, That Is The Question
  • Week 8 HERE – Tua Thine Own Self Be True
  • Week 9 HERE – Tua The Window, Tua The Wall!!!
  • Week 10 HERE – Tua Infinity & Beyond!

Again, I just want to say: I don’t know how I’m doing this. I don’t know how I’m still winning games. I don’t know WHY these opponents of mine keep underperforming their projections. I DON’T KNOW! It boggles the mind. 162.75 to 131.29, Nobody Beats The Wiz over Colinoscopy Time.

I’m 6-5 on the year, currently sitting in fifth place in the standings. I have the third-fewest points scored and – more importantly – I have the second-fewest points scored against me.

It wasn’t a 200-point week for me, but it wasn’t awful either. Bad news on the Jameis Winston front: he never played. Instead I was played … for a sap! I mistakenly thought – since he subbed in for Drew Brees the previous week when Brees left the game injured – that Winston would slide right in there and run with the job. Instead, Taysom Hill got the nod, and I was less than ten minutes too late in picking him up after I noticed the announcement. You hate to see it.

But, I was able to slot Kirk Cousins back into my starting lineup and he got me a whopping 32.1 points! A helluva lot better than Carson Wentz’s 16.75 for my bench. Tua, on the other hand, had a really tough day, scoring only 10.15. He was benched by Miami’s coach late in the game, BUT he’s already been reinstated as the starter this week against the Jets. If he doesn’t tear shit up in this one, I’ll officially be worried about his long-term prospects; the Jets are literally THE worst.

I also ended up benching Jerry Jeudy in favor of Dolphins receiver DeVante Parker (who was a free agent, and one of my original draft picks lo those many weeks ago). Jeudy stunk (6.7), but Parker played great (18.1)! A.J. Brown (16.2) had a solid game thanks to a late TD, Ezekiel Elliott (19.4) showed why he’s so great, CEH (20.7) had a rare multi-TD game, and new tight end Dallas Goedert made me proud with 18.7!

As for Colinoscopy Time, he had five guys score less than 7 points apiece; that’s not going to get it done, even with Deshaun Watson leading the way with 38.8.

My only move this week (at press time) was to drop Jameis Winston, because I had to clear room for one of my 49ers receivers to come off IR. I don’t know yet what my other move is going to be (since I have two 49ers receivers on IR, and both could possibly return to action this week), but since I refuse to post this thing on a holiday (and since I refuse to post this thing on Friday, after a whopping three Thanksgiving games have been played), you get to live in a little suspense for a week. Here’s my potential lineup:

  • Tua Tagovailoa (QB) @ NYJ
  • Carson Wentz (QB) vs. SEA
  • A.J. Brown (WR) @ IND
  • DeVante Parker (WR) @ NYJ
  • Josh Jacobs (RB) @ ATL
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) vs. WAS
  • Dallas Goedert (TE) vs. SEA
  • Deebo Samuel (WR) @ LAR
  • Harrison Butker (K) @ TB
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) vs. SF

Again, the choice comes down to Wentz vs. Cousins. Cousins is going up against Carolina, who would probably be the safer play. HOWEVER, it’s my understanding that the Panthers have a pretty awful rush defense (giving up the 6th most fantasy points to running backs), and the Vikings have the world’s greatest running back in Dalvin Cook (who I have in my other league, and is 100% my MVP). So, I kind of anticipate the Vikings giving all of their fantasy love to Cook. This will also be a good week to see if the Seahawks’ defense has indeed turned a corner, or if the last game against the Cardinals was a fluke.

CEH is a no-go because the Chiefs are playing the Bucs, and their rush defense is amazing. Since the Chiefs rarely run the ball as it is, that makes CEH too touchdown-dependant for my tastes. Deebo Samuel isn’t ideal – since he hasn’t played since October 25th due to injury – but I think the 49ers will need to throw the ball a lot, so he could be a target machine in that offense.

I actually like my Miami and Philly players in this one; I think Goedert could have a great game against the Seahawks. I also think my running backs could be poised to carry me a little bit, as I worry about A.J. Brown against that Indy defense. Finally, this could be the game where my kicker busts out (since Tampa’s defense should HOPEFULLY force the Chiefs into attempting a few field goals, instead of ONLY touchdowns every single scoring drive). And, I’m pretty high on the Rams’ defense against the 49ers (especially at home, where the Rams are often much better than on the road, even in these fanless COVID times).

Since I don’t totally hate my matchups, WATCH ME SHIT THE BED! I’m going up against Korky Butchek, who really fucking destroyed me in Week 3. He just lost his franchise quarterback in Joe Burrow, so he’s reeling a little bit, but as you’ll see there’s plenty of talent left over:

  • Jared Goff (QB) vs. SF
  • Drew Lock (QB) vs. NO
  • Diontae Johnson (WR) vs. BAL
  • D.J. Moore (WR) @ MIN
  • James Robinson (RB) vs. CLE
  • Raheem Mostert (RB) @ LAR
  • Jonnu Smith (TE) @ IND
  • DeAndre Hopkins (WR) @ NE
  • Matt Prater (K) vs. HOU
  • Tampa Bay (DEF) vs. KC

I’m just assuming he’ll insert Mostert over Zack Moss (who he currently has in his lineup), because Mostert is 150 times better (plus he’s someone I’m counting on in my other league, so of course he’ll come back to bite me in the ass here). I’m also half-expecting Korky to find an alternate defense, because I can’t imagine why anyone in his right mind would start a defense going up against the Chiefs.

I don’t totally love any of his matchups, really. Lock against the Saints looks like a nightmare. Goff is always a 3-INT game waiting to happen. Baltimore’s secondary is pretty solid. Cleveland’s defense is pretty stout up front. And if Stephon Gilmore follows Hopkins all over the field, that could be a long day for someone who is always a fantasy stud. D.J. Moore against the Vikings is probably his best matchup, but the Panthers have two other really good receivers they love to throw to, and you never know who’s going to be left in the lurch on that team on any given Sunday.

That being said, I can envision a scenario where any or all of those guys have great games (okay, probably not Lock). Don’t think I’m not supremely irritated he’s got Jonnu Smith and I’ve got A.J. Brown; I can’t see more than one of those guys having a good game against the Colts (my money’s on Smith).

Korky and I are two of the worst teams in the league (he’s one of only two teams that have scored fewer points than me this season. The difference between my 6-5 record and his 4-7 is … quite honestly bad luck! He actually has the FEWEST points scored against him, which is kinda mindblowing. It wouldn’t shock me to see the both of us duking it out in the Consolation Bracket for a #1 overall seed next year. If he beats me this week, that’ll open the door for the surging Sausage Shaped Pest to claim my spot in the 6-team playoffs. Sausage Shaped Pest is 5-6, but has almost 50 more points than me; if he beats Space Forcin’ and I lose, we’ll be tied in record, with one week to go in the regular season.

Who should I happen to play next week? Sausage Shaped Pest, of course! So, even if he stays within a game of me (meaning we both win, or we both lose), it’ll all come down to next week’s outcome. I would need to win and him to lose this week for me to clinch one of the final playoff spots. Pray for me! Pray for Nobody Beats The Wiz!

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2020: Everything That Could Go Wrong

What an unbelievable clusterfuck. I mean, there’s really nothing to say at this point, other than Nobody Beats The Wiz scored the fewest amount of points in the league. My quarterbacks were fucking trash, and my last-minute wide receiver replacement – Parris Campbell of the Colts – got injured the first time he touched the football and is now out indefinitely. He really looked like he was going to be an awesome play against an inept Vikings defense (the other receivers on that team ended up having great days, to further twist the knife into my heart), but it doesn’t even matter because if I’d stayed with my original second wide receiver choice Darius Slayton, he only ended up with 6.3 points, which wouldn’t have been enough to put me over the top, as the final score was 136.20 to 123.45.

The loss drops me to 1-1; there are eight teams in our league with the same record (one team is 2-0, and one team is 0-2). Thanks to my low number of total points, that means I’m in 8th place out of 10 teams. So, obviously, not great.

I suppose it could’ve been worse, given all the crazy injuries that took place over the weekend. Saquon Barkley – a keeper in our league, but a top 5 draft pick most everywhere else – is out for the year. Christian McCaffrey – another top 5 guy – is out for a few weeks. God help you if you’re reliant upon the 49ers, as most of their team is hurt! The Broncos lost their quarterback and top receiver, the Chargers’ quarterback is week-to-week, even the Seahawks’ run-down defense is feeling the loss in significant ways.

This is a week to just forget about and move on as quickly as possible. I have nothing positive to say, other than my opponent left Cam Newton’s 38 points on his bench, otherwise I would’ve lost by a significantly wider margin!

I have something of a dilemma on my hands this week. Not with my running backs, who are all great; between those two spots and my FLEX, I’m happy starting all of them every single week. While my receivers are far from ideal, I’m pretty much resigned to playing whoever’s got the best matchup (with ODB getting the lion’s share of the starts until he proves too mediocre to play on a regular basis). But, once again, I’m getting abysmal quarterback play, which is the worst-case scenario for a 2-QB league where points are skewed in their favor.

You strive in fantasy football to take all decision-making out of it, by acquiring players who are Must Starts every week they’re active. The more you introduce decision-making into it, the more you open yourself up to mistakes. You can have all the stats in front of you, making your decision based on the soundest of logic, taking emotion completely out of the equation, and it can still bite you in the ass. I frequently tout Daniel Jones and his four 40-point games last season as the primary reason why I decided to make him one of my keepers, but how many of those games did I have him in my starting lineup last year? I want to say once. One time I was able to take advantage. Every other time, I was scared of the matchup, or not ready to believe in his abilities.

Well, here I am, two weeks into 2020, and I’m scared of EVERY matchup, and I don’t believe in ANY of my quarterbacks! Carson Wentz was supposed to be my safe play, the guy who gets me a steady 20-something points every week. He won’t go off for 40+ very often, but he’s not supposed to be wretched either! Yet, I’m looking at 15-point and 10-point games in back to back weeks; that’s unacceptable. But, it’s not like Daniel Jones is much better. My best quarterback through two weeks is Mitch Trubisky (who I picked up as a free agent last week); he’s a guy NO ONE believes in, yet here we are.

My dilemma is, I allegedly have three good matchups this week. Daniel Jones is hosting a depleted 49ers defense; with all the injuries on that side of the ball – combined with Barkley’s injury for the Giants – I could see Jones throwing the ball with great success. Carson Wentz is projected to score me the most fantasy points this week, as his Eagles host the Bengals. But, Mitch Trubisky might have the juiciest matchup of all, playing in Atlanta against a Falcons defense that’s given up the most points to opposing quarterbacks in all of football. So, who do I sit?

To me, Trubisky is a Must Start this week. Atlanta has proven they can’t stop anyone this season, and Trubisky has shown he’s at least semi-competent. The Bengals allegedly have a terrible secondary, but from what I’ve seen, it’s their run defense that’s truly awful; I could see the Eagles getting an early lead and leaning on their running game the rest of the way in a comfortable, lowish-scoring blowout. With Jones now being The Guy on that Giants offense – combined with the fact that the Giants’ defense is one of the worst, so they’re always going to need to score lots of points to stay in games – I can’t bring myself to sit him. The potential is too great, whereas Wentz doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing this year.

So, with that being said, watch out for a HUGE day by Wentz this week! I’m sitting him, so of course he’s going to put up 40+ points! I fucking hate fantasy football.

All right, with my crybaby tantrum out of the way, let’s take a look at my roster moves for this week. I put in a waiver claim for Dallas rookie wide receiver CeeDee Lamb (dropping the injured Campbell, naturally). As a guy who currently owns way too many compact discs (and whose collection once numbered into the four-digits), that’s a name after my own heart. But, more than that, he looks like the real deal. The Cowboys obviously like him a lot, and it appears he’s taken over the #2 receiver job on that team ahead of Michael Gallup (who many thought would have a breakout year, but hasn’t done much of anything so far). Lamb is immediately going into my lineup as the Cowboys face off against the Seahawks, who have given up a TON of yards and touchdowns to receivers this year (in fact, according to Yahoo!, the Seahawks have given up the most points to fantasy receivers this year). He is, once again, taking the spot of Darius Slayton (who I really like, as again, he’s going up against that depleted 49ers secondary), but it’s a numbers game at this point (also, watch out for Odell Beckham Jr. to have far and away the worst day of the three receivers on my roster this week; just a hunch).

I also went ahead and picked back up the Indianapolis Colts’ defense. They bounced back in a big way against the Vikings last week (scoring 29 points for no one), showing that they’re not horrible like I’d once feared. While Washington has a pretty solid matchup against the Browns this week, Indy is going up against the Jets, who might have the worst offense in all of football. So, this will hopefully be a significant boost to my team this week (and ideally, for weeks to come). I still have Washington’s defense, though, as I plan to mix-and-match for a while; I ended up dropping running back Malcolm Brown, who is, indeed, in a 3-headed hydra at that position for the Rams (and who looked pretty mediocre last week). At this point, I can’t afford to hang onto two backup running backs for the same team, when I’ve already got three quality starters for other teams going every week.

I HOPE … that will be the end of my tinkering. Here is my lineup:

  • Jones (QB) vs. SF
  • Trubisky (QB) @ ATL
  • Beckham (WR) vs. WAS
  • Lamb (WR) @ SEA
  • Elliott (RB) @ SEA
  • Jacobs (RB) @ NE
  • Fant (TE) vs. TB
  • Edwards-Helaire @ BAL
  • Butker (K) @ BAL
  • Indianapolis (DEF) vs. NYJ

A.J. Brown, receiver for the Titans, looks like he’s going to miss a second consecutive week, which is a shame, because they’re going up against an inept secondary in the Vikings. Corey Davis might be a decent pickup for someone who is streaming receivers, but obviously you want Jonnu Smith, the Titans’ tight end (he should have a monster day; if you haven’t picked him up in your league, now is the time, because he’s elite). I’ve pretty much talked about the rest of my bench and why they’re not playing this week, other than Cam Akers, who has a rib injury and is also still playing behind the other two running backs on that Rams team. He’s still my little stash, though! I’m hoping for a late-season run of good fortune out of him!

This week, Nobody Beats The Wiz is facing off against Korky Butchek. On paper, his team doesn’t seem that strong, but I’m really one to talk. So, without further ado, here is his projected lineup:

  • Jared Goff (QB) @ BUF
  • Joe Burrow (QB) @ PHI
  • DeAndre Hopkins (WR) vs. DET
  • JuJu Smith-Schuster (WR) vs. HOU
  • David Montgomery (RB) @ ATL
  • James Robinson (RB) vs. MIA
  • Jonnu Smith (TE) @ MIN
  • D.J. Moore (WR) @ LAC
  • Matt Prater (K) @ ARI
  • Kansas City (DEF) @ BAL

He also has Hayden Hurst as his other tight end, but Jonnu was one of Korky Butchek’s waiver claims this week, and I have to believe that’s who he’ll be going with. Otherwise, his team is pretty banged up. Raheem Mostert went down last week; he’s out. Drew Lock went down last week; he’s out. LeVeon Bell went down in week 1; he’s on IR. As for his starters, his quarterbacks are playing some tough defenses on the road. His receivers should all clean house, and his running backs should be fine. If I were him, I’d worry about that Kansas City defense going up against Baltimore; let’s just say I’m glad I picked up Indianapolis this morning, because I’d hate to have to go up against someone with them in their lineup!

I’m a soft favorite so far, but there’s still time for him to pick up another defense to even that out. I’m sure my tinkering (with quarterbacks) and lack of tinkering (with ODB) will kill me, and you’ll be talking to someone who’s 1-2 and spiraling out of control this time next week.

The Seahawks’ Season Might Be On The Line In Carolina

It’s interesting, because last weekend through arguably yesterday, everything the Seahawks needed to have happen has gone according to the script you’d want to see.  I mean, let’s go through the list:

  1. Seahawks beat Packers on Thursday
  2. Dallas beat Atlanta to knock them down a peg
  3. Detroit beat Carolina
  4. Houston beat Washington
  5. New Orleans beat Philly
  6. Chicago beat Minnesota
  7. Chicago beat Detroit
  8. New Orleans beat Atlanta to knock them down another peg

The only thing you could argue isn’t so great is Dallas beating Washington yesterday, but that could really go either way.  At this point, the Cowboys are leading the NFC East, which means our victory over them doesn’t do a whole lot for our wild card situation.  My thinking is the Redskins without Alex Smith are toast, so ideally we’d keep pace with Dallas, and someone like Philly would surpass them for the division.  But, who knows?  Maybe Dallas is just really good now, and with their schedule being relatively easy the rest of the way (3 of 5 at home, including the Saints, Eagles, and Bucs; with their road games being at Indy & the Giants), maybe they go 3-2 or 4-1 and finish with a better record than us anyway.

That’s not really the point here, which is that our season really hinges on this game against the Panthers on Sunday.  If we win, we improve to 6-5, pass them with a tie-breaker, and if the Packers beat the Vikings, we’d soar past both of those teams as well.  Then, it’s only a matter of the Redskins continuing to spiral before we worm our way into the wild card spot.

If we lose, then we drop to 5-6, Carolina improves to 7-4, and they hold the tie-breaker over us.  Depending on what Philly does, we could possibly fall to 10th in the NFC.  Not good.

Now, obviously, our schedule eases up quite a bit the rest of the way.  4 of our last 5 at home, with three games against the 49ers and Cardinals.  We’d also host the Vikings to try to get past them, and I dunno, maybe we win a miracle game over the Chiefs to get to 10 wins the hard way.  Or, failing that, we’re mired at 9-7 and need some help.

I don’t want to get too into the whole scenario with all the viable teams, but suffice it to say, the Seahawks could make it A LOT easier on themselves if they just win on Sunday and go forward with the confidence that only winning a game in Carolina can give you.

But … when have the Seahawks EVER made things easy on themselves?

I’ve been poo-pooing the Seahawks’ chances a lot lately, to the point where now it feels like I’m trying to reverse-jinx them with every blog post.  It’s just that this team is so hard to read!  One week, they look really strong, then I get my hopes up and they lay an egg.

If I just go by my gut on this one, Carolina FEELS like the better team.  They’re at home, which is always a plus, and I think if any team could sneak up on us and stop our rushing attack, it would be the team led by one of the best middle linebackers in football in Luke Kuechly.  I also think that their offense – with Norv Turner at the helm – is really dynamic and poses a lot of challenges.

The Seahawks don’t stop the run very well.  Carolina has one of the best rushing quarterbacks in the game.  They’ve also got a gadget running back in Christian McCaffrey who does it all.  He could make things miserable for the linebackers who try to cover him, just as he could dominate through the gaping holes our D-Line gives up on the reg.

Carolina also has a lot of dynamic pieces in the passing game.  Greg Olsen, again, is a guy who can expose even our athletic linebackers.  D.J. Moore is an up-and-comer.  Devin Funchess has a terrific catch radius.  They’re a team that loves play-action and we’re a team that falls for it more than it’s supposed to.  We’re susceptible to the big play and Carolina thrives on it!

I think a lot of Seahawks fans are expecting one of those traditional Seattle/Carolina slugfests with a score like 12-10 or something.  I fear this could venture into the shootout territory, and if we’re not careful with the football, possibly even a blowout.

For the Seahawks to win, they’re going to have to do all the things they usually do in Seahawks wins.  Limit turnovers, get after the quarterback, be good on 3rd down while limiting the other team’s.  Pretty standard fare.  I don’t think we’ll stop them from moving the ball, and if I had to guess, I’d say this will look a lot closer to a Seahawks/Rams game than, I dunno, a Seahawks/Cardinals game.  High scoring, back-and-forth, with the team holding the ball last winning the game (or, at least, having a chance to win it).

My guess its it’s Carolina 31, Seahawks 24.  I think there are better days ahead, but I’m finding it really hard to see the Seahawks finishing this one.