Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2019: Consolation Bracket Bound

That’s it. The regular season is over. I finished 6-7, a game outside of the playoffs. The top two seeds get a first round BYE, 3 vs. 6 and 4 vs. 5 play one another this week, but that doesn’t affect me, so whatever.

I won a meaningless game last week against the last place team, 172.20 to 96.50; it was just the third time out of 13 weeks where I exceeded my projected points. I finished with the 7th most points scored. There’s another 6-7 team ahead of me in total points who got knocked out of the playoffs on a heartbreaker, losing by less than 2 points this past week. He has the third-most points scored in the entire league and is on the outside looking in, which is just a kick to the crotch (though he did start Julio Jones on Thanksgiving, who ended up not playing).

I did end up with the second-most points scored against me (only the last place team had a higher total against him, but he also scored by far the least amount of points in the league, so his 2-11 record was well-earned), but as I’ve said countless times, I can’t blame the fantasy gods for this one. My team underachieved, plain and simple, and when they didn’t underachieve, I made a series of terrible decisions to eliminate myself from the playoffs.

***

I’m on BYE this week as the Consolation Bracket has to wait until Week 15 to get going. It’s unfortunate, because most of my matchups are truly magnificent. Brady vs. Kansas City, Wentz vs. the Giants, Kupp vs. Seattle, Le’Veon Bell vs. Miami; those guys alone should’ve propelled me to the next round of the playoffs. Instead, I get to watch those guys rack up a ton of points for my bench.

No roster moves this week. I picked up the backup running backs for Dallas and Minnesota last week, mostly to be a dick I guess? I mean, if the guy who has Dalvin Cook couldn’t be bothered to handcuff him, that’s not really my problem (my longterm goal is for the Vikings to trade Cook in the offseason and commit to his backup going forward, before it’s time for us to declare our keepers).

***

One of the last remaining decisions to make is who my keepers will be. I’m pretty committed to keeping Daniel Jones, considering all it took to get him and keep him on my roster this year. Here’s to hoping for that Year 2 bump.

I’m also pretty dialed in on keeping Ezekiel Elliott. He’s got his big payday, he’s still in the prime of his career, so he’ll be one of my starting RBs for a good while yet.

I’m also very committed to Josh Jacobs with the Raiders. He’s had a great rookie campaign and figures to really bust out next year, assuming he stays healthy and all that good stuff. He’s over 1,000 yards and has 7 TDs through 12 games; I’d say that’s keeper-worthy.

The fourth one is probably my most vital decision. Right now, I’m leaning towards Carson Wentz. He’s shown he’s pretty capable when his receivers are healthy; the main problem is his receivers have NOT been healthy. Like, at all this year. I also don’t want to put too much stock into one mediocre season. The last time I did that was Dak Prescott’s second year (where he took a step back after a fine rookie campaign). He ended up turning things around in Year 3 and has been a legitimate MVP candidate in Year 4 this season. Assuming Wentz makes it through this last month healthy, there’s no reason to NOT expect a bounce-back year in 2020.

My next-best option is Le’Veon Bell. He’s been a target-monster this year in a terrible offense with a terrible offensive line. I’ll be looking at him very closely, to see where he ends up next year, and how good his situation appears. If he stays with the Jets, they better beef up their O-Line something fierce.

Beyond Wentz or Bell, it’s a lot of fliers. I have Tom Brady, but he seems like he’s finished. Even if he plays in 2020, he’s already a shell of his former self, so I can’t imagine how mediocre he’ll be at age 43. He can’t throw the ball down field at all, and if they don’t put elite receivers around him, no one can get open with enough space to do anything after the catch. If they get whoever’s the equivalent of Randy Moss in 2020, maybe I’ll consider him.

Another guy I’ll be watching closely this month is Derrius Guice. He’s shown flashes of his original potential, but obviously injuries have killed his first two years. Nevertheless, if he can make it through this next month injury-free, and goes the whole offseason in good health, I could easily see myself keeping him over some of these other guys (especially if he’s declared to be far-and-away the #1 starter on their team).

My aforementioned fliers include rookies Terry McLaurin and Darius Slayton. They’re nice fallback options – along with Cooper Kupp – if things go horribly, horribly wrong with the rest of my keepers. But, at this point, I’ll be following them with an eye towards drafting them next year. I think both could be future Pro Bowlers, and fantasy dynamos.

(also, not for nothing, but if we turn this into a Dynasty League in the offseason, I feel I’m well prepared with the youth on my roster).

Finally, the afore(not)mentioned Alexander Mattison is a lottery ticket, in case Dalvin Cook gets traded or injured in pre-season. On that team, he’d be a no-brainer as a keeper if he was the Vikings’ #1 back.

We get until a week before next year’s draft to declare our keepers, so I’ll have the entire offseason to mull it over and obsess over every little thing I read. Should be a good time and not at all unhealthy!

***

I won’t be running this post next week, so I should probably explain our league’s Consolation Bracket, for those unaware.

In an attempt to keep the entire league engaged and trying to the end of the season, we set up the Consolation Bracket to determine the next year’s draft order for the top 4 picks. Winner of the Consolation Bracket gets the #1 pick, which is huge considering every team keeps 4 players. It’s been made even bigger this year when we switched from a Snake Draft to a Straight Draft, so the winner of the Consolation Bracket not only gets the #1 overall pick (after keepers), but the #1 pick in every round of our draft.

This year, the top three draft slots from the previous year all jumped into the playoffs (including the guy who drafted first overall; he ended up with the 2-seed and a first round BYE). Of course, the guy who drafted fourth overall ended up in last place; whereas the guy who drafted ninth in every round ended up with the 1-seed, so it’s clearly a crapshoot.

***

When it’s time for me to play again in Week 15, I’ll be going up against Korky Butchek. I beat him in Week 1, but lost to him in Week 10.

I’ll be riding or dying with my usual lineup. Brady @ CIN, Wentz @ WAS, Kupp @ DAL, Bell @ BAL, Elliott vs. LAR, Waller & Jacobs vs. JAX, Tucker vs. NYJ, Buffalo D @ PIT. My one change (assuming everything stays the same; i.e. Hilton is out & Haskins is still the QB of Washington, rendering McLaurin unstartable) is putting in Darius Slayton vs. MIA. He’s less valuable when the rest of the Giants’ starters are playing, but he’s still got big play ability and Miami’s defense is pretty terrible. We’ll see; a lot can happen in two weeks.

Like Danny Dimes coming down with an ankle injury and Eli Manning getting a start. If that keeps up, I’ll have to go away from Slayton, for what should be obvious reasons.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2019: Trade Deadline Follies

Make that Space Pirates has underperformed 8 out of 10 weeks!

My team turned out much differently compared to what I wrote about in my Week 10 preview post. Inspiration struck after I hit “Publish”. I’ve had conversations off and on with the last place team in our league, as I have a serious need to improve my quarterback position and he has a serious need to get better keepers. He was rightly reluctant to part with San Francisco’s Jimmy G, so there was nothing doing there. But, his other guy was Tom Brady, who he’s had for years and years, and has won multiple league titles with. In spite of Brady’s disasterous fantasy performances in recent Decembers, I still see him as a step up from Nick Foles, or the inconsistent Danny Dimes (he gets his nickname back after another 40-point fantasy week).

It took me trading Tyreek Hill to get Brady, which in turn forced him to give up Robert Woods (which he was happy to do, as Woods has been pretty mediocre this season after a solid 2018) because I needed to play a second WR this week, which in turn forced me to give up on Nick Foles (which I was happy to do because he’s Nick Foles) because he needed to roster a third quarterback for emergency purposes.

That left my team weaker for Week 10 than it already was, if that’s even possible. But, I THOUGHT I turned my fortunes around for the better by making a last-minute trade on Friday night.

See, the guy who grabbed Brian Hoyer off of waivers last week found out on Friday that Mahomes was a go. That eliminated the need for him to roster Hoyer. He offered him to me in trade – as I was needy for improvement for Week 10, and had complained about my bad fortune to him earlier – and I told him I couldn’t offer much (it is Hoyer after all, and he was to be a one-week rental), but I could send over Ryan Finley as a possible lottery ticket. He accepted, and I had my Hoyer for the week.

Turns out, I would’ve been better off playing Finley. I nearly would’ve been better off playing Taysom Hill, with his 1 catch for 17 yards!

To further complicate matters, I realized that with the move to bring in Brady, and give up on a supreme talent like Hill, I’m in full-blown Win Now Mode. So, why am I hanging onto Gardner Minshew? Particularly when the Jags aren’t close to annointing him as the starter. So, I beefed up my depth by picking Derrius Guice back up, as he’s set to return pretty soon.

This past weekend was the official trade deadline for our league, so that’s it for the excitement. You’ll be happy (or possibly dismayed) to know that I was involved in every single trade in this league, and that there were officially just the two trades for the entire season. Of course, I highly doubt anyone else obsesses over these things like I do, as most everyone else in the universe has more of a life than me.

***

It was a rough Week 10 for Space Pirates. As I noted up top, my team yet-again underperformed expectations. Part of that had to do with my cold feet when it came to Le’Veon Bell. That Adam Thielen fiasco the week prior really got in my head, as I couldn’t stand the thought of me starting someone who might have to come out of his game without getting me anything. So, in his stead I put in Jaylen Samuels who got me a whopping 7 points, nearly 10 points less than Bell who finally found the endzone for my bench.

Cooper Kupp got me 0. The aforementioned Hoyer only got 4.20 (which was FAR from the nice number it appears to be). Justin Tucker was relegated to 7 extra points and 0 field goals. Darren Waller also only had 7 points. Zeke Elliott had 8.30. Danny Dimes was the only guy keeping me afloat – with his 41.40 points – but unfortunately he doesn’t get to face the Jets’ defense every week. I lost 149.35-121.50. When Robert Woods is your third-highest scorer of the week, you know you’re probably in for a bad time.

The loss drops me to 5-5 on the year, stopping my winning streak at three games. There are also just three more games left to go in the regular season. I’ve fallen to 7th place, just outside of the playoffs if the season ended today. I’m down to the 7th most points scored, but still with the second-most points against.

***

I dropped Hoyer on Tuesday to open up a place on my bench, as neither Hilton nor Green are eligible for the IR spot just yet. With those guys injured – and thus only two healthy wide receivers on my roster at the moment (Kupp & Woods of the Rams) – I had to make a move to at least shore up some depth. So, I put in two waiver claims, and got my top priority: Darius Slayton of the New York Giants. He’s a rookie fifth rounder who has come on of late, with 4 touchdowns and over 55 points in the last three weeks. Of course, sandwiched in there was a game where caught 1 ball for 6 yards, but rookies aren’t perfect. I feel like he’ll go where Danny Dimes goes, especially if the other targets in that offense continue to get banged up.

I also put in a request to pick Scary Terry back up, but it wasn’t meant to be as someone else nabbed him. I had to downgrade him by the simple fact that Dwayne Haskins was named the starter for the rest of the season, and he just seems like too much of a bust to depend on. McLaurin will have better days ahead, but he’s going to need a better quarterback throwing to him if he wants to be on my roster.

***

I’m stuck playing Sloane N Steady this week, the first place team in the league. Granted, he’s on a 3-game losing streak, but he’s still a shitload better than me and that losing streak will almost certainly end now. Space Pirates need to bring their A-game, and based on what I’ve seen from my guys, I don’t think they have it in ’em.

He has Aaron Rodgers on BYE, but other than that everyone’s a full go. Plus, he has Philip Rivers as a plug n’ play going up against the Chiefs on Monday Night, so it’s pretty much like he’s at full strength anyway. Derek Carr is his other QB, who has a juicy matchup against the Bengals this week.

Then, he’s got Amari Cooper, Dalvin Cook, Nick Chubb, New England’s defense, and countless other guys who always kick my fucking ass. Assuming I lose this one, next week I have to go up against last year’s league champion, before finally facing the last place team the week before the playoffs start. It’s looking AWFULLY grim.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2019: We’re Back!

If you want to read back through my 2018 season, click HERE. Follow the links at the top to go back all the way.

This weekly blog post was such a rousing success (and by “success” I mean literally zero people read it) that I absolutely had to run it back. How will it differ? Well, I’m throwing this up on the fly, so we’ll see!

I was in the middle of my great 5-week, cross-country road trip when we drafted on Friday, August 30th, so I was in a motel in Boise when the shit went down. There weren’t too many significant rule changes in our offseason fantasy football meeting, but a major one was an increase from 3 to 4 keepers. As you can see from the link above, I had a pretty good pile of players to choose from. Without belaboring things, here are the four I went with:

  • QB – Carson Wentz
  • RB – Ezekiel Elliott
  • RB – Le’Veon Bell
  • WR – Tyreek Hill

The final spot came down to Hill or Adam Thielen; when it looked like Hill might miss some games to a suspension, I was rolling with Thielen (when Hill was let off the hook, I obviously changed my mind). The fact of the matter is, Hill has the much higher upside. Of course, this was before he got injured in Week 1, causing him to miss a few weeks of the season, so that’s kind of a bummer. Fortunately, it’s only a clavicle injury, so he should be back and ready to rip once the bone heals.

Due to my fourth place finish in the playoffs last year, I ended up drafting 8th overall. It’s a straight draft – as opposed to a snake draft – which means I was picking 8th in every round. With everyone going with four keepers, that’s 40 players off the board before we do anything, so it should be pretty clear the best of the best were gone by the time I selected. My plan going in was to grab Kyler Murray, but he went second overall (after Thielen was taken first), so I had to pivot earlier than I expected. I’ll give you the total rundown, then explain my rationale afterward:

  1. QB – Ben Roethlisberger
  2. RB – Josh Jacobs
  3. WR – T.Y. Hilton
  4. WR – Cooper Kupp
  5. RB – Derrius Guice
  6. WR – Christian Kirk
  7. TE – Vance McDonald
  8. RB – Tony Pollard
  9. K – Justin Tucker
  10. QB – Daniel Jones
  11. DEF – Buffalo

So, if you know anything about our league, you know quarterbacks are vital. It’s a 2-QB league, with TDs worth 6 points (and INT’s worth -4 points), so if you’re not picking quarterbacks high (or keeping them from last year), then you’re not doing it right. I’d already missed out on Lamar Jackson, and lucked out that someone took Jameis Winston, so it came down to Roethlisberger or Rivers for me (though, I may regret letting Dak fall to a rival in the next round).

I had been eyeballing Jacobs for quite some time, and felt fortunate he was still there the next time I picked. There was no debate whatsoever, as plenty of those second-tier RBs were flying off the board. Jacobs should be good right out of the gate, plus he could be a possible keeper in the years to come, should one of my other guys age out.

It got dicey with my third pick, because I’d been salivating over Kenny Golladay all offseason, after it had been announced he was going to be their #1 receiver. The Lions aren’t great, but they like to throw the ball a lot, and Golladay has been looking like a breakout candidate for some time now. He went one pick ahead of me, which left me scrambling. I needed someone to pair with Tyreek Hill, and I had too many running backs already to start filling up my bench with more. In a panic, it came down to Hilton, Tyler Lockett, and Tyler Boyd. I REALLY didn’t want any of these guys, for a variety of reasons. In general, I don’t like having Seahawks on my fantasy roster as a rule; I especially don’t like having Wilson or any receivers, because they can be wildly inconsistent from a fantasy perspective. Boyd is someone I had last year, who was very underwhelming when A.J. Green was out of the lineup and he was thrust into the #1 receiver role (which he would be in the first month or so of the season, with Green’s foot/ankle injury). Hilton is another inconsistent receiver who can be really awesome or get you less than 10 points, with seemingly little in-between. But, the fact of the matter is, I wanted a true #1 receiver to pair with Hill, and even with Luck retired I still like that Indy team. Jacoby Brissett isn’t totally inept, so I rolled the dice with Hilton.

The funny thing is, by the time it got around to my next pick, both Lockett and Boyd were still available! They went with the subsequent two picks after mine. I went with Kupp because I’d heard all the great things about his pre-season and his improved health, plus I just REALLY wanted a piece of that Rams offense, and he was the last viable candidate left on the board. In an ideal world, I’d have Robert Woods back, but he was snagged a few picks before I took Hilton. Kupp isn’t a world-beater, but he’s always good for a chunk of targets, and you never know if/when he’ll have a breakout game/season.

With my next pick, I thought I had something special. I thought I had a potential League Winner. Guice was Washington’s main dude in the draft in 2018 before he got injured and lost his rookie season. With him back in the fold, it felt like only a matter of time before he took over sole possession of the RB1 role on that team. Even if I had to hold onto him for a few weeks before he ascended, it would’ve been worth it.

I took Kirk next because Will Fuller V went a few picks earlier, and I really wanted a piece of that Arizona offense. I took McDonald because there weren’t many good tight ends left, and with AB gone in Pittsburgh, it seemed only natural that he’d see an uptick in targets. I took Pollard as an Elliott handcuff, as he still wasn’t extended by the time we drafted. I took Tucker because kickers are weirdly important in fantasy (even though they should be totally outlawed, and I’ll never stop fighting for this cause, because the variation is too random from week to week) and I wanted a guy I didn’t have to worry about. I took Daniel Jones because I still hadn’t drafted a backup QB. Roethlisberger’s BYE isn’t until week 7, and my hope was that he’d take over the starting job by then (and, if he pans out, he could be a possible keeper candidate for 2020). I took Buffalo because they were on the board, and I’d heard some good things (if nothing else, they were playing the Jets in Week 1, so that felt like a safe way to grab some cheap points).

Before Week 1 started, once everyone on waivers reverted back to free agents, I grabbed A.J. Green and stashed him in my IR slot. If he comes back in October, that could be a real boon. I wouldn’t expect him to play the rest of the season upon his return, but if he can get me a few big weeks, that should be something.

My team’s name is Space Pirates! There’s another team in the league referencing the good ol’ Space Force, so I’m going the other direction with it. We like to have fun.

Anyway, in Week 1, Space Pirates! squared off against Korky Butchek (the third place finisher in the playoffs last year). He’s the guy who knocked me from the 7th overall draft pick to the 8th; he’s also the guy who took Golladay from me. So, the revenge factor was pretty high on my part.

I got absolutely great games out of Wentz, Hilton (of all people), Bell, and Jacobs (all ranging from 23-34 points each). Buffalo got me a solid 17 points, Tucker got me 11, and everyone else did just enough (Roethlisberger, of course, stunk up the joint, and Hill’s injury knocked him out pretty early which also hurt ME). Korky Butchek had great games from DeAndre Hopkins and Evan Engram, but it wasn’t nearly enough. I took care of business to the tune of a 172.25-152.70 victory. That was good for just the fourth-highest total of the first week, putting me in fourth place.

I didn’t put in any waiver claims with my #3 waiver priority, so I held off until the wee hours of Wednesday morning before making my pickups. As a result, I now have the #1 waiver priority, which I fully intend to hoard until someone amazing comes along.

First thing’s first, I grabbed T.J. Hockenson from the Lions. He had a tremendous first week, and with people comparing him to Gronk, that felt like a no-brainer (I dropped Tony Pollard, because with so few bench spots, keeping handcuffs is a luxury few can afford). I also got Darren Waller, as with AB gone from the Raiders, he’s set to see a huge number of targets in the passing game (I dropped McDonald, because I just don’t trust Roethlisberger or the Steelers to ever make their TE a focal point in the passing game). Finally, with Guice set to hit the actual IR for the next 8 weeks, I set him loose, picking up a proper backup QB in Gardner Minshew. Consider me a believer in the moustache! Again, if he pans out (and he was terrific in replacing an injured Nick Foles last week), that’s another possible keeper for next year.

See, with a league like this, you have to always be thinking about the next year. Selling out to “win now” just isn’t tenable, because you’ll set yourself back YEARS in the process, all for what’s essentially a lottery ticket. I feel like I have a pretty good mix of both veterans who are great now, with younger guys who could develop into stars.

The obvious downside to my season so far is that the injury bug is crippling my depth. Hill is out 4-6 weeks, which is actually less time than Green is expected to be out, so I moved Hill to the IR spot. And, with Guice gone, my RB depth takes a big hit (for a position that gets injured as much as this one, you just can’t have enough quality RBs on your roster). I opted to go Waller over Hockenson for my TE spot, because I need to see at least another week out of the Lions’ rookie before I totally fall for the Gronk hype. I’ve got Hilton and Kupp as my starting receivers, as Kupp is more dependable than Kirk (plus the Cards are playing the tough Ravens defense). Everything else is the same, with my 3-headed RB hydra of Elliott, Bell, and Jacobs all locked in (two RB slots and my FLEX).

This week, I’m going up against Sloane N Steady, who is the only guy in our league with worse luck right now, in that he has no Luck at all (HI-YO!). He had the unfortunate occurrence of locking in Andrew Luck as one of his four keepers just a day before he announced his retirement. With Luck & Aaron Rodgers as two of his keepers the last few years, he was probably the most settled of anyone in the league at his QB spots. But, not only did he get Thielen with the first overall draft pick, in the second round he got Rivers as his QB2, which is an awesome find.

Sloane N Steady’s team looks quite formidable. Rodgers and Rivers. Thielen and Amari Cooper. Dalvin Cook and Nick Chubb. Delanie Walker (TE) and James White (FLEX). Dallas’ kicker and New England’s defense. With bench spots devoted to Mike Williams, Jordan Howard, Donte Moncrief, and Derek Carr. At the time of this posting, I’m favored by less than 3 points; I have to imagine it’s going to be as close as advertised.

When the dust of Sunday settles, it’ll be Chubb vs. Bell on Monday Night Football to likely decide who wins or loses. Space Pirates! had a mighty scare when Bell went in for an MRI this week, but it looks like he’s playing. Regardless, if his touches are limited as a result of whatever this shoulder thing is, I think I’m toast. The rest of Sloane N Steady’s team plays in the 10am Sunday window, so I’ll certainly be playing from behind for the entire day.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team: Week 8

Last week, I just got hosed.  There’s no way around it.  Oh sure, I hosed myself in many respects – I could’ve made a harder push at picking up Indy’s defense, or drafted a better group of quarterbacks – but I pretty much put out the best team I could’ve and I got beat.

Sloane N Steady ended up starting Nick Chubb over Isaiah Crowell, which in the end made all the difference (8 points, when he won 143.95 – 141.44), but that shouldn’t have even mattered.  He was saddled with a big, fat 0 out of Melvin Gordon – whose 6:30am London start time was too early for my opponent to realize he was out with injury – and I honestly thought I had the week in the bag.  I was over a 75% favorite heading INTO the Sunday afternoon games!  Hell, I just needed 34 combined points out of Andy Dalton and Tyreek Hill in the Sunday Night Game (he had no one else going at this point).  While Hill did his job, Dalton only got me 9.4, and that was that.  Andy Fucking Dalton, worthless pile of shit, playing in a Primetime game, sucked too many dicks and I lost yet another week of fantasy football I should’ve won.

I’m now 3-4, in 5th place in the league, and I’m still 3rd overall in points scored (while down to 6th in points against).  It’s just unbelievable.

At this point, I don’t know what else I have to do.  Making a bunch of panic moves feels like a mistake.  Honestly, it’s not any one thing that’s setting me back.  Sure, I’m pretty shaky at quarterback, but I’m never going to find anyone better without giving up a king’s ransom of talent at other positions, and quite frankly I just don’t have enough depth on my bench to make up the difference.  Every week, it’s something else.  As much as I despise that loathesome ginger-headed quarterback, getting only 3 points out of the Bears’ defense is the biggest culprit.  Had I known they were going to be THAT bad against the Pats – and that my game was destined to be this close against me – I sure as shit would’ve risked losing Calvin Ridley to pick up a better streaming defense last week.

My life goes from bad to worse this week, as I’m without Ezekiel Elliott and Leonard Fournette – two of my three keepers from last season.  Fournette is obviously a worthless pile of shit (whose team just traded for Carlos Hyde, to make my life even more miserable, as his value with the Jags continues to plummet); Elliott, on the other hand, is on a BYE, which leaves me with 1 healthy running back in the 500 year old Adrian Peterson.

The best available RB was Latavius Murray, who might get the nod over Dalvin Cook, but is also set to face the Saints, who are one of the best run defenses in football (so, I didn’t put in a claim for him and someone else snapped him up).  The other usual suspects are/were out there – Javorius Allen, Wendell Smallwood, Jalen Richard (who also got claimed on waivers), Frank Gore – but none of them are all that enticing.

Someone did, however, drop Chris Carson, so I used my 5-waiver priority to pick him up.  I won’t know if I get him until tomorrow, so consider that a teaser for next week’s recap!

Here’s this week’s lineup:

  • QB1 – Carson Wentz @ JAX
  • QB2 – Andy Dalton vs. TB
  • WR1 – Tyreek Hill vs. DEN
  • WR2 – Adam Thielen vs. NO
  • RB1 – TBD
  • RB2 – Adrian Peterson @ NYG
  • TE – Jordan Reed @ NYG
  • FLEX – Robert Woods vs. GB
  • K – Matt Prater vs. SEA
  • DEF – Chicago vs. NYJ

My bench is:  Carr, Elliott (BYE), Ridley (BYE), Fournette (IR), Golladay, Olsen, Devonta Freeman (to be waived for a healthy replacement RB).

I’m feeling super dumb about holding two tight ends on my roster, when both of them are as mediocre as can be.  When I think about all the other guys I could’ve had – ON WAIVERS, not to mention in the draft – it drives me crazy.  The last thing I wanted to do this year was waste two roster spots on the tight end position, yet here I am.  I started Reed over Olsen this week because the Ravens’ defense is pretty stout, so it seems unlikely the Panthers are going to move the ball well.  I don’t have much hope for Reed either, but he feels like a slightly better proposition.

This week, my opponent is The Lance Petemans.  He’s won our league every other year for the last I don’t even know how many years, which makes him both one of the better fantasy football owners in our league, and also probably the luckiest.

He’s always been smart about his keepers, and this year was no different.  He’s had Brady and Gurley the last two seasons, with Jimmy Garoppolo as his third, who was looking like yet another monster fantasy producer until he hit the IR.  The rest of his team is, as you’d expect, pretty solid up and down the lineup … except for that #2 QB spot.  To wit:

  • QB1 – Tom Brady @ BUF
  • QB2 – C.J. Beathard @ AZ
  • WR1 – A.J. Green vs. TB
  • WR2 – Alshon Jeffery @ JAX
  • RB1 – Todd Gurley vs. GB
  • RB2 – Tarik Cohen vs. NYJ
  • TE – Eric Ebron @ OAK
  • FLEX – John Brown @ CAR
  • K – Dan Bailey vs. NO
  • DEF – New England @ BUF

His bench is:  Sony Michel, Ryan Tannehill, Will Fuller V, Dion Lewis, L.A. Chargers, Jimmy G (IR).

So, for starters, what did I do to deserve back-to-back opponents having their respective quarterbacks go up against Buffalo & Arizona?  You can pencil those guys in for 60 points RIGHT NOW!  And that might be conservative!  Really, he’s got matchup darlings up and down his lineup.  Green against Tampa’s grotesque defense; Jeffery against the suddenly-mediocre Jaguars defense (while also poaching points from Wentz with every pass he catches); Gurley against the Packers’ nothing defense; Ebron against the Raiders’ less-than-nothing defense.  And the shit-cherry on top of the shit-sundae:  the Patriots defense against the Bills, who hand out pick-sixes like they’re full candy bars on Halloween.

If The Lance Petemans don’t score over 220 points, I’ll be shocked.  I’ve got a pretty good team, but even with an active and healthy Zeke and Fournette, I don’t think I’d have a shot in Hell.  You could probably add up my entire roster – including all bench guys – and I don’t think I’d come close to beating his starting lineup.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team: Week 7

At some point heading into last weekend, I dropped Alfred Morris for Bilal Powell.  Morris was an absolute last-ditch option for me (I assumed the 49ers would get KILLED by Green Bay and throw it constantly, not necessarily that they wouldn’t play him whatsoever).  I had Bilal Powell in my lineup for a hot minute – as a potential hedge against the iffy proposition of starting a semi-injured Adrian Peterson – but then before gametime Sunday morning, I saw that Isaiah Crowell was active, and I reverted back to having AP get the nod.  Even though the Jets were at home, and in a favorable-appearing matchup with the Colts, I still liked the chances of AP over any sort of Jets timeshare.

As soon as I knew I wasn’t going to need Powell on my team, I swapped him out and picked up Detroit’s kicker (who was on BYE), who will be my guy going forward.  Yes, Robbie Gould had a fantastic game against the Packers, but I’m not counting on the 49ers being this high scoring going forward; Detroit’s offense is always going to be good as long as Stafford is around.

All in all, these moves had very little to do with my 184.95 to 142.25 drubbing of DelBocaVistaPhase2.  Truth be told, I had this week in the bag as soon as he traded away James Conner (28.90) and kept Dak Prescott (35.35) on his bench.  It’s hard to blame him for the trade, because who knows how long Conner is going to be Pittsburgh’s starting RB; and I know I won’t fault him for benching Dak, who was going up against the Jags (a defense I liked an awful lot in that matchup in Big D).  Those are the What If’s you have to live with as a fantasy owner; it’s why this game is a total mindfuck sometimes.

My ass was pulled out of the fire by Hill (39.20), Wentz (33.30), Thielen (29.30) and Dalton (23.45).  I got a shameful amount from my Bears defense, and Calvin Ridley’s day was cut short by an ankle injury.  Ridley will be on my bench going forward, as Robert Woods is too prolific to keep off my starting lineup any longer.  5 straight weeks of 14+ points!

I’m now 3-3, holding steady in 5th place in the league.  I have the 3rd most points scored, and I’m down to the 3rd most points against, so we’re slowly but surely starting to even out.

No waiver claims for me this week, as I’m not on the Ito Smith train just yet.  Gonna need to see him REALLY take over that Devonta Freeman role before I believe it (someone did pick up Ito Smith as a free agent and actually waived Freeman even though we have an IR spot at our disposal, which is something to think about).  That puts me up to 6th in the league’s waiver priority going forward, which isn’t great, but it’s better than nothing.

I was eyeballing David Njoku – who’s got a juicy matchup against the worst defense in football against tight ends – but Yahoo was dicking around with my IR designation on Fournette, as there’s apparently a quote/unquote chance that he plays this week.  Apparently, if you’re not ruled out completely, you’ve still got to be rostered on the bench.  Since I didn’t really want to give up on Calvin Ridley just yet – on top of the fact that I have 2 tight ends on my roster already – I decided to let Njoku sit out there.  He was promptly picked up Thursday morning, so we’ll see if I’m regretting this come next week.

Here’s this week’s lineup:

  • QB1 – Carson Wentz vs. CAR
  • QB2 – Andy Dalton @ KC
  • WR1 – Tyreek Hill vs. CIN
  • WR2 – Adam Thielen @ NYJ
  • RB1 – Ezekiel Elliott @ WAS
  • RB2 – Adrian Peterson vs. DAL
  • TE – Greg Olsen @ PHI
  • FLEX – Robert Woods @ SF
  • K – Matt Prater @ MIA
  • DEF – Chicago vs. NE

My bench is:  Carr (BYE), Ridley, Fournette, Golladay, Reed.

Watch this be the week that Jordan Reed goes off, but I don’t care anymore.  God dammit is he sucking my will to live!  I know Philly is pretty amazing against the TE position, but they also haven’t played very many elite tight ends so far this year, and it’s not like they’re perfect.  I’ll take my chances with the upside of Olsen (and hope he doesn’t re-injure his foot mid-game) over the steady mediocrity of Reed.

As I said before, Woods is in my lineup to stay.  Most likely.  I might mix n’ match him and Golladay depending on who they’re going up against, but Ridley is gonna be riding in the bitch seat for a while (his days on King Flippy Nips are probably numbered, if I need to make any emergency roster moves).

Up next, I’ve got a date with Sloane N Steady, who I’m catching on a pretty good week, as one of his main guys is Aaron Rodgers, who will be on a BYE.

Sloane N Steady has arguably had even worse luck than King Flippy Nips this year!  Last week, he suffered the same fate I did a couple weeks prior, in having the second-most points for the week in a losing effort.  But, his loss was by only 2.9 points.  He’s also had another loss earlier this season by a mere 0.45 points, so to say he’s due for an unlikely win is an understatement.  Here’s who he’s got:

  • QB1 – Andrew Luck vs. BUF
  • QB2 – Case Keenum @ AZ
  • WR1 – Josh Gordon @ CHI
  • WR2 – Devin Funchess @ PHI
  • RB1 – Melvin Gordon vs. TEN
  • RB2 – Isaiah Crowell vs. MIN
  • TE – Trey Burton vs. NE
  • FLEX – Allen Robinson vs. NE
  • K – Adam Vinatieri vs. BUF
  • DEF – Houston @ JAX

His bench is:  Rodgers (BYE), Dalvin Cook, Lamar Miller, Nick Chubb, T.Y. Hilton.

All things considered, I probably couldn’t be playing him in a better week.  No A-Rod, he’s got a bunch of guys banged up, the Browns haven’t recognized that Chubb deserves to be getting the lion’s share of the carries in that backfield (I have him on another team and it’s a constant source of frustration, as I absolutely REFUSE to drop him from my team; it’s a matter of principle at this point).

Sloane N Steady is 1-5 and in last place in the league (he’s 5th in points scored, and has the 2nd-most points against), but it wouldn’t shock me in the slightest if he makes a second half run.  With Rodgers and Luck dealing, with Gordon, Cook, and Chubb all eventually healthy and starting, with solid points out of his receivers and a good defense and kicker, he could definitely make some noise if he goes on a winning streak.

As for this week, however, it would take quite an upset.  We’ll see.  That wouldn’t shock me in the slightest either; my fantasy teams tend to play down to their competition, so if I’m back on here bitching about a loss next week, don’t say I didn’t warn myself.