Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2020: Crisis Averted!

  • Pre-Season Week 1 HERE
  • Pre-Season Week 2 HERE
  • Fantasy Draft HERE

Yahoo! had me projected to lose heading into the week, and continued to have me projected to lose after the Thursday night game when CEH had his outstanding nearly 20-point debut. It was, in fact, looking pretty grim on into the afternoon games, when Crazy N8’s Prostates already had a 35-point game out of one of his quarterbacks with Dak Prescott still yet to play. Even though I had three players going on Monday Night, as we headed into that Cowboys/Rams game on Sunday Night, I was ready to face my defeat like a man and get to work on turning things around in Week 2.

Among my disappointments, I have to start with Odell Beckham Jr. I didn’t want to draft him in the first round, for obvious reasons, but I also didn’t want to draft him AT ALL, except he managed to fall to me in the second round and I felt I had no choice. The upside is too great with this guy, but the downside is clear: 3 receptions for 22 yards, for a total of 5.2 points. There are certain teams you JUST don’t want to fuck with, because they’re poorly coached and their overall rosters are mediocre-to-terrible. The Jets are annually one of these teams. The Washington Football Team usually finds its way onto this list. You can usually make cases for the Jaguars and Bengals as well. But, at the very top of my Fantasy Football Shit List, we have the Cleveland Browns (never a more apt team for someone of ODB’s proclivities to play for). All of their guys were off of my draft board. Even Nick Chubb – who is one of the most talented running backs in football – couldn’t be trusted because, as we saw on Sunday, he’s in a pretty strict time-share with Kareem Hunt (another high-level running back they sought to add for no apparent reason other than to distress fantasy football owners).

Anyway, the Browns gave ODB a shit-ton of money (no pun intended no, pun intended) after he came over from the Giants. And, let’s just say I don’t believe he has the heart of a champion. I think he got his millions of dollars and his GAF-level is at an all-time low. It doesn’t help that the franchise is poorly run, his quarterback is overrated, and their offensive scheme is total balls. But, the real tragedy is now I’m stuck with a guy who’s too good to bench, but too bad to help me win games. Everything about this is a disaster because his trade value is so low, all I could reasonably get in return is somebody’s backup defense or something. He gets one more week out of me before I bench him in favor of Darius Slayton of the Giants, who absolutely TORCHED the Steelers on Monday Night (getting me 28 useless points for my bench).

Also high on my disappointment list is Carson Wentz. Once again, his best weapons are all injured, and this week even his security blankets were out. Miles Sanders has a hamstring issue, and his Pro Bowl left tackle was also out. Against a Washington Football Team defensive line that’s apparently among the best in football (and gave Wentz fits all day). In this case, there’s really nothing I can do, because I have no better QB options on my roster, so I just have to hope for improved health luck (and thank my stars he doesn’t have to face Washington again in this fantasy football season).

Finally, I’m putting the Indianapolis defense in this list, because they only managed 8 points against what was supposed to be an inept Jacksonville Jaguars offense, allowing Minshew Mania to complete almost all of his passes. 4 sacks, that’s it. I can’t tell if this was just a bad week, or if the Colts just aren’t as good as I’d hoped, but needless to say I’ll be looking for defensive reinforcements this week.

My matchup against Crazy N8’s Prostates started to turn in my favor during that very Sunday Night Cowboys/Rams game, actually! Dak Prescott only threw for one touchdown, and it was to my running back, Ezekiel Elliott! With Elliott also scoring a rushing touchdown, he actually managed to out-score Dak by five points!

From there, heading into the two Monday Night games, Yahoo! had me projected to win by a considerable margin. But, of course, Crazy N8 still held a decent lead, so my guys would have to put up SOME points.

Daniel Jones (when he’s bad) started off the game in true Danny Dimes (when he’s good) fashion! He had an early bomb to Slayton and the Giants actually held an improbable lead over the Steelers for a spell. Then, with two mind-boggling interceptions, Dimes reverted to Jones and I was pretty distraught. Thankfully, once the Steelers had the game well in hand, Dimes returned with some garbage-time points (in the form of a second TD pass to Slayton). All in all, it was a 20-point effort that’s far from ideal, but is good enough as a baseline level of fantasy production as my second quarterback. Better days are ahead, I’m sure of it.

In the night cap, I had one of my late-round draft sleepers going in Noah Fant. He was terrific! His 19 fantasy points is not only great for a tight end, it actually out-paced Travis Kelce on Crazy N8’s team (who was one of his four keepers)! With Fant’s production alone, it didn’t matter that A.J. Brown only put up 8.9 points for me; I got to go to sleep early, knowing my victory was in the bag; 170.45 to 150.80.

My win and points total puts me in third place among the 1-0 teams heading into this week, where I go up against Colinoscopy Time (our reigning league champion) who scored the second-fewest points in the league in Week 1. At the time of this writing, Yahoo! has me projected as a slight underdog, but we’ll see where we’re at when my roster is set for the week. In the meantime, here’s where I’m leaning:

  • Wentz (QB) vs. LAR
  • Jones (QB) @ CHI
  • Beckham (WR) vs. CIN
  • Brown (WR) vs. JAX
  • Edwards-Helaire (RB) @ LAC
  • Elliott (RB) vs. ATL
  • Fant (TE) @ PIT
  • Jacobs (RB) vs. NO
  • Butker (K) @ LAC
  • Washington (DEF) @ ARI

So this officially brings us to Waiver Wire Corner! I put in one claim this week: the Washington defense, which as you can see I ended up getting. I dropped Mecole Hardman, who wasn’t long for my team, because it’s apparent the Chiefs are using him more as a #4 receiver than the #2 I’d hoped for. Then, when I woke up this morning, I saw a couple other guys sitting out in Free Agency that I could nab. First and foremost, I got quarterback Mitch Trubisky, dropping Sam Darnold. The Jets are a true disaster right now, plus their schedule looks TOUGH. The Bears, on the other hand, have a pretty light schedule – at least to start the season – so I’m hoping Trubisky can build up some confidence. He was a good fantasy quarterback a couple years ago (and I don’t think you could EVER say that about Darnold), so I feel better rolling the dice with the somewhat-proven commodity. Finally, running back Malcolm Brown of the Rams went totally unclaimed! Given how great he looked – getting the lion’s share of the carries, scoring two touchdowns against the Cowboys – I was SURE someone would’ve put in a claim for him. I mean, I’m stacked with running backs, but I can’t just leave him out there! Plus, this way I have both Brown and his backup, rookie Cam Akers (who didn’t have an inspiring debut, even though he technically got the “start”; he’s more of a guy you stash on your bench for better days later in the season). To make room for Brown, I made the tough decision to cut DeVante Parker, who reaggravated his hamstring injury during the game last week, which is VERY discouraging, because he was so good last year. I would LOVE for my wide receiver spots to be as settled as my running backs are, because I need all the help I can get if my quarterbacks are going to be so up-and-down. I might have to trade from my position of strength to get a wide receiver that I’m happy with.

Although, with Deebo Samuel officially hitting the IR – and therefore not available to me for the first three weeks of the season (at least) – maybe he’s someone I can look forward to providing me a little help. That’d be nice.

I don’t have any use for my bench this week, though it’s tough to want to sit Slayton against the Bears, whose defense I don’t think is very good. As I said before, if ODB can’t rack up points against a bad Bengals team on Thursday Night, then next week I’ll be more than happy to make that change.

Colinoscopy Time has the following lineup:

  • Deshaun Watson (QB) vs. BAL
  • Ben Roethlisberger (QB) vs. DEN
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) vs. NE
  • Stefon Diggs (WR) @ MIA
  • Derrick Henry (RB) vs. JAX
  • Tarik Cohen (RB) vs. NYG
  • George Kittle (TE) @ NYJ
  • Michael Gallup (WR) vs. ATL
  • Nick Folk (K) @ SEA
  • Tennessee (DEF) vs. JAX

His quarterbacks have some very difficult matchups, which makes me happy, because those guys can be monsters. Metcalf might very well struggle against the Patriots’ secondary, but he’s a wild card, so you never know. Diggs should do well against Miami, as should Henry against the Jags. I don’t like Cohen much at all, but you never know when they’ll check down to him 15 times a game. Kittle is a bear, but he’s also a little banged up and may or may not play a whole lot this week. Gallup sounds like he’s a boom-or-bust kind of guy, who’s playing behind their new rookie receiver. Colinoscopy Time should clean up with the Titans against the Jags (but, then again, I thought the exact same thing with the Colts last week, and look at where that got me).

I actually like my chances in this one, which is usually a bad sign. We’ll see, though! Maybe my mojo in 2020 is starting to turn in my favor!

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2020: Nobody Beats The Wiz!

  • Pre-Season Week 1 HERE
  • Pre-Season Week 2 HERE

Oh that’s right, I’ve decided to name my team after the great Seinfeld character!

Nobody beats this guy!

Anyway, we had our draft last Friday, and of course I opted to go rogue. Look, I don’t know who reads this! I can’t be handing my league-mates possible insights into my fantasy football mind! So, you know, I conveniently left out the part that my top two guys were NOT Mike Evans and Aaron Jones, but rather:

  1. Clyde Edwards-Helaire
  2. Miles Sanders

To be fair, I did talk about Sanders last week. In going back and looking at his numbers, I didn’t realize just how many targets he gets in the passing game! Considering I also have his quarterback – Carson Wentz – and they still might not have the best crop of wide receivers in the world, I wouldn’t have thrown that connection out of bed.

But, all along, my true number one was always Clyde Edwards-Helaire (I might just shorten that to CEH even though it looks like an unpleasant search term on Pornhub or something). Remember before when I was bemoaning how there weren’t any great rookie running backs in this class? Remember how I wanted my Saquon Barkley? Well, he might be it! He was looking like a dark horse fantasy candidate before Damien Williams decided to opt out of this season due to COVID, but now that he’s the true #1 on the Chiefs, there’s just no denying him! His potential is through the roof!

Sanders would’ve been the safer pick, because at least he has a year of experience. But, I’ll take upside every time.

Just as I suspected, the guy with the #1 draft pick – COVID Bubble Boys – opted to go quarterback with his first selection: Drew Brees. Definitely a Playing For Now type of guy, and you have to respect that. He’s already got Lamar Jackson, might as well take his shot every chance he gets!

That left me with my pick of the litter, CEH. Sure enough, Miles Sanders went #3. THEN Joe Burrow went off the board! Followed by Aaron Jones, Tom Brady, Mike Evans (to the guy who had him last year, in effect giving him five keepers), Baker Mayfield, Chris Carson, and D.K. Metcalf rounding out the Top Ten.

That D.K. Metcalf pick is an interesting one, because he was CERTAINLY a guy I was targeting (although, I wanted him much later than when he went). That’s what’s hard about being in a fantasy football league with guys who either currently live in the Seattle area or have lived a long time in the Seattle area: the good Seahawks tend to get over-valued. Russell Wilson, for instance, has been on the same fantasy team since his rookie year, kept every single time by the same guy. Chris Carson is certainly an elite running back when he’s healthy, but he’s finished every year of his pro career with an injury, and there’s no reason for that not to continue. Tyler Lockett was kept this year mostly because that guy didn’t have a great fourth option for his keepers. And, while Metcalf certainly looked phenomenal in his rookie season last year, he’s still young and still a member of this offense, that likes to spread the ball around more than just about any other.

Metcalf COULD be the next Julio Jones; he seems to be driven as such. But, in this offense, he’s very touchdown-dependant (and very deep play-dependant). You might see a lot of lines like: 4 catches for 88 yards and 2 TDs. Which, yeah, is 24.8 points in our league, but without those two touchdowns, you’re looking at 12.8 points (which is okay, but nothing to write home about, especially for the first receiver you’ve drafted). In my mind, Metcalf would’ve been an ideal third receiver for a fantasy team, so I was a little disappointed he went off the board before I’d even selected my first.

That brings us to the second round (I won’t go through all of them, I promise); with three RBs on my team, I knew I was going receiver, regardless. Thankfully, some great ones remained! Kenny Golladay ended up going one spot ahead of me, but I was okay with that, because it means I get to enjoy Odell Beckham Jr. for the first time in my fantasy career!

I don’t know how ODB fell to me, but I’ll take him! I mean, I sort of know how he fell to me: he plays for Cleveland. He’s a diva. He could score me 40 points … or he could get so mad, blow up, and retire in the middle of a football game. It’s all on the table! The headache and the constant worry can be a little much, and I get that. If he were my first draft selection, I’d be much more nervous; but, as a second? The pressure is off! I’ve already got the guy I’ll be looking to keep next year. Had I landed ODB back when he was on the Giants, I’d be looking at him with those same eyes, figuring I’d hold onto him for many years to come. But, this way? I see him as a one-year rental. A hired gun to help bring me a championship.

I went back to the WR well in round three. Two top receivers from the 2019 rookie class – Scary Terry McLaurin and A.J. Brown – were both sitting there (among many others, of course). Once again, my choice was made for me by the COVID Bubble Boys, as he nabbed Scary Terry. That was a tough one; I had him last year, and was looking to reinvest! The Washington Football Team is a disaster – and they’re starting with Dwayne Haskins at quarterback, which could be a shitshow – but Scary Terry is a rising star and could help make anyone throwing to him look good! So, I settled for A.J. Brown. Considering I thought he might’ve been a keeper at one point, I think that’s a pretty swell consolation prize. I’m not a believer in Ryan Tannehill, but I’m also willing to be wrong. If he – and the Titans – can recapture that magic from 2019, then A.J. Brown could be even BETTER than a #2 receiver.

A lot of other receivers were taken in that round, but I wanted to get one more just to be safe. So, with my fourth pick, I went with DeVante Parker. It was either him or Robert Woods or Michael Gallup (kinda wish I’d remembered he was out there and grabbed him instead) or Courtland Sutton. Parker has been around for a while, but had a breakout season last year; when he’s on, he’s a bona fide #1 guy. But, I think the risk with him is that he doesn’t totally buy in. That he’s more of a fair-weather football player. Plus, he plays for the Miami Dolphins, and they will likely be breaking in a rookie quarterback at some point this year. Look, I’m not expecting a lot out of Parker; I mostly just took him because Yahoo had him rated so high (and because I REALLY didn’t want to pick LeVeon Bell, who fell REALLY far in this draft because he’s old and on the Jets and it’s pretty apparent the current Jets coaching staff doesn’t like him much). If we look back at where I screwed up my season, I’ll be looking at this pick (and probably wishing I’d gone with Gallup).

With my two quarterbacks, three running backs, and three receivers, I took a couple chances on some guys who might not help me right away; “projects” or “developmental guys” if you will. Cam Akers, rookie running back for the Rams, was my fifth pick. I love a running back from an explosive offense! The Rams sent Todd Gurley packing, so that running back job is wide open. I don’t think Akers will start right away, but he could get the nod as the season wears on. If he proves himself, he could be either a valuable trade chip OR a stud for me in the fantasy playoffs.

Then, with my sixth pick, I grabbed receiver Deebo Samuel. He’s injured at the moment, but has just started practicing, and could come off of whatever injured list he’s on. No one figures he’ll play much in the first couple weeks, but if he heals properly, he could be another boost for me after the season gets going. The downside is, of course, that his injury is to his foot, and foot injuries for receivers are notoriously chronic. Part of me worries that he’ll be dealing with this foot thing all year, which won’t be enough to put him on the IR, but will hamper him JUST enough to be rendered ineffective. I suspect the minute I feel confident in starting him will be the game where he comes out in the first quarter with that foot injury, never to return again.

You’ll notice I have yet to mention selecting a tight end. What can I say? The good ones didn’t stick around, and I always saw a better receiver or running back when it was my turn to pick. Finally, I had to bite the bullet. There were a couple potentially-solid guys left over – Hayden Hurst for the Falcons went in the following round, and Hunter Henry for the Chargers went a round after THAT – but I opted to go with second year player Noah Fant for the Broncos. As a first round pick for Denver last year, CLEARLY Fant is someone they want to feature pretty heavily in their offense. Reports indicate they’re moving him all around pre-snap (from along the O-Line, to in the slot, to out wide like a receiver) and I take that as a VERY positive sign that he has a lot of fantasy upside. I know, Drew Lock is their quarterback, but even mediocre throwers still manage to find a tight end safety valve every now and then. I don’t ask a lot from my tight ends; just get me around ten points per week. Anything more than that is gravy. I have a feeling that I might be eating a lot of gravy this year with Fant in the fold.

With my eighth pick, it was time to buy a lottery ticket. Mecole Hardman, wide receiver with the Chiefs. He’s mostly just a big play wide receiver, but he has the best of the big play quarterbacks throwing to him! He’s also one Tyreek Hill injury away from being this team’s #1 guy (and, with the way Hill plays – always putting his body in harm’s way to make a play – that’s not much of a stretch for me to make).

Confident with the rest of my roster – from a skill position perspective, anyway – I decided to use my ninth pick to take the first kicker off the board: Harrison Butker, also of the Chiefs. Give me as many Chiefs as you got! My man Crazy N8’s Prostates bemoaned the pick – as he had the same idea – and he had to settle for Justin Tucker few picks later.

With two rounds left, I still needed a third quarterback and a defense. Yikes, I know. I was eyeballing a third quarterback as early as that DeVante Parker selection, but none of the leftovers really caught my eye. Down to the nitty gritty, there STILL wasn’t anyone who caught my eye; it came down to Teddy Bridgewater, Dwayne Haskins, Mitch Trubisky, and the guy I ended up going with: Sam Darnold of the Jets. Yeah, I know.

Trubisky was a hard pass, because his career is on the ropes, and I don’t know if he’ll still have the starting job by the time I need him (my starting QBs have BYEs in weeks 9 and 11, so it should be some time before I actually NEED a third guy). Of course, idiot that I am, I didn’t realize until the moment of this writing that Darnold ALSO has a BYE in week 11 (SIGH), but I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. Anyway, I ruled out Bridgewater because I don’t think he’s good, and that team he’s on has no one but an elite running back to throw to. I ruled out Haskins because he sucks and that team sucks. That’s not saying much, because I also think Darnold sucks (and the fantasy league would seem to agree, considering how far he fell) and the Jets suck, but I do believe Darnold has SOME upside. This will be his third year, after recovering from an injury-plagued start to his career. Love or hate his head coach, the guy at least has a reputation as someone who does well with quarterbacks. I don’t plan on starting Darnold unless absolutely necessary. But, if he proves – with improved play – that he’s viable, I may have to work him in (considering I can’t be totally sold on someone like Danny Dimes at this point in his development).

Regretfully, the New England defense went one spot before I picked Darnold; the Patriots were CARRIED by their defense last year, and by all accounts they should be good in 2020 as well (my only concern was not knowing who on their team has opted out of this season for COVID reasons). With my final pick, I went with the highest-rated defense remaining: the Indianapolis Colts. I don’t have a lot of confidence, but I fully expect there to be a good defense for me to grab on waivers at some point.

Yahoo graded me with a B+ which is good for middle-of-the-road in our league (5th in rankings). However, I’m projected for a second place finish in our league at the moment of this writing! I have the league’s youngest team once again, but I’m hoping it actually pays off this time.

More than anything, I’m hoping my team name proves prophetic. Nobody Beats The Wiz? I sure hope so! It couldn’t be any worse than that year I went as Mr. Poopy Butthole …

***

Really quick, let’s take a look at this week’s matchup. Nobody Beats The Wiz is facing off against the aforementioned Crazy N8’s Prostates. Here’s my lineup:

  • Wentz (QB) @ Was
  • Jones (QB) vs. Pit
  • ODB (WR) @ Bal
  • Brown (WR) @ Den
  • Jacobs (RB) @ Car
  • CEH (RB) vs. Hou
  • Fant (TE) vs. Ten
  • Elliott (RB) @ LAR
  • Butker (K) vs. Hou
  • Ind (DEF) @ Jax

Predictably, I’m expected to be carried by my running backs. I think Yahoo is under-projecting Wentz against a terrible Washington Football Team, but they might be over-hyping Indianapolis against the Jaguars, who won’t be good, but could still be a little frisky on offense. Crazy N8’s Prostates is projected to win our league this year, and is favored against me this week. Here’s his lineup:

  • Dak Prescott (QB) @ LAR
  • Josh Allen (QB) vs. NYJ
  • Allen Robinson (WR) @ Det
  • Keenan Allen (WR) @ Cin
  • James Conner (RB) @ NYG
  • Aaron Jones (RB) @ Min
  • Travis Kelce (TE) vs. Hou
  • Robert Woods (WR) vs. Dal
  • Justin Tucker (K) vs. Cle
  • San Francisco (DEF) vs. Ari

I have … a lot of concerns. I could see that Cowboys/Rams game being a shootout. I think Josh Allen is going to RAMPAGE over a terrible Jets defense. His receivers both have juicy matchups against mediocre secondaries. Kelce should thrive against the Texans. And, even the 49ers could come up with lots of turnovers in taking advantage of a Cardinals offense that’s pretty aggressive.

Thankfully, there’s so many unknowns at this point in the season. Even after the first week, it’s hard to draw any firm conclusions. I just need to ride the wave of anxiety and hope for the best. I think I have a pretty solid team from top to bottom. But, teams are rarely as good on paper as they end up being in real life. Who will be the great disappointers this year? I can hardly wait to find out!

The Super Bowl Is Happening This Sunday

It’s actually pretty rare when we run across a Super Bowl matchup that I’m interested in. This one on Sunday will be the 54th such game in NFL history; the 39th such game since I was born, and probably the 32nd since I became a fan of football. Of those 32, three have involved the Seahawks (which means I was VERY interested); the rest of the games have been spotty at best.

Last year, for instance, was a no-win situation for me. I can’t root for the Rams, because they’re in the same division as the Seahawks. But, how could I possibly root for New England after they’ve won literally every Super Bowl that’s ever taken place?!

This year, I think we’re in for a treat. The 49ers are involved, which gives me a reason to root for the AFC squad. The Chiefs haven’t been in the game in 50 years and are otherwise inoffensive to my delicate sensibilities, so here we go! Saddle up! I get to be a Chiefs fan for an afternoon!

The Chiefs are favored by 1 point. I would assume there’s plenty of action on both sides, but my guess is that a lot of the fairweather fans are putting their money on Mahomes & Co. If I were in Vegas, that’s certainly where I’d go, and I’m as fairweather as they get! When my dad and brother gather around the television set with me on Sunday, we’re going to make a lot of little bets – on the game and various props – and I’ve already made my intentions known that I want to root for the Chiefs, so that’s where I’m putting my money.

But, is it the smart thing to do?

I mean, isn’t this the exact opposite argument we were all making when the Seahawks were going up against the Denver Broncos and their all-time great offense? When push comes to shove, an elite defense will almost always trump an elite offense (especially when they have 2 weeks to prepare), so you have to figure the smart money is on the 49ers!

I feel like I’m heading into a situation where I might as well just set my money on fire. And, yeah, I know, we’re talking about maybe $5 on the game, and a lot of little $1 bets on other shit; I’m not going to lose the Taylor Family Farm on this thing (especially since I’ll be betting with other Taylors, so really, there’s no way to lose our stranglehold on this thing). But, it’s the thought of watching a coronation of the 49ers for 4+ hours that just sickens me to my very core. Kittle can suck it, Jimmy G can suck it, their bald defensive coordinator can suck it, Richard Sherman can suck it. They can ALLLLLLLL suck it as far as I’m concerned! That fullback whose name I absolutely refuse to learn how to spell … you get the idea.

Deebo Samuel is cool, though. Really, anyone named Deebo (the name of my future first born) is all right in my book.

Wait a minute. Deebo Samuel was born in January of 1996. The movie Friday came out in April of 1995. (*counts on fingers*) THAT’S NINE MONTHS LATER!

Oh, wait a minute, Deebo is just a nickname. Yeah, that makes more sense. Still, Deebo Rockwell Taylor has a pretty good ring to it.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, how can the Chiefs beat the 49ers?

Well, it’s gotta be on Mahomes. He needs to keep up this run of excellence he’s been on since the playoffs started. Which leads me to some of my favorite prop bets.

  • The over/under is 54.5; give me the over.
  • Will Mahomes throw an INT; I say yes.
  • Will either team score in the first 6:30; I say yes.
  • Will either team score in the final 3:30 of regulation; I say yes.
  • What will happen first, a 49ers score or punt; I say score.
  • What will happen first, a Chiefs score or punt; I say punt.
  • Total yardage of all TDs in the game, over/under 102.5; I say over.
  • Points by both teams in the highest-scoring quarter, over/under 21; I say over.
  • Will the opening kickoff be a touchback? Yes.
  • First offensive play; Run.
  • First team to score; 49ers.
  • First team to 10 points; 49ers.
  • First team to 20 points; Chiefs.
  • Will the team who scores first win the game? No.
  • What will happen first: sack or TD? Sack.
  • Total sacks by both teams: Over 5.5.
  • First team to punt: Chiefs.
  • Will there be a scoreless quarter? No.
  • Largest lead, over/under 16.5 points; Under.
  • Will the game ever be tied again after 0-0? Yes.
  • Will either team score 3 unanswered times? Yes.
  • Longest TD, over/under 44.5 yards; Over.
  • Shortest TD, over/under 1.5 yards; Over.
  • Longest FG, over/under 47.5 yards; Under.
  • Shortest FG, over/under 26.5 yards; Over.
  • Which team will score the longest FG? 49ers.
  • Total number of players with a passing attempt, over/under 2.5; Over.
  • Will the game end on a QB kneeldown? Yes.
  • Will the last team to score win the game? Yes.

If the game goes the way I want it to go; the 49ers will get off to a hot start, and the Chiefs will roar back like they’ve done the last two weeks. They can’t make the total points high enough, I think this game goes WAY over 54.5 for the game. Ultimately, I think the Chiefs score last to take the lead, and their defense finds a way to shut the 49ers down with enough time for Mahomes to kneeldown to run out the clock.

The worst-case scenario is the 49ers dominate throughout – because the Chiefs have a mediocre defense – and Mahomes is harassed all day with numerous sacks and turnovers. Even in this situation, the game could still go over 54.5, but it would be a blowout and no one will enjoy themselves, because the commercials are always overrated, the musical performances stink, and everyone’s going to spend their time re-watching the new Christopher Nolan trailer that will surely be released at some point during the game.

Seahawks Won A Stunning, Classic Monday Night Game In Santa Clara

This game was NUTS! This game was so intense and fun and nerve-wracking and painful and deliriously wonderful that I’ve done nothing but watch clips and read articles since it ended (with a little sleep and a little breakfast mixed in). I want to do nothing more than go back and re-live every single minute, so that’s what I’m gonna do here. Let’s re-live the shit out of it!

49ers’ 1st Drive – Every time the Seahawks had them nailed down, the 49ers were bailed out by the refs. Shaq Griffin looked like he had a pick to really turn the tides early, but a ticky-tack defensive holding penalty eliminated it. Then, on the very next third down, it looked like we had them stopped short and ready to punt, except for another lame PI call to give them another first down. We eventually held them to a field goal with their rookie kicker (signed off of the scrap heap this week to replace an injured Robbie Gould) who was making his first start for the 49ers, but the tone was set for an iffy game (to say the least) from the refs.

49ers’ 2nd Drive – After a quick Seahawks’ 3 & Out, the 49ers gashed their way down the field for a touchdown and a 10-0 lead. Now, I know the Seahawks almost always start out slow like this, but at this point I was pretty concerned there was going to be TOO much to overcome. The subsequent Seahawks 3 & Out did little to allay my concerns.

49ers’ 5th Drive – The teams traded a few punts back and forth and we finally settled into something of a routine, which was smashed apart with a perfectly-timed pass rush to knock the ball out of Jimmy G’s hands for a fumble-return touchdown by Clowney. Clowney’s been the team’s obvious defensive MVP this year, but he took his game to another level in this one. I think he ended up with 10 pressures, 5 QB hits, 1 sack, and the touchdown on this drive to pull the game to 10-7. This was a definite “sigh of relief” moment where it finally felt like things could turn around.

Seahawks’ 5th Drive – We held the 49ers to a 3 & Out to take it to the 2-minute warning, and the table was set. Apparently, the 49ers had never given up a score in the final two minutes of a half (or maybe just a first half?), but there the Seahawks were, driving after a 20-yard punt return from Lockett (who ended up leaving the game injured in overtime, with a possible serious injury). It was all going according to plan, until it wasn’t: we were moving the proper direction, we were running the clock out, and there was D.K. Metcalf with a quick out that he somehow managed to take all the way to the 1-yard line, pulling multiple defenders with him. Except, the one guy re-established himself in bounds, ripped the ball from Metcalf’s hands, and recovered the ball at the 2-yard line to preserve the 49ers’ streak of good fortune inside of two minutes. The Seahawks should’ve been up 14-10 at halftime, but the 3-point deficit was preserved.

Seahawks’ 6th Drive – One thing I’ve grudgingly accepted is that these Seahawks – for whatever reason – start games slowly, pretty much on both sides of the ball these days. But, what really irks me is starting slow in the second halves of games, especially when we win the coin toss and defer to get the ball out of halftime. It almost shifted in this one, as the Seahawks looked to establish the run, with Carson moving the chains after three straight runs, followed by a D.K. reception to take us near midfield. Then, Penny entered the game for what I have to assume was the first and last time. He had 2 carries on the day, both on this drive: the first went for 2 yards, the second went for no gain and a fumble. He didn’t see the field again after that.

49ers’ 9th Drive – The Seahawks forced the 49ers to turn the ball over on downs following the Penny fumble, then ended up kicking it back 5 plays later. The game turned in a big way here on this drive, with a wild pass eluding the grasp of a Niners receiver for Quandre Diggs’ first interception in a Seahawks uniform. He got the start at free safety, with Bradley McDougald playing his preferred strong safety spot, and the Seahawks were immediately rewarded with his veteran presence. He had a couple other bigtime hits (one to prevent a bobbled catch for a big gain) and looks like he’ll fit in beautifully in this defense.

Seahawks’ 8th Drive – First play – from the San Francisco 16-yard line after the Diggs return – was a Carson run for 4 yards that turned into a fumble (thankfully recoverd by Hunt) for negative one yards. At that point, I mean, how do you not just put this game entirely on Russell Wilson’s shoulders? Before the game, all the ESPN analysts were calling the Seahawks a one-man show, which – have you met Chris Carson and Tyler Lockett and D.K. Metcalf? But, Carson never really busted out, Lockett was held to 26 yards on only 3 receptions, and Metcalf had a tough one in catching only 6 out of 10 targets, with a few 50/50 balls batted away (and, of course, the fumble before halftime). So, after a Wilson scramble to the 3-yard line, he fudged around in the pocket until Hollister willed his way open in the back of the endzone for the go-ahead touchdown. 14-10.

Seahawks’ 9th Drive – The defense made their presence felt in Jimmy G’s face immediately following the touchdown, with Q-Jeff swallowing him up for a sack. The refs called him on what initially appeared to be a bogus lowering-the-head penalty until you saw the replay from the other angle. I still don’t love the rule – what are you supposed to do when the offensive guy lowers HIS head first? – but it is what it is (now, if only the refs would’ve called the same thing when the 49ers defender lowered HIS head on a Wilson run-and-slide later in the game). Anyway, in the first of many BALL DON’T LIE moments, the Seahawks got their sack 3 plays later, which forced a fumble to be recovered by the good guys. Once again deep in enemy territory, it took the Seahawks 4 plays to take a commanding 21-10 lead.

Seahawks’ 10th Drive – I’m still fucking irritated about this drive. This should’ve been the back-breaking, suck-out-their-souls drive to put the game away. The Seahawks forced a punt on the 49ers’ previous drive and at the top of the 4th quarter, looked to embark upon one of those 8-minute, game-killing drives where we ram it down the other team’s throats. And it started out promising enough! Three consecutive runs left us with 2nd & 7 and only 12 minutes left in the game. I know Seahawks fans around the world lament our run-heavy approach, but in this instance I don’t know why we didn’t keep pounding the rock. Instead, Wilson dropped back and was immediately overwhelmed by 97 guys (approx.) in his face. He lost control of the ball, it landed in Ifedi’s open arms (open because he was conveniently blocking NO ONE), who did his best Seahawks Running Back impression by holding it like a loaf of bread, only for the ball to be punched out for a 49ers’ defensive touchdown. They hit the 2-point conversion thanks to very weak coverage by Tre Flowers (who, along with Jamar Taylor, had games they’d largely love to forget, save the end score), and there we were, 21-18.

Seahawks’ 12th Drive – As soon as that disaster sequence hit, I knew this game had completely shifted. And, look, I know momentum isn’t a real thing that you can quantify or whatever, but tell that to a fighter who’d been dominating only to take a surprise pop to the chops. It sets you back! It knocks you on your heels. And sometimes it takes a while to recover. When the Seahawks got the ball back for their 11th drive, they went 3 & Out; at that point, it was only a question of whether the 49ers would re-take the lead or just tie it up. They drove down, stalled just outside of the redzone, and their rookie kicker split the uprights right down the middle. With a little over 6 minutes left in the quarter, I’ll be honest, I knew the Seahawks COULD drive it back for a go-ahead score, but they also could’ve just-as-easily coughed it up and gagged this one away. Thankfully, we converted a couple third downs to take this game down under 2 minutes. So, to set the stage: 3rd & 1, 1:55 left in the quarter, the 49ers just used their first time out of the half. Carson ran for 9 yards on the previous two plays, so I understand the impulse to continue to hand him the rock, but you knew we were gonna run it, I knew we were gonna run it, and as such the 49ers sure as SHIT knew we were gonna run it! I desperately wanted the Seahawks to put this in Wilson’s hands, and was severely disappointed when we didn’t do it. Now, I get it, if you can’t pick up 3rd & 1, then how much of a damn are you worth? But, at the same time, HE’S THE MVP MAN! Let the chef cook! There was still a chance the Seahawks might go for it on 4th & 1 – we even lined up in a half-hearted attempt to get them to jump offsides – but we kicked it instead. Now, in the longterm, I’m sure that move will work gangbusters for Jason Myers’ confidence, but you know as well as I do that the LAST thing anyone wanted was to put the game on his leg, especially after his performance against the Bucs last week. To his credit, he nailed it.

49ers’ 13th Drive – All I can really remember about this drive are the multiple dropped game-sealing interceptions (at least one by K.J. and Bobby each), and the Ansah offsides penalty that I’m pretty sure saw him benched for the rest of the game. Jimmy G was sloppy as all get-out in this game – he probably should’ve had 4 or 5 picks in total – but they somehow found themselves in field goal range with a chance to send it to overtime. The rookie kicker made the kick of his life and there we were, headed to overtime.

Seahawks’ 14th Drive – Geno Smith won the coin toss. Either he said “tails” and the ref heard “heads”, or his accent made his call SOUND like tails, but either way it felt like a gift, as for the second week in a row, the Seahawks won the overtime coin toss. And, for the second week in a row, it looked like the Seahawks would drive down for a game-winning touchdown without allowing the other team to touch the ball. The Seahawks are conservative in many infuriating ways under Pete Carroll, but I love how aggressive we are in these situations, where it really makes zero sense to settle for three. In the end, this drive almost killed me. For starters, on 2nd & 10 at our own 46 yard line, Russell Wilson was nearly swallowed up once again, except he kept his legs churning and busted free for a significant gainer … only for the refs to call him “in the grasp” of the defender for a 6-yard sack. I mean, I was irate. Irate isn’t even a strong enough emotion! I hadn’t spoken a word since that 49ers’ fumble return for a touchdown, but I was cursing up a storm after that play! Vindication came in the conversion of 3rd & 16 to Malik Turner, who had a GREAT game and helped us overcome the loss of Lockett. Unfortunately, as we closed inside the redzone, Wilson lofted a ball short to Hollister on a wheel route that was picked off and returned to midfield (Lowkey Play of the Game #1 – Duane Brown hustling his ass down field to knock him out of bounds, as they had a convoy ready to take him into the endzone).

49ers’ 14th Drive – At this point, I closed out all the windows on my laptop. I was THIS close to rage-quitting on the game entirely and going to bed. I stuck it out only to see the 49ers get into field goal range. On 4th & 1 at the Seahawks’ 29-yard line, the 49ers lined up for the game-winner. I’m usually not one for icing the kicker; I generally think it’s stupid and pointless and a waste of time (also, it seems like the kicker – if he gets a chance to get a practice shot off before the play is whistled dead – always misses his first try before hitting the second). BUT, if icing the kicker was EVER going to work out, this was the situation: rookie kicker, his first start for a new team, Monday Night Football, a perfect season on the line, against Russell Wilson and the division-rival Seahawks. We weren’t able to ice him before overtime because we didn’t have any time outs, but this time we did, and I’m GLAD we made him think about it a couple minutes longer. He shanked it about as badly as you can shank a ball, and the Seahawks had new life!

Seahawks’ 16th Drive – Then, the Seahawks went 3 & Out, followed by the 49ers ALSO going 3 & Out. Those two drives combined took up less than 2 minutes of game clock, leaving Seattle with 1:25 to get down in range. This time, yeah, you kinda have to settle for the field goal, and either he makes it and totally redeems himself, or he doesn’t and we settle for the fallout of a tie and all the kicker jokes from a national audience. That doesn’t mean Wilson didn’t have another trick up his sleeve, eluding the pass rush on 3rd & 3 (avoiding yet another consecutive 3 & Out) to scramble for 18 yards. From there, it was 8 yards to D.K. and another 7 on the legs of Carson to get it to the 24-yard line. You can’t do much better than that with no time left. Jason Myers made us sweat – as it was about a foot or two away from sailing wide right – but he did it, and we were all able to rejoice!

There were so many wild swings in this game; it was truly almost too much to endure. I had about 15 heart attacks in total, but in the end the Seahawks are 8-2 and have positioned themselves perfectly to make a legitimate run at the NFC West and a Top 2 seed in the conference.

I can’t say enough about the defense. I won’t say I was wrong about what they WERE leading up to this game, but I was absolutely DEAD WRONG about what they’re capable of going forward, starting with last night. Clowney is a force to be reckoned with. He deserves Frank Clark money and THEN some. The biggest stars shine the brightest on the biggest stages, and Clowney proved he’s one of the NFL’s best defensive linemen, period.

But, there were others. Shaquill Griffin had the Lowkey Play of the Game # 2 on that final 49ers 3 & Out, when he recovered deep down field on 3rd down to swat the ball away. That thing – if caught by Deebo Samuel (who dominated, with 8 receptions for 112 yards) – was destined to go for a touchdown, and Griffin just BARELY got hands on it to keep the game alive.

Jarran Reed was all over the place with 1.5 sacks and the forced fumble. Poona Ford was in the backfield all night. Al Woods cleaned up a would-be Clowney sack. Wagner and Wright were warriors. We had competent safety play from BOTH safety positions for the first time all year. Just when I expected this defense to crumble late in the game – exhausted and bruised and worn down – they found ways to keep this team in it and make Jimmy G’s life a living hell. He’s going to have nightmares about this game for weeks!

Meanwhile, after our most difficult game of the season, the Seahawks get a BYE week at the perfect time. Hopefully Lockett will be okay. Hopefully Willson won’t miss any time. Hopefully Ed Dickson will be back. Hopefully everyone else is able to rest and recover and enjoy the time off before a HUGE stretch run that will ultimately see this team competing for a Super Bowl!

Shit’s getting real now. This is gonna be fun.