Seattle Sports Hell 2022 NFL Power Rankings #4

How many weeks in a row will the top team lose and fall in my rankings?! I can’t wait to find out!

High Tier

1 – Minnesota Vikings
2 – Kansas City Chiefs
3 – Philadelphia Eagles
4 – Dallas Cowboys
5 – Buffalo Bills
6 – Miami Dolphins

The Vikings impressed the shit out of me by going on the road and taking it to Buffalo. The Bills disappointed the shit out of me by blowing it at the end. Either way, part of me wonders if Kansas City shouldn’t be the top-ranked team here. But, the Vikes are on a roll and deserve all the glory. Philly had to lose sometime, losing at home to a pretty solid Washington team isn’t the worst thing in the world. And, kudos to the Dolphins, who look pretty great with Tua in there!

Medium-High Tier

7 – Baltimore Ravens
8 – San Francisco 49ers
9 – Tennessee Titans
10 – L.A. Chargers

The upper tiers are starting to dwindle, while the lower tiers are starting to balloon. I like these teams right where they are.

Medium Tier

11 – Cincinnati Bengals
12 – Tampa Bay Bucs
13 – Seattle Seahawks
14 – New York Giants
15 – Washington Commanders

Couple of missed opportunities for the likes of the Bengals and Seahawks not moving up a tier. The Bengals were on a BYE, so that would be idiotic to jump them a level when they didn’t even play. Also, part of me wonders if Washington isn’t too low! Who’da thunk it?

Medium-Low Tier

16 – Green Bay Packers
17 – Atlanta Falcons
18 – New England Patriots
19 – New York Jets
20 – Arizona Cardinals
21 – L.A. Rams
22 – Chicago Bears

Is that Packers win over the Cowboys the start of a breathtaking turnaround? Or is it just a fluke? The Falcons really biffed it against an inferior Panthers team. The Pats and Jets were on a BYE last week and I gotta admit, they were NOT missed on my TV screens. The Rams are a flat-out joke. And the Bears are more impressive and fun to watch with Fields running all over the place, but they’re not winning games, which hurts their stock.

Low Tier

23 – Detroit Lions
24 – New Orleans Saints
25 – Cleveland Browns
26 – Denver Broncos
27 – Indianapolis Colts
28 – Jacksonville Jaguars
29 – Pittsburgh Steelers
30 – Las Vegas Raiders
31 – Carolina Panthers
32 – Houston Texans

I might be a little hard on the Browns. I enjoy those plucky Lions! I think the Saints will be a lot better when they come to their senses and start Jameis again. The Broncos are going to need to do A LOT to get to my predicted 12 wins. The Colts won with Jeff Saturday as their coach! Because the Raiders are fucking atrocious! Of these teams, I think the Steelers have the potential to move up significantly. If Kenny Pickett can get going, and T.J. Watt can stay healthy, I’m not saying they’re a playoff team, but they could certainly play spoiler to one.

Seattle Sports Hell 2022 NFL Power Rankings #3

A little shake-up at the top, a lot of shake-up in the middle, and even a little nudge at the very bottom. It’s a wild and wacky (distracted) power rankings, so let me get it over with get to it.

High Tier

1 – Philadelphia Eagles
2 – Dallas Cowboys
3 – Buffalo Bills
4 – Kansas City Chiefs
5 – Minnesota Vikings

I can’t deny it anymore. I still question how viable the Eagles would be in a potential Super Bowl situation against the likes of the Bills or Chiefs, but they’re undefeated and look pretty great on both sides of the ball. Dallas catches a little boost as well, thanks to their elite defense and their good-enough offense. I still like the Bills over the Chiefs, but it’s unnerving that the Bills are prone to bad games against inferior opponents. And the Vikings just keep winning somehow! At this rate, they’re going to lock up the NFC North by Thanksgiving!

Medium-High Tier

6 – Miami Dolphins
7 – Baltimore Ravens
8 – San Francisco 49ers
9 – Tennessee Titans
10 – L.A. Chargers

I was highly impressed by the Ravens winning on Monday night in spite of most of their offensive weapons being injured. The Titans got dinged, but they also impressed by hanging tough against the Chiefs in spite of playing with a nothing QB. You can’t rate them super high as long as Malik Willis is under center, but everyone around him (including the coaches) is top notch.

Medium Tier

11 – Cincinnati Bengals
12 – Seattle Seahawks
13 – New York Giants
14 – Atlanta Falcons
15 – Tampa Bay Bucs
16 – Washington Commanders

I’m so very close to moving the Bengals and Seahawks up a tier. Any week now! I decided to break up the medium tier, because there were too many teams here, and because these medium teams are greatly differentiated by the next tier down. I think all of these teams are playoff contenders; I think all the teams below them are … not. Real impressed with Washington continuing to play teams tough in spite of all the turmoil around them. The Bucs are real interesting to me as well; I wonder if we’ll see improved play by them now that Tom Brady’s divorce is final.

Medium-Low Tier

17 – New England Patriots
18 – New York Jets
19 – L.A. Rams
20 – Green Bay Packers
21 – New Orleans Saints
22 – Chicago Bears
23 – Arizona Cardinals
24 – Denver Broncos

Mac Jones fucking sucks. Zach Wilson fucking sucks even more. The Rams are an all-around disaster (I think Stafford’s arm issues are limiting him greatly). The Packers are an even-bigger disaster, for all the obvious reasons. The Saints are stupid for continuing to start Andy Dalton over Jameis Winston (my quarterback-needy fantasy teams hate them for this as well). The Bears won’t be good until Fields can do something other than run with the ball (my dynasty league team loves him for this, though). The Cardinals won’t be good until they clean house from the top down. And the Broncos needed that BYE week in the worst way.

Low Tier

25 – Las Vegas Raiders
26 – Cleveland Browns
27 – Detroit Lions
28 – Jacksonville Jaguars
29 – Carolina Panthers
30 – Houston Texans
31 – Indianapolis Colts
32 – Pittsburgh Steelers

What happened to the fucking Raiders?! Nothing is as crazy as the Colts though, who seemingly have talent on defense, but are going with an atrocious quarterback, and just fired their head coach. That’s a team that’s intentionally tanking for a top pick. The problem is, they’re in the mix with a bunch of other teams, and that tie they got is doing them little favors. They might need to lose out to make a dent.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2022: Finally A Victory

It was an upset to end all upsets, in a week full of them across the NFL. RoundTine FINALLY got on the winning train, defeating Sloane N Steady 141.85 to 127.00.

All praise to Bailey Zappe, who already kind of strikes me as a superior option to Mac Jones. Now, I’ve got to worry about holding onto Zappe for as long as I can, just in case Bill Belichick opts to go with the less-heralded quarterback in the future. What has Mac Jones done to earn his job, other than be a first round pick? Based on my team’s fantasy numbers, not a whole helluva lot.

Zappe’s 25 points, combined with the 20 I got from Fields, gave me competent quarterback play for the first time all year. But, I couldn’t have done it without a ridiculous under-performance from my opponent, who had bad weeks from the likes of Aaron Rodgers, Zach Wilson, Mike Evans, and Nick Chubb (one of those guys isn’t like the others). It was such a random freak occurrence that I didn’t need to pick up a replacement tight end at all! Good, because with the need to roster yet another quarterback, I wasn’t going to anyway.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still safely in last place in the league, but my 1-5 record is tied with two other teams. It’s a real Gods N’ Clods kind of season, with three teams tied for first with a 5-1 record.

Here’s who I’ve got going this week:

  • QB Patriots (QB) @ Cle
  • QB Saints (QB) @ Ari
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. Det
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) @ LAC
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) vs. Det
  • Kenneth Walker (RB) @ LAC
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) @ Dal
  • Brian Robinson (RB) vs. GB
  • Evan McPherson (K) vs. Atl
  • TBD (DEF) vs. TBD

I’m looking to pick up Andy Dalton if/when Jameis Winston is declared out. That’s going to be a problem, of course, if they don’t declare him out, and just have him as the backup. At which point, I won’t have him to throw in my IR spot, which means I’ll be reduced to starting Justin Fields. Why don’t I just cut Justin Fields and pick up Dalton? Because one of them is a young, highly-rated player out of college last year, and the other is Andy Fucking Dalton. I’m not getting rid of the young guy with upside for a past-his-prime loser. We’re not playing for this week, we’re playing for the Consolation Bracket.

I’ve got Gabe Davis on a BYE, which isn’t the end of the world. I’m going with Robinson over Doubs, which might be a huge mistake, but I haven’t seen much of anything from Doubs in quite some time. However, I’ve also got the Rams’ defense on a BYE, which may necessitate a move of some kind. If I can’t pick up Dalton, I’ll look to fill that spot with a defense and try to get a full roster of guys going.

I did end up cutting Garrett Wilson to get out of the IR quagmire, so expect him to finally return to kicking ass and taking names. If this fuckface turns into a superstar, I’m going to lose my fucking mind.

I’m going up against another 1-5 team, The Lance Petemans. He’s the once-proud winner of our championship trophy multiple times over, going through a rough patch. Here’s his projected lineup:

  • Jared Goff (QB) @ Dal
  • Ryan Tannehill (QB) vs. Ind
  • Tyreek Hill (WR) vs. Pit
  • DeAndre Hopkins (WR) vs. NO
  • Clyde Edwards-Helaire (RB) @ SF
  • James Robinson (RB) vs. NYG
  • Gerald Everett (TE) vs. Sea
  • Keenan Allen (WR) vs. Sea
  • Nick Folk (K) vs. Chi
  • Dallas (DEF) vs. Det

He’s a wee bit injury-ravaged, and while his quarterback problems aren’t nearly as pronounced as mine, he’s still looking for upgrades at both spots. We’ll be seeing each other again most likely in the Consolation Bracket later this year, so I’m sure if my luck holds, I’ll win this week and lose when it matters most. Or, I’ll lose both times! Anything is possible! Any of those two things are possible.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2022: Points On The Bench

Yet another hopelessly futile defeat, 170.11 to 115.70. I got a lot from Gabe Davis and nothing from anyone else. Justin Fields had his best game of the season, with a whopping 21.1 points, but Bailey Zappe could only muster 11.9 against the worst fantasy defense in the NFL. Not that Davis Mills – my other potential option – was all that great either.

I didn’t leave a ton of points on my bench – mostly because my guys are incapable of scoring a ton of points – but I made more tactical errors that bit me in the ass. Starting Doubs and Wilson for their boom potential was a huge mistake. I sat D.K. and CeeDee, who both would’ve been improvements. I also had Gabe Davis on my bench in two other leagues, that very nearly cost me victories as a result.

On the plus side, Kenneth Walker had a good game (14.8 points) and with the Penny injury, looks to slot in as one of my starting running backs going forward. Ezekiel Elliott will be my other guy for now, even though Pollard has outscored him on the season. Eventually, I look forward to Brian Robinson being The Man, so I can sit both Dallas running backs, until one guy gets hurt and I can pound the other guy for a while.

I’m running into my first BYE week situation this week, as I need a tight end replacement for T.J. Hockenson. It’s idiotic that we have such small benches, yet have to keep a tight end AND a kicker, but the league has been fucking brainwashed into this moronic stance. So fuck me, I guess.

I tried to make a claim for the sham tight end that is Taysom Hill, but someone else had higher waiver priority. On the plus side, that takes me all the way up to the #3 waiver priority. On the downside, I’m currently unable to pick up any free agents while utilizing my IR spot, because technically none of my players have been ruled out this week. I’m holding off as a result. I’m expecting either Jameis or Mac Jones will have to sit, and I’ll pick up a tight end accordingly.

What happens if they’re both healthy? Well, consider this my silent protest for an increased bench, because I’m not giving up players I think can be useful down the line just to fill a tight end spot for one week.

Here’s my lineup for this week:

  • Mac Jones (QB) @ Cle
  • Justin Fields (QB) vs. Was
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) @ Phi
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) vs. Ari
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) @ Phi
  • Kenneth Walker (RB) vs. Ari
  • TBD (TE) @ TBD
  • Gabe Davis (WR) @ KC
  • Evan McPherson (K) @ NO
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) vs. Car

It’s time to stop fucking around with rookie receivers. Until they start producing at an outstanding level, Wilson and Doubs will sit on my bench. I may be frustrated by my veterans at times, but they’re the ones getting consistent points this year, so it’s time to ride them until further notice.

It’s also time to start taking injuries more seriously. If a guy is in so much pain that he misses a week, then is questionable and a game-time decision before starting the next week, he’s almost certainly not going to be any kind of productive in that second week. It might, indeed, take a few weeks for him to shake off the injury and return to form. Let’s call it the Gabe Davis Principle.

I’m going up against Sloane N Steady:

  • Aaron Rodgers (QB) vs. NYJ
  • Zach Wilson (QB) @ GB
  • Mike Evans (WR) @ Pit
  • Michael Pittman Jr. (WR) vs. Jax
  • Nick Chubb (RB) vs. NE
  • Dalvin Cook (RB) @ Mia
  • David Njoku (TE) vs. NE
  • Amari Cooper (WR) vs. NE
  • Ryan Succop (K) @ Pit
  • Baltimore (DEF) @ NYG

Yep. That looks like another massacre.

In my other fantasy leagues, I’m 5-0 and 4-1 respectively. That’s good for first place and tied-for-first-place. I promise you, I’m better than is indicated in this league.

The Seahawks’ Defense Is Fundamentally Broken

I think it’s safe to say the Seahawks aren’t actually good. But, I think you can also make the argument that the Seahawks aren’t bad either. 7-10 here we come.

One week after giving up 45 points to the Lions – a Lions team that was just shut out by the Patriots, even though they got their top receiver back – the Seahawks’ defense gave up 39 points to a Saints team missing Jameis Winston and Michael Thomas, in a 39-32 loss.

The offense was – once again – right there. Awesome job. Geno Smith was 16/25 for 268 with 3 TDs and 0 INTs. Kenneth Walker ran for 88 yards on 8 carries, including a 69 yard TD. Rashaad Penny – before breaking his leg and being lost for the season – ran for 54 yards on 8 carries of his own. Tyler Locket was 5 for 104 with 2 TDs, D.K. Metcalf was 5 for 88 with a TD. Just clicking, not quite on all cylinders (we were 1 of 10 on 3rd/4th downs), but pretty damn well. I will take 32 points every week if you’ll give ’em to me!

While I’ll say the Saints’ defense hasn’t been as good as expected coming into the season, they’re not God awful like ours. It’s actually an accomplishment to drop 32 points on them.

It’s legitimately alarming how terrible our defense is, though. You know what I’m sick of hearing about? Every single year, we go into the draft and the biggest need is “pass rusher”. Every single fucking year. It’s obscene! Just figure it the fuck out! Figure out a scheme that works, figure out the personnel you need to fit in the scheme, and figure out how to adjust on gamedays to get at the fucking quarterback! It can’t be as hard as we’re making it out to be! We shouldn’t have to have a Top 3 draft pick just to find a fucking pass rusher! Other teams find them all the damn time! What the fuck?!

But, that’s not even the half of it, because now we can’t stop the run either. Poona Ford and Bryan Mone are useless in this 3-4 defense. The linebackers are even less than useless, they’re actively sabotaging our success. The cornerbacks are weak and can’t tackle bigger runners. At some point, you have to question the heart and effort of this team, so I’ll do that here: I’m questioning the heart and effort of the Seattle Seahawks’ defense. You’re weak, you’re pathetic, and you need to do fucking better.

Can you believe what I thought about this team before the season started? It’s almost exactly the opposite to what they really are. I thought the defense would be good enough to keep us in (low scoring) games, and our offense might look good in spurts, but would ultimately be what held this team back. Quite the contrary! I did see Geno Smith take a couple sacks – and do a couple of roll-backward scramble drills – that he probably shouldn’t have. But, him in this scheme is better than I ever could’ve imagined in my wildest dreams. I’m still not ready to say I’m a believer, but he’s starting to do something to my brain. This is like finding out Santa Claus is legit real. This is like finding out space aliens are here and walking among us. This is the kind of stuff I’ve been conditioned to rule out as nonsense coming to life.

Geno Smith isn’t supposed to be this good. Yet, he’s playing so well, it’s breaking my brain. None of this computes.

It makes for entertaining, if low-stakes, football. I know this team isn’t good enough to compete for the division or even the playoffs, but they’re going to be in most games just based off of their offense (as long as they continue playing at this high level). Any sort of drop-off in offensive production better coincide with a drastic improvement in the defense, or it could get REAL ugly. “You Ain’t Got No Alibi” kind of ugly.

I don’t know what the rest of my week is going to look like, but I have to imagine it’s going to be Mariners-filled, so let’s get the next Seahawks preview out of the way now.

We return home to face the Cardinals. I can only describe the Cards as disappointing. They’re with us and the similarly-disappointing Rams as 2-3 teams, but I still see the Cards as the superior squad. I also see this as another potentially high scoring affair, so I’d look to pound the over if I were a betting man.

The Cards tend to get off to slow starts, then light the world on fire, so maybe bet the over on the second half for the Cards, and bet the over on the first half for the Seahawks. I dunno, get creative; there are lots of ways to make money on this game!

I’m seeing something in the realm of 34-24 Cardinals, with maybe the Seahawks holding a 14-6 lead in the first half. Then, the Cards just go to town in the second half. I don’t know who’s on there, other than Kyler Murray. He’s not a guy I’d want quarterbacking my team, but he can still rack up points with the best of ’em.

Are The Seahawks Actually Good?

Well, if we lose this weekend, I think the answer is a pretty safe “no”. In reality, this is a game we’re supposed to lose, but it’s going to look considerably worse when we lose while the Saints are missing Jameis Winston and probably Michael Thomas. Old Man Dalton carving us up? That’s going to be a REALLY bad look.

But, here’s the thing: if the Seahawks win, that’s back-to-back wins – on the road, in 10am starts (not that that’s a thing anymore, but I still think it’s impressive when we win with wonky body clocks) – against teams that are allegedly comparable to us. 50/50 games are everything in the NFL. Win more of those 50/50 games – while dominating the games you’re supposed to win, and not losing too many of the games you’re supposed to lose – and you’re looking at a playoff-contending team. I’m not saying that if we win against the Lions and Saints that we’ll make the playoffs – maybe they’re just terrible teams! – but it’s at least an interesting look.

If we win, I think the national narrative is going to be just that, though: Are The Seahawks Actually Good? It’s especially going to happen if Geno Smith continues to look like GENO SMITH!

I’ll be the first to admit I don’t know a ton about the Saints. They were projected to have a good defense, but I think that was vastly overblown. They’re 1-3 on the season, with a 1-point victory over the Falcons. Then, there were a couple of non-competitive losses to the Bucs and Panthers, before a 3-point loss to the Vikings in London. It’s early, but I think I may have overrated them heading into the season. Bad coaching? Mediocre quarterback play? Not a lot to really scare you.

Chris Olave looks like he could be a stud. I’d be worried about him. I’d be MORE worried about him if we had the Jameis deep ball to contend with, but I can’t imagine Andy Dalton’s Noodle Arm TM will take too many chances down field. Kamara is an obvious baller (when healthy), but he hasn’t been the same weapon since Drew Brees retired.

Nevertheless, the Seahawks’ defense is so bad right now, it might not matter. There’s a world where the Saints put up 30+ points and really embarrass us hard. That’s because I kinda have a hard time believing the Seahawks’ offense is THIS elite. My guess is we lose 30-22, where the Seahawks maybe get some garbage points to bring it to within one score late.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2022: You Snooze & Lose

I don’t know what to tell you. Jameis Winston has back fractures one week and he plays as normal. Then, all of a sudden, it’s too much? I had him locked into my starting lineup all week and really didn’t give it a second thought. What are the Saints going to do, start Andy Dalton? Yeah! They did! And, to make matters worse, the game was in London, so I was fast asleep by the time it was announced that Winston wouldn’t be out there. Dead to the world! Thanks NFL!

To be fair, it would not have mattered. No quarterback I could’ve picked up would’ve made up for my 185.13 – 117.30 drubbing. I could’ve played ALL available QBs and still lost!

I will say that it was nice to see T.J. Hockenson make good on his promise. I held onto him for so long through the end of last year, I kept him over Mike Gesicki, and wouldn’t you know it? He finally made me look like a smart guy!

Justin Fields continues to look like a fucking steaming pile of dogshit. 11.9. Against the New York Football Giants. What can you even say about how inept he – and that offense – is?

No roster moves this week. I’m licking my wounds, hoping Winston makes it back. Moreover, I’m REALLY hoping Mac Jones has a chance to play, because the Pats are going up against the Lions and their circus show on defense. I’m not holding my breath, though. Here’s who I’ve got, tentatively:

  • Jameis Winston (QB) vs. Sea
  • Justin Fields (QB) @ MIN
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) @ LAR
  • Romeo Doubs (WR) vs. NYG
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) @ LAR
  • Tony Pollard (RB) @ LAR
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) @ NE
  • Gabe Davis (WR) vs. Pit
  • Evan McPherson (K) @ Bal
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) vs. Dal

We lost Javonte Williams for the year. At the time of this writing, I could pick up Melvin Gordon, but I won’t. I don’t trust him (fumbler) and I don’t think the team does either. I think that’ll turn into a wild merry-go-round of whoever is the hot hand at the time. No thanks. I have Williams in my IR slot – presumably for the rest of the year – but he has one of the worst kinds of knee injuries, and I don’t know if I will want to bother with that mess. Maybe I abandon the Denver running game. I dunno, I’ll give it more thought later.

My ideal scenario is that Mac Jones makes a triumphant return, because then I would actually love my quarterback matchups. I’m praying that Jameis can get back to the field, because Seattle is ripe to be shredded. But, even if I have to go with Fields, I can think of a worse fate than him against the Vikings.

Ken Walker is firmly the #2 in Seattle, so I can’t play him yet. Brian Robinson is off the NFI list this week, but that doesn’t mean he’ll be active. There is hope he might be, though, but that doesn’t mean he’ll be starting. There’s a lot I need to actually see from someone who was just shot a bunch of times before I can trust playing him. So, I’m doubling up on the Cowboys running backs, hoping between them we can approach 30 points. Pipe dream, I know.

I’m benching D.K. Metcalf again, and that’s probably a mistake. But, I don’t expect the Seahawks to repeat what they were able to do against the Lions in New Orleans. They have a lockdown corner in Marshon Lattimore, for starters, who can get in Metcalf’s head. I also don’t think the Seahawks’ offense will be nearly as effective on the road against a competent defense, so I’m playing the odds here. I also have Garrett Wilson on my bench because of course the week after everyone said he’s a “Must Add”, he’s done little-to-nothing. Fantasy Experts: They’re Just Like Us (Morons).

RoundTine has Einfach A.F. as its opponent this week. Yeah, I don’t get the name either. He’s the other 0-4 team in our league at the moment, but he has a whopping 152.75 more points than me. He will get his first win of the season this week. Here’s who he’ll do it with:

  • Matthew Stafford (QB) vs. Dal
  • Jalen Hurts (QB) @ AZ
  • Stefon Diggs (WR) vs. Pit
  • Deebo Samuel (WR) @ Car
  • Chase Edmonds (RB) @ NYJ
  • Rashaad Penny (RB) @ NO
  • Zach Ertz (TE) vs. Phi
  • Devin Duvernay (RB) vs. Cin
  • Justin Tucker (K) vs. Cin
  • Green Bay (DEF) vs. NYG

In Guys I Have In Other Leagues News: I’ll be rooting hard for Ertz and the Packers’ defense.

He had a week like I did last week, accidentally leaving in Cordarrelle Patterson even though he was ruled out late. I’m assuming he’ll get Penny in there at some point this week, but you never can tell sometimes.

Hurts is elite. Diggs is having a helluva year (one year after I had him in another league and he did Just Okay). Deebo is an animal. Again, I will lose, and it won’t be particularly close.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2022: The Dark At The End Of The Tunnel

It was another demoralizing defeat, it’s fine. This time, it wasn’t quite the bloodbath; I only just BARELY scored the fewest points in the league (the team I lost to the previous week – the team who scored the most that week – just edged me out by .05 points this past week). Car Talk With Josh Allen defeated RoundTine 142.95 to 117.25.

I got 2 points from Justin Fields. He’s looking like utter trash from a fantasy perspective. I would hold out hope for Mac Jones (who managed 13.15 points), but he just suffered a severe high ankle sprain. That means more Fields; lucky me!

Gabe Davis didn’t do much of anything for me; looked like he dropped a TD pass in that one. Everyone else did just sort of okay, but when you’re getting that kind of nothing out of your two QB spots, it’s going to be hard to get over the 100-point hump week-in and week-out. Even if I were able to cherry-pick my very best lineup, I still would’ve lost by a marginal amount, so I’m not too devastated. My calls would’ve been proven right had Davis nabbed that touchdown.

No waiver claims this week, but I did pick up Romeo Doubs from the Packers as a free agent. Once again, we’re playing for the future, and so I’m on the rookie receiver trail, hoping to find the next Justin Jefferson. I already picked up Garrett Wilson, now I have Doubs. In his place, I dropped Diontae Johnson, who is perfectly fine, but he’s got Mitch Trubisky throwing to him. That’s not reliable. Eventually, he’ll have a brand new rookie quarterback throwing to him. That’s also not reliable. Plus, there’s a lot of competition for targets in that offense. It all adds up to a nice little pick-up for someone else in the league to get a dependable receiver going forward.

Meanwhile, I get Doubs, who (for now) has Aaron Rodgers throwing to him. I like that a lot more. That seems VERY reliable.

It’s on to next week, against Beasts, one of the best fantasy football owners I know. Here’s who I’ve got:

  • Jameis Winston (QB) vs. Min
  • Justin Fields (QB) @ NYG
  • Gabe Davis (WR) @ Bal
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) @ Det
  • Javonte Williams (RB) @ LV
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) vs. Was
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) vs. Sea
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. Was
  • Evan McPherson (K) vs. Mia
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) @ SF

I’m sitting Doubs because I’m always reluctant to immediately start my brand new lottery ticket. I did the same thing with Wilson last week and was proven correct, as he only got 12 points. I’ve still got Wilson on my bench this week, waiting for a matchup that isn’t the Steelers. He still got a great target share last week, but I think I’m also waiting for Joe Flacco to not be his quarterback anymore. Zach Wilson can return anytime he likes, as far as I’m concerned!

Do you want to see a dynasty team that’s LOADED? Take a look at Beasts:

  • Justin Herbert (QB) @ Hou
  • Russell Wilson (QB) @ LV
  • Cooper Kupp (WR) @ SF
  • Courtland Sutton (WR) @ LV
  • Christian McCaffrey (RB) vs. Ari
  • Derrick Henry (RB) @ IND
  • Mark Andrews (TE) vs. Buf
  • Tyler Lockett (RB) @ Det
  • Tyler Bass (K) @ Bal
  • Tampa Bay (DEF) vs. KC

He might have to swap Herbert out due to injury, but otherwise this is a cakewalk. Do you know what it’s like to go into a contest and know – without a shadow of a doubt – that you’re going to lose? It’s like if I walked into a ring with vintage Mike Tyson. Hell, it would be like walking into a ring with TODAY Mike Tyson! What would it take for me to even be competitive? Every single one of my players would have to have the game of his life, and even then I’d get -4.05 from Fields and lose by 20.

I’d be more demoralized if I wasn’t a combined 5-1 in my other two leagues. I can still do this! I can still be a smart fantasy football guy! I just got trapped inside a hell of my own making with this league.

At one point, Tua was my future. I let him go. At one point, I had Tyreek Hill, and I traded him for some magic beans. At one point, I could’ve had Herbert or Dak or Hurts. Hell, I could’ve had Jared Goff this year and instead I opted for a fifth receiver I don’t really need! This quarterback conundrum has been neverending, for the better part of a decade. Even when I thought I had a good one, I managed to get him in the absolute worst year of his career (I’m having flashbacks to Matt Ryan and Philip Rivers at their pre-old guy nadirs). In this league, I can’t do anything right. Even when I think I’ve gotten everything BUT the quarterback position settled, it’s all just kind of mediocre. I’m in another league where I took that strategy, and it’s working splendidly. But, this league? For whatever reason, my non-quarterbacks can’t seem to get much more than 10 points per week, and often get far less.

I think that’s why I’m reluctant to move on from Jones or Fields. If Tua can do what he’s done so far this year, why couldn’t Fields – at some point – develop into the kind of player who can get me 40+ points? He was great in college, like Tua. He’s not necessarily super mobile with his legs, like Tua. He’s starting out his NFL career without much in the way of offensive talent around him, like Tua. Why couldn’t he blossom in Year 3 or Year 4?

There’s no reason why I shouldn’t be patient. It’s not like these guys are going anywhere. I’m guaranteed at least a top 4 pick for next year. Here’s hoping I’ll find someone among the incoming rookie class to hang my hat on.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2022: The Worst Around

Well, I scored easily the lowest points in our league last week, and I went up against the team who scored the very most. Through two weeks, I’ve scored easily the lowest points in our league, and for good measure I’ve had the most points scored against me. So, that’s fun. That’s a neat little parlor trick.

I don’t really have anything to say about my performance last week, since there was nothing I could do. Besides build a time machine, go back in time, and draft all the players I should’ve drafted in the first place – years ago – to ensure my team wouldn’t be this inept when we finally made it a dynasty league. As I said on Twitter, when you have four quarterbacks (for a 2-QB league), you really have zero quarterbacks, and that adage holds true. If there was a “right” play to be had, I would’ve went with Mac Jones (a measly 15.2) and Davis Mills (8.95). I went with Mills and Winston (the lowest of all – my “safe” bet – at 6.00), while Fields was saddled with 7.5.

I decided to make this my week to shake things up a bit. I had a good-enough waiver priority slot to get one move done. So, I had my choice: I could make a play for Garrett Wilson – rookie receiver from the Jets – or I could get Jared Goff. I made claims for both – prioritizing Wilson – and I already regret it. I don’t necessarily regret waiving Davis Mills for him, because I don’t think his noodle arm is ever going to be a massive fantasy talent (famous last words). But, Goff was probably my one and only chance to find a high-upside fantasy quarterback for nothing, and I let him fall to The Lance Petemans.

Long-term, I don’t know what Goff is. With Amon-Ra St. Brown, he’s certainly found a stud he can ride to big fantasy days. But, is this sustainable? Regardless, he’s better than the nothing I’m getting from Jones and Fields, and he seems to be more steady than the wild fluctuations of Jameis. Is he a quality #2 quarterback going forward, even beyond this season? Maybe!

Ultimately, I went with Wilson because I wanted to cash in on a rookie receiver craze. Will he be the next Justin Jefferson? Will he be this year’s Ja’Marr Chase? Probably not. Did I just blow any opportunity at having fun with this league this season? It’s highly likely. I’m up to five receivers now, and the most you can keep/play is three, so what are we doing?

This week, I go up against Car Talk With Josh Allen. As you might suspect, he’s got Josh Allen on his team, so look for him to put up 50+ (that’s the trend, first with Mahomes, then with Tua of all people). I, decidedly, do not have Josh Allen, or anyone even close to his calibre, so I’m looking to cruise to an 0-3 record by the time the morning games conclude on Sunday. Here’s the RoundTine roster:

  • Jameis Winston (QB) @ Car
  • Justin Fields (QB) vs. Hou
  • Gabe Davis (WR) @ Mia
  • Diontae Johnson (WR) @ Cle
  • Javonte Williams (RB) vs. SF
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) @ NYG
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) @ Min
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) vs. Atl
  • Evan McPherson (K) @ NYJ
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) @ Ari

It is, as always, a useless decision between Fields and Jones. Jones is at home against Baltimore. Baltimore just gave up a billion points to Tua last week. But, clearly, the Pats don’t have the kinds of weapons that the Dolphins have. Houston seems to be a tasty matchup, so I’m hoping to see ANYTHING out of Fields resembling a break out performance.

I’m sitting Wilson for another week, just to make sure he’s not a fluke. I’m playing D.K. because I like him at home against a paltry Falcons defense. I’ll play Gabe Davis if he’s healthy. My ultimate decision comes down to Diontae Johnson and CeeDee Lamb. If Gabe looks hurt, then it’s no decision at all, and I’ll just play them both. But, if Gabe looks on track early in the week (like, today or tomorrow) to return, then I’ll have to make a choice ahead of Thursday’s game. The more I think about it (Steelers offense against a potentially-stout Cleveland defense on the road), the more I think the Steelers will be toast in this one, at least offensively.

As for the running backs, I’m just biding my time until Walker and/or Brian Robinson take over starting duties for their respective teams. T.J. Hockenson – my tight end – is in the running for most disappointing player of 2022, which is really saying something, given the state of my roster.

Here’s my opponent:

  • Josh Allen (QB) @ Mia
  • Tom Brady (QB) vs. GB
  • Brandin Cooks (WR) @ Chi
  • Christian Kirk (WR) @ LAC
  • Joe Mixon (RB) @ NYJ
  • Aaron Jones (RB) @ TB
  • Travis Kelce (TE) @ IND
  • Leonard Fournette (RB) vs. GB
  • Nick Folk (K) vs. Bal
  • Cleveland (DEF) vs. Pit

It’s yet another bloodbath waiting to happen.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2022: What A Stupid, Idiotic Game

It’s supposed to be fun, right? Fantasy football is supposed to be a fun, entertaining lark. A way to enhance the already-enjoyable experience of watching actual football every Sunday. But, what is it really? It’s something to obsess about, to stress over, to watch in horror and/or misery as – every week – your team lets you down in one way or another. And even if you’re fortunate enough to prevail, what does that get you? A brief, temporary reprieve from all the negativity? Whatever it is, it’s short-lived, because as early as Sunday night, you’re right back at it, looking at how you want to set your lineup for the next week!

Fantasy football is a waking nightmare from September until January. Why do we put ourselves through this?

Ostensibly, usually we do this with our friends, and it’s nice to have that connection. It’s nice to check in – even if it’s only once or twice a year – to say hello and bust balls and whatnot, during the draft and off-season meeting. But, the rest of the time? You’re actively ruining one another’s existence with the outcome of these games!

Suffice it to say, RoundTine (you know, like the old Seinfeld gag about Ovaltine … the mug is round, the jar is round …) did not have a good week. As expected, I got nothing out of my Cowboys running back (I went with Pollard over Zeke, but neither one was worth a damn). Unexpectedly, though, CeeDee Lamb is a total turd and decidedly NOT a number one receiver in this league. So, that’s great. I’m so happy the fantasy football know-it-alls have been pumping him up for the last two years. These fucking morons get it right MAYBE 50% of the time, and yet they can’t shit without telling you all the “great calls” they made. For every Gabe Davis, there are thousands of CeeDee Lambs, and we should call this kind of punditry what it really is: a total fucking crapshoot.

I was pretty happy with Gabe Davis, that might be the one fantasy football move I’ve made in this league over the last five seasons that actually works out in my favor. But, he couldn’t possibly make up for all the dreadful decisions I’ve made. Mac Jones, for instance, did nothing. T.J. Hockenson did nothing. I got a pretty good game out of Jameis, but he’s hot one week and ice cold the next. I was able to pick up Baltimore’s defense, which was nice to have against a bumbling Jets team, but how many inept offenses will they go up against this year? And how long can I afford to hold two defenses, when I’m dealing with two injured running backs and only one IR spot to take advantage of?

It didn’t help that I was going up against a buzzsaw, who had a 70+ point lead over me heading into Monday night. Nearly 50 from Mahomes, 30 from Davante Adams, 20+ from Miami’s defense and Antonio Gibson. That’s just an impossible gauntlet to try to get through, especially for my team. I need opponents who have uncharacteristically bad weeks. This was someone who outscored his projected points by 12. Final score 171.50 to 129.10.

This week, I face Toot Cannons. Let’s see who I’ve got at my disposal:

  • Jameis Winston (QB) vs. TB
  • Mac Jones (QB) @ Pit
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. Cin
  • Diontae Johnson (WR) vs. NE
  • Javonte Williams (RB) vs. Hou
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) vs. Cin
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) vs. Was
  • Gabe Davis (WR) vs. Ten
  • Evan McPherson (K) @ Dal
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) vs. Atl

I didn’t put in any waiver claims this week. No one really jumped out at me. So, for what it’s worth, I’m up to 5th in waiver priority. We’ll see how high I can get, or what that will ultimately net me.

I did make a free agent pick up. Quarterback Davis Mills in exchange for the Baltimore defense. I’m rebuilding, it makes zero sense to hold onto multiple defenses. But, here we go. That brings me to 4 quarterbacks on my roster. I’m in this fucking quagmire for another season.

I opted for James and Mac based on matchups. I don’t love Jones going up against the Steelers on the road, but who are my alternatives? Fields on the road against a great Packers defense? Mills on the road against a great and pissed off Broncos defense? I might still switch out this spot 40 times between now and Sunday, but for now that’s my rationale. Just go with Yahoo’s expected points, who has Jones a fraction ahead of Fields (who are both a good 5 points ahead of Mills).

I opted to bench D.K. because I think the Seahawks are going to have a LONG day offensively against the 49ers on the road. I was pretty happy with Javonte Williams for the Broncos and think he’ll be a Must Start as long as he’s healthy. I went back to Zeke in hopes that the Cowboys go run-heavy without Dak; maybe he’ll get me a TD for my trouble. Not a lot of alternatives on my roster; Kenneth Walker might return this week, but he’ll be decidedly behind Penny for quite some time, methinks.

Here’s Toot Cannons:

  • Kyler Murray (QB) @ LV
  • Tua Tagovailoa (QB) @ Bal
  • Tee Higgins (WR) @ Dal
  • Justin Jefferson (WR) @ Phi
  • Najee Harris (RB) vs. NE
  • Saquon Barkley (RB) vs. Car
  • Darren Waller (TE) vs. Ari
  • Mike Williams (WR) @ KC
  • Harrison Butker (K) vs. LAC
  • San Francisco (DEF) vs. Sea

He’s got some injury issues already; we’ll see if Higgins or Harris play. Also, his kicker might be out? Will that be worth rostering a second kicker for a week? As always, though, he’s got plenty on his bench to make up for it. Michael Carter for the Jets and Rashod Bateman for the Ravens are both steps down, but should be more than enough to get the job done against my pathetic team.

Toot Cannons is really looking to make a comeback this year, with a rejuvenated Barkley kicking ass and taking names. Jefferson and Murray are both point-hogs. Waller should have a better week against some shaky linebackers on the Cards. Mike Williams looks to ascend to the team’s #1 receiver role with Keenan Allen potentially out this Thursday. Even Tua looks decent with all those weapons around him!

Toot Cannons could defeat RoundTine with one hand tied behind his back. Here we go.