Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2021: How Low Can We Go?

Snoopy & Prickly Pete lost to Sloane N Steady 178.00 – 115.33. Thankfully, it didn’t matter that I started A.J. Brown over D.K. Metcalf (a 20-point swing), nor did it matter that I started Taylor Heinicke over Jameis Winston (a 26.15-point swing), because I got very little out of Mac Jones, CEH landed on the IR, Justin Tucker somehow only got me 3 points in game where the Ravens scored 31, and Noah Fant did Noah Fant things (which involve, almost exclusively, disappointing me). Of course, benching Metcalf, and continuing to refuse to start Jameis speaks to my poor fantasy football instincts. Should I even be allowed to run this team anymore? I’ll take your answer off the air.

That game dropped me to 1-4 on the season, in last place (tied with another 1-4 team, but he has over 100 more points than me).

Someone dropped 49ers running back Trey Sermon, so I made him a waiver claim this week. He’s not doing much of anything right now, but this whole year is dedicated to playing for next year, so my goal is to keep him (and pray he ends the year as a viable replacement for CEH). I waived Jimmy G, who has exhausted all his usefulness to me. He won’t be the starting quarterback there for long, and he’s obviously not a keeper candidate, so there’s no point in dragging his carcass through the season.

Once my claim went through, I needed to make another move. Because, with CEH officially hitting the IR, I needed to pick up a second running back to play this week. The only other running back I had on my roster was another 49er – Jeff Wilson – who is on the PUP list and won’t return for another few weeks. So, I dropped him, moved CEH to my IR spot, and picked up Bears running back Khalil Herbert.

Herbert took a bunch of snaps away from Damien Williams last week – who both played in pretty much a 50/50 share with David Montgomery on the shelf – but is slated to get the lion’s share of the running back load with Williams on the COVID IR. I very well may have to stream a second running back from week to week, but here’s hoping Herbert turns out to be something.

Here’s my lineup for Week 6:

  • Taylor Heinicke (QB) vs. KC
  • Mac Jones (QB) vs. DAL
  • Diontae Johnson (WR) vs. SEA
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) @ PIT
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) @ NE
  • Khalil Herbert (RB) vs. GB
  • Noah Fant (TE) vs. LV
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) @ NE
  • Justin Tucker (K) vs. LAC
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) @ NYG

This week, Jameis is on a BYE, and Justin Fields is going up against Green Bay. Fields had a season-high 11.95 points last week against the Raiders in a victory. He didn’t have to do much and doesn’t seem to be anywhere close to a viable fantasy quarterback. I don’t love the Mac Jones matchup against the Cowboys – whereas Fields against a poor Packers defense might actually be interesting – but at least Jones has a couple 20-point games under his belt. I need to see literally ANYTHING from Fields before I can put him back in my starting lineup.

With Trey Sermon also on a BYE, the only other skill guy I have is A.J. Brown. I’m benching him because he still fucking sucks, though I may insert him over Metcalf, because I don’t trust Geno Smith to get him the ball as far as I can throw him. I may also have my hand forced because Metcalf is dealing with injury issues and could possibly sit for this game.

I’m going up against Space Forcin’, who had two guys go last night:

  • Patrick Mahomes (QB) @ WAS
  • Tom Brady (QB) @ PHI
  • Davante Adams (WR) @ CHI
  • Chris Godwin (WR) @ PHI
  • Antonio Gibson (RB) vs. KC
  • Chase Edmonds (RB) @ CLE
  • Dalton Schultz (TE) @ NE
  • Brandin Cooks (WR) @ IND
  • Matt Prater (K) @ CLE
  • Carolina (DEF) vs. MIN

Brady and Godwin already combined for 14 points under their expected totals, which should help a great deal. Mahomes, on the other hand, could easily make up for that all by himself (against a TERRIBLE Football Team defense). I don’t love Edmonds against the Browns, and I think Schultz could be in for a long game against the Pats. Luckily, I avoided Alvin Kamara, who is on BYE this week.

I’m happy I got the 49ers running back, but I’m still pretty dismayed that zero of the quarterbacks on my roster have emerged. This is not the way I wanted this season to go.

Splinter League Round-Up!

I kicked some fuckin’ ass last week, over the guy who had Lamar Jackson and his 60+ points. It was my first 200-point week! My lowest total came from my 49ers defense, and that was still a respectable 11 points. This week, I’m already in a huge fucking hole, though, as both Evans and Godwin stunk it up last night. Kamara is on bye, which hurts, but I get another week out of Hubbard. I also managed to nab the Colts’ defense, with the 49ers on BYE; they’re expected to CRUSH Houston, so watch them give up 35 points. I can’t keep playing .500 ball all year and expect to make the 4-team playoffs! My team is too good for this!

The Seahawks Still Have Something To Play For In Week 17

For a while there, the Seahawks were renown for the way they closed out seasons. From 2012-2015, the Seahawks were 16-3 in the months of December and early January in the regular season; from 2016-2019, that record has dipped to 11-9. Even in those recent lean years, the Seahawks have been better in the second halves of seasons than in the early going (with one notable exception in 2017, as you’ll see below). Here are some of the crazy streaks the Seahawks have gone on in the Russell Wilson Era:

  • 2012: won 7 of last 8, finished 11-5
  • 2013: won 9 of last 11, finished 13-3
  • 2014: won 9 of last 10, finished 12-4
  • 2015: won 6 of last 7, finished 10-6
  • 2016: won 6 of last 9, finished 10-5-1
  • 2017: won 4 of last 9, finished 9-7
  • 2018: won 6 of last 7, finished 10-6
  • 2019: won 6 of last 9, finished 11-5

So far, with one game to go, the Seahawks have won 3/4 in December, and 5 of our last 6 games. It would be nice to go out on a high note, because as I’ve already written about, the Seahawks do have something to play for.

Also, let’s face it, we have no business losing to these 49ers. They are DECIMATED by injuries! The runners up from the previous season’s Super Bowl are notorious for having underwhelming seasons the following years, but this is truly a sight to behold. Last year’s 49ers were probably the best and most complete team in the NFL. Of course, even at their best, we still somehow managed to hang around until the bitter end. But, either way, there’s no reason why they shouldn’t have continued dominating games in 2020 (not for nothing, but I’m projecting the 49ers to bounce back in a BIG way in 2021).

Except for the fact that, as we head into the final game of the season, they’re missing their top two quarterbacks, their top two wide receivers, their top two or three running backs, at least two or three amazing defensive linemen, who knows how many offensive linemen, and at least Richard Sherman from the secondary. Look, I’m not a 49ers fan, so I don’t have the full rundown of players who have missed time this season, but if any fanbase can claim “bad injury luck” as an excuse, I’ll give it up to … whatever they call themselves (the Moustache Riders?).

He’ll always be the 49er Miner to me …

The Packers and Saints play at the same time as the Seahawks on Sunday. So, it’ll be interesting to see whether or not they get out to big early leads. Obviously, if both the favorites are up by 20 in the first halves of their respective games, there won’t be as much of a need for the Seahawks to go all-out. I would also say, for anyone still trying to come back from injury (I’m looking at you, Brandon Shell), maybe take an extra week and don’t try to push it. But, otherwise, I do think it’s important for the Seahawks to come out here and put a complete and dominant game on film, if for nothing else than the confidence boost it will mean as we head into the playoffs next week.

Priority Number One, of course, is to stay healthy. In the grand scheme of things – since we’ve already clinched our spot in the playoffs and as division champs – there isn’t a big difference between winning and losing this game, since odds are we won’t rise from the 3-seed even if we prevail. But, Priority Number Two should be: getting the offense – and, in particular, Russell Wilson – back on track.

After that, we should be all right. I don’t think it should require a Herculean effort to win this one. I know the 49ers just beat the Cardinals last week, in relatively-impressive fashion, but come on. They’re starting C.J. Beathard at quarterback and Jeff Wilson at running back. If we did what we just did to the Rams last week, then we should be able to pound the 49ers into submission!

I’m expecting something like a 27-17 Seahawks victory that no one will ever remember beyond this Sunday. That’s the best-case scenario. If this game IS memorable, for any reason, then I think that’s a really bad sign, and we should all be VERY worried about 2021 and what’s in store for us as a society!