The Seahawks Blew Out A Terrible Texans Team

As a fan, when you get too close to a team – you obsess about them week-to-week, you sit enrapt during every game, you might even pour over the footage after it’s done to try to glean extra nuggets of information to spout out on your social media outlet of choice – it’s easy to get swept up by the rollercoaster.

  • Week 1 – The Seahawks handily beat the Colts, we’re headed to the Super Bowl!
  • Week 3 – The Seahawks blew two winnable games in a row, fuck my life
  • Week 4 – The Seahawks stole one from the 49ers, maybe we’re okay
  • Week 5 – Russell Wilson’s hurt, please kill me
  • Week 7 – We’re 2-5, stick a fork in us
  • Week 8 – We’re 3-5 with the BYE coming up, let’s see if Russ comes back
  • Week 9 – Russ is back, just in time!
  • Week 10 – Shut out at Green Bay, uh oh
  • Week 12 – Lost three in a row, 3-8 overall, season’s over
  • Week 14 – Won two in a row, so you’re sayin’ there’s a chance …

Sure, technically, if the Seahawks win out, they’re 9-8. 9-8 is probably enough to make the 7-seed in the NFC (that’s ignoring the fact that 6 of those 8 losses are to NFC teams, which probably precludes us from that particular very important tie-breaker, but that’s neither here nor there), but what happens when the Seahawks lose to the Rams this week? Then, we have to try to talk ourselves into an 8-9 team making the playoffs? Where does it end?!

My point from above (if this is even interesting to talk about at all), is that it’s a lot easier to avoid that rollercoaster of emotion – and see this team for what it is – when you’re not as invested. When you stop obsessing about them as much during the week, and when you blow off halves or entire games on Sunday, and go out and live your life.

I watched the first half of this Texans/Seahawks game, and you know what I saw? I saw the REAL Seahawks. I saw a team with superior talent struggle to cling to a 16-13 lead at halftime. I saw a defense with very little pass rush and soft coverage let a nobody quarterback march his team up and down the field. I saw an offense with a terrible line give up repeated pressure. Sure, I saw some good things too, but they were drowning in mediocre results.

And then I brushed my teeth and washed my face and left the house to go do something more enjoyable. What was there for me in the second half of that game? Well, as it turns out, there was a 17-0 finish in favor of the Seahawks, to give the game its 33-13 final. But, it just as easily could’ve been some weird scenario where the Seahawks keep shooting themselves in the foot on offense, and squander the game away late. Is Davis Mills really THAT much worse than Colt McCoy? And Colt McCoy has beaten us in back-to-back seasons!

You watch that second half, and you might go on to delude yourself into thinking this is a Seahawks team that’s capable of making the playoffs. But, the taste that’s still left in my mouth? It’s not nearly so scrumptious. I’ve missed the best parts of the last two weeks (the entire victory over the 49ers, and the half against the Texans where it was a Seahawks rout), so my last visions of these guys are a baffling loss to the Washington Football Team, and whatever I saw in the first half yesterday morning.

My outlook is far less rosy. My hunch is: the Seahawks go 2-2 the rest of the way (and not necessarily the 2-2 that you THINK is going to happen – where we beat the Bears & Lions at home and lose to the Rams & Cards on the road), finish 7-10, and hand-deliver the Jets a quality draft pick very close to the top 10.

Some interesting nuggets from this Texans game include Rashaad Penny busting out for 137 yards on 16 carries (including 2 TDs). I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Penny could’ve run for 300 yards against the Texans and I still wouldn’t trust him with a contract extension if I were the Seahawks. DON’T get suckered in! Let him walk! Especially if there’s an ounce of a possibility that Chris Carson recovers and returns next year. Just, please, give us all a fucking break. Penny had a good game; I hope he has a great end to this season. And then I hope he signs on elsewhere and has a lovely finish to his career with another team. I’m done, you hear?!

Pretty decent game for the Russell Wilson to Tyler Lockett connection. Wilson had 260 yards overall (17/28 passing) with 2 TDs and 0 INTs. Lockett caught 5 of those for 142 and a TD. That somehow left only table scraps for my guy D.K. Metcalf, but you can’t win ’em all.

Al Woods had another monster game in this one; boy is he fun to watch when he’s wreaking havoc! Give him half a sack and a tackle for loss (5 tackles total). Darrell Taylor had another sack, bringing his total to 6 on the season (a team high). Also, Bobby Wagner had another 15 sacks, to give him approximately a billion on the year (or 152, to lead the NFL, because all guys who lead the league in tackles are on mediocre defenses, it’s a rule; Jordyn Brooks is third in the NFL with 135).

I dunno. More guys got injured in this one, Jason Myers missed two extra points, and only two of Michael Dickson’s four punts were inside the 20 yard line. You hate to see it.

The Seahawks Stink: Welcome To My TED Talk

What do the Seahawks do well? Maybe let’s start there.

Yeah, I dunno. I can’t really look at anyone and say they’re making a huge positive impact. Maybe Darrell Taylor, but he has a neck injury that’s at least serious-enough to keep him out of an important Monday Night Football game.

Start at the top: Pete Carroll, bless his heart, those rose-colored glasses must be fading to a putrid brown sludge at this point. I don’t know what he sees in this team, but Bubba, it ain’t there!

I understand the thinking against the Steelers: they’re teeing off on our quarterback, so let’s emphasize the run in the second half and get something going. Well, that wasn’t going to work against these Saints. For starters, we just don’t have the dudes along the O-Line. They’re TERRIBLE! Oh my God, if I never have to watch a center on roller skates again, it’ll be too soon. They can’t pass protect, they can’t run block, but they can sure as shit be overpaid and useless!

The play-calling left a lot to be desired, though Offensive Coordinator is too easy of a scapegoat, and I’ve already got my work cut out for me bitching about the Washington Huskies right now, so I’m just going to give Shane Waldron an F and move on with my life.

The quarterback play is what it is. Geno Smith is Geno Smith; there’s a reason why he’s a backup. That reason is: he hasn’t had to play any meaningful football since 2017 and everyone forgot why he was so terrible in the first place. Do you know what it’s been like being a Seahawks fan since 2019 and living with the delusion that we have “one of the best backup quarterbacks in the NFL”? Of course you don’t, because we’ve all been in a medically-induced coma! This groggy, depressed feeling we’re experiencing now? It’s like just waking up after chugging two bottles of NyQuil. Geno Smith is that abrasive old-school alarm clock yanking you out of sweet, sweet R.E.M. sleep.

Not that I think Russell Wilson would’ve done remarkably better last night – he does, after all, struggle mightily in the rain and windy conditions – but the way the Saints were getting after it, I don’t know if anyone would’ve endured last night. Nevertheless, I figure we would’ve had a chance with Wilson. As soon as it was clear the Seahawks weren’t going to win the game 7-0, it was time to write the game off.

You can point to that 7-0 advantage and say, “Well, what about D.K? He’s good, right?” I mean, sure, if you like aggressive hotheads. Sometimes you’ll have games like last night where he gets into the heads of his opponents and earns some 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalties; but, sometimes he’s the one losing his cool and getting flagged. Just as he’s someone who drops sure completions. Just as he’s someone who will try to get extra yards instead of going out of bounds before fumbling the ball. Just as he’s someone who will disappear for long stretches of games – like last night – when going up against elite cornerbacks.

And don’t even talk to me about Tyler Lockett, because I didn’t even see him last night, did you? I saw some imposter who dropped what should’ve been a long gain. I saw a guy who never really got open when that’s supposed to be his thing. I saw someone wearing his number who caught 2 balls for 12 yards. But, I didn’t see Tyler Lockett.

What about Gerald Everett? You mean the other hothead who cost us 15 yards and a possible scoring drive by being a fucking moron who tossed the football he just caught to an opponent, in a clear taunting violation that has nothing to do with the rule emphasis of this year? It looked like he was TRYING to get kicked out of this game with the number of times he had to be restrained by his own teammates! With Geno Smith and that O-Line at the helm, 15 yards is a BIG FUCKING DEAL!

Even Alex Collins couldn’t save us, bless his heart. Rashaad Penny is the bust of all busts, though, so to hell with that guy (6 inept carries for 9 yards). Chris Carson is probably overpaid based on the fact that he’s missing multiple games every year. No one good from this group.

Moving onto the defense, where there’s nary a competent defensive end in sight. Remember when we were all extremely excited to get Carlos Dunlap back? Yeah, he just got his first half-a-sack last night in his seventh game of the season. Putting him on pace for negative-45 sacks so far; don’t as me how the math works! There’s just no one on the edge who does anything. Alton Robinson disappeared. Rasheem Green was never there. And apparently L.J. Collier is so bad he’s been a healthy scratch most of the season and now finds himself on the trading block. Ooo, I can’t wait to turn this former first round draft pick into a future 7th round nobody!

Bobby Wagner is old. Jordyn Brooks is not a first-round talent. That’s all I have to say about the linebackers.

I’m done shitting on the secondary, because I just don’t care anymore. They had an okay game against the Saints, because the Saints have zero receivers. That doesn’t change the fact that Jamal Adams is the most overpaid defensive player in football. That doesn’t change the fact that our cornerbacks have 0 interceptions on the season.

If you want to get into specifics on this game, as usual the defense was hampered by critical mistakes. Marquise Blair leading with his helmet on a quarterback who was already wrapped up for a Bobby Wagner sack. Al Woods with multiple offsides penalties, including one that turned a field goal attempt into a fresh first down for the Saints to run off more clock. Not triple-teaming Alvin Kamara because he was literally the only weapon on their team worth a damn, and literally everyone in the world knew that except for Ken Norton and Pete Carroll.

Oh, and we can’t forget about our kicker missing two field goals he should have made. I don’t care that it was raining and shitty out; you’re a field goal kicker in the NFL, just make the fucking kicks. In a game we lost 13-10, you know what two missed field goals adds up to, Jason Myers? TRICK QUESTION, IT’S ZERO YOU NUMBNUTS, BECAUSE YOU MISSED THEM BOTH!

I’m tired of joking how our punter is our best player; I don’t even know if that’s true anymore. Pound for pound, dollar for dollar, are we getting ultimate value out of the punter position? I’m guessing probably not.

Which is why my lone kudos are going to Tyler Ott, the long-snapper. If there was ever a game where a bad long-snapper could’ve made things a billion times worse, it was that one. Keep him forever! Sign him to a lifetime deal! Have him start training his children to be his eventual replacement one day! I want generation after generation of Ott long-snappers leading the Seahawks to long-snapping glory!

The Seahawks Get Their Thursday Night Game Out Of The Way Relatively Early This Season

You kind of have to throw out analysis and expectations when it comes to Thursday Night games, especially for the Seahawks. I was legitimately shocked to hear that we’re 9-1 on Thursday Night in the Russell Wilson era. You know what’s even crazier? That one loss was in 2012 – his rookie season – meaning we’re on a 9-game winning streak! And these aren’t just creampuff games; it’s almost always against a divisional opponent (who always play us tough, home or away) and oftentimes against a very good version of those divisional opponents.

Two years ago, we had that unlikely victory against the Rams that we won because their kicker BARELY missed a game-winning field goal. Last year, we were coming off of two straight horrible road losses – to the Bills and Rams – and managed to right the ship against a frisky Cardinals team (that only faltered down the stretch last season when their quarterback got injured).

It feels very Seahawky to be this mediocre version of ourselves, start the season 1-2, and yet win back-to-back divisional games against superior opponents to turn things around. I’m really trying to see how that’s possible this time, but I’m struggling.

The Rams are fucking GOOD this year. I don’t know what happened to them against the Cardinals last week, but I have an idea. I think the Cards’ front seven is just good enough to generate lots of pressure (even if they don’t always get home on sacks), and I think they have a lockdown secondary that was able to neutralize Cooper Kupp (5 receptions for 64 yards, on 13 targets, and 0 touchdowns) and force other guys to try to beat them. When Van Jefferson is the Rams’ leading receiver, the Rams aren’t going to win many ballgames.

The Seahawks don’t have that secondary. Even though they played better against the 49ers, you saw the game Deebo Samuel had (8 for 156 and 2 TDs)! There’s no way we’re going to be able to hold that offense to a .500 3rd/4th down conversion rate like the Cardinals did.

Which means, ideally, we’d have to score in the mid-to-high 30’s to keep up. Doing that against the Rams’ defense? That chronically makes Russell Wilson’s life miserable? That has always shut down D.K. Metcalf and got all up in his head while doing so? I can’t see it.

But, I’ve said similar things in the lead-up to a lot of these Thursday Night games recently, and look at our record.

As I always say, I hate Thursday Night Football. How many players have we lost for the year on Thursday Night because they were playing through a nagging injury and it finally snapped? Now I hear that both Metcalf and Lockett are playing hurt, and my ears perk up. Just seems like a no-brainer that one of them goes down with something severe, because they haven’t had enough time to recover since the last hard-fought game.

Not for nothing, but I would LOVE Thursday Night Football if every team had two bye weeks, and one of those bye weeks landed the week prior to TNF. That way you get a week and a half off, play a game, and have a naturally built-in week and a half off until the next one. I don’t know why it’s so hard to make this work. Just extend the season by another week – which gets you an extra week of television rights – and your teams are hopefully all the healthier as a result (which is a better product to showcase to those networks).

But, I digress. It wouldn’t TOTALLY floor me if the Seahawks won tonight, but my expectations are mighty low. The Rams just feel like a better team from top to bottom, plus they kind of have our number. The only thing going for us is that it’s at home, but that’s only a 2.5-hour flight from L.A. so how hard could that be? The 12’s didn’t prevent Tennessee from coming in here and whupping our behinds.

My guess is that the Rams will be up by a couple scores late, the Seahawks will drive for a garbage-time touchdown, and then screw up the onside kick because they let Dickson do that useless drop-kick thing that never works. 32-24 Rams.

The Seahawks Were Sloppy, Inept; Lost In Overtime To The Titans

I have a very strong belief that 30 points should be enough to win any game in the NFL. If you lose a game where you score 30 points, that means your defense stinks and gave the game away. It’s a very nearly foolproof theory, but here we have the Seahawks losing to the Titans 33-30, and my first instinct is to blame the offense.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the Seahawks’ defense more than helped gift-wrap this game to the Titans; they were as undisciplined as I’ve ever seen them. They gave up 182 yards to Derrick Henry and 347 yards to Ryan Tannehill. Julio Jones had 128 yards receiving and A.J. Brown would’ve had something similar if he wasn’t on my fantasy team and therefore dropping 2 out of every 3 passes thrown his way. They couldn’t cover anyone, they took bad angles, they over-pursued in their pass rush – leaving wide-open cut-back lanes for Henry, as well as large chunks of YAC to him in the screen game. Oh, and they had about a billion stupid penalties to keep Titans’ drives alive, many of them converting third down incompletions into first downs. Late hits to the quarterback, taunting, late hits out of bounds. Just the stupidest fucking infractions that – make no mistake – the Seahawks were 100% guilty of. These are the rules the NFL has decided to put in place. All the players know these are the rules. You can bring your gripes to the NFL’s front office, but the refs on the field did their jobs in enforcing some of these idiotic rules. Some 90 year old white owner doesn’t like it when players yell at each other and show any semblance of emotion, so now we’re stuck in this world (until they finally come to realize no one enjoys the No Fun League and de-emphasize them again).

Anyway, yeah, the Seahawks’ defense could’ve drastically helped themselves by not being fucking knuckleheads. But, I’m sorry, this game is on the offense.

How do you run up a 24-9 halftime lead and lose 33-30? It’s no coincidence that the Titans’ offense exploded for everything in the second half; the Seahawks’ defense was fucking exhausted from being on the field the entire time! Time of Possession is usually a meaningless stat, but the Titans had the ball for 42:33 compared to our 22:42. You’ll take that sort of discrepancy in the first half, when the Seahawks were connecting on big plays and scoring fast touchdowns. But, the second half saw the Seahawks punt the ball on 4 out of 6 possessions (the other two were a quick-strike 68-yard TD pass to Freddie Swain, who got behind the defense somehow on 3rd & 12; and the last possession of the half, that ended because we ran out of time). The Seahawks had one drive in the second half and overtime that went almost 5 minutes (before a punt); every other possession lasted anywhere from 29 seconds to 1:54.

And, in that span, the Titans got stronger on both sides of the ball. Derrick Henry was like tackling a real life rhinoceros. He was never going to be denied when he had the ball in his hands. It’s almost insane that the Titans played for the tie at the end, because there’s no way in hell we could’ve stopped him on a 2-point conversion to win it. That’s why I’m not mad at Jason Myers for missing that extra point in the second half. This outcome was inevitable.

I don’t know, exactly, what the deal was with the offense, either. Clearly, we couldn’t run the ball. That’s a problem. I don’t think it was for want of trying, Carson had 13 carries. But, he only generated 31 yards; so, is that an offensive line issue? Is it a play-calling issue? Is it Russell Wilson having a bad game and making poor decisions? Is it the scheme?

There were a couple of frustrating moments in the first half, but otherwise I thought the offense looked as good as it did a week ago in Indy. Then, it just totally shut down, against a defense who – again – let Freddie Swain beat them for 68 yards!

I figured I’d be more upset by the loss, but to tell the truth I’m more baffled than anything. It’s like someone hit me in the head and I’m left in a daze. I know for a fact I’d be much more angry if this loss came to an NFC West opponent, or one of the other NFC contenders. But, honestly? If you’re going to lose a game, losing one to an AFC opponent isn’t the worst thing in the world. As far as tie-breakers go, it’s relatively harmless. Of course, you can’t have too many of these, because the ultimate tie-breaker is simple Win/Loss record. But, the 2021 Seahawks were never going to go undefeated. If this wakes us up and gets us to perform better and smarter against the teams we really NEED to beat, then I don’t think all hope is lost.

But, if this is foreshadowing a defense that’s going to be totally inept – either because we don’t have the talent to stop high-level offenses, or because we don’t have the coordinator to coach these guys up – and an offense that’s going to go in the tank for long stretches of games, then I guess we’ll all look back at this loss as a bad omen for the season.

My ultimate take-away is that we’re never going to see the Titans again. Their offense was always going to be a bad matchup for us. But, thankfully, no NFC team has a running back like Derrick Henry; as far as running backs go, the only scary one remaining on our schedule is Dalvin Cook next week, and I expect us to be super fired up to shut him down after being so thoroughly embarrassed on the ground this past Sunday. So, it’s not like we have to worry about the Titans competing for a playoff spot with us, or have them looming as a potential post-season opponent (yes, I understand the Super Bowl is a thing that exists, but there’s no way the Titans are making it out of the AFC). On to Minnesota.

Kudos to Lockett (8 for 178 and a TD) and Swain (5 for 95 and a TD). Anti-Kudos to Metcalf (6 for 53 on 11 targets, plus multiple penalties).

Kudos to Bobby Wagner for his 20 tackles, his sack, and his two quarterback hits. Kudos to Al Woods for being an animal in the middle (filling in for Bryan Mone, who was out injured), with 7 tackles and a sack. Kudos to Alton Robinson for his sack and forced fumble, and to Kerry Hyder for recovering that fumble and being a menace in the backfield.

Anti-Kudos to the secondary. Just, all of it. D.J. Reed had an awful taunting penalty. Tre Flowers had his usual miserable game. Quandre Diggs couldn’t contain Henry on his 60-yard touchdown. And Jamal Adams had no positive impact on this game, while negatively impacting it with his own penalties. Fucking sorry effort by the whole lot of ’em.

Also, a weird bad game from our kicking duo. Michael Dickson had at least two punts sail into the endzone, and of course, Myers had that missed extra point that loomed potentially large. I guess there’s a non-zero chance the defense might’ve stopped Henry an inch short of the goalline, or maybe the Titans would’ve run a dumb non-Henry play for the game-tying 2-point conversion had they needed it to force overtime. I dunno.

Lots to work on before next week! Maybe start with the rulebook.

Seahawks Position Breakdown 2021: Special Teams

You’re looking at, probably, hands down the most dominant aspect of the Seattle Seahawks in 2020. Michael Dickson had the second-highest average punt by gross, the third-highest by net, led the league in punts inside the opposing 20 yard line, and had zero punts blocked. As a result, he earned a new contract this past offseason, making him the second-highest paid punter in the league. Also, he’s only 25 years old.

Meanwhile, Jason Myers was one of only two kickers to be perfect on field goals, making 24 out of 24 (the other was Mason Crosby of the Packers, who hit 16 of 16). Among them, he made all 15 of 40 yards or more. Now, sure, he did miss 4 extra points, which isn’t ideal, but none of those cost this team any games, so it’s hard to be mad at four points.

The coverage units on both kickoffs and punts were, anecdotally, among the best in the league as well. I can’t point to anything specifically, other than I don’t really remember any instances of opposing teams killing us in this aspect of the game. Plus, Nick Bellore made the Pro Bowl NOT as a fullback, but as a special teamer tackling guy. He’s still here, and doesn’t figure to be going anywhere.

It’s hard to imagine Myers will continue to be perfect at field goals, but overall I like his repertoire. He’s steady. He doesn’t appear to be a head-case (now watch me jinx the everliving shit out of him).

Dickson is absolutely one of the best punters in the game and should continue to be so through the duration of his existing contract and beyond.

And don’t even get me started about how great Tyler Ott is at long-snapping!

If there’s one area where you’d hope the Seahawks could improve, it’s probably the return game. I don’t know if they’ve done that, but DeeJay Dallas had a couple good returns against the Broncos. On top of that, Dee Eskridge – I’m told – could be an elite-level returner. I just think that the return game has largely been legislated out of the game because it’s so dangerous. The era of a Devin Hester-type absolutely dominating the league is probably a thing of the past. I’ll take a guy who doesn’t fumble and who makes smart decisions about when to take it out of the endzone (i.e. rarely, and only when they’re able to get beyond the 25-yard line).

Losing BBK is a huge blow, no doubt about it. Like Bellore, he’s one of our primary coverage guys. I don’t know who’s going to fill that void. But, I’m pretty confident in our special teams coaches and their ability to get the most out of these types of undervalued guys. I mean, we kept Neiko Thorpe around forever and had to finally find a way to replace him in recent seasons; I’m sure there’s another diamond in the rough I’ve yet to hear about, who will come in and take this unit by storm.

The Seahawks’ special teams probably tops out at an A-. The only way we’re getting into the A or A+ range is if we actually have a return man on this roster who can be a difference-maker. Considering there will likely be growing pains on offense, as the players get acclimated to the new coordinator, getting all the help we can get by this unit flipping field position will be HUGE, especially in the early going.

The Seahawks Looked Dreadful In A Pre-Season Loss To The Broncos

In yet another game where no starters played, we saw an offense that couldn’t do a God damn thing, and a defense that was somehow both better and worse than it was a week ago. Again, I don’t know what you can glean from a performance like this, other than the depth on the Seahawks might be a HUGE problem. Don’t get injured, good starters!

On top of Wilson taking another week off, the Seahawks also kept Geno Smith safely stashed on the sidelines. Alex McGough got the start and had three horrific turnovers in his half of play; clearly not a great way to stay on this particular team. Sean Mannion looked marginally better by comparison, but averaged a measly 5.1 yards per attempt against Broncos 3rd and 4th stringers, so …

Still nothing from the running game. 74 total yards on 24 carries. Still no real standouts in the passing game, as the ball was spread to 12 different receivers.

On defense, I don’t know how you can heap too much praise on a unit that gave up 30 points. Sure, McGough (and some shaky O-Line play) put us behind the 8-ball in some of those drives. But the Broncos were allowed to convert 3/4 fourth down plays; the Seahawks, by comparison, converted 0/4 fourth downs.

I saw Jordyn Brooks make some nice plays. Nick Bellore is a fun story: a fullback playing significant linebacker minutes. Rasheem Green had another sack and looked pretty active. I think our defensive tackle rotation – particularly from a run stuffing perspective – will be a big strength when we settle on the three or four primary guys.

The secondary looked pretty weak. That’s, obviously, a big concern. It’s less of a concern when our defensive line does its job and harasses the quarterback. But, when our guys get stuffed, we’re going to need the cornerbacks to actually cover guys and make plays on the ball. I don’t know if they’re talented enough to do that. I don’t think any of the cornerbacks who played on Saturday are starting calibre. Considering D.J. Reed appears to be the only guy worth a damn – and he’s out with injury – that’s pretty scary as a Seahawks fan. Are we SURE Richard Sherman is a no-go this season? We couldn’t sign him to an incentive-laden deal based on games played?

The Player of the Game, non-Michael Dickson Edition, was DeeJay Dallas. He had two phenomenal kickoff returns, including one that went 45 yards. When you combine that with his 3 catches for 27 yards, he looked like one of the VERY few players on the Seahawks who belonged on an NFL field. He looked fast! So much improvement over a season ago! It makes me wonder if he hasn’t earned a leapfrog over Rashaad Penny (who managed all of 8 rushing yards on 5 carries).

As for Dickson himself, the turnovers prevented us from punting as much as we’d like (WHAT A SENTENCE TO WRITE!), but he had a long of 61 yards and landed both of his kicks inside the 20 yard line. MVP, baby!

The Seahawks Kicked Off The Pre-Season With A Pointless Loss To The Raiders

What do you learn when you play a game sans all of your stars against a team sans all of their stars? I reckon you learn that everything about the pre-season is meaningless and anyone who tries to attach importance to these games is deluding themselves. Game reps in fake games that don’t count are pretty much useless and all of the actual preparation for the regular season takes place in training camp and daily practices.

With all of that being said: here are a bunch of words about last Saturday’s pre-season game in Las Vegas.

First of all, boy was I happy to have DVR’d it and waited to watch it until Sunday afternoon! It was pretty clear that the refs were in pre-season form as well, taking FOR-E-VER on a few calls that would have certainly enraged me had I not been able to fast-forward through all the nonsense.

Second of all, to the people who always badmouthed Brock Huard’s color commentary, you can all go get fucked. I know you have no power over hiring and firing, and there were most likely other reasons why he’s no longer doing pre-season games with Curt Menefee (who is also awesome), but now you see how bad these broadcasts can be. Dave Wyman is a nice guy, probably, but MAN does he stink in the booth! He had very little insight to bring to the game, and he was breaking his back trying to find ways to praise all things Seahawks. I know the team controls the tone of the pre-season broadcasts, and it’s obviously one long infomercial to get people to buy tickets and generally buy-in to the Seahawks’ doings this season, but there’s a way to be friendly towards the home team while at the same time acknowledging when certain guys fuck up. I’m going to need to be VERY drunk to be able to enjoy Wyman’s blatherings next weekend.

Anyway, I took some notes on various players I saw who stood out. Some were good, some were not.

I managed to avoid any Twitter recaps of the game, so I’m largely in the dark about the number of snaps guys got. It did appear that Stone Forsythe – the rookie left tackle selected in this year’s sixth round – played the whole game (or, at least, most of it). This was due to Duane Brown’s hold out (though, of course, he never would’ve seen action in this game anyway), and all the injuries to the tackles behind him in the depth chart (notably Cedric Ogbuehi). Frankly, I was happy to see Forsythe get as much playing time as he got! Of course, there were lots of plays where he stood out negatively – especially in the early going – but I’d be curious to know what the team thought of his performance overall. I got the sense that he started to settle down a little bit. I mean, let’s face it, with this game being handed to the three backup quarterbacks, it’s not like there was much hope for us to move the ball all that well anyway.

That being said, BOY did the offense look like a bummer! A 20-7 defeat will be like that, I suppose. 3 drives and 3 punts in the first half. A touchdown drive to start the second half, followed by a missed field goal, two more punts, and an end-of-game drive that did nothing.

I’ll say this about Stone Forsythe before moving on: I hope he learned a lot and improves dramatically by next week, but I also hope that someone better than him returns from injury to help us out. Especially if Russell Wilson ends up getting ANY playing time whatsoever in this pre-season. Is it possible to hold Wilson out entirely? You know what? Why don’t we just do that. Wilson does NOT need the pre-season to get ready for the regular season; he can be just as effective getting his reps in practice, when he’s got the red jersey on and there is little-to-no chance of him getting injured by an opposing defenseman.

I’ll also say this: I have no interest whatsoever in Geno Smith being part of this team. Here’s the deal, you can’t be a statue back there. No offensive line is good enough to protect someone like Geno Smith, let alone the line we’ll be running out there, that has the potential for holes galore! Trying to envision the Seahawks coping with a Wilson injury for a few weeks is giving me flashbacks to all of those terrible Seahawks quarterbacks of the early-to-mid 90’s. Does anyone remember how bad we were in 1992? That was an all-time terrible offense, and that’s what we’d be with Geno Smith at the helm.

I’m not saying Alex McGough is a savior, or even a diamond in the rough, but at least there’s some juice! He scrambled 3 times for 25 yards; those are the kinds of plays that MIGHT keep us competitive in games until Wilson returned from a hypothetical injury. Geno Smith, on the other hand, is always going to throw short of the sticks and need everything to go perfectly for him to move the ball with any consistency. I’ll pass. Even for a backup, I don’t think he’s in the top half of all #2’s. And that’s saying something.

On the flipside, the defense was predictably soft in the early going. Nathan Peterman got pretty much all the playing time for the Raiders at quarterback, and he looked pretty great (save one interception)! That’s all you need to know about how mediocre the Seahawks were. He would’ve looked even better, but the Raiders built a 13-0 halftime lead and mostly ran out the clock in the second half, knowing they didn’t need to do much to win it.

If you could’ve bet on the Raiders scoring a TD on the first drive of the pre-season, that would’ve been easy money; I seem to remember our defense being similarly soft in LAST year’s pre-season. And, of course, by that I mean 2019’s pre-season, because there wasn’t any pre-season in 2020 thanks to COVID. Let’s go to the tape! Damn, I was close, but it was actually a field goal. Still, they marched right down the field – inside of our 10-yard line – so I’ll take it.

Starting the season off softly is a Seahawks defensive specialty. Bend, don’t break, but also sometimes break; I think Ken Norton has that written on a wall somewhere in his office.

Of course, a lot of starters were sitting out. No Jamal Adams (for obvious reasons), no Bobby Wagner (who was seen wearing a face mask on the sidelines; it’s sadly predictable if he’s one of the reasons why we won’t be 100% vaccinated this season), no Carlos Dunlap, no Poona Ford (I think). I’m sure there are some others I’m missing. Anyway, that having been said, there’s really no excuse for Peterman to be so dominant. He should suck against even our fourth stringers! That’s how inept he is.

We saw Tre Flowers give up another long pass completion. Wyman tried to praise him for not drawing a penalty – we’re really going to give kudos for THAT now? Is that how low the bar is for this Everyone Gets A Trophy generation? – but he never looked back for the ball! You can’t be a starting cornerback in this league and be afraid to turn your head back to the quarterback! Nevertheless, I don’t recall him giving up any other big deep balls, so I don’t know how Flowers was overall. He could’ve held his own except for that one play, but given his track record, all we’re going to focus on IS that one play. It’s his fourth year in the league, if he hasn’t figured it out by now, he never will. I’m okay with hanging onto him for the rest of his rookie contract, but beyond that it’s time to let him go and find someone to take his place for 2022 and beyond.

Another guy heading into his fourth year is Rasheem Green, but boy did he look okay! Everyone’s down on him, for obvious reasons. He was a third round draft pick in 2018, and even though he was young, the potential was always there for him to fill out his body and turn into someone special. That has decidely NOT come to pass. 7 career sacks in 36 career games. He’s got Just A Guy written all over him. But, in this game, he looked as close to being a “force” as you could get, collapsing the pocket, harassing the quarterback, etc. I’m almost positive he’ll be on the team this year regardless, so it would be nice if he could chip in with some impact plays every once in a while.

Jordyn Brooks got a lot of run as the de-facto leader of the defense (again, with all the starters sitting out), and he looked active! I don’t know if he was super effective, but he was running around and appeared to be making plays, so that’s a fun sign. I thought all the linebackers looked pretty good! People talk shit about BBK like it’s going out of style, but he had that great goalline play to stuff the quarterback sneak (and almost ripped the ball from his arms in the process). And Cody Barton and Darrell Taylor both looked solid as well. Overall, I’m exceedingly pleased with the linebacker depth on this team, and see no need for the Seahawks to re-sign K.J. Wright, especially at the salary cap number he’s demanding.

I’ll also shout out Alton Robinson, who looks like the good version of what we hoped Rasheem Green would’ve been. In only his second season, it seems like Robinson will not only be a major factor in the defensive end rotation, but he’ll maybe even fight to be one of the top guys! I don’t know who plays what spot, or if he’s blocked by Dunlap or something, but the more the merrier, that’s what I say!

I thought the goalline and redzone defense in general looked pretty solid. That’s a good sign for when the starters all start playing again. This defense is never going to be what it was in 2012-2014, but compared to the latter-day Seahawks defenses, the 2021 incarnation might be one of the best! I hope we get to see it at its full potential, with our stars healthy and actively playing under contracts that are fair to both them and the team.

As for the offense, with the O-Line kind of a mess, and no competent quarterback play to speak of, it was hard to see much of anything from the skill position guys. The running game never got into a groove, and our top three running backs were all held out. That left DeeJay Dallas, who looked better than expected running the ball. 5 carries for 24 yards isn’t nothing! He also had the play of the game, catching a wide open swing route and taking it to the house for a 43-yard touchdown. I like Dallas! I’m glad he upped his game and I hope to see more of this as the season progresses!

Finally, as you might expect, Michael Dickson was the MVP of the game. 5 punts, a long of 62 yards, with three of them landing inside the opposing 20 yard line. With Jason Myers missing a 50-yard field goal, Dickson was the best thing going on Special Teams.

The Seahawks Extended Michael Dickson

All right, we won’t have to worry about the punter position for a few more years. The Seahawks announced in the last week that they extended Michael Dickson for 4 years, $14.5 million. This is on top of his 2021 season that sees him making over $3 million, so we’re looking at one of the highest-paid punters in the NFL.

By the looks of it, I’m pretty sure Dickson – by total value and dollars per year – is second only to Johnny Hekker of the Rams, which feels about right. At the time of his next deal – assuming he’s still kicking ass and taking names – I would expect Dickson to be #1 overall. This is the price you pay for elite punting. And, as a guy who witnessed some atrocious punting by the Seahawks at times in the 90’s and early 2000’s, I can tell you this isn’t necessarily a place you want to skimp.

The Seahawks play a particular style of football that lends itself to rely on the punter more than, say, the Kansas City Chiefs. On top of this, as the Seahawks’ defense has trended steadily downward since the L.O.B. glory days, punting becomes quietly critical. The more field a mediocre defense gets to defend, the higher the likelihood that we turn touchdowns into field goals and field goals into punts by the other team. So, the more often a punter can help a defense – by booting the ball inside the 20 and 10 yard lines – the better the outcomes the Seahawks will have as a result. It’s all very scientific and analytical, I don’t want to bore you here.

The cool thing about having an elite punter is when the defense isn’t mediocre any longer. If everything happens as it’s supposed to – guys stay healthy, certain guys improve more to their potential, Jamal Adams signs his extension and plays this season – then the difference in yardage an elite punter can squeeze out of the Special Teams is enormous. That’s not just turning touchdowns into field goals and field goals into punts, but more drives into safeties and turnovers. Pinning a team deep in its own end – combined with the advantage of having fans in the stands again – can elicit at least comparisons to the glory days of Seahawks defense. Again, it’s all very technical and complex.

Anyway, I’m a fan. I’m a fan of this deal and I’m a fan of Big Balls Dickson. We got to enjoy Dickson for three years on a rookie deal, and he was set to get a huge raise anyway in 2021 since he made an All Pro in that time. The difference between a rookie deal and what he’s making now is about $3 million per year. In NFL parlance, that’s peanuts. I’m fine paying that figure if it means we get the best punter in the game through the majority of his prime punting years.

Uhh, I think It’s Time For The Seahawks To Extend Michael Dickson, You Guys

With yesterday’s news of Carlos Dunlap being cut as a cap casualty, I thought I’d hop on Spotrac to see what the Seahawks’ salary cap looks like for 2021. While it has yet to be determined what the actual cap will be in the NFL, Spotrac is going off of a $185 million valuation; it’s interesting how that figure keeps going up based on initial worries of it being around $175 million or so. That’s still a drastic reduction from the $198 million it was in 2020, but not such dire straits that we need to be jumping out of tall buildings or anything.

Anyway, if we assume $185 million is the figure, the Dunlap release leaves the Seahawks with around $25 million in money to spend (minus whatever we need to save for draft picks and IR replacement players). Not the worst shape I’ve ever seen. Indeed, the Seahawks are only sitting on a little over a million dollars in dead money, and exactly one million of that is going to B.J. Finney. Again, not too shabby.

We’ve got a little over $89 million going to our top five players (Wilson, Wagner, Lockett, Reed, Brown), and, of course, there’s Jamal Adams’ extension to factor in (which could be a reduction in his nearly $10 million salary, if we rework everything and are able to spread money out over his signing bonus).

Beyond those guys, we’ve got our dwindling NFL Middle Class. Quandre Diggs is making just over $5.5 million, Brandon Shell accounts for over $5 million, Jason Myers is just over $4 million (he was extended through 2022, and as a guy who didn’t miss a field goal last year, is well worth his salary), and the player with the 10th-highest salary on the Seattle Seahawks is … Michael Dickson?!

Now, I know what you might be asking, because they were the first words that popped into my brain when I saw he’s earning $3,456,540 this year: “Wait, isn’t he still on his rookie contract?” And, yeah! You’d be right! He was drafted in the fifth round in 2018; 2021 is the final year of that deal. You’ll recall that Rashaad Penny was a controversial first round pick in 2018, and he’s set to make less money than our late-round punter. What gives?!

Well, Michael Dickson has an All Pro and a Pro Bowl berth under his belt, and has been among the very best punters in all of football in his young career. Per NFL rules, he has earned a “Proven Performance Bonus” which is one of those things I’m sure I was aware of, but never really gave too much thought to until I noticed that our punter is our 10th-highest paid player in a cash-strapped season (at least, as of March 9th; I’m sure that will change in the weeks and months to come).

If you look at this chart, you will see Michael Dickson is currently the second-highest paid punter in the NFL in 2021. Including Dickson, there are 13 punters earning more than a million dollars. Eight of those players are earning between 2 and 3 million, which I think is a figure one would expect to see next to a highly-rated punter in the NFL. And, certainly, with the way the Seahawks play football (largely conservative), the punter here has more impact than it does in a place like Kansas City, for instance, or other teams who tend to score on a high percentage of drives and otherwise go for it on 4th down over punting on a more regular basis.

I guess my point is, I like Michael Dickson, and I want him to be on the Seahawks for a very long time, but I don’t know if I like the idea of us paying upwards of $3.5 million per season for ANY punter. I know, in the grand scheme of things, we’re talking nickels and dimes here; but the Seahawks had among the fewest leftover salary cap dollars in the entire league last year. Every nickel and dime counts! Especially this year, where we’re in a Win Now mode, and trying to fill numerous holes on this team.

This feels like another case where we can extend him now and net a little savings in the short term with a signing bonus, while maybe controling him at a more reasonable figure for the next four years, when presumably the NFL’s salary cap will shoot back up again thanks to the new TV deal and everything else. I mean, it’s Michael Dickson, he’s young and elite; this should be a no-brainer! Assuming he doesn’t suffer some fluke catastrophic injury, he should be good to go for another decade!

I know it’s not the most pressing thing the Seahawks need to do, but sometime over the spring or summer, maybe let’s get this done and take one thing off our plate that we will otherwise have to worry about later.

The Seahawks’ Season Hinges On Beating The Rams This Weekend

This is it: this is the (regular) season. If the Seahawks beat the Rams this weekend, the Seahawks win the NFC West and guarantee themselves at least a Top 3 seed in the playoffs. Otherwise, if the Seahawks lose to the Rams for a second time, there is a VERY strong likelihood that we have to settle for a Wild Card berth and almost certainly a first or second round exit in the playoffs.

Of course, a divisional championship is no guarantee of playoff success either, but a wild card – for this team – IS a guarantee of playoff failure. It is SO hard to win three road playoff games to get to a Super Bowl. To further illustrate, let me walk you through what that probably looks like:

If the Rams win this weekend and next week against the Cardinals in Los Angeles, they’ll almost certainly own the 3-seed. At five losses, that puts us in a dead heat with the Bucs, who I think will also be locked into a wild card spot when it’s all said and done. If we get the 5-seed, that puts us on the road in the first round against Washington. If we win, and the Saints (likely 2-seed) and Rams both prevail, that puts us on the road in the Divisional Round against the Green Bay Packers, who – as the top seed – will have had a first round BYE. Traditionally, teams with first round BYEs win in the Divisional Round approximately 75% of the time. It would be all but a guarantee that we would lose that game. BUT, if by the grace of God we win, that simply means we have to go back on the road again to play either the Rams or the Saints in the NFC Championship Game. I just don’t see it working out for us in any of these scenarios.

Of course, the bad news in all of this is that it’s highly likely we end up playing the Rams for a third time this year, even if we do end up beating them this weekend. A loss for the Rams likely means they fall to the 6-seed, so if we can’t find a way to leap over the Saints (who would need to lose one of their remaining games while we win out), it’s kind of a nightmare scenario either way. BUT, having at least one home playoff game (while avoiding playing the Packers as long as possible) is always better than having to play on the road throughout.

So, how do we do that? How do we beat the Rams this weekend? Well, shit, how did the fucking Jets do it? That seemed to work out okay.

It’s mind-boggling to me that the Jets can go on the road and get their first win of the season last week (with the Rams looking like utter dogshit for most of the game), meanwhile I know for a FACT the Rams are going to come into Seattle this weekend and probably look better than they ever have in the history of their franchise. WHAT THE FUCK?! Jared Goff sucks against MOST of the league, but for some reason he can carve the Seahawks up like we’re a soft turkey-shaped slab of butter.

I fucking hate the fucking Rams, so fucking much.

How do you beat the Rams? I don’t fucking know! Pixie dust? Rubbing a magic lamp and using one of your three genie wishes? Tricking the Rams’ head coach into running over a witch with his car, whose family curses him for all eternity? Is there time enough to do ANY of these things before Sunday?

Otherwise, I don’t know. I get the appeal of looking at how the Seahawks crushed the Jets, then went on the road and took care of business against a stout Washington team, while looking at what the Rams just did and say, “Oh yeah, the Seahawks should have no problem winning this week.” But, I’m here to tell you: one thing has nothing to do with the other. The Rams could’ve lost to a junior varsity high school team last week and I’d still be convinced they will come up to Seattle and thrash.

Russell Wilson has been garbage for half a season now. That’s just for starters. The defense has shown plenty of signs of life – especially since we traded for Carlos Dunlap – but look at who we’ve played in that stretch: the Rams (who we held to 23 points, but their offense has been far from elite with Goff at the helm, and they still won by 7 points), the Cards on Thursday night (with Kyler Murray working on an injured shoulder), then the Eagles, Giants, Jets, and Football Team. Not really a murderer’s row of offensive talent. We have looked better regardless, but that’s only compared to the first half of the season, when it was literally impossible to look any worse. And, moreover, the Seahawks’ coaching has been atrocious of late! From the gameplan in the Giants’ game, to the lack of in-game adjustments in general, to the baffling conservative choices on fourth down, to the lapses on defense in the second halves of the Giants and Football Team games. It’s been a total team effort to look this mediocre (except for Michael Dickson and Jason Myers, who have been killing it this season and were BEYOND deserving of making the Pro Bowl; no notes, you guys!).

So, again, I dunno. How do you beat the Rams? Play fucking better! That’s my recommendation. That’s my analysis for this game. If the Seahawks can just play better in all phases, they should win. Otherwise, strap in for another wild card disaster.

And, yeah, I know there’s a world where the Seahawks lose this weekend, then beat the 49ers in Week 17 while the Rams lose to the Cardinals, but is that really how you want to back into a divisional championship? Wouldn’t it be better to ride this regular season momentum and build up some confidence ahead of the playoffs? I think so.