What Could Possibly Go Wrong For The 2023 Mariners Hitters?!

Posted on March 9, 2023 by dunderhead99

I’m on record as saying the Mariners will be going back to the playoffs in 2023. Granted, they’re most likely not going to win the A.L. West – the Astros just have too great of a talent disparity over us – but on paper, and with the eye test, the Mariners seem like the best wild card team of the bunch. Barring a calamity of injuries, we should find ourselves back where we belong. I would also argue – again, barring injuries to our most key players – that we’re in a better position to make a deep playoff run, even if we don’t necessarily have the horses to win 100 games in the regular season.

But, we must never forget that these are the Seattle Mariners. All we know is failure. All but five of our 40-some-odd seasons of existence have ended without a post-season berth. There’s never been a World Series appearance, meaning the five best seasons have also ended in defeat. And, anecdotally, it seems like whenever our expectations are at their highest, the M’s find a way to crumple under the pressure.

I’ve been teasing this post for a little while now, but it’s time to get into it. Yes, there’s more optimism for this group of players than I can remember in the last 20 years combined. But, there’s also legitimate arguments to be made for every single one of these players to underperform. I won’t touch on the entire 40-man roster, but we’ll hit on a good portion of guys.

Julio Rodriguez – He’s already been anointed as one of the next great superstars of the game of baseball – with a contract to match – so you’d think if there was anyone safe from the Mariners curse, it’d be Julio. But, freakier shit has happened. It’s only his second year in the bigs, and he’s already had to endure ups and downs. What’s to say he doesn’t get off to another slow start, and things start to snowball?

Cal Raleigh – This one seems a little more legitimate, to me at least. He had a great year last year, but it’s extremely reliant on his power numbers. He was also worked quite a bit – particularly down the stretch – and is coming off of a thumb injury that limited him severely. We know he’s not going to be a guy who hits for average, and he’s practically a liability on the basepaths with his lack of speed. So, if the power numbers take a dive, he could be Rob Johnson-esque!

Ty France – I would call France our most reliable hitter, by a pretty significant margin. The caveat there, of course, is when he’s healthy. While he’s tough as hell, the last two seasons have seen him swoon for long stretches whenever he’s forced to gut out minor injuries (“minor” of course; I’m sure they’d be painful as hell to normal people). He’s also among the league leaders in getting hit by pitches, and isn’t afraid to make physical contact when trying to make a play in the field. So, you have to wonder how his body is going to last, or if it’ll break down prematurely. He seems like the kind of player who will shine bright for a short period of time, but will fall off a cliff when it comes time to sign a bigtime free agent contract. If he suffers a major injury and has to spend a long chunk of time on the IL, that could be disastrous for us. What might be worse is if he suffers some minor injuries early and often, and opts to play through them with negative results.

Eugenio Suarez – You can easily see the variety of possibilities for Suarez in 2023. Just look at his previous two seasons. 30 points of batting average seemingly makes all the difference in the world between him being a sub-replacement player vs. a 4-win player on a playoff team. What can go wrong with Suarez? Simple BABIP luck.

Teoscar Hernandez & Kolten Wong – This one’s also easy: neither of these guys have played the majority of their games in T-Mobile Park. Hernandez isn’t strictly a power guy, but a significant portion of his value is his ability to hit for extra bases and knock runners in. If he succumbs to the marine layer, it’s going to be a long and brutal season (see: Jesse Winker). Since Wong isn’t really a power guy, you’d think he might be a safer fit, but we’ve seen plenty of slap hitters falter in Seattle (see: Adam Frazier, Chone Figgins, etc.). He’s also 32 years old and on the tail-end of his Major League career.

J.P. Crawford – His on-base ability is pretty well established at this point, and his defense is very solid. But, there’s never been much power to speak of, and we seem to be banking a lot of his future success on changes to his swing from this past offseason. He certainly needed to switch things up, after a prolonged slump in the second half of 2022; getting his bat through the zone quicker will be a must. But, what if it doesn’t take? What if he reverts to old habits? We might be regretting not going after a high-priced short stop replacement, if that’s the case.

Jarred Kelenic & A.J. Pollock – I’ve already talked about these guys enough. Kelenic has yet to do anything for an extended period of the regular season. And Pollock seems like he’s Just A Guy. It would be a HUGE upset victory if both of these guys pan out; we’re just hoping for a little competence out of one of them.

Dylan Moore & Sam Haggerty – The great utility duo. I think they’re both coming off of injuries, which isn’t super encouraging. Moore is also slated to have a pretty major role on this team, since we don’t actually have a DH. There’s little-to-no power to speak of, so if their batting averages struggle, they’re going to be a huge liability.

Tom Murphy – I can’t even remember the last time he was healthy for a full season. Maybe never? I also don’t know what we have in reserve, but it doesn’t seem pretty. The worst-case scenario is Cal Raleigh turning back into a pumpkin, Tom Murphy getting hurt, and having to slog through with Cooper Hummel.

Should The Seahawks Consider Trading Russell Wilson?

Posted on January 10, 2018 by dunderhead99

Short answer: no.

Slightly longer answer: absolutely not.

Slightly longer answer with profanity: go fuck yourself.

Just so you know where I stand. But, seeing as we’re knee-deep in a Seahawks-less playoffs, we’re weeks and weeks away from Spring Training nonsense, and the college football season is officially in the rearview mirror, it’s an interesting thought exercise to play around with.

We all know the reason why you would NOT trade Russell Wilson: he’s a franchise quarterback, in his prime; he’s a proven winner with one title under his belt and almost a second one; you know if you put proper talent around him, he can take you to where you want to go. He’s young, healthy (aside from that one season), still mobile, has a strong arm, is usually pretty safe with the rock, usually makes good decisions, and is generally lights out in the fourth quarter and overtime. Also, it’s abundantly clear how difficult it is in the NFL to find a franchise quarterback and nuture his talents so that he reaches his full potential, so when you have one still in his prime, you don’t give him away! You pay whatever it takes to keep him around, and deal with the roster fallout accordingly!

This is all simple, basic, NFL 101 stuff here. So, again, would I trade Russell Wilson? Not unless I’m guaranteed to get another franchise quarterback in return.

But, you know, he’s not perfect. There’s always been flaws or weaknesses in his game, and those came to the forefront in 2017, particularly in December when the team completely fell apart. He doesn’t do well with pressure up the middle. With teams frequently gameplanning around keeping him in the pocket, all they have to do is bully our overmatched interior linemen and Wilson just crumbles. Why is that? Well, because he’s not 6’3 and can’t see over these guys! It also takes him WAY too long to get going. If the Seahawks could just jump out to regular 2-score leads and let the defense sit on opposing offenses, we’d be a MUCH better team! All too often, it’s the other way around, and the Seahawks’ offense doesn’t start getting going until the second half, or the 4th quarter in particularly brutal cases. Part of that is Wilson not being as accurate early in games. Part of that is Wilson saving his legs until the team absolutely needs him to tuck the ball and run. There may be other reasons on top of it, but it almost exclusively falls on the quarterback play (with nods to a crappy offensive line, and suspect play-calling). For the Seahawks to succeed, the team needs (a running game) to gameplan early to get Wilson going. The new offensive coordinator needs to bring in quick, easy throws, to get him converting short third downs and keep the chains moving.

Any discussion about trading Russell Wilson has to include what we’d get in return. And, honestly, there aren’t a lot of comparable trades to reference here, because again, teams don’t trade franchise quarterbacks in their prime! You generally see guys either past their prime (Brett Favre to the Jets, Joe Montana to the Chiefs, Drew Bledsoe to the Bills), on their way up (Trent Green to the Chiefs, Brad Johnson to the Redskins, Rob Johnson to the Bills, Jeff George to the Falcons) or with injury concerns (Sam Bradford to the Vikings, Carson Palmer to the Raiders). One interesting comp is the Jeff George deal, where the Colts netted a 1st and 3rd, as well as a 2nd rounder that converted to a 1st rounder based on performance. Carson Palmer’s trade to the Raiders was another interesting case, because he ostensibly WAS in the prime of his career. It wasn’t a great career, but he put up a lot of numbers and was essentially the face of the Bengals’ franchise. The Bengals got a 1st and a 2nd round pick, but their hands were tied. Palmer was threatening retirement if he didn’t get traded, and it doesn’t sound like the market was willing to over-pay for someone whose heart might not be in it.

I guess the closest comp I could find was the Jay Cutler trade from Denver to Chicago. Cutler and a 5th round pick went to the Bears for two 1st rounders, a 3rd rounder, and Kyle Orton. Right here, I think you’re in the ballpark. I think any trade for Wilson has to start with two 1st rounders, and one of them better be in the Top 10. There’s any number of ways you can add on from here. Would you take three 1st rounders? Let’s say the Jets – currently drafting 6th – offered three 1st rounders (this year’s 6th and the next two first rounders), would you take it? I’m not sure I would, but you’d have to think about it, right? For what it’s worth, I don’t know if I’m totally in love with this draft class of NFL quarterbacks, so this thought exercise might be pointless; but maybe you love the top three guys, and you work your magic to move up from 6th to 3 (trading with Indy, who won’t need to draft a QB) and take whoever’s left over.

If it’s me, I think if you’re in the market to trade Wilson, you let it be known (quietly), but that you’re not in a hurry to cut and run. Listen to offers, but be secure at the end of the day with keeping Wilson and having a long and fruitful career with him. In that sense, I think you wait until some team over-pays. One of these Top 10 drafting teams who need a quarterback, I think you squeeze a 1st, 2nd, and 3rd in 2018, and another 1st, 2nd, and 3rd in 2019. Something like that. You sign a Josh McCown for a year or two and you use those picks to draft a QB of the future you can mold, as well as fill in the roster around him with extremely talented young players. Get a stud running back, get a stud offensive tackle, get a badass defensive back, get another solid pass rusher.

Also, if it’s me, I’m only dealing with AFC teams. Fortunately, the AFC stinks, and is full of idiot owners and general managers, so this shouldn’t be a problem. Why the Browns aren’t offering the Seahawks the moon and the stars is beyond me. If they offered the Seahawks all their first and second round picks this year (1st overall, 4th overall, and three 2nd rounders – including two at the very top of the 2nd) straight up for Russell Wilson, I think the Seahawks do that in a heartbeat and I think I’d do that too. It’s crazy, of course, because that trade would never happen …

Or would it?

Jim Plunkett is best known as a 2-time Super Bowl champion of the early-80s Oakland/Los Angeles Raiders. However, he was a #1 overall draft pick of the New England Patriots back in 1971. After five pretty mediocre seasons as the Patriots’ starting quarterback, he was traded to the San Francisco 49ers for three 1st rounders, a 2nd rounder, and a player. That was after a season full of injuries and being benched in favor of a rookie! So, it’s not like Plunkett was in Russell Wilson’s league when this deal went down. And yet, the 49ers paid and paid handsomely, because they were a struggling franchise with a moron owner/general manager. And, that’s just it. Bad teams make terrible decisions all the time. Would the Browns over-pay for someone like Russell Wilson, to have him come in and be the savior of the franchise? It wouldn’t shock me one bit.

But, again, as I’ve said repeatedly, unless the deal was crazy insane bonkers in our favor, I’m not trading a franchise quarterback in his prime. There’s a way to turn this thing around without going to such extremes.

Jack Zduriencik Is Gone

Posted on September 2, 2015 by dunderhead99

I remember June 16, 2008, like it was seven years and a few weeks ago. We were in the middle of a year that would just get worse and worse and worse. The Mariners, coming off of a winning 2007 campaign, revamped their starting rotation with the Erik Bedard trade and the Carlos Silva signing. A would-be weakness for the team was bolstered by the addition of a second ace pitcher, and an innings eater who’d solidify the back-end of the rotation while pitching half his games in the spacious Safeco Field.

Those 2008 Mariners would go on to lose over 100 games, netting the #2 overall draft pick. On June 16, 2008, Bill Bavasi was fired after four and a half miserable fucking seasons. And we all rejoiced, for we all knew Bavasi was not only the face of Satan incarnate, but the most bumbling and inept motherfucker ever to be given the keys to a professional franchise (tell me I’m wrong, COME AT ME BRO; I will fight you to the death). Every year of his reign was another chance to reload. Re-BUILD? What does that even MEAN? The Mariners were coming off of their most fruitful seasons under Pat Gillick; but those veterans were all long dead and buried. Bavasi made it his mission to bring in veteran after veteran to try to right the ship, at the expense of our entire farm system and anything else he could get his hands on. He wasted money, he traded away superstars, and he brought us nothing but losses piled upon losses piled upon shit.

On October 22, 2008, the Mariners brought in Jack Zduriencik, and while we didn’t really know much about him, we knew he worked in the upper management in Milwaukee, for a Brewers organization on the rise. He was responsible for that team bringing in some of its biggest stars, and was the first non-GM to win Executive of the Year in 2007. This guy was a rising star in his own right, and it seemed like he’d fit into the GM world like a glove.

On August 28, 2015, the Mariners fired Jack Zduriencik. He’d been at the helm for a little over 6 and a half seasons. So, it was time. He’d out-lasted his predecessor and really wasn’t all that much better at his job.

Bill Bavasi’s Mariners record: 322-395, .449 winning percentage
Jack Zduriencik’s Mariners record: 506-595, .460 winning percentage

Over time, the Bavasi regime has become known for the Erik Bedard/Adam Jones trade, and the dual trades to the Indians in 2006 giving them quality All Stars Shin-Soo Choo and Asdrubal Cabrera for magic beans. Those are desperate moves no GM would EVER live down. The Zduriencik regime will ultimately go down for the Triad of Suck that was Dustin Ackley, Justin Smoak, and Jesus Montero. The Mariners gave up some legitimately great capital to bring in those guys (2nd overall draft pick, Cliff Lee, and Michael Pineda, respectively) and they all blew up in Z’s face.

Considering Jackie Z’s extensive history in scouting for Major League Baseball, that makes his transgressions all the more galling. He’d been here for over 6 years and all he had to show for his work was Kyle Seager. Anyone he ever brought in who was worth a damn was either an established free agent (Cano, Cruz) or some scrub who’d previously washed out of baseball either via injury or ineffectiveness, only to make his comeback with us for an anomalous year or two (Chris Young, Mark Lowe, Tom Wilhelmsen, Joe Beimel). I mean, will you LOOK at some of the bullshit that’s crossed our paths thanks to Jackie Z:

Dustin Ackley, draft pick
Chone Figgins, free agent
Eric Byrnes, free agent
Justin Smoak, trade
The Entire Doug Fister Trade, less Charlie Furbush (a sometimes-okay lefty specialist out of the bullpen)
Jesus Montero, trade
Brandon League, trade
Casey Kotchman, trade
Mike Morse for John Jaso
Logan Morrison for Carter Capps
Mark Trumbo for Welington Castillo
Mike Zunino, draft pick
Danny Hultzen, draft pick
Nick Franklin, draft pick
Corey Hart, free agent
Jason Bay, free agent
Joe Saunders, free agent
Hector Noesi, trade
Miguel Olivo, free agent
The Hitless Wonder That Is Brendan Ryan, trade
Jack Cust, free agent
Blake Beavan, trade
Milton Bradley, trade
Rob Johnson, trade(ish)

You could go on and on, and I know I’m just picking and choosing the most worthless piles of crap out there, but LOOK AT THAT LIST! Look at all those miserable bastards that have contributed to nearly 600 losses the last 6+ seasons! That’s Jack’s legacy! Did he give away studs on par with Jones, Choo, Cabrera, Tillman and the like? No. But, he did get PENNY on the dollar out of stud trade chips like Cliff Lee, Michael Pineda, Doug Fister, Brandon Morrow, John Jaso, and Carter Capps. He had three draft picks in the top 3 overall and we’ve yet to see any of them amount to anything more than somewhat quality defense. After this year, it’s highly likely two of those three draft picks won’t even be in the organization, with Ackley traded, Hultzen an injured free agent who should probably retire, and Mike Zunino fighting for his life somewhere between Tacoma and Seattle.

Was he as destructive as Bill Bavasi? No, he was not. That’s why August 28, 2015, came and went a little bit differently than June 16, 2008. I don’t feel quite the sense of elation as I did when Bavasi finally got the ax. That was on par with the Wicked Witch of the West getting assassinated; this is more like Old Yeller taking a bullet out behind the house. Could the Mariners afford to keep him in charge even one more year? Absolutely not. His rabies-infested mind would surely destroy us all; he NEEDED to be put down, for his sake as much as our own.

But, it’s not even like that. I have no real affinity for Jackie Z; it’s not like I’m going to miss him now that he’s gone. But, it’s still a bummer, because this isn’t supposed to be how it ended. There was a lot of flawed decision-making when it comes to Jackie Z’s reign; but, there’s also a lot of moves where you could see why he thought the way he did. A lot of moves that looked good on paper, and then that paper was set ablaze by a fucking cannon. Guys like Smoak and Ackley and Figgins and Montero – they all came highly touted and having produced quite a bit in their careers up to the point they arrived in Seattle.

In fact, you could say 2015 was a perfect microcosm of the entire Jackie Z era. There was hope – coming off of a year where the Mariners ended up 1 game out of the playoffs. There was a smart signing – Nelson Cruz, MVP candidate in 2015. There was flawed logic – trading away a professional catcher during Zunino’s worst year in the Bigs for a righty power bat who will never play well in Safeco (and who’s yet another DH who shouldn’t be playing out in the field to boot). And there was a whole lot of bad luck – Cano’s shitty start to the season, Ackley turning back into a pumpkin after last year’s bonanza second half, the bullpen absolutely falling apart after being one of the best units in the American League last year.

Like him or hate him, it’s just sad. This whole season has been depressing as shit! Jackie Z getting the boot is just the cherry on top.

The worst part is: what do we do going forward? When Bavasi was fired, there was a clear thought process: scrap everything and start over through the draft. It only got muddled when the Mariners had a winning record in 2009; that shouldn’t have happened, and it set things back in a lot of ways. The Mariners made “contending ballclub” moves when they should’ve stuck to the gameplan to keep rebuilding. It backfired in 2010, meaning we wasted two good rebuilding years thinking we were worth a damn. We started anew in 2011, built the club up into a winner in 2014, only to see it all bottom out yet again. Unexpectedly. Yet again. But, maybe we should have expected it. This city is cursed in a lot of ways, and it took one of the greatest football teams of all time to break that spell in 2013.

Now, like in 2008, the Mariners have no farm system. But, they’ve got plenty good at the Major League level. This team is far from great, but it’s also far from the worst. Will the organization be able to find the right guy to come in here and put all the pieces in place?

No.

It won’t.

Because Howard Lincoln is still the man calling all the shots.

He’s an imbecile and he needs to go.

But, we’re stuck with him, and that’s why we’ll always be losers.

Who Was The Last Mariners Draft Pick To Pan Out?

Posted on May 31, 2013 by dunderhead99

This is going to take a lot longer to write than I originally intended, but that’s because it’s going to take a lot longer to research than I originally intended. ~~If only there was one single place I could go to that comprised a list of every Mariners draft pick from the last 10-20 years~~ Nevermind, I found it!

Anyway, in this exercise, I won’t be looking at Mariners draft picks who have panned out for other teams (because we foolishly traded them away, or didn’t draft them in the first place because we’re idiots). I’m going to be looking at the last guy (or guys, if I’m able to find more than one) who were drafted in the amateur baseball draft (so, not international free agents, or prospects who we received from other teams) who also went on to become a quality player for the Seattle Mariners (without any detours to other teams). Enough parenthetical remarks for you? OK, let’s begin.

Safe to say: no one from the 2012 draft has panned out. But, it’s too early for that, so I can hardly hold it against the organization.

In 2011, we have Danny Hultzen and Brad Miller in Triple-A – they’re CLOSE, but not there yet. 2011 has also given us Carter Capps, who is currently in the Major League bullpen, but this is really his first full year in the Majors, so we can hardly call that panning out.

2010 saw us pick up Taijuan Walker, James Paxton, Stephen Pryor, and Stefen Romero. All appear to be on their way (in some way, shape, or form), but none have made it just yet.

2009. Here we go. It’s pretty safe to say, if you haven’t made it in the Bigs, you’re likely not a superstar. The whole reason for this post is to lament the fact that Dustin Ackley – to date – has not panned out. He was in the Majors for half of 2011 and was all right. He was in the Majors for all of 2012 and was terrible. And, until this past week, he was in the Majors for all of 2013 and was even worse. He’s since been demoted to Tacoma, which makes it hard for me to believe that he’s going to be a winner. Smarter people than myself keep telling me he’ll figure it out. He does too many things well to NOT pan out. But, let’s just say I’ve got my doubts.

Nick Franklin was the next pick in the 2009 draft and he’s just made his first Major League appearance this week, taking over for the aforementioned bust, Dustin Ackley. Too soon to tell on this kid, but just yesterday he hit his first and second homers of his career. If that isn’t a good sign, I don’t know what is. Then again, I’ve been fooled before.

If I were being fair, I’d say Kyle Seager – third round pick in 2009 – has panned out. He had a decent almost-half season in 2011 (.258/.312/.379), then he sort-of broke out in 2012 (.259/.316/.423) in his first full season in the Bigs, and this year he has looked even better (.274/.339/.458), but if I’m being honest I can’t put him there yet. You know how our excuse for every struggling youngster is, “It’s Early.” If it’s in the month of April or early-May and they’re struggling, everyone always says, “It’s Early.” If they’re struggling as a rookie, or even as a second-year player, everyone always says, “It’s Early.” Well, why can’t we say that on the flipside? It’s EARLY. He still has plenty of time to regress! He still has plenty of time to suffer a run of debilitating injuries! Now, in my heart of hearts, I don’t THINK Seager will be a bust. I think he will be a fine Major Leaguer, and thus I think he will pan out. But, right now? I’m not counting my chickens by any means.

So, thus ends the Jackie Z era. So far, we’ve got one guy who has kinda sorta panned out (fingers crossed, knock on wood). Others may eventually pan out, but I wouldn’t say this is the greatest sign for a team that’s trying to get better via the draft.

The less said about 2008, the better. I recognize one name who I saw at the Rainiers game a couple weeks ago, but he doesn’t strike me as anything special. Brandon Maurer came from this draft, so he COULD pan out. Then again, he was brought up too early this year (bypassing Triple-A) and struggled mightily because he’s not ready. I’m certainly not counting him!

2007, again, just a terrible draft. Phillippe Aumont was involved in that Cliff Lee trade. Shawn Kelley was a so-so reliever who could never stay healthy and has since been traded to the Yankees. Sigh.

Let’s see, 2006. We have Brandon Morrow (traded to the Blue Jays, has been a decent starter), Chris Tillman (traded to the Orioles, has been a decent starter), Doug Fister (traded to the Tigers, has been a good starter). Think a rotation with Felix, Iwakuma, Fister, Morrow, and Tillman would look good? I NEED AN ADULT! I NEED AN ADULT!

The rest of 2006 were stiffs, and Adam Moore. Doug Fister panned out from this draft, but he panned out with the Detroit Fucking Tigers.

2005: Good GOD, Lemon! Jeff Clement! That’s the only name I even recognize! And he’s THE WORST!

2004 went Matt Tuiasosopo (bust), Rob Johnson (bust) and Mark Lowe (good, but no longer with the team). Then, in the 11th round, a beacon of hope: Michael Saunders. He struggled from 2009-2011, but then he switched his batting stance and swing and made a jump in 2012. Granted, he didn’t go from nothing to Superstar, but he went from nothing to All Right. Thus far in 2013, he has regressed to his old form, which is a bad sign. We were KINDA counting on Saunders to keep moving up in the world so we could feel confident that he’s a bona fide replacement for Franklin Gutierrez. Now, who knows? Bottom line, though, is that he has NOT panned out.

2003 is the Adam Jones draft. I’ll move on.

2002 is the Bryan LaHair draft. Who is Bryan LaHair, you ask? You’re obviously not a Chicago Cubs fan, as he was an All Star in 2012. Then again, he had a terrible second half and thus far has not played in the Majors in 2013. I don’t know what to tell you.

In 2001, the Mariners drafted Michael Garciaparra in the first round. Remember that guy? I don’t either.

Nothing doing in 2000. Ditto 1999 (unless you count Willie Bloomquist or J.J. Putz). I like Putz as much as the next guy, but he had exactly two great seasons as the Mariners’ closer, was injury-riddled, and eventually shipped away. I wouldn’t call a guy who was mostly a middling middle reliever someone who has panned out.

Nothing doing in 1998 (except for Matt Thornton, who panned out with the White Sox). 1997 was a little more interesting. Our big first round pick, Ryan Anderson (The Little Unit) was a huge bust. Joel Pineiro, from the 12th round, carved out a nice little career for himself. But, the only problem with that is he was never really any damn good for the Mariners. He was okay; he flashed a helluva lot of potential, but that potential was ultimately never realized, and for that I feel safe in saying he never panned out. Standards: I’ve got ’em.

1996 was the Gil Meche draft. See: Joel Pineiro.

1995 was the Jose Cruz Jr. draft.

1994 was the Jason Varitek draft.

And HERE we go! 1993, FINALLY. Taken with the #1 overall pick by YOUR Seattle Mariners … Alex Rodriguez! It’s been 20 drafts since the Mariners have selected someone who panned out FOR the Seattle Mariners! In case you can’t tell, that’s an absolutely unconscionable amount of ineptitude. Want to know why the Mariners have been mostly terrible for so long? Look no fucking further.

Who’s to blame? I’m sure the talent evaluators have to shoulder some of it. But, the more I think about it, the more I think this organization needs a total and complete overhaul. From top to bottom. And I mean bottom. These kids are playing for our minor league teams, participating in our minor league camps, and they are NOT turning into quality players for the Big League team! That’s a problem! That’s a problem with the coaching at the lowest levels of the organization, and maybe it’s time we started putting the responsibility on THEM! I don’t know what the success rate is for other organizations – turning their draft picks into Major Leaguers – but the Mariners have to be at or near the bottom. This is part of the culture of losing I’ve been railing against for so long, and it’s got to stop.

There’s no such thing as Good Enough. If our kids are failing, it’s on the minor league coaches, plain and simple. If I were Jackie Z and company, I’d be looking to fill some big holes down on the farm.

The Worst People In Seattle Sports History, Part I

Posted on May 10, 2013 by dunderhead99

You’ll forgive me if I’m not exactly in the most chipper of moods. That’s what happens when some useless cunt brings bedbugs into your apartment building and you spend a sleepless week itching, cleaning, and bagging up all your shit. Suffice it to say, I’m not exactly looking on the bright side of things.

I actually had this idea before. It was supposed to be a series of posts dedicated to the most loathed sports figures in Seattle history. Over two years have passed and I’ve let it go by the wayside, but while it has been neglected, the idea has not been forgotten.

The primary reason for this site’s existence is that notion that there is a Culture of Losing in Seattle. Losing has become commonplace. Losing has been the norm. And losing has been accepted, which is most damning of all. It’s the main reason why I can’t stand most Seattle sports fans, because they’ve cultivated this Everybody Gets A Trophy attitude about the sports they follow. Granted, it’s probably HEALTHIER; it’s a hard fact of life that we certainly take sports too seriously. But, it still pisses me off.

Oh, good try sweetie!

It doesn’t matter who wins, all that matters is how you play the game!

Well, we didn’t win, but if you had a good time that’s all that matters!

You played hard out there fellas, now let’s all go out and get some ice cream!

There’s always next year!

This is what I have to put up with whenever a Seattle team ends its season. Nobody in Seattle ever expects to do well, so when a Seattle team makes the playoffs THAT’S a thrill in and of itself! Like just making the playoffs is “good enough”. Sure, winning a championship would be an incredible bonus, but isn’t being one of the top 4-8 teams in the league reward enough, you guys?

But, I suppose it’s not all the fans’ fault. I mean, THIS is all they’ve known. These shitty Seattle teams who have always let us down every year since 1979. Yes, the level of shittiness fluctuates, but they’re shitty all the same because it’s been over 30 years since we’ve tasted the sweet nectar of championship victory in this city.

I have a list of people here – athletes, GMs, and owners – who are more or less universally despised. My list is by no means complete, and I encourage anyone who has names to add to come forth and state why you feel that way. I may eventually return to my “Seattle Hates …” series and single out these losers in their own individual posts, but for now I thought I’d just list as many as I can think of and go from there.

Seattle Mariners

The Mariners are far-and-away leading the pack of the most hated Seattle sports figures. It’s almost impossible to rank them, but I’m going to give it a shot.

This hasn’t always been the case, but it’s definitely true today: the most loathed Mariners figures of all time are now Howard Lincoln and Chuck Armstrong. I’ve written about these two before, so I’ll keep this brief. Rest assured, it’ll be a happy day in Seattle history when the team is sold and these two lame-asses are shit-canned. Why they haven’t resigned in shame years ago is beyond me.

Time makes the heart grow fonder is the famous quote by some guy. In this case, time makes the heart grow less enraged. At one point, I would argue that no one could possibly be hated more than Bobby Ayala. Looking back on it, it probably wasn’t fair. Then again, I’m sitting here with my eyes closed and I can still picture it:

Ayala hurls a split-fingered fastball that hangs in the middle of the plate as he falls off of the left side of the mound. Opposing Batter X takes a mighty hack and launches the ball into the Kingdome seats. Ayala turns to watch the ball leave the yard as the cascading boos provide the perfect soundtrack to the four opposing runners trotting across home plate. Ayala, takes his cap off and wipes his sweaty brow with his sleeve as Lou Pinella walks out of the dugout, pointing at his left arm.

Bobby Ayala was kind of a joke (seriously, what grown man goes by the name “Bobby”), but the target of our vitriol shouldn’t have stopped with him. Bobby Ayala represents the total and utter futility of those Mariners bullpens from 1995 … really through 2001. In the mid-to-late 90s, those bullpens were terrible. Granted, we were playing in a bandbox known as the Kingdome, but still. Even after we left that concrete prison and moved into the pitcher’s paradise that is Safeco, and even after we drastically upgraded our bullpen talent with guys like Jeff Nelson, Arthur Rhodes, and Kaz Sasaki, our bullpen STILL let us down. Nevertheless, you rarely hear about Seattle fans bashing The Sheriff. You almost NEVER hear people killing Rhodes or Sasaki. You might get some grumbling about Heathcliff Slocumb, but who are you madder at: the pitcher who wasn’t any good, or the bumbling idiots who traded two studs (Varitek and Lowe) for the pitcher who wasn’t any good?

Nope, the hatred always comes back to Bobby Ayala. To this day, I don’t understand it. But, at the time, back in the day, I could certainly condone it.

A more-recent villain in this saga of the Mariners sucking is Bill Bavasi. I know, for me, he’s one of my most hated Seattle sports figures of all time (not involved with the Sonics leaving Seattle, that is). This website is pretty much a love letter to how much I can’t stand that guy; I don’t know if I’ve ever gone more than a few weeks without referencing him and lamenting how terrible he is at life. At this point, it goes without saying. But, if you need any fuel, I suggest taking a look at his very large section of idiocy.

I don’t really have the heart to do the research on these next few guys to see who was ACTUALLY the worst as a Mariner, but I’ll give you my opinion on who I disliked the most.

I’ll start with Richie Sexson. He was the first installment in my “Seattle Hates …” series, so I won’t go too in depth here. What I will say is that it has always boggled my mind a little bit that Adrian Beltre never saw the same amount of invective. He made more money than Sexson, he signed for more years, and he was coming off of this 2004 season with the Dodgers:

200 hits, 48 homers, 121 RBI, .334 batting average, 1.017 OPS

Here is what he averaged in five seasons with the Mariners:

150 hits, 21 homers, 79 RBI, .266 batting average, .759 OPS

I don’t care what anyone else thinks, I’m ~~calling Steroids on this bullshit~~ not going to make wild accusations about something I know nothing about, even though this guy doesn’t pass the smell test by any means. For funsies, here is what Beltre averaged in the three seasons since he left Seattle:

176 hits, 32 homers, 103 RBI, .314 batting average, .912 OPS

Are you kidding me? OK, maybe that steroids crack was out of line, but COME ON! How are you, as supposed Mariners fans, not enraged by this? You boo and throw money at A-Rod decades after he left for an insane deal with the Rangers … why aren’t you fucking raining down sandbags at this fucking gold-bricker??? Adrian Beltre is a fucking bullshit artist and I’m leading the bandwagon to turn the tide against him; who’s with me? Good defense at third base? Fuck you, go home and play with your kids. You were brought in here to fucking hit. You hit with the Dodgers, you hit with the Red Sox, you’ve hit with the Rangers. Man up and quit blaming the stadium for your insecurities you fucking mental midget.

Up next, we have Chone Figgins. Who was a much better player when everyone thought his first name was pronounced “Ch-own”. He signed a 4-year deal and sucked more and more every year he was on this team. What’s worse, he didn’t appear to be even remotely sorry for the fact that he was the most over-paid piece of shit in the Major Leagues. You’d hear stories about how hard he was working behind the scenes, but then you’d watch him play and what would you see? An emotionless pile of shit striking out. An emotionless pile of shit letting a ground ball go right past him. An emotionless pile of shit unable to catch a routine fly ball. Then, after the game, whenever he’d consent to an interview, you’d hear about how he needed MORE playing time to “play his way out of it”. Or, if by the grace of fucking God he managed to have one of his three good games as a Mariner, he’d chirp his fucking head off after the game, talking about how he’s “still got it” and how he should be playing every day. What a motherfucker. To the bitter end, he left here thinking that he was a legit Major Leaguer. I suppose that’s why he was released by the Miami Marlins in Spring Training this year.

Chone Figgins is a guy who grabbed his big payday, then proceeded to dog it until he was run out of town. He didn’t give a shit! He got his money and that’s all he cared about. Now, he gets to sit on his ass while making upwards of $9 million for doing absolutely nothing.

Carlos Silva is another fan favorite, if by Fan Favorite I mean guy who we’d like to tar and feather. He was supposed to be this adequate ground baller who would earn his money tenfold by pitching in the cavernous Safeco Field. Instead, he got shelled, constantly. And since he was signed for so long (4 years) and for so much money ($48 million), we had to give him every opportunity to try and turn things around. Imagine it: you and me and most everyone we know will live our entire lives scraping by like a dog on the streets; meanwhile Carlos Silva received nearly $50 million to suck dick. Kinda makes you want to stop following sports, doesn’t it?

I’m going to wrap up this Mariners section with some rapid-fire. Because it’s going on far too long and because I’ve got other things to do.

Jeff Cirillo was brought in after our 116-win season to lock down third base. He was supposed to be one of the final pieces to push us over the top as a championship contender. Instead, he was terrible. My booze-addled mind has mostly blacked out the Jeff Cirillo stint as a Mariner, so bully for me.

Alex Rodriguez is a different animal entirely, but I can’t leave him off this list. Where he differs from the rest is that – as a player wearing a Mariners uniform – he was universally beloved. A-Rod was on the fast track to being as beloved as Ken Griffey Jr. And, had he taken less money to remain a Mariner (or, had the Mariners ponied up a proper offer, depending on which story you choose to believe), A-Rod would PROBABLY be #1 on the all-time favorite Seattle sports figure list. Instead, the moment he signed that 10-year, $250 million deal and put on a Texas Rangers uniform, A-Rod was Public Enemy #1.

Not by me, mind you. Even at the time, I didn’t understand the sentiment. Who WOULDN’T take that deal? It was the biggest deal in MLB history! How can you fault a guy for accepting that deal when it’s universally known that the Mariners weren’t able to come CLOSE to matching? On top of that, the deal essentially crippled the Rangers and it took him until 2009 to finally win a World Series. He’s been a laughingstock everywhere he’s been, he doesn’t appear to know how to relate to people, he has an addiction to strip clubs and banging chicks with muscular, dude-like bodies, and – oh yeah – he’s a steroids cheat. Even if you don’t think he would’ve helped us win a World Series in 2001-2003, don’t you think we kinda dodged a bullet by NOT having him embarrass us seemingly every year?

In recent years, there have been any number of hated Mariners, as this franchise has found new depths of ineptitude. Miguel Olivo, Justin Smoak, Jesus Montero, Jeff Weaver, Horacio Ramirez, Erik Bedard, Brandon League, Jose Lopez, Yuniesky Betancourt, Brad Wilkerson, Eric Byrnes, Kenji Johjima, Casey Kotchman, Rob Johnson, Ian Snell, Jack Cust, Hector Noesi, Blake Beavan … just to name a bunch. As long as there are losing Mariners teams, there will always be people to hate.

I’m going to stop here and continue with the other teams another time. This has been a lot more involved than I originally anticipated.

The 2013 Seattle Mariners Will Not Make The Playoffs (Obviously)

Posted on April 1, 2013 by dunderhead99

Over the weekend, I wrote this. It was a Glass Half Full (or, really, just a Glass Full) imagining of how the Seattle Mariners might make the playoffs ahead of schedule. Of course, if you’re a Glass Half Empty guy like myself, “ahead of schedule” could be making the playoffs anytime in the next 20 years.

Today, ahead of Game 1 of 162, featuring Felix Hernandez against the Oakland Athletics, I’m writing the counter-argument. The Wario to Saturday’s Mario. The Darth Vader to Saturday’s Luke Skywalker. The Van Halen with Gary Cherone to Saturday’s Van Halen with Diamond David Lee Roth. Nobody wants to read about THESE Mariners when you could possibly have Saturday’s Mariners. But, the stark reality is, if I’m putting my Smart Money down on one or the other, I’m putting it down on the Mariners NOT making the playoffs. Because the Mariners making the playoffs is not the way the world works.

Let’s look at this realistically for a moment. Justin Smoak is who we thought he was. That’s going to be proven in this, his final season as a Mariner (or, at least, his final season as a Mariners starter). The guy can be Mr. March and Mr. September all he wants. But, he’s going to have to figure out a way to be Mr. April thru August too, if he’s going to make it. I know he’s young, and we like to shield the young from the rigorous pressures of the Major Leagues, but at some point you have to prove that you can HANDLE some of those pressures. You can’t be coddled forever! Mike Trout is young, and he seemed to handle those same pressures pretty fucking well. I’m not saying Smoak is on a similar talent level as Trout, but that’s neither here nor there. Emotionally speaking, Trout is in another league. Smoak is like an infant trying to cross the street in Frogger. How about we grow the fuck up and start doing our jobs, huh?

I’m not nearly as down on Jesus Montero as I am with Smoak. That’s probably because I haven’t been crushingly disappointed for quite as long. Still, for a guy who was the centerpiece of the offseason prior to last season, it’s a little disconcerting to know that he’s simply a stopgap solution to our catching needs. That is, until Mike Zunino arrives. Essentially, I don’t give a flying fuck what Montero does behind the plate this year. He could be the second coming of Rob Johnson for all I care. This dude needs to hit, plain and simple. The writing has never been more ON the wall: Jesus Montero is our future full-time DH. So, you know, I’d like to have a DH that hits .330 with 40 doubles and 30 homers. If that’s all right with you.

I do still believe in the protection theory, and I do think that Morales and Morse were admirable pick-ups this past offseason. But, how much can you expect, really? Every time I see a ball hit his way, I’m going to wonder if THIS is the moment where Morse hurts himself and goes on the shelf. I’m going to be an absolute trainwreck this first month of the season; it’s probably best I DON’T have cable. There is no way in Hell that Morse stays healthy all season (that goes double for Guti, but I’m getting ahead of myself). And when he is healthy, what have we got? MAYBE a guy who’ll hit .270 (but don’t be surprised if he hits .230, because Seattle). MAYBE a guy who will end up with 20-or-so home runs. MAYBE a guy who will play in 100-or-so games. Who’s going to make up that slack? Guys like Ibanez and Bay? Oh, great.

For the record, I think Ibanez is done. I think this will prove to be his final season EVER. Seattle is where old players go to die (Sexson, Vidro, Everett, Griffey, Wilkerson, Sweeney). Ibanez had a reasonably productive season last year in part-time duty. But, he still only hit .240. As for his 19 home runs, we’re still talking about the band box that is Yankees Stadium. 14 of those 19 were hit at home. Now, Safeco Field is his home. I would expect that average to be a whole lot worse and I would expect those power numbers to approach zero.

As for Jason Bay, I give him two months, tops. He’ll show why he was so expendable and so loathed in New York. I would anticipate the likes of Eric Thames back in a Mariners uniform before too long.

Getting back to Morales, I think he is a legitimately good hitter. He might be the best hitter on this team. But, I still have to wonder how playing in Seattle is going to affect him. I highly doubt he WANTS to be here. He’s a professional, so he’s not going to make a big fuss. But, to anyone who is holding out hope that he might choose to sign an extension with the Mariners, I would say, “Just put that idea to bed.” No way. No way in HELL he comes back to Seattle. If he’s not traded at the deadline, then we are essentially resigning ourselves to getting nothing for the man as he walks at the end of the season. And oh by the way, I would expect his numbers to take a drop as well. He’s in Seattle now. “When in Rome,” as they say.

Kyle Seager was a nice little story in 2012, but my concern is this: what if that’s as good as it gets? Dustin Ackley was a less-nice story in 2012, but again my concern is the same. I think if you put these guys in Colorado, they might be All Stars. But, in Seattle, I have to wonder.

As for Michael Saunders, I have a sinking suspicion that he’s going to revert back to his old ways. Not hitting that outside pitch. Striking out too much. With a batting average around .200. Everyone will make a big deal about him being in the leadoff spot being too great a challenge. The team will bounce him up and down the lineup. And by season’s end, he would have been benched long ago, but of course we’ll need him to cover center field because GUTI!

Chone Figgins was a disappointment because we all had these great expectations of him being a pest at or near the top of our lineup. He ended up being one of those old players who comes to Seattle to die. Franklin Gutierrez is a disappointment because of similar expectations. But, he’s not a bad player. His skills haven’t diminished! At least, I don’t THINK they have. Then again, what would I know? I haven’t seen him play an extended stretch of pain-free baseball in quite some time. Guti isn’t old, but he’s a player who has come to Seattle, where he might LITERALLY die. Someone find the old witch who cursed him and drive a stake through her cold, black heart.

I actually kind of think Brendan Ryan is due for a rebound at the plate. Unfortunately, I also kind of think Brendan Ryan is due for a serious injury that keeps him out for a few months.

Which is something I never did get into over the weekend. Injuries. Everyone gets ’em! And you never anticipate ’em when you’re trying to predict what’s going to happen in a given season. You can look at an older team and say, “Hey, these guys will probably hurt themselves!” But, we’re not fortune tellers. Someone (or some ones) on the Mariners will get hurt. It’ll set the team back. And their replacements will be terrible. Or, they’ll get hurt, not tell anyone, try to play through the pain, and be WORSE than the already-terrible replacements. So, there’s that.

***

In 2013, it’ll be Felix and hope for four days of rain. OK, maybe it won’t be that bad, but still, there’s a lot to dislike. Saunders will be decent at times, and he will be awful at times. Iwakuma will be good at times, and kinda bad at times. Beavan will start the season pretty well, but by June or July he will be down in Tacoma where he belongs. Maurer is the ultimate wild card, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s demoted within the next four weeks (or just as soon as Erasmo Ramirez is ready). I think Maurer will eventually return, but who knows how this will shake his confidence?

Here’s the thing, though. If the Mariners DID make the playoffs, how could anyone POSSIBLY trust this pitching staff? Yeah, we’ve got Felix, but any team we’d play in the post-season has their own version of Felix too! And they will be pitching against the Mariners, which means his numbers will likely be BETTER than Felix’s! Shit, the Mariners had Randy Johnson in 1997 leading the charge, and he wasn’t enough to even get us to a fifth game in the first round! I wouldn’t exactly say it was his fault; but, then again, I wouldn’t say he was throwing any 1-hitters either.

Felix is great. He’s my favorite all-time Mariner for a reason. But, he’s not perfect. A theoretical 2013 Mariners playoff team will have relied on his arm for 230+ innings ahead of any playoff game. It wouldn’t shock me in the least to see him be mortal against a team like the Tigers or Yankees. Especially when they have Verlander and Sabathia, who (especially Sabathia) have tended to dominate the M’s.

After Felix, your playoff rotation is fucked. Like I alluded to over the weekend, if this team makes the playoffs, it will be because Brandon Maurer was our second-best pitcher. It will be because he reached his potential (which is so much higher than the potential of Saunders, Iwakuma, Beavan, or Ramirez) and posted a ridiculous win/loss record. But, at the same time, if he does that, he won’t be with us in the playoffs (because he’ll be shut down). We’ll be stuck with cagey veterans like Saunders and Iwakuma. They will get rocked. We will likely be swept in the first round.

So, you know, it’s probably for the best that this team won’t make the playoffs. Why suffer the embarrassment?

As for the bullpen, I do like it a lot. From top to bottom, I think it can be one of the best in baseball. But, Pryor could struggle with command. Capps could struggle with command. Luetge could get shelled. Perez could get shelled. From season to season, no numbers fluctuate so wildly as bullpen numbers. You can be the same exact pitcher from season to season, with the same level of health and the same speed on your fastball. But, for reasons unknown, you can dominate one year with a sub-2 ERA, and you can somewhat struggle the next, with a sub-5 ERA. It’s insane.

As for the rest of the AL West, I do think the A’s are a flash in the pan. I think the Rangers will hang in there for a possible Wild Card spot. And, I think the Angels will run away with the division and win 100 games. You know what else I think? I think the rest of the division will feast upon the entrails of the Houston Astros (last night’s game against the Rangers notwithstanding), while I think the Mariners will actually manage a losing record against them. Wouldn’t that be too perfect? What’s one of the major storylines going into this season? Everyone thinks the Mariners will have a better record than last year, and everyone thinks that’s because they get 19 games against the Astros. Well, I’m here to tell you right now, the Mariners will go 9-10 against the Astros, and it’s going to be a dogfight to avoid last place in the division!

No. No, I don’t really believe the Mariners will battle for 5th place. In fact, I DO believe the Mariners will contend for some stretch of time this year and that they WILL end up over .500. I think we’ll get to July 31st right in the middle of the fracas for a Wild Card spot and I think we will actually be BUYERS. I really do. Jackie Z has shown he’s willing to trade from a position of strength (starting pitching) to get what this team needs. So, I wouldn’t be surprised to see another package of players a la the doomed Justin Upton deal going out for a big bat coming back in. Or, shit, maybe the Mariners go out and get a veteran starting pitcher (not believing their young guys in Tacoma are ready for the leap). These Mariners will ultimately fade in August (just in time for football season) and September will be entirely meaningless.

I’ve felt the way I feel right now prior to 2007 and 2009. My outward expectations low, but inwardly thinking, “Hmm, maybe …”

When going into those seasons, my motto was, “Just keep it interesting.” Just keep us all entertained through the summer. I don’t need miracles! I don’t necessarily need a playoff appearance. Just … let me dream, beyond the month of May. Give me good things to write about. Make me wish I actually DID have cable TV.

That’s the way I feel about 2013. I know that’s totally the kind of Seattle Loser Talk I normally condemn on this site, but the Mariners have broken me. They have sucked my will to live for far too long, and I doubt there’s any coming back. I’m a broken shell of a man whose innards have dried up and been replaced by sawdust. Just entertain me. Just make me forget the horror I’ve been forced to follow for most of the past decade. That’s all I ask. And it’s not a lot TO ask!

87-75. That’s my number. It’s actually kind of a high number, now that I think about all this ranting and raving I’ve been doing throughout the duration of this post, but that’s what I’m going with. I think this bullpen will more than likely be the real deal – at least when it counts, in one-run games – and I think there will be just enough clutch hitting to make up for all the recent Mariners teams who have struggled with runners in scoring position. It doesn’t make sense, but then again it doesn’t HAVE to make sense. The Mariners will go 9-10 against the Astros, but they will still be in some form of contention for a Wild Card spot. Because sometimes, that’s just the way it works.

And, really, it’s not all that far off from the 95 wins I predicted in my Fancy-Free post over the weekend. So remember, as always, I’m a huge tool who has no idea what he’s talking about.

Seattle’s Worst Trades, Draft Picks & Free Agent Signings (Part 3)

Posted on May 30, 2011 by dunderhead99

Editor’s Note: This is the original blog post. If you want to see the comprehensive list, click HERE. I update the master list semi-regularly, whenever I can find the time.

Here we go with Part 3. As far as Part 3’s go, this one is probably The Matrix Revolutions: I bring up a couple of good points, but it’s mostly just filler and getting-it-over-with-already.

Since there were a bunch of moves left off of the first two installments, I still haven’t gotten around to the “Omissions” part yet. Then again, there aren’t all that many supposed bad moves I’ve found defense-worthy yet. Here we go.

October 16, 1984 – (Sonics) – 1986 1st Round Draft Pick to Boston Celtics for Gerald Henderson: this pick ended up being the #2 overall, so that right there is pretty indefensible. The fact that the #2 pick that year was Len Bias marginally softens the blow; of course, had he not overdosed, we might be talking about this as one of the worst Sonics moves of all time. Still, it kept us from drafting at all in the first round that year, and Gerald Henderson really didn’t give us a whole lot (until we traded him to the Knicks for their 1st round pick in the 1987 draft; see below for repercussions of THAT move).

June 22, 1987 – (Sonics) – Scottie Pippen to Chicago Bulls for Olden Polynice: with the draft pick we received from the Knicks for Gerald Henderson, the Sonics drafted Scottie Pippen (5th overall). On the same day, we traded Scottie Pippen to the Bulls for Olden Polynice; ouch. On the one hand, this would open the door for Shawn Kemp to flourish when we picked him up in the draft two years later. On the other hand, Scottie Pippen made the Bulls into a championship juggernaut (without Pippen, who’s to say Michael Jordan wouldn’t have been the LeBron James of his time?). Besides that, what would our team have looked like with Payton, Kemp, and Pippen? I’m thinking, it would’ve looked like an early 90s dynasty.

February 20, 1997 – (Mariners) – Dennis Martinez signs 1-year, $250,000 deal: this isn’t a deal about the money. It was simple common sense that eluded the Mariners. El Presidente was 42 years old at the time of signing! You’re telling me there was NOBODY else out there who could’ve signed for the minimum and given us better than a 1-5 record in 9 starts, with a 7.71 ERA? No triple-A kid who could’ve done better? I hated this deal at the time, because it was yet another representation of a stacked team not doing what it took to go the extra mile. Martinez was cut on May 24th.

February 6, 1998 – (Mariners) – Bobby Ayala re-signs for 2-year, $3.3 million deal: yes, Ayala managed a decent 1997 season; but the two years before that he was an absolute trainwreck! And, in spite of his numbers, he was ALWAYS a blown save waiting to happen. After an attrocious 1998 campaign, he was traded and never heard from again.

February 14, 1998 – (Mariners) – Bill Swift signs 1-year, $425,000 deal: all you need to know is that we gave this assclown 26 starts in 1998. 26! He boasted a 5.85 ERA and his services were not retained further. One thing about Lou Piniella I’ll never understand: his devotion to aging pitchers over giving a young guy a chance to prove himself. I mean, you can only go to that 1995 well (with Belcher, Bosio, etc.) so many times!

November 13, 1998 – (Mariners) – Jose Mesa signs 2-year, $6.8 million deal: he hadn’t been a closer since he fell apart in Cleveland a few years prior, but we said, “What the hell?” and brought him in for two years and handed him the 9th inning. After a full season in the job, he was beaten out by Japanese rookie Kazuhiro Sasaki and that was the end of that experiment. How he managed to play another seven years is truly a testament to the idiocy of Major League Baseball.

April 17, 1999 – (Seahawks) – Lamar King, 1st Round Draft Pick: 22nd overall. This is the primary pick most people pointed to when they wanted to take the GM responsibilities away from Mike Holmgren. It’s not just that Lamar King was terrible – 5 seasons, 12 sacks – it’s that there was so much TALENT after him! We could’ve had Patrick Kerney BEFORE he was a washed up shell! In keeping with the defensive end theme, Mike Rucker was picked early in the 2nd round; Aaron Smith was drafted in the 4th round! But, instead, we had Lamar King. This was NOT a case of giving a defensive end more time to mature; this was a case of a defensive end being a suck-ass.

April 15, 2000 – (Seahawks) – Chris McIntosh, 1st Round Draft Pick: sometimes busts aren’t made out of stupidity (or Monday Morning Quarterbacking). Sometimes guys who might’ve been great get injured early in their careers and never see the light of day (see: Steve Emtman). Nevertheless, McIntosh WAS a bust. Had he made it, with Walter and Hutch, we might never have seen Sean Locklear in a Seahawks uniform. Too bad.

September 20, 2000 – (Sonics) – Emanual Davis, Greg Foster, Horace Grant & Chuck Person to Los Angeles Lakers; Lazaro Borrell, Vernon Maxwell, Vladimir Stepania & Two 2001 2nd Round Draft Picks + One 2002 1st Round Draft Pick to New York Knicks for Patrick Ewing: I originally wasn’t going to put this one in my list, but the haul of players we gave up is pretty extraordinary! Ever wonder what Tayshaun Prince would’ve looked like in a Sonics uniform had we had our 2002 1st round pick? I haven’t either, because I can’t get the sight of Patrick Ewing to leave my brain! I don’t really remember the point of this trade (except, I guess, to clear a lot of crappy players off our roster and end the agony with Ewing’s final year on his deal), but I distinctly remember him starting most every game and giving us nothing in return. And what did we do with all that money coming off the books? Oh yeah, Calvin Booth. Burning all this money would’ve been more satisfying to Sonics fans!

October 18, 2000 – (Mariners) – Damaso Marte granted Free Agency: some bad moves aren’t moves that you make. Sometimes, they’re the moves you don’t. Not giving Marte a chance at our bullpen – again, in favor of aging veterans – was a brutal mistake. He had PLENTY of good-to-great years ahead of him. Too bad he was once a former Mariner.

December 21, 2000 – (Mariners) – Raul Ibanez granted Free Agency: another one of these non-moves that bit us pretty hard. Ibanez was just starting to come into his own! He left for Kansas City for three quality seasons; meanwhile we had the likes of Al Martin in left field. Pity.

June 27, 2001 – (Sonics) – Vladimir Radmanovic, 1st Round Draft Pick: 12th overall. Could have had Richard Jefferson. Could have went guard and picked up Tony Parker or Gilbert Arenas. Instead, we had Radman, who did nothing with the Sonics. He went on to win a bunch with the Lakers, but no one is calling Radman instrumental to their success.

January 30, 2002 – (Mariners) – James Baldwin signs 1-year, $1.25 million deal: we brought in a guy who was never all that great and decided to make him an everyday starter with no contingency plan. He started 23 games and had a 5.28 ERA.

June 26, 2003 – (Sonics) – Luke Ridnour, 1st Round Draft Pick: if, in our 2001 draft, we went with Tony Parker, we would’ve already HAD our Point Guard of the Future. Instead, we had no such guy and went after the Oregon grad and he STUNK.

January 20, 2004 – (Mariners) – Joel Pineiro re-signs for 3-year, $14.5 million deal: these were some frustrating seasons for the Mariners. Maybe not as frustrating as the mid-to-late 90s when we had all that offensive talent but little in the way of pitching; but pretty damned frustrating nonetheless. We thought we had our rotation of the future shaping up with the likes of Pineiro and Gil Meche (and, to a lesser extent, Mr. 5-pitch Wonder himself Ryan Franklin). All were draft picks, all were guys we furiously refused to trade away to other teams for more-productive players. In fact, we went so far as to give Pineiro a 3-year deal instead of going to arbitration, after a studly 2003 season. Pineiro promptly went on to get worse and worse every year after, until he was finally tossed from our rotation and ultimately not re-signed thereafter. I shudder to think of what we could’ve hauled in if we would’ve sold high on the likes of Pineiro and Meche. Instead, we ended up with a whole lotta nothin’.

April 24, 2004 – (Seahawks) – Marcus Tubbs, 1st Round Draft Pick: 23rd overall. Unfortunately in this draft, we missed out on some better defensive tackles (including Vince Wilfork a mere two picks prior), but it was hard to argue with Tubbs’ selection with the 2005 season he gave us. Knee injuries kept him off the field; potential recovery kept hope alive, but Tubbs never gave us much of anything after our Super Bowl run.

January 19, 2005 – (Mariners) – Aaron Sele signs 1-year, $700,000 deal: until last night, I’d forgotten that we brought Sele back four seasons after he was remarkably productive for us in the 2000 and 2001 seasons. After his 3-years of futility in Anaheim, we took a flyer on him in 2005; but he was as done as done could be. After 21 starts and a 6-12 record, he was waived on July 31st. Fun fact: Felix Hernandez was called up and took over his rotation slot on August 4th and never looked back.

June 28, 2005 – (Sonics) – Johan Petro, 1st Round Draft Pick: 28th overall. The Frenchman was another in a long line of busted center prospects for the Sonics. Not the first, not the last, but ultimately just as irrelevant.

March 5, 2006 – (Seahawks) – Shaun Alexander re-signs for 8-year, $62 million deal: after an MVP season, we re-signed the 28 year old to a max deal. Some might blame the loss of Steve Hutchinson; others will surely blame his foot injuries. Either way, Alexander was never the same. He played two more years in a Seahawks uniform, giving us production he’d normally churn out in a single season, and that was the end of that. We ended up paying him more to NOT play for us. The moral of the story: don’t sign running backs to big deals when they’re approaching 30 years of age.

June 28, 2006 – (Sonics) – Mouhamed Sene, 1st Round Draft Pick: 10th overall. This whole draft was pretty much a bust, aside from just a few players; but that doesn’t make the Sene pick any less difficult to swallow. By this point, Sonics fans were fed up with the team picking up foreign prospects with little in the way of actual basketball skills. Sene was the end of the road for Sonics going after non-sensical big men; a run that went back as far as I can remember.

July 13, 2007 – (Mariners) – Ichiro re-signs for 5-year, $90 million deal: I can’t imagine another Major League Baseball team giving a leadoff hitter who does nothing but slap singles and steal bases this kind of money, but honestly, what were the Mariners supposed to do? At this point, Ichiro was the only bona fide superstar the team had seen since A-Rod left; he was the face of the franchise and our only true All Star. The PR hit the team would’ve taken would’ve been a nightmare. Nevertheless, his contract has crippled this organization in subsequent years. Nearly $18 million in cap space per season for a singles hitter … yowza.

October 30, 2007 – (Mariners) – Jose Guillen granted Free Agency: this isn’t the kind of move you have to kill in hindsight; most fans and pundits agreed that losing Jose Guillen almost single-handedly ushered in our 2008 disaster. Maybe a 2-year deal for Guillen would’ve been a year too much, but you can’t argue that even his lackluster numbers in ’08 were better than Jose Vidro’s.

March 4, 2008 – (Seahawks) – T.J. Duckett signs 5-year, $14 million deal: once it was apparent that Shaun Alexander’s best days were behind him, Tim Ruskell went on the offensive the only way he knew how: bring in past-their-prime veterans to pick up the slack. I’m certain Duckett never saw the majority of that money, but still. What was he thinking with a 5-year deal? He had 8 goal line touchdowns in 2008, then was released.

March 7, 2008 – (Seahawks) – Julius Jones signs 4-year, $11.8 million deal: Julius Jones is 4 years younger than Shaun Alexander, but his skills had already deteriorated to the same point. Jones was a castoff from Dallas – who quickly learned that he would never be a productive every-down back – and we lapped him up as a quick fix. Jones gave us 2 years and 2 games and never had more than 700 yards in a single season. Probably would’ve been smarter to just draft ANY running back and pay him a rookie’s salary, but “smarter” was never really Tim Ruskell’s forte.

April 25, 2008 – (Mariners) – Kenji Johjima re-signs for 3-year, $24 million deal: the Mariners went back to the Japanese well one more time and struck a modest amount of gold. Johjima was as productive as you could hope in his first two seasons, but it was odd that they’d re-sign him to a contract extension so early on in the 2008 season. Most believe it was a call from the owners, but whoever’s to blame, it doesn’t change the fact that Johjima took a huge nosedive in 2008. He was eventually supplanted as the starting catcher by Rob Johnson (mostly because pitchers hated pitching to Johjima, but also because his bat disappeared), and that’s all you need to know about where he was at the end. The only good thing to come out of this contract was that Johjima asked for his release after the 2009 season, saving the team a solid $16 million.

November 11, 2009 – (Mariners) – Ken Griffey Jr. re-signs for 1-year, $2.35 million deal: after the miraculous 2009 season – where we came out of nowhere to post a winning record amid tidings of joy and hugs of glee – it was a no-brainer to bring Griffey back for the 2010 season. Yes, the .214 batting average was a concern. But they drained fluid from his knees (maybe another red flag, perhaps?) and Griffey hit the treadmill a little bit in his offseason. SURELY he could get the batting average up to … what? .225? .230? And those 19 home runs he hit in 2009; SURELY he could keep up that production inside the confines of the House That Griffey Built! Except, no. He played in 33 games, had 2 extra base hits (0 homers), allegedly fell asleep during a game, and abruptly retired in early June. Everything could’ve been so much more magical had he just retired after 2009 … he could’ve ridden off into the sunset like a conquering hero.

December 8, 2009 – (Mariners) – Chone Figgins signs 4-year, $36 million deal: it’s getting harder and harder to ignore this deal. Until Figgins proves otherwise (at which hypothetical point, I’ll retract this statement and take him off the list), here he stays. This is the first real Bavasi-esque misstep from Jackie Z. Only, instead of being seduced by the long ball of an aging veteran, Z was seduced by a high batting average, higher on-base percentage, and a tremendous base-running threat. Except, one problem: Figgins was a little over a month away from turning 32 years old BEFORE he signed the contract. His 2010 season was half-unmitigated disaster, half-just okay. His 2011 season, two months in, has been dramatically worse. Not only does he have to finish this season – while making $9 million – but he has to go two more (making a combined $18 million). We can’t trade him, we can’t cut him, we can’t NOT play him – just in case he DOES turn it around and we can trade him later – we’re just stuck. Like we were with Sexson and Silva and so many others.

January 29, 2010 – (Mariners) – Eric Byrnes signs 1-year, $400,000 deal: he was waived by the Diamondbacks (who had to pay the rest of his $11 million contract) and he figured out a way to make it onto our team in 2010. The money isn’t an issue. What’s unforgivable is the April 30th contest (and Cliff Lee’s first start). He was SUPPOSED to suicide squeeze the ball with our runner going from third base; instead he pulled the bat back in what has to be the most moronic baseball play I’ve ever seen. That led to us losing in extra innings and me forever hating Eric Byrnes. He was released 3 days later.

Jack Wilson, Former Second Baseman

Posted on April 9, 2011 by dunderhead99

Add this to the list of shit you can ONLY find in a franchise with its head up its ass.

I can’t remember all the crazy shit I’ve NEVER heard of happening before on a baseball team that happened last year.

Milton Bradley losing his shit, walking out of the clubhouse after getting taken out of a game, then promptly asking for psychiatric help that put him on a “restricted list” for a few weeks to get his head right.

Eric Byrnes simply destroying what should have been a relatively routine sacrifice bunt to lose us Cliff Lee’s first start in a 10-inning game, then before he could be questioned by the media, he rides his bicycle out of the clubhouse.

Larry LaRue of the Tacoma News Tribune publishes a story where a couple of unnamed teammates accused Ken Griffey Jr. of sleeping in the clubhouse during a game (and being so groggy that he was unable to pinch hit for Rob Johnson), which leads to Griffey and manager Don Wakamatsu not speaking for a month, Griffey being benched for Mike Sweeney, and (my favorite), Mike Sweeney challenging the unnamed teammates to step forward so he can fist-fight them in order to defend Griffey’s honor.

A few games (or maybe just a single game) after Jose Lopez makes a baffling base-running mistake, Chone Figgins does something else almost as brainless and instead of punishing both equally, Wak opts to take Figgins out of the game. This leads to a physical altercation between Figgins and Wak (in the dugout, during the game) that ultimately leads to the MANAGER being fired.

I might be missing a few other oddities, but go ahead and throw this week’s freakshow onto the pile.

In Felix’s last start, there were two errors in the bottom of the second inning. They were back-to-back, and they were both made by Jack Wilson at second base. Either one could’ve prevented what ended up being the losing runs from scoring (had he been able to turn a simple double play, that is to say), but in combination, they added up to yet another loss for Felix.

By the time the bottom of the third inning came around, we found that Jack Wilson was no longer in at second. At the time, I thought it MIGHT have been possible he was out for an injury – he was taken out a little hard at the bag as he tried to turn and throw to first base on the second of the two errors – but more likely he was pulled and the EXCUSE would have been that he was a little banged up on that play.

In a surprising revelation later that afternoon, it was pointed out by manager Eric Wedge that Jack was feeling a little “hazy” and was pulled for, I dunno, safety precautions? DID he get hit in the head? Didn’t look like it to me, but what do I know.

Later, Jack pointed out that he wasn’t feeling hazy at all, that he was just pulled from the game by the manager for the errors (to which he added that he didn’t blame Wedge, as he was doing nothing to help the team with his play).

Well, it turns out as of yesterday that Jack Wilson wasn’t pulled at all. He ASKED to be taken out of the game, and Wedge was just trying to cover for his player. Because teammates (or, really, anyone who’s played the game) will lose respect for a player who ASKS to be taken out, especially if he’s not totally crippled by injury.

This leads us to yesterday’s game, when Adam Kennedy was starting in place of Wilson. Now, had none of these events of the past few days transpired, I would’ve chocked that up to Kennedy being left handed and Cleveland’s pitcher being right handed. But now, it’s pretty clear: Jack Wilson has played his last game as a Mariner.

Honestly, I think that’s a damn shame. I’ve always kinda enjoyed the guy since we traded for him. Great defender, if a ~~little~~ lot injury-prone, makes good contact with the bat, AND he’s literally in the best shape he’s been in since he was first breaking out in baseball thanks to losing a bunch of weight and strengthening his legs. He’s been stealing bases, being productive at the plate, and in his penultimate game he turned what has to be the most impressive 4-3 double play I’ve ever seen.

But, there’s no excuse for taking yourself out of a game. You’re a professional baseball player. Yes, you had a terrible half-inning where you blew two plays that could’ve saved some runs. You know what, it happens! We didn’t see Kevin Kouzmanoff ask to be sat down when we played Oakland in the first series! Jack Wilson isn’t the first guy to have a couple errors in an inning.

Of course, the difference there is that Kouzmanoff was playing his natural position and (supposedly) has a track record of successful third base defense. Jack Wilson has been playing second base for all of a few weeks. If you don’t have that comfort level in your position, I suppose I could see one’s confidence spiraling out of control.

I dunno. All I know is that Wilson’s in the wrong here and I think it’s ultimately going to cost this team big. They can’t put him back out there! And who’s going to trade for the guy? If they did, we certainly would be the ones unloading a problem and wouldn’t get a damn thing in return! It looks like we’re either going to get a steady diet of Adam Kennedy, or a strict righty/lefty platoon. Either way, I think I like Wilson’s bat and hustle more.

Jesus. How much more crazy shit can happen to this team? At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised to find the Mariners involved in some sort of human trafficking sex scandal!

2011 Seattle Mariners Opening Day Roster

Posted on April 1, 2011 by dunderhead99

I’m by no means going to make it a habit of posting Seattle’s roster before every game. But, since today is Opening Day, I’m making an exception.

Aren’t you curious as to what our Final Day Roster will be and how different it will look from today’s? Aren’t you at all curious as to what our average overall 2011 roster will look like by taking the people who played the most and putting them in the proper order? Wouldn’t it be weird if every game’s roster was the same?

Anyway, here it is. Don’t think I WON’T be looking at how our roster shifts and morphs throughout the season:

Ichiro – RF
Chone Figgins – 3B
Milton Bradley – LF
Jack Cust – DH
Justin Smoak – 1B
Miguel Olivo – C
Ryan Jagerbombs – CF
Brendan Ryan – SS
Jack Wilson – 2B

By the way, did you know we closed last season with a 4-game series loss to the A’s? AND, did you know we STARTED last season with a 4-game series in Oakland where we went 1-3? Maybe a regular ol’ 3-game series against the A’s will make things seem less daunting. I dunno. 1-7 in the first and last series against the A’s … no WONDER we lost 101 games!

For your personal reference, here’s what Opening Day looked like last year:

Ichiro – RF
Chone Figgins – 2B
Casey Kotchman – 1B
Milton Bradley – LF
Ken Griffey Jr. – DH
Jose Lopez – 3B
Franklin Gutierrez – CF
Rob Johnson – C
Jack Wilson – SS

QUITE THE MURDERER’S ROW YOU’VE GOT THERE!

This was the last time Kotchman was ever good. Also, it’s fun to see Jack Wilson is so highly regarded as a hitter.

Seattle Mariners 2011 Preview, Part 2: The Hitters

Posted on April 1, 2011 by dunderhead99

It’s a preview, so I could easily bang this post out in my sleep (the only real requirement involves Being Totally & Completely Wrong). But, I read this little number from Larry Stone yesterday, and I couldn’t resist playing Copycat. For the record, Stone is MUCH more forgiving than I am (one would think it’d be the opposite, with the fan (me) figuring out ways as to how this squad will be a MILLION times better than last year’s, but I digress).

Let’s start with the Catcher position:

Olivo/Moore vs. Moore/Bard/Rob Johnson. This looks to be no contest in favor of 2011’s tandem. Rob Johnson was a waste of fucking life, Bard is no better than any other aging career backup (a.k.a. Rob Johnson in five years), and Moore briefly started to get things going, then he got hurt and never recovered. Olivo looks to be better than all of them combined, but then again what is that really saying about our 2010 catchers? At best, he’s top 2 in team OPS (again, what is THAT really saying about our team as a whole?); at worst he’s a Jose Lopez-like drain smack dab in the middle of the order. The horror.

Nevertheless, give the nod to 2011. I may have complained about the signing when it happened, but he’s going to be a crucial part of our success (or failure) this season, so I better get used to Miguel Olivo.

First base:

Smoak vs. Kotchman/Smoak. Stone gave the edge here to 2011, but I’m holding the damn phone. While I will TOTALLY grant you that this position couldn’t POSSIBLY get any worse (unless it were the DH position of a year ago), I’m still not so sold on Smoak. He’s going to have to prove it to me. Because if he comes out struggling (for whatever excuse you want to give: pressing too much, trying too hard, wanting to do too much, not staying within himself), he’s likely going to be benched and probably even sent down to Tacoma to “work on his swing”, whatever that means. Struggling begets struggling in this game, and if struggling leads to Smoak turning into Adam Kennedy, we’re going to WISH we still had Casey Kotchman to kick around.

Ergo, I’m saying this is Even and giving the edge to no one until Justin Smoak shows me otherwise.

Second Base:

Jack Wilson/Dustin Ackley vs. Figgins. Stone gave the edge to 2010, mostly based upon a marginally torrid second half out of Figgy. When “.286 after the All Star Break” is the barometer you’ve set for success, you know you’re gonna have a bad time. Personally, I like Jack Wilson. Yes he gets a bad rap for always getting injured (probably because he’s always getting injured), but when he’s healthy I think he’s quite effective! I mean, he’s no Luis Sojo, but the guy has been known to get hot at the plate every once in a while. Of course, he’s also been known to get equally as cold, but that’s neither here nor there. I like Jack’s bat a helluva lot more than I like Josh Wilson’s, and I might even like it even more than Brendan Ryan’s. As for Ackley, I think it’s a foregone conclusion he takes over second base for good, once the Mariners are officially 20 games out of first place (a.k.a. sometime in Early June). But, that doesn’t mean I’m necessarily sold on Ackley The Rookie coming in and dominating. You know how I feel about rookies. Yes, I think they should get the most playing time on bad teams to show what they can do, but no, I don’t think they should be counted on to produce like All Stars.

I’m calling this one Even as well. I think Jack Wilson’s first half will be close to equal to Figgins’ second half last year; and I think Ackley’s second half will be close to equal to Figgins’ first half last year.

Short Stop:

Brendan Ryan vs. Wilson/Wilson. I was going to make this a trifecta of Infield Evens, but I think Stone convinced me to give the edge to 2011. Look, Josh Wilson’s a likeable guy, and he filled in admirably last year (especially on the defensive side of things; we never missed a beat with the glovework between the two Wilsons), but he’s more Mascot or Team Pet than he is a Major League ballplayer. Brendan Ryan is a Major League ballplayer. No, I don’t expect him to set Safeco Field’s fences on fire with all his doubles power, but he’s got to be worth more than an injury-plagued Wilson and a singles-slapping Wilson.

Advantage 2011, but just BARELY.

Third Base:

Figgins vs. Lopez. The theme of 2011, what everyone is banking on is: It Can’t Get Any Worse. So many players last year were at their absolute worst, including Bradley, Lopez, Kotchman, Griffey, and yes, Figgins. Most of those players are no longer with the team; ALL of those players were priced to move for any trusting club to take off of our hands. BUT, Figgins remains. And I’ll go ahead and bite: Figgins COULDN’T POSSIBLY be any worse than he was in 2010. Unless you think his career is over, and I don’t. NOT because of his “hot” second half last year, but because he’s had these anomaly-type seasons before and has always bounced back. I’ll even go so far as to believe the switch back to third base will be beneficial. But, there’s no way he’s done. I’m going to leave it in the hands of Faith on this one.

Lopez, meanwhile, is done. Just ask the Colorado Rockies. Advantage 2011.

Left Field:

Bradley/Saunders vs. Bradley/Saunders. I’m tweaking this from Stone’s version, as I believe Saunders will eventually stick in Left Field. Something tells me he’s going to turn it on this year at the plate. I do agree with Stone that (like third base), we couldn’t possibly do any worse, but there’s no way Bradley survives a full season of playing in the field. SOMEONE else will force a platoon, and why not Saunders? In 2010, he finally showed a little of that power he’s always had; now, if he can just manage to get a hit in better than 1/5 of his at bats, we just might have something here.

To 2011! To Michael Saunders realizing his full potential (finally)!

Center Field:

Guti vs. Guti. Stone has the edge to 2010 based solely on the fact that we don’t know what’s wrong with Guti’s stomach and we don’t know how long it’s going to keep him out. I agree wholeheartedly that this is of utmost concern – in fact, it might be the biggest story of the season that no one is really talking about. What if they NEVER find out what’s wrong with Guti? What if he tries to eventually play through the pain only to struggle like he did last year? Guti is a core guy! He’s a building block to what’s supposed to be a winning ball club (in a few years)! We NEED this guy!

I’m calling this a Draw based on the simple fact that I’m going to be optimistic in this one instance. Guti started strong, then faded badly in 2010; I’m banking on the reverse this year.

Right Field:

Ichiro vs. Ichiro. How could this NOT be even. Stone and I are of the same mind here. Give the man 200 hits and a Gold Glove and GET THE HELL OUT OF HIS WAY!

Designated Hitter:

Cust vs. Branyan/Griffey/Sweeney. Stone likes Cust. I like EVEN! Essentially, Cust IS Branyan, except without the pure power. I believe if you took 2010 Branyan, played him all year at DH with the 2010 Mariners, they would have almost identical lines except Branyan would have a few more homers than 2011 Cust. Yes, Griffey was complete and total dead weight, but don’t forget Sweeney was a man possessed when he finally got the nod (and before he went down with back spasms). Sweeney, in his month of terror, was better than every hitter except for Ichiro last year. Man, I miss Sweeney. I miss the hugs!

I like Cust, but I don’t like him THAT much. And I think his strikeouts will start to outweigh his power and his walks over the course of a full season. Even Steven.

Overall, my impressions aren’t great, but they’re equal to or better than 2010 across the board. Mostly going on faith in this one. I’m going to trust Olivo has enough pop to make up for what Lopez was SUPPOSED to give us last year. I’m going to assume Figgins will return to glory and Bradley will … not fall below the Mendoza Line once and for all. I’m going to go out on a limb and hope for progress out of Smoak and Saunders, and I’m going to pray to the Pepto gods that Guti gets over whatever it is he’s got. I’m going to perish the thought of Ichiro finally starting to show his age, and finally I’m going to not expect too much out of our middle infielders (and accordingly be pleasantly surprised).

Do I think we will be better? Compared to what? The sheer abomination that was 2010? We were LITERALLY the worst hitting ballclub in the modern era! How could we NOT be better?

Well, let’s see. Maybe Ichiro’s bat speed takes a dive and he hits .240. Suddenly, he’s not legging out those infield singles anymore and what little power he had completely vanishes. Smoak and Saunders continue to struggle, putting them mere steps away from being out of baseball. Miguel Olivo is our home run leader with 16. Jack Cust turns into Richie Sexson-heavy. Jack Wilson gets injured in May and Adam Kennedy is Eric Byrnes Redux. Brendan Ryan remains Brendan Ryan; Milton Bradley remains Milton Bradley. Chone Figgins discovers he’s got the full blown Mariners Curse. Franklin Gutierrez never fully recovers from his stomach ailment. And with a rash of constant injuries beleaguering our lineup from top to bottom, we’re forced to play a bunch of AAA guys who seriously are NOT ready for Prime Time.

I guess that’s how we could be worse. Dear God I hope we’re not worse.

And I don’t REALLY think we will be. But, that doesn’t mean I believe we’ll be all that much better. I wish I knew what amount of wins it would take to guarantee that Jackie Z keeps his job, because I want to see what he can do next winter when he’s actually got some money to throw around. Does it even matter? Is 70 the magic number? Is it 75? Or is it simply NOT losing another 100 games while showing marginal improvement from the guys who are believed to be the Future of the Franchise?

I hope it’s that. Because I think that’s something we can actually accomplish. There’s a lot to like with what Z is doing for our farm system. We’ve improved tremendously since he got here AND we have the Number 2 pick in the upcoming MLB Draft. That’s another rising star not long for the minors.

I’m getting off topic here. Do I think we’re better? Yes, but not by much. The outfield is exactly the same as last year. Exactly. The infield is basically the same as it was for the second half of last year, just shuffled around a bit. Brendan Ryan is pretty much the same type of power threat as Jose Lopez was in his underperforming last season. Cust is Branyan, meaning our only real improvement is Olivo over Rob Johnson/Josh Bard. We’re 1 man better (with a lot of hoping and praying that everyone else who did poorly last year improves). That should amount to more overall wins, but not many.

Record Prediction: 65-97. AL West Finish: 4th Place. Draft Pick in 2012: 4.

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