The Seahawks Had A Dominant Defensive Performance Against An Inept Offensive Giants Team

In retrospect, BOY are the Giants bad! I was not prepared for that level of ineptitude. I keep coming back to how they JUST gave Danny Dimes a huge contract extension (he’s going to have a $47 million cap hit in 2024!); what a disaster!

The Seahawks now head into the BYE week with a 3-1 record, firmly in second place in the NFC West, and among the wild card contenders one month in. It’s probably the best we could’ve hoped for heading into the season, so all things considered, I’m pretty happy with where this team is at.

While I readily acknowledge that it’s less impressive knowing Saquon Barkley was out for this game, I think it’s undeniable that the Seahawks’ run defense is vastly improved over last year. Daniel Jones scrambled for 66 yards on 10 carries, but everyone else only managed 46 yards on 19. Not that I want to allow opposing quarterbacks to run all over us, but few of those were actually designed runs, so in a sense they feel like flukier yards.

This game will forever stand out as the one where the Seahawks defense got 11 sacks. 2 from Wagner, 2 from Brooks, 2 from Devon Witherspoon (who also had a 97-yard pick six, to go along with 7 tackles), 2 from Nwosu, and 1 apiece from Mafe, Myles Adams, and Mario Edwards (who forced a fumble on his that was recovered by Brooks). Now THAT’S how you win a game 24-3!

It was, truly, an awesome defensive performance. But, at the same time, the Giants might have the worst offensive line in the league. They’ve got the aforementioned mediocre Danny Dimes. They’ve still not yet improved their wide receiver room. And they were without Barkley. There were pieces here and there on defense that stood out – Kayvon Thibodeaux had 2 sacks and looked like the monster we all expected coming out of college – but by and large the Giants don’t look like a good football team, at all. Don’t forget the Cardinals blew a 21-point second half lead to them, otherwise the Giants would be 0-4!

This might’ve been, all things considered, our easiest opponent (yes, even easier than the Panthers). And yet, good lord, did we suffer a massive amount of injuries in this one!

By the end, our O-Line looked like this: Forsythe, Brown, Oluwatimi, Bradford, Curhan. We lost both guards in this one (Lewis and Haynes) and had to do some shuffling. We also lost Geno Smith for part of the second quarter, after he was rolled-up on out of bounds unnecessarily. Jarran Reed missed the tail end of the game. There has to be some other guys I’m missing …

Oh yeah, Jamal Adams. The Hype Train was in all of its full-throated glory this week as The Return Of Jamal Adams was in effect.

I don’t know whether to make a joke or throw my laptop across the room. It is, indeed, comical how insufferably injury-prone he’s become since donning a Seahawks uniform. Are we, like, his kryptonite? Is someone secretly poisoning him with very low doses over a long period of time? Did he have all his bones replaced with wafer and his muscles replaced with nougat?

It’s particularly exasperating because you can CLEARLY see the impact of a healthy Jamal Adams. He was in there for, what, a drive or two? Yet, he was flying all over the place and had a couple crunching tackles. Unfortunately, his second tackle was made with his head, and he left with an obvious concussion (in spite of him berating the health professional who confirmed his disability).

But, you know, we were all prepared for this, right? Not to expect too much out of Adams. Whatever we get from him is a bonus and all that. That’s why we signed Julian Love, who – not surprisingly – had his best game in a Seahawks uniform, going up against his old team.

Forget Adams, what I was most excited to see in this game was the combo of Witherspoon and Woolen out there. I think you have to like what you saw in this one (again, the caveat being our level of opponent). The longest reception by a receiver was 12 yards. We held their best offensive weapon – Darren Waller – to 3 catches for 21 yards. I’m not ready to plant my flag on this being LOB 2.0, but the pass defense was the best it’s been this season, and I think having these two guys healthy has a lot to do with it. You get to slot the secondary behind them where they deserve to be, and you see these amazing results (including a late pick by Quandre Diggs, who should be able to make more plays as a roaming free safety).

The Seahawks offense gets somewhat of an Incomplete grade on this one. Geno Smith, I thought, looked fine, though he was definitely hampered in the second half with what I presume was a downturn related to his ankle injury. He’ll be fine. Drew Lock got some play in this one and did okay, hitting Fant for what turned out to be a 51-yard gain that led to Kenneth Walker’s TD. Walker finished with a respectable 79 yards on 17 carries; Charbonnet also looked solid as his backup, hitting open holes and gashing them for 31 yards on only 5 carries.

The offensive line depth really showed up in this one. Granted, we did a lot to help them out with our protection schemes, but this offense is talented enough to afford us this luxury of playing multiple tight ends. We can withstand keeping extra blockers for those extreme blitzing defenses, thanks to how elite our receivers are. Shoutout to Walker for his protection as well; he looked fantastic picking up blitzers up the middle.

This game was unquestionably sloppy throughout, with lots of penalties on both teams, but a win is a win. On the road, against an NFC opponent, on Monday night: I’ll take it.

Shoutout to Michael Dickson for some fantastic punts to flip field position. A reverse shoutout to Myers for missing a long field goal pretty miserably.

Now, we get our BYE week. People have been saying – given our injury issues thus far – it might be at the exact right time. I would say, with the punishment we suffered in this one, it’s even more important. Then, we go right back out on the road to play an underachieving Bengals team in a couple weeks. Either we’re catching them at the exact right time, or they’re going to be furiously trying to save their season.

My biggest takeaway through four weeks is how good our rookie class looks once again. Witherspoon, obviously, has DROY potential. Bradford has looked just fine at right guard. Oluwatimi got some playing time at center. Jerrick Reed, if nothing else, looks like an elite special teamer. Cameron Young had a couple impactful tackles up the middle. Hall and Charbonnet look like excellent role players thus far at important positions. Really, the only guy who has yet to stand out has been JSN, and I don’t think anyone is worried about the top overall receiver eventually finding his footing. I will say that maybe we can try sending him on routes that AREN’T just around the line of scrimmage.

The Seahawks Are Looking To Head Into Their BYE Week On A Roll

This is our only Monday Night Football appearance this year, so live it up!

The Seahawks are 11-2 in games immediately preceeding their BYE week in the Pete Carroll era (a loss in 2010, and a loss last year vs. the Bucs in Germany, so technically 11-1 in games immediately preceeding their BYE week that take place in America). One of those games, oddly enough, came at the Giants back in 2011, so that’s neat!

We’re in an interesting spot right here, because I think this game can teach us a lot about where the Seahawks are as a team as they compare to the rest of the NFL. I know you can argue the Lions were a pretty good test, but they’re obviously a very different team than the Giants. The Lions feature a lot of offense, a solid – if undersized – pass rush, and that’s pretty much it. The Giants, conversely, want to pound it down your throats, and use that to play up their play-action game. They’re the team, quite honestly, that the Seahawks WANT to be.

I know it hasn’t been pretty thus far for the G-Men, but I would argue they’ve played an exceedingly difficult schedule to date. They’re one awesome half of football away from being 0-3 (that was against the Cardinals, who might be better than we thought). The Cowboys are rock solid, and the 49ers might be the best team in football. Conversely, I would say the Seahawks have played a soft – if unfortunately-sequenced – schedule that featured the Rams at their healthiest (minus Kupp). I won’t dismiss the Lions victory, but I will say it’s not super encouraging how ugly our first half was against an atrocious Panthers team.

It’s hard to assess how good or bad the Giants are, because while they might not be in the same class as the Cowboys or 49ers, they haven’t really played a team on their level until now (unless the Cardinals really ARE good, which I don’t think they are). The Seahawks, I would say, are on the same level as the Giants. We just get there in different ways.

The Seahawks match up better against a team like the Lions. But, I don’t know if we’ve got the horses to hang with a tough, hard-nosed team like the Giants. Not that I don’t think it’ll be close; this has all the trappings of a 3-point game either way. But, it also has the trappings of an ugly 20-17 contest. If the Seahawks continue to play the way they’ve played on third/fourth down – on both sides of the ball – it’s going to be a long game.

At this point in the week’s progression, I’m going into this game assuming Saquon Barkley will be in there. That’s … far from ideal. Granted, the Seahawks have looked much better against the run this year, but we’ve also not faced a running back even close to Barkley’s elite level. A guy who can do it all. A guy who can beat you between the tackles, who can run around you outside, who can break tackles, who can catch the ball in space and make something out of nothing. Even at 80%, he’s better than any other back we’ve faced this year.

This one, I think, comes down to Danny Dimes. If he can play a clean, turnover-free game, I think we’re toast. If he takes his check-downs, takes advantage of our various lapses in communication on the back-end, and either gets the ball out quickly (to avoid the rush), or scrambles with his legs (to both avoid the rush and generate positive yards), I think they’ll be able to dink and dunk us to death – with just enough chunk plays on the ground and through the air – to consistently generate scoring opportunities and run time off the clock.

That’s the worst-case scenario. We get run out of the stadium, can’t do enough on offense, and lose by 20.

I’d like to sit here and tell you that’s NOT going to happen. That we’ll continue our strong showing against the run, that we’ll contain Dimes (and maybe sack him a time or three), and blanket their mediocre receivers. That’s what SHOULD happen. That’s what teams like the 49ers and Cowboys have done to them (and what the Cards did for a half).

I’d also like to point to the potential return of Jamal Adams and Riq Woolen as major boosts to this side of the ball. Seeing Woolen and Witherspoon play opposite one another for the first time – with Adams flying all over the place – really has the potential to be something special. But, we might be a week or two away from seeing that (it’d be weird if we saw it next week, since we’ll be on BYE), not knowing their specific levels of health, or willingness to throw both guys into the fire right away.

I would say I’m fairly confident we’ll manage to keep it close on defense, and at least force a few punts. But, we’ll also see some more frustrating big plays given up, to prevent us from actually doing what we SHOULD do, and that’s run away with it.

I don’t have a great handle on what the Giants do well on defense. Based on three games, I’d say NOTHING. This is a team, last year, that really relied on their defense. Tough to run against, underrated pass rush, and good enough on the back end to capitalize on mistakes. Have they taken a step back? I’ll be very interested in finding out.

The Seahawks should be impervious to any and all opposing defenses. We have enough talent at all the skill positions to move the ball against anyone. But, it’s going to come down to the O-Line. And how we help out that O-Line by chipping, leaving TEs in there to double-team, RBs picking up blitzers, and making quick, decisive throws on time.

That blitzing thing will be key. It’s my understanding their defensive coordinator loves to throw out exotic blitzes early and often. We’ve seen two kinds of Genos in those situations. Sometimes, he takes advantage for big gains; sometimes he succumbs to the pressure and we’re chock full of 3 & Outs. The Rams game was a great example of the latter. I would argue in most of our defeats last year, him falling to opposing pressure was a primary reason for those L’s.

I get the feeling the Giants aren’t quite at the level the were last year, but that can change at any moment. This is a game the Seahawks DESPERATELY want to win. If you believe the Giants are a contender for one of those precious wild card spots – and if you believe (like I do) that the Seahawks are destined for the same, given how good the 49ers are – then you’re going to want that tiebreaker over them. And, not for nothing, this is an NFC game. You want these! You NEED these! You’ve already lost one to the Rams, it would be a damn shame to go into the BYE 2-2 in conference.

Getting a leg up on the Lions and Giants would put us very much in the driver’s seat for a playoff berth. At which point, you can start to dream a little bit bigger. A lot can happen between now and Thanksgiving. Maybe the 49ers suffer some injuries to key guys. Maybe the Seahawks start to gel with this young collection of players. Maybe we close the gap not by what we did in the offseason, but how we develop over the course of the regular season.

But, you can’t realistically see that happening if you lose one of these 50/50 games to a team directly on your level, and directly in your way for a playoff spot.

You also, not for nothing, can’t keep bending over and taking it up the pooper against elite defenses. At some point, you have to figure out a way to grind these games out. We have LOTS more of these types of opponents left to come. The entire AFC North, the aforementioned Rams and 49ers, the Cowboys and Eagles, even the Titans manage to have a stout run defense every year (in spite of their offense’s inability to move the ball with any consistency). If we can’t play well on this level, how do we EVER expect to take it up to the next level, with the truly elite teams?

It would be a bad, yet predictable omen for the Seahawks to lose this game. I feel like we, as fans, would be right back to where we were after week 1: left questioning what we have with this team. Whether or not it’s a 10-7 team or a 7-10 team. I would hate to have to stew on that for the next two weeks.

On the plus side, we have our record in pre-BYE games. We also have our record on Monday Night Football, which is among the best in the NFL. Can we ride that magic to victory? We are 1.0 favorites at the time of this writing; can’t get much closer than that.

I am officially expecting the Seahawks to prevail, which is probably bad news for me. It’s going to be an obnoxious evening if I have to sit there and watch us lose for 3+ hours.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2023: An Unlucky Start To The Season

I am 1-2 to start the season, thanks to losing 205.70 to 175.72 to Turd Sandwich. He, of course, scored the most points in the league, thanks to the Buffalo defense (53), Davante Adams (42.2), and Mahomes (34.4). I mean, what can you do?

I had a pretty good week, all things considered. I made the right choices at quarterback; Cousins and Love had 33.35 and 26.85 respectively. Alexander Mattison was on my bench and would’ve been my second-leading RB at 17.5, but even my ideal lineup would’ve lost.

With my 1-2 record, I still have the second-most points scored in our league, which is super frustrating. But, you just gotta keep plugging away and hope to catch some breaks. If I can keep scoring points like this, I’ll definitely make the playoffs (fast forward to me continuing to score points like this, languishing in 7th place).

Who am I kidding; there’s no way I’m going to continue scoring like this.

This week, I go up against Toot Cannons. I’m projected to lose by a fair amount, but I also don’t feel like Yahoo has figured out how to project a lot of these players (Kenneth Walker is projected to only get 11.82 points, yet he’s 3rd among all RBs through three weeks). My lineup is going to look the same as last week:

  • Kirk Cousins (QB) @ Car
  • Jordan Love (QB) vs. Det
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. NE
  • Jordan Addison (WR) @ Car
  • Kenneth Walker (RB) @ NYG
  • Tony Pollard (RB) vs. NE
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) @ Car
  • Kyren Williams (RB) @ Ind
  • Evan McPherson (K) @ Ten
  • N.Y. Jets (DEF) vs. KC

Justin Fields had another shit game, this time against the Chiefs. It’s tempting to throw him in there against Denver’s crappy team, but I loved what I saw out of Love in the second half against the Saints last Sunday. He was on point and looks like he could be a great QB. I’m going to continue sitting Mattison for now, because I don’t know what that run game is going to look like once Cam Akers gets into the mix. I feel like they’re looking for any excuse to make a change – you don’t make a mid-season trade like that, for a guy who has proven he’s very capable, if you’re not looking to give him an extended opportunity – and I still believe in Kyren Williams’ usage rate in that Rams offense. It’ll be tough sledding for the Cowboys against the Patriots, but I just gotta hope Lamb and/or Pollard finds a way to break out at some point.

Christian Watson is looking close to returning, but I still want to see him play in a game before I throw him in. It was great of the Panthers to sit Young against the Seahawks; keep taking it slow with him and let’s ramp him up for the second half of the season. I’m looking for any excuse to ditch Joshua Kelley (who has been worthless as the Chargers’ #1 back, in Ekeler’s absence), but I also have the #2 waiver priority, so I have to save it for something important (and not just throw it away on Miami’s De’Von Achane – who had 50+ points against the Broncos, but otherwise has done nothing in a serious time-share that’s only going to get more muddled once Jeff Wilson returns from IR).

Toot Cannons, of course, has a lot of great players. Here are many of them:

  • Tua Tagovailoa (QB) @ Buf
  • Daniel Jones (QB) vs. Sea
  • Justin Jefferson (WR) @ Car
  • Chris Olave (WR) vs. TB
  • Najee Harris (RB) @ Hou
  • Jerome Ford (RB) vs. Bal
  • Dallas Goedert (TE) vs. Was
  • Tee Higgins (WR) @ Ten
  • Harrison Butker (K) @ NYJ
  • San Francisco (DEF) vs. Ari

He’s also got Saquon Barkley, if he’s ready to return from his injury. I would have to imagine – if it looks good for Barkley – we’ll see Harris on the bench.

It’s bittersweet to see both Tua and Danny Dimes doing so well (at least fantasy-wise), since I’m almost positive I had both of them as rookies and promptly gave up on them when they looked like disasters. Jefferson is sure to gobble a ton of points from Cousins, which will (at best) cancel each other out. Higgins seems to be on an Every Other Week schedule of being good, so this figures to be a good week. And, can ANYONE score against the 49ers? I’m guessing NOT the Cardinals (even though they’ve looked relatively impressive through three weeks).

I can’t say I’m very confident. It would be nice if Buffalo came to play defense, but for some reason I doubt it. They only kick fucking ass when they’re going up against MY fantasy team.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2022: RoundTine Is On A Roll!

It’s crazy to me that I’ve won two games in a row. It’s even crazier to me that I outscored every single person in the league, one week after setting my previous season-high in points. It’s crazier still that I’m not even in last place anymore, in spite of me having far and away the fewest points in the league (and over 200 fewer points than the actual last place team at the moment).

None of this is supposed to happen! Yet, here I am, 3-7 on the season, 3-2 in my last five games, with four weeks to fuck around and see if I can sneak into the sixth and final playoff spot (currently held by a team that’s only one game – and hundreds of points – better than me).

This is the kind of optimism you can get out of me when things start going my way. It’s taken A LOT of patience so far this season (starting out 0-5, you kinda have no choice BUT to be patient and wear some of these lopsided losses), but I finally feel like the tide is turning.

RoundTine defeated Space Forcin’ 186.90 to 178.21. It’s supremely unlucky for him that he scored the second-most points this past week, and just so happened to run into a juggernaut, but them’s the breaks.

Justin Fields got me another 43.05 points, one week after putting up almost 50. CeeDee Lamb got me an even 38 points. Gabe Davis and Tony Pollard each got me over 20. Everything pretty much went my way, except the kicker and defense I picked up for BYE replacements. Philly’s kicker only got me 3 points, and the Rams D only got me 4. But, everyone else did their jobs, and that’s all I can ask.

We’re getting pretty far into the season, and I’ve been hanging onto this #1 waiver priority for quite some time. I figured it was time to cash it in on a potential stud. So, I put in a claim for Christian Watson, who caught 4 balls on 8 targets for 107 yards against the Cowboys last week. The big thing was that three of those catches went for touchdowns. Also, he’s like 6’5 and was their highest-drafted receiver in ages. I’m fully expecting him to disappoint the rest of the way (just kidding! Two more TDs and 21.1 points last night). But, if there’s even a sliver of a chance for him to blow up in the back-half of this season, I’m willing to try it out.

I also, not for nothing, have a couple BYEs I’m worrying about this week (both Seahawks players), so I’d like to actually fill out a roster in the short term. In the long term, though, I’m not entirely sold on Gabe Davis as a viable fantasy keeper. He seems better suited as roster depth. Watson – if he blows up – could be a top 10 receiver in this league, as long as Aaron Rodgers is there throwing him the ball, anyway.

This week, I go up against Toot Cannons, who has a number of BYE issues of his own. Here’s who I’m rolling out:

  • Justin Fields (QB) @ Atl
  • Davis Mills (QB) vs. Was
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) @ Min
  • Gabe Davis (WR) vs. Cle
  • Brian Robinson (RB) @ Hou
  • Tony Pollard (RB) @ Min
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) vs. Dal
  • Christian Watson (WR) vs. Ten
  • Evan McPherson (K) @ Pit
  • N.Y. Jets (DEF) @ NE

Losing D.K. and Walker this week is a blow, but I don’t mind those guys getting a week off to rest and recover. Mac Jones gets to ride my bench for … the rest of the year? That guy’s a total trainwreck. It really says something when I don’t even think twice about ranking Davis Mills ahead of him. It looks like Stafford returns from injury this week, though I hate him even more now that Cooper Kupp is on IR. Also, at this point, consider me among the loud majority who are calling for Zeke Elliott to take a backseat to Pollard.

Here’s who Toot Cannons might be playing:

  • QB Cardinals (QB) vs. SF
  • Baker Mayfield (QB) @ Bal
  • Justin Jefferson (WR) vs. Dal
  • Tee Higgins (WR) @ Pit
  • Saquon Barkley (RB) vs. Det
  • Najee Harris (RB) vs. Cin
  • TBD (TE) vs. TBD
  • Chris Olave (WR) vs. LAR
  • Harrison Butker (K) @ LAC
  • San Francisco (DEF) vs. Ari

Rough week to lose your top two tight ends, as both Waller and now Goedert are out. He’s also missing Tua, which is a huge blow. But, there’s a significant amount of talent at the skill positions to make this week challenging as hell for RoundTine.

Are The Seahawks Contenders In The NFC?

They’re sucking me in, man! I still can’t say that I’m all the way there yet, even though we’re 5-3 and in first place in the NFC West by a full game. Even though we just beat the 6-win Giants a week after a pretty convincing road victory over the probably playoff-bound Chargers.

But, I’m getting there. At some point, the Seahawks are going to keep winning football games, and I’m going to have no choice but to believe. At least believe in something. Is this a championship-contending team? PROBABLY not. I still think the Bills, Eagles, and Chiefs are the class of the NFL. I would also say that Dallas most likely beats us in any sort of meaningful contest. And, sure, we’ll lose other games to other teams as well. But, when you flip it and ask, “Who could the Seahawks beat on any given Sunday?” The answer is pretty considerable. I think we’re getting to the point where there isn’t a team we couldn’t hypothetically defeat. But, if you had me choose, I think those aforementioned four teams would be my pick 100 out of 100 times.

I also don’t want to take away anything from the Giants – I did have them ranked in the top tier of my power rankings last week – but they’re clearly a flawed team. Why anyone would have a team with Daniel Jones in their top tier is anyone’s guess. But, they also do a lot of things well. They run the ball with the best of ’em. They play defense at a great clip. They block for their quarterback, who can scramble around and make just enough plays to be somewhat effective (as long as he’s not fumbling or otherwise giving the ball away to the other team).

And yet the Giants were really out-classed by the Seahawks in this one. It was a 27-13 victory, but it could’ve been so much more without some uncharacteristic mistakes by Tyler Lockett (who had a critical fumble and a dropped touchdown, before redeeming himself with a TD in the fourth quarter).

Geno Smith wasn’t exactly electric in this one (23 of 34 for 212, 2 TDs, and 0 INTs), but he was also under duress for the entire game. And we never really got our running game going, though Walker did salvage his day with a late 16-yard TD run. But, the defense once again made some real hay!

We had 5 sacks on the day – 2 by Nwosu, who is absolutely the real deal, in all facets of the game – and likely would’ve held the Giants’ offense without a touchdown if it weren’t for the muffed punt by Lockett. Tariq Woolen is already a guy teams are avoiding throwing against (I don’t think he was targeted until the second half in this one), and with the adjustments we’ve made up front (with the D-Line being more aggressive and attacking single gaps as opposed to trying to play two gaps like they were early in the season), we’ve gotten opposing running games under control, while letting the players do what they’re best at. We held Saquon Barkley to 53 yards on 20 carries for crying out loud!

So, that begs the question: can the Seahawks compete in the NFC? Are we really doing this?!

Look, I had legitimate questions about this team winning three games all year. Yet, here we are, having won three in a row, and four of our last five. On the horizon, there are opponents who were quite scary heading into the season, who now look like potential cannon fodder. Could I see us winning in Arizona next week? You mean, our home away from home? Absolutely I could! Could we beat the Bucs in Germany? Yes, very much so, they’ve looked horrible this season. Can we take down the Raiders, Rams, Panthers, Jets, and 49ers at home? Why not? The hardest game looks to be at Kansas City on Christmas Eve, but I remember us playing Patrick Mahomes pretty tough the last time we faced them, so I wouldn’t throw that out either.

The Seahawks can very much compete in this NFC. That doesn’t mean I’m all in. They could also struggle against the Rams like they always do. The 49ers still look like they’re loaded on both sides of the ball. And I don’t think there’s any catching the Eagles this year for the one seed.

So, what I’m really saying is that it’s all still on the table. We could keep winning and get as high as the two seed. Or, we could fall apart again and drop out of the playoffs. But, I’m willing to put my faith in at least a wild card run, with a very good chance at winning the suddenly questionable NFC West.

What can’t be denied is that this is a fun team, and a fun development. When your expectations are nil, and the team you root for comes from out of nowhere to not only compete, but look really good doing it? On top of being a very young team, and watching those young players compete at a high level? It’s great! This is as close to an ideal outcome as you could get.

Starting this week, I’m coming at this season with a new mindset. I’m out of Tank Mode. That was really ripped away from me anyway, so it would be foolish to root for tanking now. I’m also ready to climb down off of the fence. I don’t know if I’ve taken the Seahawks once this year in my pick ’em league, always expecting the other shoe to eventually drop. But, now I have to treat this team like I would any other above-average team. They’re good. They have a lot going for them. They can beat anyone. Now it’s time to invest. It’s time to start rooting for wins, rooting for us to take down the division, rooting for various playoff scenarios.

This is a gift. An unexpected pleasant surprise. So, it’s time to start really relishing in our great fortune. It’s been a rough last few years, with everything in decline and only Russell Wilson there to prop up our hopes. Oddly enough, it turns out, he was also the one holding us back. Now, we’re free from that see-saw, and it’s all good vibes going forward. Everything is gravy. So, let’s fuck around and see what happens!

Fun Seahawks Are Fun!

I still don’t know if I totally comprehend what happened yesterday. Though, I’ll admit, there’s a lot about this team that befuddles me.

My brain is having a hard time wrapping itself around the concept that the Seahawks are good. But also, ARE the Seahawks good? If we’re good, why did we lose at home to the Falcons and at ALL to the Saints? Is this part of the 7-10 process, where they lure us into a false sense of curiosity and wonderment, before bringing the axe down on our necks?

Or, did the Seahawks used to be mediocre, but now we’ve grown? Now, we’ve figured out how to play defense a little bit. Now, as the younger guys have had an opportunity to gain experience, we’re seeing the fruit starting to blossom.

I can’t think of a better litmus test at this point in the season than a road game against the Chargers. I like the Chargers. I think they’re pretty good. Their coaching is a little suspect at times; I think their play-calling on fourth down leaves A LOT to be desired. But, there’s a lot of talent on both sides of the ball, and the Seahawks just made mincemeat of them, 37-23.

I’ll admit, part of the reason why I’m so jazzed is because I had some fantasy football juice in this game, and after a rocky start – losing D.K. after only a single reception severely hurt my chances – my guys blew up. “My guys” being Austin Ekeler (127 total yards, 12 receptions, and 2 total TDs) and Kenneth Walker III (168 rushing yards on 23 carries and 2 TDs) whose game-sealing 74-yard touchdown almost single-handedly swung two of my games on Sunday.

The good thing for the Seahawks is that all the Chargers had was Ekeler. We pretty much held everyone else in check (though Mike Williams got his – 7 for 86 and a TD – before spraining his ankle late in the game). The defense did a lot of good things in this one. 3 sacks, a fumble recovery, and a timely pick by Ryan Neal. Moreover, Woolen and Bryant both looked outstanding, and Darrell Taylor (he of the strip sack/fumble recovery combo) is starting to come around.

The story of the day has to be the offense, though. Walker looks like the stud of all studs. So, you know, I’m just waiting for his ankle to get rolled up on, which seems to be how it goes whenever the Seahawks find a running back they really like.

Then, there’s The Resurrected Geno Smith, who’s somehow also better than he’s ever been in his life? This isn’t like a so-so quarterback being propped up by an elite team around him. This is a legitimately GOOD quarterback leading a young team to a winning record! 20 of 27 for 210 yards, 2 TDs, and 1 INT (off of a deflected ball, that was nevertheless ill-advised, since the receiver was so well covered). He had a couple of dimes to Marquise Goodwin for touchdowns, who got to have his breakout game in a Seahawks uniform (4 for 67 and 2 TDs).

The cool thing is, the Seahawks always had an answer in this one. After we went up 17-0 in the first quarter, the Chargers started clawing back, bringing it to 17-14 with plenty of time left in the second quarter. But, we cooly marched down the field and made it 24-14. More importantly, we didn’t let their 2-minute offense go anywhere in keeping that score where it was at the break.

I somehow didn’t notice, but the Seahawks had a 10+ minute drive in the third quarter to go up 27-14. That really shortened things up, but by no means discouraged further scoring. We gave up a safety after the Chargers downed a punt at the one yard line, but we proceeded to force a 3 & Out off of the free kick, then got another field goal to make it 30-14. Then, another stop by our defense led to the Kenneth Walker burst around the right side; 1 play, 74 yards, game-clinching touchdown. We gave up a meaningless garbage time TD to my boy Ekeler, but then we proceeded to run off the final three and a half minutes to end it in Victory Formation.

The obvious downside to this game is the D.K. Metcalf injury. He had his hands on a ball near the goalline, came down awkwardly, and that was it. Seems to be a knee injury. It immediately took him out for the rest of the game, no questionable tag or anything. So that’s ominous. There will be further testing today, and it sounds like he’s optimistic this won’t be a big deal, but I have concerns!

Namely: Dee Eskridge fucking sucks, and it’s ridiculous that he’s getting as much playing time as he’s getting. He had a stupid penalty, he fumbled a toss by taking his eyes off the ball (though they credited it to Geno, which is asinine), he had zero catches on one target, and he had a meaningless fly-sweep run for 4 yards. This is what he’s here for? The stupid fly-sweep play that never works because it’s the NFL and everyone is fast? He’s brittle as fuck, every hit looks like it’s going to end his season, and I can’t shake the feeling that he’s keeping someone else off the field who is more deserving and who has a higher ceiling. All because we threw away the 2021 draft (where we only selected three guys) and he was our top pick that year.

This team will STRUGGLE if we don’t have Metcalf for the rest of the year. I’m just telling you that right now. Tyler Lockett is and has always been a really good #2, but he’s also getting older, and in spite of avoiding contact at practically every turn (smart, in his case; prolong that career!), he still found himself on the injury report and questionable all week. I love Marquise Goodwin, and as long as he’s healthy, he can be an elite #3. But, he hasn’t been able play a full season since 2017. He WILL get hurt, it’s only a matter of time. It was nice having him in this game, with Metcalf out. But, he could go down as early as next week and it wouldn’t shock me.

That leaves Eskridge (again, sucks) and the rookies at receiver. That makes this team much more predictable and easier to handle if it’s left to the running game and tight ends to do all the heavy lifting. Metcalf is the difference-maker. Metcalf forces defenses to spend untold time and resources in an effort to try and stop him. He takes the best cornerback off of Lockett, who is free to get open among lesser opponents. He opens up the tight ends to feast off of linebackers and linemen. He makes Geno Smith better than he is. Sure, Geno was able to weather the storm against the Chargers, but long term? I’d be very nervous. And I’m not just saying that because I have Metcalf in my dynasty league and don’t want to see him miss any time ever.

Now what we’re looking at is a step up in our litmus tests: a home game against the one-loss Giants. They appear to be the exact photo negative of the Chargers: they’re still good, but it has everything to do with the coaching, and less to do with the talent at quarterback, my apologies to Danny Dimes and whatnot.

If you thought I was befuddled by the Seahawks, HOO BOY do I not understand these Giants!

I would say their schedule has a lot to do with their 6-1 record, but I’m not so sure. Of course, they beat up on the Panthers, Bears, and Jaguars. But, they also defeated the Titans, Packers, and Ravens. I know those teams aren’t as spectacular as we all expected heading into the season, but I still believe they’ll all either be in the playoffs this year, or at least in contention to the bitter end.

They play largely mistake-free football. Dimes doesn’t throw a lot, but he’s running pretty well for a quarterback, and only has 2 picks against 6 TDs. They rely largely on their running game, featuring a rejuvenated Saquon Barkley, who has 726 yards and a 5.1 average per carry. He’s also pacing the team in targets with 30 and is second in receiving yards. He hasn’t played a healthy, full season since his rookie year of 2018, but he’s showing why his talent made him the 2nd overall draft pick.

So, you know, easy peasy, right? Stop Saquon Barkley, win the game! Simple! Why haven’t all these other teams thought of that?

The interesting thing is that their defense isn’t all that amazing. They’re middle of the road against the pass, and legitimately bad against the run. Yet, they allow the 6th fewest points in the league, making good on that Bend Don’t Break promise.

For the Seahawks to win, just know that Barkley is probably going to get his. But, you have to make him work for it. You can’t get gashed for huge plays all day long. You also need to put Danny Dimes into 3rd & medium-to-long situations and force him to beat you with his arm. We know how to play against mobile quarterbacks, so I would hope we can apply that wealth of knowledge to this game.

I don’t think there’s any way we get this game in a shootout. I think it’s going to be low-ish scoring and close. One way or the other, the winner will be decided by 3 points or less.

How about this for making a guess: if D.K. Metcalf is healthy and plays this week, the Seahawks will win. If he’s out, the Seahawks will lose. Either way, the score will be 20-17.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2022: What A Stupid, Idiotic Game

It’s supposed to be fun, right? Fantasy football is supposed to be a fun, entertaining lark. A way to enhance the already-enjoyable experience of watching actual football every Sunday. But, what is it really? It’s something to obsess about, to stress over, to watch in horror and/or misery as – every week – your team lets you down in one way or another. And even if you’re fortunate enough to prevail, what does that get you? A brief, temporary reprieve from all the negativity? Whatever it is, it’s short-lived, because as early as Sunday night, you’re right back at it, looking at how you want to set your lineup for the next week!

Fantasy football is a waking nightmare from September until January. Why do we put ourselves through this?

Ostensibly, usually we do this with our friends, and it’s nice to have that connection. It’s nice to check in – even if it’s only once or twice a year – to say hello and bust balls and whatnot, during the draft and off-season meeting. But, the rest of the time? You’re actively ruining one another’s existence with the outcome of these games!

Suffice it to say, RoundTine (you know, like the old Seinfeld gag about Ovaltine … the mug is round, the jar is round …) did not have a good week. As expected, I got nothing out of my Cowboys running back (I went with Pollard over Zeke, but neither one was worth a damn). Unexpectedly, though, CeeDee Lamb is a total turd and decidedly NOT a number one receiver in this league. So, that’s great. I’m so happy the fantasy football know-it-alls have been pumping him up for the last two years. These fucking morons get it right MAYBE 50% of the time, and yet they can’t shit without telling you all the “great calls” they made. For every Gabe Davis, there are thousands of CeeDee Lambs, and we should call this kind of punditry what it really is: a total fucking crapshoot.

I was pretty happy with Gabe Davis, that might be the one fantasy football move I’ve made in this league over the last five seasons that actually works out in my favor. But, he couldn’t possibly make up for all the dreadful decisions I’ve made. Mac Jones, for instance, did nothing. T.J. Hockenson did nothing. I got a pretty good game out of Jameis, but he’s hot one week and ice cold the next. I was able to pick up Baltimore’s defense, which was nice to have against a bumbling Jets team, but how many inept offenses will they go up against this year? And how long can I afford to hold two defenses, when I’m dealing with two injured running backs and only one IR spot to take advantage of?

It didn’t help that I was going up against a buzzsaw, who had a 70+ point lead over me heading into Monday night. Nearly 50 from Mahomes, 30 from Davante Adams, 20+ from Miami’s defense and Antonio Gibson. That’s just an impossible gauntlet to try to get through, especially for my team. I need opponents who have uncharacteristically bad weeks. This was someone who outscored his projected points by 12. Final score 171.50 to 129.10.

This week, I face Toot Cannons. Let’s see who I’ve got at my disposal:

  • Jameis Winston (QB) vs. TB
  • Mac Jones (QB) @ Pit
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. Cin
  • Diontae Johnson (WR) vs. NE
  • Javonte Williams (RB) vs. Hou
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) vs. Cin
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) vs. Was
  • Gabe Davis (WR) vs. Ten
  • Evan McPherson (K) @ Dal
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) vs. Atl

I didn’t put in any waiver claims this week. No one really jumped out at me. So, for what it’s worth, I’m up to 5th in waiver priority. We’ll see how high I can get, or what that will ultimately net me.

I did make a free agent pick up. Quarterback Davis Mills in exchange for the Baltimore defense. I’m rebuilding, it makes zero sense to hold onto multiple defenses. But, here we go. That brings me to 4 quarterbacks on my roster. I’m in this fucking quagmire for another season.

I opted for James and Mac based on matchups. I don’t love Jones going up against the Steelers on the road, but who are my alternatives? Fields on the road against a great Packers defense? Mills on the road against a great and pissed off Broncos defense? I might still switch out this spot 40 times between now and Sunday, but for now that’s my rationale. Just go with Yahoo’s expected points, who has Jones a fraction ahead of Fields (who are both a good 5 points ahead of Mills).

I opted to bench D.K. because I think the Seahawks are going to have a LONG day offensively against the 49ers on the road. I was pretty happy with Javonte Williams for the Broncos and think he’ll be a Must Start as long as he’s healthy. I went back to Zeke in hopes that the Cowboys go run-heavy without Dak; maybe he’ll get me a TD for my trouble. Not a lot of alternatives on my roster; Kenneth Walker might return this week, but he’ll be decidedly behind Penny for quite some time, methinks.

Here’s Toot Cannons:

  • Kyler Murray (QB) @ LV
  • Tua Tagovailoa (QB) @ Bal
  • Tee Higgins (WR) @ Dal
  • Justin Jefferson (WR) @ Phi
  • Najee Harris (RB) vs. NE
  • Saquon Barkley (RB) vs. Car
  • Darren Waller (TE) vs. Ari
  • Mike Williams (WR) @ KC
  • Harrison Butker (K) vs. LAC
  • San Francisco (DEF) vs. Sea

He’s got some injury issues already; we’ll see if Higgins or Harris play. Also, his kicker might be out? Will that be worth rostering a second kicker for a week? As always, though, he’s got plenty on his bench to make up for it. Michael Carter for the Jets and Rashod Bateman for the Ravens are both steps down, but should be more than enough to get the job done against my pathetic team.

Toot Cannons is really looking to make a comeback this year, with a rejuvenated Barkley kicking ass and taking names. Jefferson and Murray are both point-hogs. Waller should have a better week against some shaky linebackers on the Cards. Mike Williams looks to ascend to the team’s #1 receiver role with Keenan Allen potentially out this Thursday. Even Tua looks decent with all those weapons around him!

Toot Cannons could defeat RoundTine with one hand tied behind his back. Here we go.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2021: Staving Off Elimination

It’s not over, but Snoopy & Prickly Pete avoided a guaranteed last place finish by eking one out over Korky Butchek in the Toilet Bowl, 126.15 to 125.10.

This one looked REALLY solid as I headed into Monday Night Football with over an 80% chance of winning. I was trailing by around 15 points, but Korky had no more guys going, while I had Taylor Heinicke and D.K. Metcalf. Each player by themselves was projected to outscore my deficit. But, there I was, needing 4 points with a quarter left to play. There I was, needing 2.5 points with four minutes left to play. There I was, with a touchdown pass by Heinicke that was overturned with just over two minutes to go! And, there I was, right after that, needing just one catch for two yards out of D.K. Metcalf on the Seahawks’ final drive of the game. To that point, he had zero catches for zero yards on, I believe, just one target (he had zero targets heading into the second half, which is batshit crazy to me).

Thankfully, on that last drive, Metcalf had 1 reception for 13 yards, which was plenty for me to work with, even with Heinicke losing a rushing yard on the kneel down to end the game.

Clearly, with my team’s output, there wasn’t a lot to celebrate this past week. However, Javonte Williams – in my first game with him since the trade – put up 20.1 points, which is VERY encouraging. Even moreso, Mac Jones put up 28.6 to lead the way for my team. The move of the week – that won it for me – was picking up Houston’s defense. They only scored 12 points, but the Rams only scored 1 for my bench; it’s about time a move like that paid dividends.

It’s good too, because Korky’s kicker obnoxiously put up 21 points. Losing because an opposing kicker scores 21 is reason enough to never want kickers in the league; I’ve been fighting that losing battle for years, and I’ll continue to rage against the randomness of kicker scoring.

The victory puts me in a tie with Korky Butchek for last place, with a 3-9 record. However, he’s got a 50-point advantage over me. Which means either I need to keep pace with him record-wise – and outscore him by 50 points in the process – or I need to beat him by a game somewhere in the final two weeks of the regular season.

So, you’re tellin’ me there’s a chance!

This week, I go up against Toot Cannons; here’s who I’m looking to go with:

  • Mac Jones (QB) @ BUF
  • Taylor Heinicke (QB) @ LV
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) @ NO
  • Diontae Johnson (WR) vs. BAL
  • Javonte Williams (RB) @ KC
  • Alexander Mattison (RB) @ DET
  • Mike Gesicki (TE) vs. NYG
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) vs. SF
  • Ryan Succop (K) @ ATL
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) vs. JAX

Big news this week, as Dalvin Cook is injured and figures to miss a couple games. Mattison has been riding my bench ever since it looked like Cook might get suspended for domestic violence, and I’ve seen no reason to give up on that because Mattison is easily the most valuable backup running back in football. It’s for weeks like these where you want to have him. Against the Lions, he should feast. I’m benching Ezekiel Elliott this week because there’s been chatter of the Cowboys resting him. Even if he plays, though, the Saints have one of the best rush defenses in football. I could see him being more decoy than actual offensive asset; we’ll see if my gamble pays off. I’m kind of all in on Williams at this point, plus I absolutely HAVE to believe D.K. is in for a big game at some point. My dynasty kind of depends on it.

Toot Cannons has an extremely strong team, as you’ll see below:

  • Carson Wentz (QB) @ HOU
  • Kyler Murray (QB) @ CHI
  • Justin Jefferson (WR) @ DET
  • Mike Williams (WR) @ CIN
  • Najee Harris (RB) vs. BAL
  • Saquon Barkley (RB) @ MIA
  • Dallas Goedert (TE) @ NYJ
  • Tee Higgins (WR) vs. LAC
  • Harrison Butker (K) vs. DEN
  • San Francisco (DEF) @ SEA

He’s also got Tua, who has looked halfway competent at times! Certainly better than most of the QBs on my roster. And, he’s got Myles Gaskin as insurance off his bench. It’s going to be a tall order; Toot Cannons is 7-5 and has weathered the storm of the Murray injury over the last month. He looks to be in great shape to make a playoff run. Meanwhile, I’m fighting for my life to avoid last place.

In the spirit of Scoreboard Watching, Korky Butchek will be going up against The Lance Petemans this week. Lance is 5-7 and on the outside-looking-in on a playoff spot in seventh place. He has something to play for, so I’m hoping he’s up to the challenge of keeping me alive for Not Last Place.

Splinter League Round-Up!

BUCK FUTTER had an unimpressive victory over Chubby Dumplings to keep my hold on third place. More importantly, we knocked Chubby to a game back in the standings. The first place team also lost, which means I’m now just a game back of the top spot, all with three weeks to go. Next week, I get to play that erstwhile first place team (who fell to second, based on total points scored) for a chance to leapfrog him and try to cement my spot in the 4-team playoffs. I’ll have to do it without Aaron Rodgers, who has really been carrying me this year; thankfully, I was on top of stashing Mattison in all my leagues, so he should provide a boost for three teams I know and care about!

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2021: Going Down Without A Fight

I’m just going to say this right now: I picked the best-possible weekend to get away to Leavenworth, because almost NOTHING went right for me, sports-wise. On top of the Mariners and Huskies bungling things, all three of my fantasy teams collectively shit their respective beds!

Snoopy & Prickly Pete lost to Toot Cannons 157.48 to 129.90. With a score that feeble, you’d expect my team had problems throughout the lineup, but really it was just a matter of having the worst quarterback situation in the league, combined with the Rams’ defense getting boat-raced.

My position players – save CeeDee Lamb, who mystifyingly did nothing in a game where the Cowboys scored 36 points (it happens, I guess) – all did okay! Metcalf had 16.5 points, Zeke got me 20.3, even CEH got me 19.4. Noah Fant had a respectable tight end day with 16.6, and Diontae Johnson busted out with 24.2 (making the waiver claim my highest scorer on the week). I even got 13 points from my kicker! I would take those scores from those guys every week and be happy.

But, Jimmy G was held to 10.25 points (before being pulled with a “calf injury” at halftime), and Justin Fields was held to 7.35. If I’d gone with Jameis and Mac Jones, I could’ve added approximately 21 points to my total, but that still wouldn’t have made up for the -1 I got from the Rams’ defense. I was just destined to lose this game.

Toot Cannons didn’t blow my doors off or anything; he didn’t put up 200+ like you can in this league. But, he had competent quarterbacks, and a huge day from Saquon Barkley, Najee Harris, Justin Jefferson, and Darren Waller. Those are the kinds of young studs I wish I had.

I managed to get Taylor Heinicke in a waiver claim, which I feel like is the last possible moment someone can get this guy. He’s been good-to-great since he’s been in the lineup! Certainly better than any of my quarterbacks I’ve been rolling with. He put up 36.8 against the Falcons for Christ’s sake! I don’t know if he’s a viable long-term option, but for the rest of this year he’s a must-start for me until things take a turn for the worse.

I have lots of other last-minute decisions to make this week, because I’ve got lots of guys who are KINDA injured, but might still play. What I want to do is bench D.K. Metcalf, because Jalen Ramsey always makes him his bitch. But, I don’t know if A.J. Brown is going to for-sure play or not, and with my bench structured the way it is (with all these quarterbacks), it’s not like I’m loaded with alternatives to start at the rest of my spots. Plus, even if Brown plays – it’s a great matchup against a terrible Jags defense – who knows if he’ll just be out there as a decoy, or if he’ll actually be incorporated into the offense? If Brown suits up, I might put him in for Diontae Johnson (who has a tough matchup against the Broncos), but like I said, that’ll be a last-minute decision (that I’m sure I’ll get wrong, no matter what I choose).

I really have a conundrum at the QB spot. Jimmy G may or may not go; I like his chances for a high-scoring game against the Cards, as they will need to throw a lot to stay in it. Justin Fields may or may not go, with Andy Dalton on the mend; but he’s yet to score over 8 fantasy points in our league, so is he worth starting at this point, after doing nothing against the Lions? I’m leaning Jameis against the Washington Football Team, but he keeps getting TDs sniped inside the 10 yard line by the bane of my existence Taysom Hill. Mac Jones looked semi-competent against the Bucs and has a solid matchup against the lowly Texans.

So, I dunno what I’ll do. Here’s how my lineup tentatively shakes out for Week 5:

  • Taylor Heinicke (QB) vs. NO
  • Mac Jones (QB) @ HOU
  • D.K. Metcalf (WR) vs. LAR
  • Diontae Johnson (WR) vs. DEN
  • Ezekiel Elliott (RB) vs. NYG
  • Clyde Edwards-Helaire (RB) vs. BUF
  • Noah Fant (TE) @ PIT
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. NYG
  • Justin Tucker (K) vs. IND
  • L.A. Rams (DEF) @ SEA

Justin Tucker is my favorite person on the planet. I’m hoping for a big bounce-back game out of Lamb. Zeke looks rejuvenated with Dak back in the fold. And, I fully expect the Rams to make Russell Wilson’s life miserable all game long.

My opponent this week is Sloane N Steady. I’m currently in 9th place with a 1-3 record; he is currently in 10th place with a 1-3 record (only two points separate us). It’s a rumble for last place! You hate to see it. Here’s what I have to go against:

  • Aaron Rodgers (QB) @ CIN
  • Derek Carr (QB) vs. CHI
  • Mike Evans (WR) vs. MIA
  • Michael Pittman Jr. (WR) @ BAL
  • Nick Chubb (RB) @ LAC
  • Dalvin Cook (RB) vs. DET
  • Kyle Pitts (TE) vs. NYJ
  • Kareem Hunt (RB) @ LAC
  • TBD (K) vs. TBD
  • San Francisco (DEF) @ ARI

He’s got good quarterbacks, he’s got elite running backs, so I don’t totally get why he’s doing so poorly this year. His receivers are a little lacking, but it seems like he could fix that in free agency. And, it feels like it’s only a matter of time before Kyle Pitts busts out.

I don’t like my chances, but then again I never do. I think I’ll have sole possession of last place when this week is done, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to climb out of it the rest of the year. I just need to figure something out for the Consolation Bracket and try to finagle my way into a Top 2 pick for next year.

Splinter League Round-Up!

I’m starting to regret adding this segment to my weekly fantasy column, because BUCK FUTTER has lost two games in four weeks now; I was projected to lose only one all season! I don’t know what happened, but my non-QBs totally shit the bed. Chuba Hubbard was a waste of a waiver claim, and Waddle and Godwin did practically nothing. I’ll try to right the ship next week, but it’s like I’m getting everyone’s best efforts every week.

The Seahawks Just Need To Get Through These Next Few Games In One Piece (and Also Some Gambling Stuff)

I’ll go through the motions of talking about the Giants this week, and the Jets after that, and the Football Team from Washington D.C. after that, but my heart won’t really be in it, because I have no respect for any of these teams. They’re all inferior, deeply-flawed teams that should lose to the Seahawks. I can’t promise these games will be easy to watch. I can’t tell you the Seahawks won’t make you want to throw your remote control across the room as they sometimes struggle against teams they should easily defeat by double-digits. But, just as the game against the Eagles ultimately proved, the Seahawks are better and they SHOULD prevail.

So. The New York Football Giants. What can you say? They’re 4-7 and somehow tied for first place in the NFC East. They are winners of three in a row (and 4 of their last 6), but those victories are against Washington (twice), Philly, and Cincy (who have a combined 9 wins this season). Of our next three opponents, this is probably the best, but since they have to come all the way out here, I would argue this isn’t the toughest matchup of the three.

The Giants’ strengths lie exclusively on the defensive side of the ball. They’re in the upper half of the league in sacks. They’re in the top 10 in fewest yards given up. They’re fifth in fewest rushing yards given up, but they’re only middle-of-the-pack in passing yards given up. We should be able to throw on them if we want to; if we try to force the issue on the ground, it could be a long, frustrating game. They’re tied for fourth in takeaways, evenly split with nine interceptions and nine fumble recoveries; the fumble number is on the higher side, which shows that they’ve been relatively lucky in that regard to date.

Offensively, the Giants are a fucking disaster. Daniel Jones has proven to be thoroughly inept in his second year in the league, regressing quite a bit after a promising rookie season (I think it’s no coincidence that the Giants just hired Jason Garrett before the season, who was a mediocre head coach and – before that – coordinator for the Cowboys for many years); he’s too prone to turning the ball over (which is how the Giants can be tied for fourth in most takeaways, yet only have a +2 turnover differential), which totally negates his plus-ability to run with the football.

And yet, Jones was injured last week and probably won’t even play. I can’t tell if that’s a good thing or not. Colt McCoy is a career backup (for a reason), but the Seahawks have shown that they can struggle against these guys. They tend to be more careful with the football, and play us tough in low-scoring, hard-fought affairs. The ceiling for the Giants’ offense this Sunday isn’t very high, but the floor isn’t very low (compared to the floor for Jones, which is through the Earth’s fucking crust, with how he can cough up the football).

Besides the new offensive coordinator, the Giants (and Jones) have struggled behind one of the worst offensive lines in the league. I don’t know if they’re super injured or just bad in general, but I suspect probably both. They’ve also suffered a rash of injuries to all of their wide receivers and their superstar running back in Saquon Barkley. So, again, REALLY low ceiling here.

I can’t envision a scenario where the Seahawks lose this one, but the only way it’s close is if we continuously ram our heads against a brick wall trying to get the running game going, and Wilson has one of his infrequent turnover-prone performances. By keeping the game close, I suppose it’s conceivable that the Giants could have the ball late, down only a small handful of points, driving for a go-ahead score. But, it feels like the perfect storm of fuckery would have to happen for this to be our reality. I’m not buying it.

Give me Seahawks 23, Giants 13, which – no joke – is the spread and the total points listed in Vegas (SIGHT UNSEEN, mind you!), so I think we might be on to something here!

In unrelated gambling news, my Vegas trip has been postponed, and I mostly forgot to set up any fake bets last week. I did one 3-team, 10-point teaser: moving Washington to +13 over Dallas (Washington won outright), Atlanta to +13 over the Raiders (they also won outright), and Green Bay to +1.5 over the Bears (they also won outright). My other teaser, a 2-team, 6-point one, was Washington to +9 and New England to +8.5 over the Cardinals (New England won outright). So, not too bad! I also had Denver in that 3-team teaser (in place of Atlanta), but that was prior to all of their quarterbacks being placed on the COVID IR (nevertheless, a loss is a loss when you place the fake bet). Still, 2-1 on the week isn’t bad.

Here’s the bets I’m looking at for this weekend:

  • 3-team tease:
    • SEA to PK over NYG
    • GB to +1.5 over PHI
    • AZ to +13 over LAR
  • 3-team tease:
    • SEA to PK over NYG
    • GB to +1.5 over PHI
    • HOU to +13.5 over IND
  • 3-team tease:
    • SEA to PK over NYG
    • GB to +1.5 over PHI
    • NYJ to +19 over LV
  • 3-team tease
    • SEA to PK over NYG
    • GB to +1 over PHI
    • MIN to PK over JAX
  • 3-team tease
    • SEA to PK over NYG
    • GB to +1.5 over PHI
    • CLE to +16 over TEN
  • 3-team tease
    • SEA to PK over NYG
    • GB to +1.5 over PHI
    • NE to +9 over LAC

Also, here are some college bets, for shits n’ giggles:

  • Appalachian State -2.5 over UL Lafayette
  • Ohio State -24 over Michigan State
  • Oklahoma State & TCU over 51.5 points
  • Rutgers +11.5 over Penn State
  • Marshall -23.5 over Rice
  • Texas A&M -6.5 over Auburn
  • Notre Dame -33.5 over Syracuse
  • Buffalo -11.5 over Ohio
  • Buffalo & Ohio over 58
  • Indiana +14 over Wisconsin
  • Iowa St. -6.5 over West Virginia
  • Washington -11.5 over Stanford
  • Coastal Carolina +10 over BYU
    • Also Coastal Carolina on the Money Line at +280
  • Oregon -9 over Cal
  • WSU +12.5 over USC

I’d put the most money on App State, Indiana, Buffalo & Ohio over, Washington, and everything Coastal Carolina.