It’s that time of year again, where I try to predict all the division winners and the playoff outcomes. Let’s go! Here are my prior season predictions:
I don’t really have a whole lot to hang my hat on from last year. I had the Broncos winning the West, which was a little bit of an upset, but not huge. There’s lots of nuggets of sounding like I know what I’m talking about, but I also had the Ravens in the AFC Championship Game, and they didn’t even make the fucking playoffs.
2026 is a new year, though! So, let’s dance.
NFC East
- Dallas Cowboys
- Philadelphia Eagles
- New York Giants
- Washington Commanders
Yeah, I guess I’ll bite. This will probably look super dumb at this point next year, but Dallas is a very chic pick. The offense looks tremendous, and the defense appears to have taken strides towards improvement. I like them and the Eagles to be neck and neck; maybe a tiebreaker situaton gives Dallas the edge. Also, watch out for the Giants. Don’t ask me why; I don’t believe they’ll have what it takes to make the playoffs, but they could get close. I like Washington to be TERRIBLE.
NFC North
- Green Bay Packers
- Chicago Bears
- Detroit Lions
- Minnesota Vikings
This is the most difficult division to predict, because all of the teams have a chance to be good. Many are saying it’s going to be the best division in football, which usually feels like a death knell for said division. I have decided to just run back my prediction from last year. I’m choosing to drink the Jordan Love Kool Aid. I’m choosing to believe Ben Johnson will be a Top 6 head coach after this season. I’m also choosing to believe that the Lions keep getting massive amounts of injuries for a reason, and maybe Dan Campbell is kind of an idiot. Finally, I choose to believe Kyler Murray sucks, and no amount of KOC is going to fix that quarterback room.
NFC South
- New Orleans Saints
- Carolina Panthers
- Tampa Bay Bucaneers
- Atlanta Falcons
I’ll also gladly step onto the Saints bandwagon, as I think Tyler Shough is the real deal! And, in spite of losing a valued D-Lineman, I think the Saints have enough on defense to win this pathetic division. I was going to throw Tampa into the second spot, but they hired one of the worst OCs of recent memory in Zac Robinson (he was with the Falcons last year, and didn’t know what the FUCK he was doing), so they’re third. I legitimately believe Carolina has a good coaching staff, and will continue to hang around .500 in spite of Bryce Young. The Falcons are kind of a disaster, as much as it pains me. Tua has no business starting over Penix. You could chop any three limbs off of Penix’s body and he should still play over Tua!
NFC West
- Los Angeles Rams
- Seattle Seahawks
- San Francisco 49ers
- Arizona Cardinals
I’m taking all of my homerism out of the equation here. This brings me zero joy, and quite frankly, I hope to God I’m wrong! But, I got the Rams here. It’s not that I believe Seattle will be bad – indeed, they might be my highest-rated wild card team – but I just think the Rams have a chance to be a 2-loss team. I also think the 49ers will be mediocre, and the Cards will be one of the worst teams in football.
AFC East
- Buffalo Bills
- New England Patriots
- Miami Dolphins
- New York Jets
Maybe my biggest upset of this whole post is NOT having the Dolphins fourth. That just goes to show how little I believe in Geno Smith and Aaron Glenn. I like the Bills for a bounce-back, and I like the Patriots to lay a big, fat turd! Here’s a prediction for ya: the Pats will NOT be back in this year’s playoffs!
AFC North
- Cincinnati Bengals
- Baltimore Ravens
- Cleveland Browns
- Pittsburgh Steelers
Here’s what I’m thinking: I’m going to pick every single chic team from this offseason to win their respective divisions (Cowboys, Packers, Saints, Rams, Bills, Bengals) and just hope to hit on like 2/3 of them. I will say that this is very much a Heart pick, and not a Head pick. I want the Bengals back in the playoffs. I want Joe Burrow to stay healthy for the full season. And, I’m curious to see if the moves they made on defense can be just good enough. That being said, I don’t think any other team is an overwhelming favorite. I’ll believe the Ravens when I see it; moving on from John Harbaugh feels like a mistake. The Browns are obviously a joke. But, that being said, I think the Steelers will be worse. Aaron Rodgers is toast. McCarthy is kind of a loser. The defense is old and overrated. D.K. Metcalf is abysmal. I think the Steelers will finally bottom out and next year will have a real chance to draft their quarterback of the future.
AFC South
- Houston Texans
- Jacksonville Jaguars
- Tennessee Titans
- Indianapolis Colts
I like the Texans a lot. So much, in fact, I’m predicting they will get the #1 seed in the AFC. I still like the Jags to make the playoffs. I like the Titans to take a step forward, and I like the Colts to take a step back.
AFC West
- Denver Broncos
- Kansas City Chiefs
- Los Angeles Chargers
- Las Vegas Raiders
I just think the Broncos are good. Their defense is great, and the offense is fine. Here’s something for you: I like both the Chiefs and Chargers as wild card teams! And, I like the Raiders to be better than last year, but not good enough to make the playoffs.
NFC Playoffs
- Los Angeles Rams
- Green Bay Packers
- Dallas Cowboys
- New Orleans Saints
- Seattle Seahawks
- Philadelphia Eagles
- Chicago Bears
AFC Playoffs
- Houston Texans
- Buffalo Bills
- Denver Broncos
- Cincinnati Bengals
- Jacksonville Jaguars
- Kansas City Chiefs
- Los Angeles Chargers
Wild Card Round
- Packers over Bears
- Eagles over Cowboys
- Seahawks over Saints
- Bills over Chargers
- Chiefs over Broncos
- Jaguars over Bengals
Divisional Round
- Rams over Eagles
- Seahawks over Packers
- Texans over Chiefs
- Bills over Jaguars
Championship Round
- Seahawks over Rams
- Texans over Bills
Super Bowl LXI
- Seahawks over Texans