Tag Archives: Bryce Young

Predicting The 2026 NFL Season

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It’s that time of year again, where I try to predict all the division winners and the playoff outcomes. Let’s go! Here are my prior season predictions:

I don’t really have a whole lot to hang my hat on from last year. I had the Broncos winning the West, which was a little bit of an upset, but not huge. There’s lots of nuggets of sounding like I know what I’m talking about, but I also had the Ravens in the AFC Championship Game, and they didn’t even make the fucking playoffs.

2026 is a new year, though! So, let’s dance.

NFC East

  • Dallas Cowboys
  • Philadelphia Eagles
  • New York Giants
  • Washington Commanders

Yeah, I guess I’ll bite. This will probably look super dumb at this point next year, but Dallas is a very chic pick. The offense looks tremendous, and the defense appears to have taken strides towards improvement. I like them and the Eagles to be neck and neck; maybe a tiebreaker situaton gives Dallas the edge. Also, watch out for the Giants. Don’t ask me why; I don’t believe they’ll have what it takes to make the playoffs, but they could get close. I like Washington to be TERRIBLE.

NFC North

  • Green Bay Packers
  • Chicago Bears
  • Detroit Lions
  • Minnesota Vikings

This is the most difficult division to predict, because all of the teams have a chance to be good. Many are saying it’s going to be the best division in football, which usually feels like a death knell for said division. I have decided to just run back my prediction from last year. I’m choosing to drink the Jordan Love Kool Aid. I’m choosing to believe Ben Johnson will be a Top 6 head coach after this season. I’m also choosing to believe that the Lions keep getting massive amounts of injuries for a reason, and maybe Dan Campbell is kind of an idiot. Finally, I choose to believe Kyler Murray sucks, and no amount of KOC is going to fix that quarterback room.

NFC South

  • New Orleans Saints
  • Carolina Panthers
  • Tampa Bay Bucaneers
  • Atlanta Falcons

I’ll also gladly step onto the Saints bandwagon, as I think Tyler Shough is the real deal! And, in spite of losing a valued D-Lineman, I think the Saints have enough on defense to win this pathetic division. I was going to throw Tampa into the second spot, but they hired one of the worst OCs of recent memory in Zac Robinson (he was with the Falcons last year, and didn’t know what the FUCK he was doing), so they’re third. I legitimately believe Carolina has a good coaching staff, and will continue to hang around .500 in spite of Bryce Young. The Falcons are kind of a disaster, as much as it pains me. Tua has no business starting over Penix. You could chop any three limbs off of Penix’s body and he should still play over Tua!

NFC West

  • Los Angeles Rams
  • Seattle Seahawks
  • San Francisco 49ers
  • Arizona Cardinals

I’m taking all of my homerism out of the equation here. This brings me zero joy, and quite frankly, I hope to God I’m wrong! But, I got the Rams here. It’s not that I believe Seattle will be bad – indeed, they might be my highest-rated wild card team – but I just think the Rams have a chance to be a 2-loss team. I also think the 49ers will be mediocre, and the Cards will be one of the worst teams in football.

AFC East

  • Buffalo Bills
  • New England Patriots
  • Miami Dolphins
  • New York Jets

Maybe my biggest upset of this whole post is NOT having the Dolphins fourth. That just goes to show how little I believe in Geno Smith and Aaron Glenn. I like the Bills for a bounce-back, and I like the Patriots to lay a big, fat turd! Here’s a prediction for ya: the Pats will NOT be back in this year’s playoffs!

AFC North

  • Cincinnati Bengals
  • Baltimore Ravens
  • Cleveland Browns
  • Pittsburgh Steelers

Here’s what I’m thinking: I’m going to pick every single chic team from this offseason to win their respective divisions (Cowboys, Packers, Saints, Rams, Bills, Bengals) and just hope to hit on like 2/3 of them. I will say that this is very much a Heart pick, and not a Head pick. I want the Bengals back in the playoffs. I want Joe Burrow to stay healthy for the full season. And, I’m curious to see if the moves they made on defense can be just good enough. That being said, I don’t think any other team is an overwhelming favorite. I’ll believe the Ravens when I see it; moving on from John Harbaugh feels like a mistake. The Browns are obviously a joke. But, that being said, I think the Steelers will be worse. Aaron Rodgers is toast. McCarthy is kind of a loser. The defense is old and overrated. D.K. Metcalf is abysmal. I think the Steelers will finally bottom out and next year will have a real chance to draft their quarterback of the future.

AFC South

  • Houston Texans
  • Jacksonville Jaguars
  • Tennessee Titans
  • Indianapolis Colts

I like the Texans a lot. So much, in fact, I’m predicting they will get the #1 seed in the AFC. I still like the Jags to make the playoffs. I like the Titans to take a step forward, and I like the Colts to take a step back.

AFC West

  • Denver Broncos
  • Kansas City Chiefs
  • Los Angeles Chargers
  • Las Vegas Raiders

I just think the Broncos are good. Their defense is great, and the offense is fine. Here’s something for you: I like both the Chiefs and Chargers as wild card teams! And, I like the Raiders to be better than last year, but not good enough to make the playoffs.

NFC Playoffs

  1. Los Angeles Rams
  2. Green Bay Packers
  3. Dallas Cowboys
  4. New Orleans Saints
  5. Seattle Seahawks
  6. Philadelphia Eagles
  7. Chicago Bears

AFC Playoffs

  1. Houston Texans
  2. Buffalo Bills
  3. Denver Broncos
  4. Cincinnati Bengals
  5. Jacksonville Jaguars
  6. Kansas City Chiefs
  7. Los Angeles Chargers

Wild Card Round

  • Packers over Bears
  • Eagles over Cowboys
  • Seahawks over Saints
  • Bills over Chargers
  • Chiefs over Broncos
  • Jaguars over Bengals

Divisional Round

  • Rams over Eagles
  • Seahawks over Packers
  • Texans over Chiefs
  • Bills over Jaguars

Championship Round

  • Seahawks over Rams
  • Texans over Bills

Super Bowl LXI

  • Seahawks over Texans

Who Would The Seahawks Rather Have Over Sam Darnold Going Forward?

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I have very specific parameters for this thought experiment. First and foremost, salary DOES matter. What they’re making, what they’re under contract for, it affects the decision-making. Secondly, age and experience come into play. The idea is: who would you rather have as your quarterback from 2026 onward? Third, everything else remains the same. This is a Seahawks-centric blog and a Seahawks-centric question. You pick the quarterback, you put him on this team with the players we currently have locked in, with all the impending free agents potentially staying or going, and so on and so forth. Fourth, forget about what you might have to give up to get this hypothetical alternative quarterback. Let’s just say, in Imaginationland, it’s a one-for-one swap of quarterbacks; we take on the new guy’s deal, they take on Sam’s deal (forget about any dead-cap implications of guys being traded; for the sake of argument, we’re just getting their deal as it’s listed on Over The Cap or whatever, and throwing it onto the Seahawks as if we’ve had them all along). And, to make it easier on myself, I’m just going to go by their Average Yearly Salary, because I don’t have time to get into the weeds on this. Maybe if I were a millionaire and didn’t have to work anymore, and had all the free time in the world …

Taking a look at the list of quarterback salaries (by average per year), Darnold is 18th on the list, right in between Geno Smith (17th) and Baker Mayfield (19th). We can start chopping off guys making more money than Darnold who aren’t as good. Geno’s out; he stinks. I don’t believe for one second that we would’ve won the Super Bowl with Geno Smith behind center; he definitely would’ve blown the NFC Championship Game, and I don’t even think he gets us to the #1 seed in the first place!

I will also easily rule out Kirk Cousins, Deshaun Watson, Kyler Murray, and Tua Tagovailoa; I don’t need to explain myself, they are all definitively worse than Darnold and making more money.

Next on the chopping block are guys who are comparable (in talent) but making more money. That’s guys like Dak (#1 overall in average yearly salary), Jordan Love (#4), Trevor Lawrence (#5), Jared Goff (#7), Brock Purdy (#8), Justin Herbert (#9), and Jalen Hurts (#11). I don’t believe any of these players are dramatically better than Darnold. They’re also all around the same age or older, and feel at least close to being finished products; I don’t see any of these guys taking big leaps in development the rest of the way.

That leaves names you would expect to see ahead of Darnold: Joe Burrow (#2), Josh Allen (#3), Lamar Jackson (#10), Patrick Mahomes (#15), and Matthew Stafford (#16). I’m going to eliminate Stafford straight away, because he just turned 38 years old and 2025 might’ve been his last elite year. I feel like it’s downhill from there, sooner rather than later. I’m also going to chop off Lamar Jackson and Joe Burrow due to injury concerns. I’m sorry, but they’ve both missed so many games in their respective careers, and they’re only getting older. That’s going to take its toll. Meanwhile, Darnold has been remarkably healthy in his career, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

That just leaves Allen and Mahomes of the 17 players ahead of Darnold in average yearly salary. Let’s pause here and take a look at the guys making less money than Darnold.

Non-starters for me include: Justin Fields, Daniel Jones, Aaron Rodgers, Russell Wilson, and Bryce Young. Too old, too bad, and in the case of Young, too short and inconsistent; I don’t see him doing anything of relevance in the NFL.

Recent draft picks on rookie deals include: Cam Ward, Caleb Williams, Jayden Daniels, Drake Maye, C.J. Stroud, Michael Penix, J.J. McCarthy, Bo Nix, Jaxson Dart, and Tyler Shough. Apologies to anyone else drafted recently, but those are the big names. We’ll return to them in a moment.

Wild cards include the aforementioned Baker Mayfield and Malik Willis. Every other quarterback, I would consider to be NFL backups, and again not worth my time.

Baker is talented, and making slightly less money, but I’m ruling him out because while he’s a tough SOB, he’s also very much worse when he plays through injury, and he seems to get injured quite a bit. I can’t have it. As for Malik, I think he’s been terrific as a spot starter in Green Bay the last couple years, but I need to see him do it over a full season before I can even think about taking him over Darnold.

The young guys make this argument tough. I think I’m going to chop Ward; need to see him actually succeed on the field and lift his team up to respectability before I can roll with him over Darnold. I’m going to cut J.J. and Dart, because I don’t believe they are very good. It’s a close call, but I’m going to eliminate Penix and Daniels because of injury concerns. They’re very slight, and they’ve already had some pretty serious injuries.

That leaves Caleb, Maye, Stroud, Nix, and Shough. Stroud is intriguing, because I don’t think he is nearly as inept as he looked in the playoffs. I think he’s been cursed from the get-go with a terrible offensive line, and he’s had tons of receiver injuries throughout his career. He would be top notch on the Seahawks’ offense, with a proper dedication to the run and play-action game. But, he’s also going into the final year of his rookie deal. Granted, he’ll have the fifth-year option, but that man is going to want to be paid among the big dogs, at which point you’re not necessarily seeing the money savings. With that in mind, is he lots better than Darnold? I’d say not, so he’s out.

Nix is okay. Is he just good in the one (Sean Payton) offensive system? From a talent perspective, he’s not better than Darnold. He is more cost-effective, though. But, for whatever reason, I’m leaning towards him being a No for me, dawg. Maybe if he didn’t play ball at Oregon.

I think I would say yes to each of Caleb, Maye, and Shough. Shough is rock solid, plus has the added benefit of being a second round pick, so he’s even cheaper! Maye isn’t as bad as he looked in the playoffs; put him behind our O-Line, and I think he’d be just fine. And I loved what I saw from Caleb this year. Just rein him in half-a-crank with the wild throws, and you’ve got something. I mean, shit, it’s not like Darnold doesn’t have his share of wild throws!

Now, let’s go back to Allen and Mahomes. Mahomes might be one of the biggest bargains in the NFL at this point! His $45 million per year is only $11.5 million more than Darnold is making, and he’s under contract through 2031. That being said, there are a couple of void years tacked on, so I don’t know what that means. But, with the way the NFL salary cap keeps going up and up and up, I feel like we could withstand it. Plus, he’ll still only be 36 years old in the final season of his deal, which makes him primed for an extension, assuming he’s still playing at a hall of fame level. If we assume Allen and Mahomes play until they’re 40, I’m not worried about their respective ages being slightly older than Darnold.

You could make an injury case, but I think both guys are pretty smart and talented enough to have second careers as pocket passers. Allen is making $55 million, which is up near the top of the market, but he’s signed through 2030. He’s got three void years on his deal, with almost $22 million in dead money baked in. I’m not overly concerned, because I think he would also be primed for some sort of extension by that point, allowing us to spread the hit a little more evenly beyond that.

That, I think, would be my five quarterbacks I would rather have over Sam Darnold going forward: Josh Allen, Patrick Mahomes, Caleb Williams, Drake Maye, and Tyler Shough. You might think I’m destined for Western State by adding Shough to that list, but he really impressed me this season! He seems to have a lot of traits that are needed to be a winner in this league, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s the biggest bargain in the NFL in 2026.

The Seahawks Keep Their #1 Seed Dreams Alive

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No one is going to confuse that 27-10 win over the Panthers in Carolina for a beautiful football game. This was another game where the Seahawks looked like shit for a half (the score was tied 3-3 at the midway point), then poured it on after the break.

The defense returned to playing phenomenal ball, holding the Panthers to 139 total yards. Bryce Young was held to 14/24 for a whopping 54 yards passing. We sacked him twice, hit him 4 times, knocked away 3 passes, and picked one off. On top of which, there were 5 TFLs as we limited their running game to 99 yards on 26 carries. They were 1 for 11 on third down and 2 for 5 on fourth down. It was an absolute drubbing! They ran 52 plays and averaged 2.7 yards per play. Just insane!

I mean, it’s not like they’re the ’27 Yankees or anything, but they’re a fully competent football team in the running for a division title, and they were at home. We fucking embarrassed them!

I’m lukewarm on the Seahawks’ offense. Darnold was bad in the first half; he rebounded to finish 18/27 for 147 yards with a TD. He also had a fumble and an interception, and was lucky not to have a couple more, as his balls were repeatedly tipped and popped up.

But, the running game was flat out good! Charbonnet led the way (18 for 110 and 2 TDs), and Walker chipped in 15 for 51. Tack on the usual excellence for JSN (9 for 72) and a quietly big game from A.J. Barner (3 for 43 and a TD), and that was all we needed.

This one always felt like a game the Seahawks would win comfortably. There’s nothing impressive about Carolina, other than the fact that they’re not 4-12 for some reason. They’re well-coached. They seem to have recovered from Bryce Young’s rookie season to somewhat fix him. But, they’re a .500-ish team. If the Bucs hadn’t totally collapsed, the Panthers wouldn’t have anything to play for right now.

I’m hard-pressed to see this game as any sort of harbinger of things to come. The Seahawks are what they are; this isn’t the first time they’ve slept through a first half. This isn’t the first time they’ve had to overcome some Darnold mistakes. The questions we have about the Seahawks following this game were the same questions we’ve had all year.

But, this team is also 13-3. It was coming off of the biggest win for the franchise over the last decade. We had to fly across the country to play at 10am. And, another massive divisional road game looms next week for the number one seed in the NFC. I’m not going to read into 30 minutes of struggles against an okay Panthers team.

We found out last night that the showdown against the 49ers will be on Saturday at 5pm. On the downside, we have to fly back across the country and get ready for them on a short week. On the plus side, they just had a hard-fought game against the Bears on Sunday night, so they have half a day’s less rest. The game’s on their turf, of course. But, we’re now 7-1 on the road this season. I’ll take our chances.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2025: The Moops Are Over .500

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Previously, on Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team:

For the first time all year, The Moops are a game over .500, thanks to a 147.75 to 97.35 victory over The Fabled Fondo Boys.

Pretty much everyone on his team had a bad week, except for the Steelers’ defense. I wouldn’t say my team was any great shakes, but the Browns’ defense also rose to the occasion, and I had a great week from Trey McBride.

However, I can’t get too excited, because calamity has struck my team once again. Michael Penix is out for the rest of the year with a knee injury (not the one he had surgically repaired in college), and Drake London is week-to-week with his own knee injury. For those keeping track at home, Penix and London were largely carrying my team (well, London was anyway). Now, I’m left scrambling.

What’s worse, Week 12 is my last BYE week of the season. Which means I’m missing Ladd McConkey (more critical than ever that I was able to trade for him right before he started blowing up) and Kimani Vidal. I have Parker Washington for the Jags, to at least fill up a WR spot. And, I’ll have to go back to the well of starting both Seahawks running backs again (thankfully, the Titans don’t project to be too much of a challenge). But, now I have a wide open FLEX spot, and a glaring hole at quarterback. Which brings us to …

Waiver Wire Jamboree:  I put in for two claims. First, Bryce Young was available, so I made him my top priority. Since I had no money to spend in my FAAB, though, he was long gone. Second, I went back to Kirk Cousins, who – shockingly (*sarcasm*) – nobody wanted. I ended up dropping Rachaad White (who I picked up for a one-week RB fill-in, after dropping both of the Washington RBs, one after another). I ended up having immediate buyer’s remorse though, so I re-dropped Cousins and picked up Tyler Shough. He seems to have a better matchup this week (Atlanta’s defense has been atrocious the last two weeks), but he’s also at least got a moderate amount of future upside. His last start two weeks ago (before the BYE) saw him generate 25.8 points, in just his third NFL appearance. Since, you know, the long-term viability of Penix might be in question, I’m gonna need to take another bite at that apple. The quarterback leftovers include Davis Mills, the aforementioned Cousins, Tyrod Taylor, Mason Rudolph, and Shedeur Sanders; none of them are worth a damn. So, fingers crossed for Shough!

UPDATE: Once I picked up Shough, I texted with someone else in the league who maybe jokingly/maybe seriously offered me J.J. McCarthy for him straight up, because he hates J.J. McCarthy. Rather than let it go, I decided to make the trade offer and give him something to really think about. He ended up taking the deal by the end of the day, so now I’ve got J.J.

I’ll say this: I don’t have a lot of hopes for this working out. There’s been talk of him being benched earlier this season; there’s been talk of him being benched again at some point in the near future. He doesn’t throw for many yards, he doesn’t seem to be accurate, and he turns the ball over way too fucking much. He’s got two 20+ games under his belt, and one of them came in Week 1. But, here’s the thing, if it’s going to work out for him, we’re going to find out in the next six weeks. The Vikings’ schedule really opens up, especially in an upcoming three-game stretch against Washington, Dallas, and the Giants. If he can’t get it done against those dogshit defenses, then probably all hope is lost.

I’ll also say this: I don’t think I’ve ever won a trade against the guy I just traded with. His was the infamous trade I made, giving up a young Tyreek Hill for an old Tom Brady (back when Brady was on the downside of his Patriots career, pre Tampa-resurgence). I’m sure there are other trades I’m forgetting, but that one really stuck out. So, put your money on J.J. continuing to suck, while Shough becomes a future MVP candidate.

In other waiver news, I still needed a receiver to fill out a full roster, so I picked up Darnell Mooney and finally dropped Matthew Golden. Based on the players getting added this week, there’s apparently some buzz behind Golden, for literally no reason, which has me concerned. But, I mean, I can’t start a guy who’s going to get me 3 points, and I need to at least TRY to win this week, to keep my playoff hopes alive.

My victory last week brings me to 6-5 on the season. More importantly, three of the erstwhile 5-5 teams lost, dropping to 5-6. Which means, you guessed it! I am currently sitting in a playoff spot! I’m not only in fifth place, but for the first time in a long time, I’m not last in total points scored! What a comeback!

Will this be my high-water mark on the season, though? Will it all be downhill from here?

Next up, I face the first place team, Toot Cannons. That’s not what you want right after losing your best quarterback and wide receiver. Fortunately, he’s got issues of his own. Jayden Daniels is on BYE, Kyler Murray is on IR, Cam Skattebo is on IR, Travis Hunter is on IR, the Broncos’ defense is on BYE, De’Von Achane is on BYE, and R.J. Harvey is on BYE. Then, he has the questionable Marvin Harrison Jr. and Bucky Irving.

Any way you slice it, these are two beat-up teams getting ready to play one another.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2023: Blitzed In The Finals

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My Splinter League team – The Annexation Of Puerto Rico – lost to 50 Shades Of Gritty in the finals, 188.56 to 168.37. She had CeeDee Lamb and D.J. Moore going, which is really all you need to know. My team was good, but it was outclassed in this one. Really, she deserved to win; her team showed up and blew the doors off in both playoff games.

Last week was also disappointing because in my third league, I lost in the Consolation Bracket Finals, which may or may not have determined who gets the #1 pick next year. It was another instance where my team was good, but as fate would have it, I was going up against the team who’d have the very best game. 164.14 for Me So Zorny to 142.98 for RUM HAM! Considering my team averaged 95 points per game, I’d say I really did a number on those Consolation Bracket playoffs, but alas, it wasn’t enough.

So, that’s another fantasy season in the books. Regarding my main Dynasty League team, Sloane N Steady is our champion. He beat me in the first round of the playoffs – thanks to my stupid tinkering – so the two dudes who lost to him have me to thank. In following along, if I had NOT tinkered and actually won my first playoff game, I still would have lost the following week. But, there’s a very good chance I would’ve ended up in 3rd place overall, which would’ve been my best finish in this league in the Trophy Era, if I’m not mistaken. I don’t know how to receive this information. My team is good, but I’m also an idiot, I guess is the main takeaway.

Now, we head into the long offseason. At some point, we’ll have a post-season meeting to exchange the trophy and various monies, set a draft date, a keeper date, and have a pre-season meeting to discuss new rules/business. Assuming everything stays relatively the same, I’ve got a dynasty team to plan for.

The way we have it set up, you keep a starting roster, and re-draft your bench. Here’s who I’ve got to choose from:

Quarterbacks

  • Jordan Love
  • Justin Fields

I’m locked into these two, after dragging Bryce Young’s carcass across the entire season. Love ended up as the 6th-highest scoring QB in our league, ahead of Patrick Mahomes no less! By a good margin! Justin Fields ended up 18th, but he also missed all or parts of 5 games with injury. I’m happy with these two guys, but I’m also going to draft another young QB relatively early next year, likely with my 5th overall pick.

Love looks like he’ll be the guy in Green Bay for a good, long while. I’ll be interested in what the Bears end up doing with Fields. They have the #1 pick, and if it were me, I’d be on them to draft Caleb Williams. That being said, you can’t deny Fields has looked light years better as a passer this season, to go along with his elite running abilities. My guess is they keep Fields, trade down, compile a ton of picks, and see if they can make it work. Either way, I’m going to need Fields to stay healthy if I want my team to go anywhere next year.

Running Backs

  • Tony Pollard
  • Kyren Williams
  • Kenneth Walker
  • Zach Charbonnet
  • Ty Chandler

At this point, I’m leaning towards keeping Pollard, Williams, and Walker. But, obviously, a lot can change between now and the time I have to formally declare my keepers. Williams finished as the 5th highest scoring RB, and that’s after missing FOUR games! He’s a lock, for sure. Walker is just special, and feels like another lock for me (I’ll try to re-draft Charbonnet to have that handcuff again next year). My goal is to keep three RBs, since they’re usually so injury-prone. So, that would likely mean Pollard is back (he finished a disappointing 15th among RBs), but I can’t force it. I’ve got some REALLY interesting wide receivers to pick from, and even though they generally are easier to pick up in the draft, I might be better served keeping my FLEX from that pile.

We’ll see how the offseason goes. Ty Chandler is only a possibility if he gets a MASSIVE vote of confidence this offseason, works his tail off, and looks special in pre-season. Otherwise, I don’t know if I can trust the Vikings’ run game. I’ll also be curious to see what the Cowboys do in the draft; it wouldn’t shock me if they took a RB relatively high to compete against Pollard. Either way, this feels like the last time I keep Pollard; hopefully it isn’t the last time I keep a Cowboys RB.

Wide Receivers

  • CeeDee Lamb
  • Rashee Rice
  • Tank Dell
  • Jordan Addison
  • Drake London

Right off the bat, Lamb is a lock. He finished comfortably as the #1 scoring WR in the league. The only other guy on my team to finish in the Top 25 is Rice, who was 21st. I will say, for what it’s worth, that D.K. Metcalf only finished 19th, so it’s not like it was super-dumb of me to not keep him from last year. That being said, Christian Watson … let’s move on.

At the moment, it comes down to Rice and Dell. Assuming Dell comes back with no reported issues, it’s actually an interesting argument. Rice has been coming on in that Chiefs offense, but it’s still unclear whether or not they fully trust him to be the #1 guy behind Kelce. My concern is that his fate is being a solid possession receiver, but he never makes the leap to a true top dog. Either way, he’s got the best QB situation of all my guys. But, Dell is no slouch. He seems special, he got off to a fast start, but clearly there’s an injury concern I have to deal with. Dell is also undersized, but he seems to have incorporated himself into that offense a lot more. I’ll have to monitor both closely.

As for Addison and London, it all depends on who their respective teams bring in at QB. If they have bums throwing to them, then they’re going back on the scrap heap. Addison is at a further disadvantage since Justin Jefferson is also on his team and commanding lots of targets. London is someone I’m rooting for to find a competent thrower, as he really seems like he has an elite skillset. He could be another Mike Evans, if he just had the right guy getting him the ball.

Tight Ends

  • T.J. Hockenson
  • Trey McBride

One of the best moves I made late in the year was to pick up McBride as a free agent. It looks even smarter now that Hockenson has gotten hurt, and may not make it back in time to start the regular season. I have the 3rd and 8th highest scoring tight ends (and Hockenson might’ve been 2nd or 1st if he didn’t get hurt). McBride’s standing is even more impressive when you consider he was playing behind Zach Ertz and was hardly utilized for half the season. I’m leaning towards McBride given his youth and health, but it’s been a wonderful experience having Hockenson around.

Kicker

  • Dustin Hopkins

He finished 5th among kickers. That being said, I’ll almost certainly be looking for a replacement next year. For what it’s worth, Evan McPherson finished 14th, so that just goes to show you what you can do in kicker free agency. It’s always kind of a crapshoot.

Defense

  • N.Y. Jets

Sadly, we finished 10th. I blame injuries, I blame bad luck, and I mostly blame a stinker of an offense that kept giving opponents short fields. Regardless, not quite the juggernaut I was hoping for. We’ll see what shakes out next year, but … yeah I dunno.

It’s too early, but if I had to choose now, my keepers would be: Love, Fields, Williams, Walker, Pollard, Lamb, Rice, McBride, Hopkins, Jets. Thankfully, I have a lot of time left to make my decisions.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2023: If A Tree Falls In The Woods …

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My season ended with a 147.85 to 143.05 victory over You Dropped Your Dildo in the 5 vs. 6 game of the fantasy playoffs. Sounds exciting, right? It’s less thrilling when you realize my opponent couldn’t have given two shits about this game. My hunch is, with the holidays and general fantasy apathy following a first round playoff exit, he didn’t check his team at all. As such, Ja’Marr Chase was left in his starting lineup, even though he was ruled out pretty early in the week. He could’ve easily subbed in Jonathan Taylor from his bench (moving his flex WR into the starting WR spot) for an additional 10.3 points.

So, I was essentially gifted this victory. Feels pretty hollow, but I’ll take it. As my prize, I get to draft 5th instead of 6th next year.

I’m kind of having a tough time grappling with my 147.85 points. Seems low when you consider I actually got good games out of both of my QBs (30.15 for Love, 26.2 for Fields). If I got that every week from those two guys next year, I’d take it in a heartbeat! I even got good games out of my two consistently-great skill guys in Lamb and Kyren Williams (25.2 and 16.4, respectively). But, the Jets only got me 12, Rashee Rice only got me 11.7, and everyone else – including my bench – got under 10. On the one hand, it’s nice to know my decision-making didn’t kill me once again; on the other hand, it sucks knowing that my team totally shit the bed, and if it weren’t for a guy taking the rest of the season off early, I would be drafting one spot worse.

I’ll also take solace in the fact that I would’ve lost this week anyway (had I won last week and advanced in the playoffs), as three of the top four remaining teams outscored me (and the fourth team wouldn’t have played me this week anyway, since he was another wild card team like me). So, blowing it last week was actually a good thing! I wouldn’t have advanced to the finals anyway, so this bought me a couple of extra spots in the draft.

Look, I’m just trying to cling to whatever silver lining I can find.

I should point out, for reference, that I dropped Bryce Young late last week. I was resolute in my decision to not keep him for next year, and as such, I decided holding onto Ty Chandler – in case the Vikings make him their everyday starter next year – was a little slice of upside, giving me yet another option for a potential dynasty RB. Who knows? Maybe this offseason he tears it up in the weight room and dominates the pre-season? It’s always good to have options.

So, of course, what happened this weekend? Bryce Young had the very best game of his professional career! He’ll be a stud in 2024, mark my words.

It’s not all doom and gloom, though. In one of my other leagues, I advanced to the Consolation Bracket Finals, and I hear this league is giving the winner of the Consolation Bracket the first overall draft pick next year. We’ll see, it’s my brother’s friend’s league, so I’m only half-conscious about the actual rules and regulations.

The real good news comes with my Splinter League. Last year, my team Puppy Monkey Baby defeated Vinegar Strokes for the league championship. This year? My team The Annexation Of Puerto Rico is going up against his wife, 50 Shades Of Gritty for the league championship.

I’ve had pretty great teams in this league the last two years. A LOT of luck goes into that, but for whatever reason, I’ve just been locked in during the draft. Neither season has seen me making too many roster changes. Why can’t I transfer this way of fantasy football ownership to my main league?

Anyway, here is my lineup for the championship:

  • Josh Allen (QB) vs. NE
  • Dak Prescott (QB) vs. Det
  • Amon-Ra St. Brown (WR) @ Dal
  • Puka Nacua (WR) @ NYG
  • Rachaad White (RB) vs. NO
  • Bijan Robinson (RB) @ Chi
  • Brandon Aiyuk (FLEX) @ Was
  • Jake Ferguson (FLEX) vs. Det
  • Kansas City (DEF) vs. Cin

It’s really the perfect league: no mandatory tight ends, no kickers, two flex spots, and five bench spots. On my bench, I have Tyler Allgeier (I’ve had both ATL running backs from the jump, which has been a nice little bit of peace of mind, as I so rarely get to enjoy such a pure handcuff situation), Ty Chandler (who didn’t look great last week, and may be looking at more of a timeshare situation with Mattison this weekend), Tee Higgins (who I am reluctant to start against my defense, especially since what are the odds he has three great weeks in a row after such an up-and-down season), Philly’s defense, and Matthew Stafford (who is playing some elite ball of late, but I’m not allowed to play three quarterbacks, and there’s no way I’m benching Josh Allen or Dak Prescott in the fantasy finals).

When I say I’ve been lucky this year, I’m mostly looking at the quarterbacks. I had the #2 overall draft pick in this league; Patrick Mahomes went #1, affording me the “consolation prize” of Allen (in this league, QB points are so high, it generally means that most top tier quarterbacks are gone by the first or second rounds). It’s a big shift from my drafting strategy LAST year, when I was picking near the bottom of the round, and waited until later in the draft to address my QB spots. I banked hard on a couple of bounce-back guys in Dak and Stafford, and both have come through like gangbusters.

I’ve also pretty much only rostered the three running backs I have all year (there was a spell where I had Kareem Hunt, when Atlanta was on BYE). White has been a revelation for me, but he wasn’t so great early in the season. For a few weeks there, I opted to roll with both Falcons RBs and just hoped they’d combine for something close to 20 points.

In this league, you live and die by your WR production. With two flex spots, if you’re not loading up on RBs, then you potentially need up to 4 WRs doing the most damage. I lucked into grabbing Nacua after week 1, but that was counter-balanced by Tee Higgins being largely hurt or underachieving. St. Brown and Aiyuk have been my rocks, but I’ll tell ya, I would be WAY more confident if I still had Tank Dell. Losing him has thrown my second flex spot into flux. I like Ferguson as a steady 10-point threat, and honestly I’m hoping that’s enough. High floor, low ceiling, can’t lose!

50 Shades of Gritty has lingered near the top of the league all year. This is a 4-team playoff, and all four of us were 10-5. I scored the most points, which gave me the 1-seed, and the easy 200.17 to 126.65 victory over my brother, Beer Thirty. I would’ve outscored both teams in the other playoff game, but it would’ve been much closer. Here is Gritty’s team:

  • Geno Smith (QB) vs. Pit
  • Derek Carr (QB) @ NO
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. Det
  • D.J. Moore (WR) vs. Atl
  • Jahmyr Gibbs (RB) @ Dal
  • D’Andre Swift (RB) vs. Ari
  • James Conner (FLEX) @ Phi
  • Michael Pittman Jr. (FLEX) vs. LV
  • Baltimore (DEF) vs. Mia

She’s got Godwin, JSN, and Addison on her bench, as well as Brian Robinson (up against the 49ers defense) and Tennessee’s defense (@ Hou). I don’t see how anyone could bench the Ravens’ defense given the way they’re playing, but Miami is always formidable.

Lamb scares me, of course. He’s been a true #1 receiver all year, and I have Dak as my quarterback, so they’re likely to match in points. I always refer to this as the wide receiver “taking” my quarterback’s points, since QBs are supposed to outscore all position players. My only hope is Ferguson getting all of Dak’s TD passes.

I don’t love her quarterbacks, but all of her running backs look amazing, and Pittman is an under-the-radar stud. I am very much going to have my hands full in this one.

Nothing About This Seahawks At Titans Game Sounds Interesting

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I want to sit here and tell you that the Seahawks are vastly better than the Titans. I want to tell you that Tennessee is a dead dog carcass rotting in the snow, and that the Seahawks will go in there and roll by 30 points. If football was even remotely transitive, with the Seahawks beating an Eagles team that’s vastly superior to the Titans, then it should stand to reason we will kill the Titans and this game will be over after a quarter.

But, football isn’t transitive, and I’m not even sure the Seahawks are better than the Titans! I mean, they probably are, but you can’t sit here and tell me that the Seahawks are winning this game 10 out of 10 times.

For the record, I do think the Seahawks will win this week. But, I also think the game will be uglier than it needs to be, and closer than it has any right to be. I have nothing interesting to say about a game that’s probably going to be boring as fuck.

There was one aspect I was intrigued by, and that was getting a good look at Will Levis against my Seahawks. I like to know how the young quarterbacks look against my team; I feel like I gain a better understanding of their abilities that way. If they succeed, well, the Seahawks’ defense is terrible, so what did you expect? But, if they fail? Then, they’re probably toast, and I won’t have to consider them from a fantasy perspective ever again.

Unfortunately, it looks like Levis is going to miss this game, which means we get the return of Ryan Tannehill. If this year’s Carolina game is any indication – where we missed out on watching Bryce Young, getting Andy Dalton instead – I’m sure Tannehill will throw for 400 yards and put up a ton of points before losing by a field goal.

The good thing about this one? It’s on Christmas Eve. Other things will be happening. I’m sure I’ll be involved with some last-minute Christmas shopping. I can just skip this game! I recommend you do the same.

27-23 Seahawks. Happy holidays and whatnot.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2023: Back In The Saddle Again!

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It’s been a minute since I’ve been in the playoffs in this league. Considering it’s a 10-team league and 60% of the teams actually make the playoffs? That’s pretty terrible. Last year I finished in 9th place in the regular season, and dead last in the Consolation Bracket. In 2021, I finished in 10th place in the regular season and second-to-last in the Consolation Bracket. In 2020, I snuck into the playoffs as a 6-seed, lost in the first round, and lost again in the 5th place game. In 2019, I was 8th. 2018 was the last time I cracked the top four, and ended up in 4th place.

The last time I was a legitimate contender for this league? You have to go all the way back to 2010, when I came in second. In 2009, I won it all, but 2010 was the first year of the Trophy Era. I do not have my name on that trophy; it’s a sore spot for me. I’ve won other leagues, but not this one. We’ve morphed from just being a league for fun, to being a league for fun and money, to being a keeper league with a trophy, to being a dynasty league. And ever since we introduced keepers, and slowly increased the number of keepers until now – where we’re keeping a full starting lineup, including 1 flex, a kicker, and a defense – I’ve been in Quarterback Hell. It’s been so bad that I’ve essentially been in rebuilding mode since 2019, desperately trying to figure out my two QB spots.

High first round picks galore have been used on the Next Big Thing. It started with Jameis Winston and Carson Wentz. It evolved into Daniel Jones and Tom Brady’s last year in New England (when it looked like he was cooked), in an ill-fated trade that saw me give away Tyreek Hill. Then, there was my big Tua campaign as a rookie, when he looked like he was going to be a noodle-armed nobody. There was Mac Jones and Justin Fields, just PRAYING that one of them would pan out. That’s been the last two seasons, in fact, while I also took a flier on Jordan Love as a late-2022 pick-up.

I kept Love and Fields heading into 2023, and it honestly looked like more of the same ol’ bullshit. Fields was erratic early, got hurt, and it looked like his team once again was letting him fail. Love seemed to get off to a hot start, but was VERY turnover-prone for a while there. I picked up Cousins in the draft to have some competent depth, but we all know how that ended. And, of course, I made Bryce Young my first pick (over C.J. Stroud), who has been languishing on my bench all season.

But, you know what else I did? Through it all, I made some pretty shrewd moves over the last couple years of dynasty play. I locked down CeeDee Lamb and targeted him as a guy worth keeping as a rookie. I handcuffed Ezekiel Elliott with Tony Pollard and haven’t missed a beat with owning the Dallas backfield all this time. I got T.J. Hockenson off waivers, I’ve had the Jets defense the last two years, I’ve managed to keep a quality kicker (Cincy’s guy the last two years, Cleveland’s guy this year). I drafted Kenneth Walker as a rookie (and handcuffed him midseason with Charbonnet). And this year, I set up my bench pretty effectively outside of the QB spot. I grabbed Kyren Williams as a free agent. I drafted Jordan Addison (who was great when Cousins was healthy), I picked up Tank Dell, Trey McBride, and Rashee Rice (all of which look like stars going forward). Frankly, I have so many players I like, it’s a shame I can’t keep some of these bench guys! At the very least, I can prevent other people from keeping them, and therefore afford myself a chance at drafting them next year.

For the last two years, I’ve felt like my team is as complete as can be, outside of the QB spots. Last year, the situation was so dire, I once again found myself near the bottom of the league, with a real stark situation on my hands heading into 2023. But, Fields is healthy again, and is looking MUCH improved as a passer. And Love has taken a significant step forward (this past Monday notwithstanding), after looking like a guy I might have to cut at some point. Hell, I almost traded him away, but the guy who wanted him (a Packers fan) thought I was asking too much in return (a Packer tax, as it were).

I don’t know if I’m a legitimate playoff contender or not. I mean, I’m in the playoffs – and I just leapfrogged my first round opponent for the 4-seed after beating him pretty handily (153.25 to 125.40) in Week 14 – but can I win it all? I do have the third-most points scored in the league, and that’s with three separate 2-game losing streaks, and a significant mid-season lull where I was averaging under 130 points in five out of six weeks (my overall weekly average for the season is over 150, for frame of reference). And, for the first time in I don’t know how many years, I feel like I’ve at least got a handle on this quarterback situation (barring injury) for at least the next month. If not maybe the next year(s) to come.

I’ve long said I don’t need the best of the best. I don’t need Mahomes and Allen. I just need competent guys who can score in the 20’s, and once in a while get me in the 30’s. Who aren’t a regular threat to get me less than 10. I feel like there’s a pretty solid floor with Fields and his rushing ability (again, when healthy), and I feel like the sky might be the limit with Love, as he’s able to develop with a pretty nice set of young receivers.

It’ll be great having the luxury of going out and drafting just a competent veteran backup (a la Cousins or Stafford) next year, instead of trying to scramble to predict who the next rookie stud is going to be. Considering I’m definitely not drafting in the Top 4, and very well might not draft until the Bottom 4, it’s a good thing I’m able to have this level of confidence. Now, it’s just a matter of going out and winning the games that need to be won.

The playoffs start this week. Once again, I’m playing Sloane N Steady in the 4 vs. 5 matchup. Here is my lineup:

  • Jordan Love (QB) vs. TB
  • Justin Fields (QB) @ Cle
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) @ Buf
  • Rashee Rice (WR) @ NE
  • Tony Pollard (RB) @ Buf
  • Kyren Williams (RB) vs. Was
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) @ Cin
  • Kenneth Walker (RB) vs. Phi
  • Dustin Hopkins (K) vs. Chi
  • N.Y. Jets (DEF) @ Mia

I don’t have a lot of great options on my bench. Walker is going up against Philly’s defense, which is notoriously stingy against the run. But, Trey McBride is going up against the 49ers (stingy against TEs, and will probably dominate Arizona from start to finish); Addison is dealing with a new starting QB in Nick Mullens; and I can’t be sure if Christian Watson is healthy enough to be worth playing. Walker feels like a safe bet; he looked solid against the 49ers, and seemed to come out of that game without any aggravation to his oblique. Plus, Philly’s defense has looked shaky has hell recently, and this is a Kitchen Sink game for the Seahawks; as much of a must-win as it gets, in their minds, anyway.

I’m VERY intrigued by Addison, especially if Justin Jefferson is out this week, and Nick Mullens is under center. Mullens is at least somewhat competent. What’s giving me pause there is the fact that I don’t know if I want to rely THAT much on Mullens, when I’ve already got his TE in play.

As for Watson, he’s looking like he’ll be a week or two away from full strength, so I dropped him for Ty Chandler, the Vikings’ backup RB. Mattison is looking doubtful to go this week, and my opponent might have a need for an emergency RB in his lineup, so I thought I’d play the waiver game a bit. Besides, I’ve been saying all year that the Vikings have been looking for every excuse to bench Mattison, why couldn’t Chandler be an improvement?

Here is Sloane N Steady’s lineup:

  • Derek Carr (QB) vs. NYG
  • Will Levis (QB) vs. Hou
  • Brandon Aiyuk (WR) @ Ari
  • Amon-Ra St. Brown (WR) vs. Den
  • Isiah Pacheco (RB) @ NE
  • Travis Etienne (RB) vs. Bal
  • Kyle Pitts (TE) @ Car
  • Michael Pittman (WR) vs. Pit
  • Evan McPherson (K) vs. Min
  • Baltimore (DEF) @ Jax

He scored an inordinately low amount of points last week. Pacheco was out early in the week with an injury; Gus Edwards in his place stunk up the joint. Carr returned from injury, but couldn’t put up more than 14 points. Amon-Ra St. Brown had an anomaly of a bad game with 5.10 points. The Ravens’ defense gave up a ton of points to the Rams. And no one individual player scored over 20 points. Can’t win that way!

I expect bounce-backs galore this week. I think Levis can have a monster game against Houston. I think St. Brown will be force-fed at will. I think Aiyuk will have a Deebo-like game. Pacheco will likely be back and making lives miserable. And I could see the Ravens really smashing the Jags.

It’s going to be tough. I don’t LOVE my matchups. But, my guys are going to have to figure out a way to get the job done. Otherwise, it’s going to be a HUGE failure of a season. It all comes down to this week. What I dread the most. All the marbles riding on one single game. Good grief.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2023: Tanks For The Memories

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Week 13 was kind of fucked from an injury perspective. All across the league, very important players went down with a range of maladies. Some are short term, some might not keep them out at all. But, some are season-enders, and some are fantasy season-enders, which is all I really care about.

I had Tank Dell in two leagues. In this one, where I clinched a playoff berth thanks to a 152.95 to 138.85 victory over Toot Cannons, and in my Splinter League, where I was in first place heading into last week, before losing by 24 points and falling into second. There’s a slim chance I drop out of the playoffs entirely in that league over the next two weeks – now that I’m down both Dell and Christian Kirk – the injury bug is decidedly NOT my friend.

Dell’s goose egg in this league very nearly cost me my victory. I somehow also endured a goose egg from Terry McLaurin (who is getting less Scary by the week in that offense), which goes to show how tough of a season Toot Cannons is having. I will say that I got some great games out of Jordan Love, CeeDee Lamb, Tony Pollard, Zach Charbonnet (who was a last-minute addition to my lineup), and Trey McBride. If I had given it the proper thought, given Dell’s injury designation during the week, I would’ve swapped him out for Kyren Williams, but that’s neither here nor there.

After I lost Dell, I picked up Rashee Rice as a free agent (prior to the Chiefs game starting), dropping that Cleveland QB I’m never going to keep in a million years. Rice has seen his targets and points increase the last two weeks, as the Chiefs have to be desperate at this point to promote one of their receivers, if for no other reason than to take some of the pressure off of Travis Kelce. I have Rice in another league and have been waiting around for him to start taking off; hopefully he turns into a League Winner for me down the stretch.

I also – after waiver guys reverted back to free agents – picked Christian Watson back up, dropping Scary Terry. It’s time. He’s currently the 29th ranked WR and that’s bound to go down after this BYE week. I don’t understand why he’s not better, why he’s not more dependable. I don’t understand why Howell isn’t throwing him the ball more – he often gets ignored for most of the game, only to score some garbage time points in the 4th quarter after they’re already losing by a ton – and I don’t understand why he isn’t more of a target in the red zone. 2 TDs is ridiculous for a scoring offense that isn’t THAT bad. More than anything, he’s supposed to have a high floor in PPR leagues, and that’s decidedly not the case. With all the uncertainty around that team – surely to have a new coaching staff next year – McLaurin isn’t someone I’m even remotely thinking about keeping. He’s also got a BYE this week, followed by tough matchups against the Rams, Jets, and 49ers the rest of the way. I was never going to want to start him anyway. Watson, at least, is coming on in a big way (until he suffered that injury late last week). He was my keeper from last year, and if he finishes this season strong, he’ll at least be in the running to be a keeper next year. Still leaning towards Dell at the moment, but you never know. If nothing else, Watson is the highest-upside receiver left on the market for these upcoming playoffs, so I’ll gladly welcome him back into the fold.

This week, I’m going up against Sloane N Steady, who is in 4th place, and looks to be my first round playoff opponent, which means I’ll get the opportunity to face him in back-to-back weeks. 4th place plays 5th place (which I’m in); 3rd place plays 6th place, before the winners move on to play the top two teams on a first round BYE.

As this game is effectively meaningless, I’m not going to sweat the outcome. I’ve got McBride on a BYE. I’ve got Bryce Young (hopefully) forever on my bench the rest of the way. I’ve got both Seahawks running backs on my bench because they’re playing the 49ers. Seems like a bad week to try to bring back Kenneth Walker from an oblique injury; here’s hoping they play it safe.

With that out of the way, I don’t have any real decisions to make. Here’s my Week 14 lineup:

  • Jordan Love (QB) @ NYG
  • Justin Fields (QB) vs. Det
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. Phi
  • Jordan Addison (WR) @ LV
  • Tony Pollard (RB) vs. Phi
  • Kyren Williams (RB) @ Bal
  • T.J. Hockenson (TE) @ LV
  • Rashee Rice (WR) vs. Buf
  • Dustin Hopkins (K) vs. Jax
  • N.Y. Jets (DEF) vs. Hou

Addison has seen a dramatic downturn in his production with the absence of Kirk Cousins. Now that Justin Jefferson is nearing his return, really the last thing I want to do is start Addison. I will be looking for every opportunity to bench him when the playoffs start next week, up to and including starting two tight ends. At this point, McBride seems like a better all-around option than Addison, but we’ll see who the Vikings end up going with at quarterback. I’ll admit, Nick Mullens sounds intriguing; he’s one of the less-bad backups out there, in the right offense.

That being said, how can you hate the matchup with the Raiders? If Addison has anything left this season, he should show it this week. Can’t say that about the Rams going on the road to play Baltimore. Kyren has loads of value considering how much they use him, but I’m looking forward to whoever the Rams play next week (please don’t be the 49ers). I actually like the Rice matchup this week. That should be a high scoring game, and the Bills should put their focus on Kelce, opening up one-on-one opportunities for Rice. Let’s keep the good times going!

Let’s take a peek at Sloane N Steady, and get to know these players intimately, since I figure to be seeing a lot of them the next two weeks:

  • Aiden O’Connell (QB) vs. Min
  • Will Levis (QB) @ Mia
  • Brandon Aiyuk (WR) vs. Sea
  • Amon-Ra St. Brown (WR) @ Chi
  • Isiah Pacheco (RB) vs. Buf
  • Travis Etienne (RB) @ Cle
  • Kyle Pitts (TE) vs. TB
  • Michael Pittman (WR) @ Cin
  • Evan McPherson (K) vs. Ind
  • Baltimore (DEF) vs. LAR

His bench includes an injured Derek Carr, an injured Kenny Pickett, an injured Anthony Richardson, and an injured Aaron Rodgers. Thankfully, the Rodgers thing is a smokescreen, and he will have no effect on my life over the next two weeks. Pickett also sounds like a longshot to return anytime soon. I’m guessing Carr will be back in his lineup next week come playoff time, but we’ll see.

As far as skill guys, he’s got DeAndre Hopkins and George Pickens. So, not really a lot in reserve.

But, he’s been one of the best teams in our league this season – he was 8-3 before a recent 2-game skid – on the strength of his starting lineup (sans QB). Aiyuk and St. Brown are absolute studs, and Pittman has been on FIRE … pretty much all season. He’s 11th in WR points, but he’s 4th in receptions, and honestly if it wasn’t for him only having 4 TDs, I think he’d easily be in the top five. Pacheco and Etienne are both quietly amazing, and Pitts is as talented as they get (if only the Atlanta offense would scheme itself for him). Tacking on a tremendous, opportunistic Ravens defense, and my old kicker from the last two years, and it’s a real hornet’s nest.

I’m trying not to look ahead to next week, but suffice it to say, his matchups aren’t going to matter so much. Those guys are really matchup-proof, and it’s up to MY guys to A) stay healthy, and B) go above and beyond their projections. The fact that I’ll have to do this the rest of the way without Tank Dell is a HUGE blow. I was already on thin ice with this team, and now I’m starting to hear some ominous cracks.

Nobody Wants To Hear About My Fantasy Team 2023: A Perfect Honeymoon

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My honeymoon spanned two fantasy football weekends, and between my three teams, I went a perfect 6-0. It was just incredible! I tried to talk my wife into stowing away on the cruise ship for another week, but sadly she wasn’t up for breaking so many laws.

I defeated the first place Beasts in Week 11, 147.75 to 125.65. I got great production out of Jordan Love and Justin Fields, a red hot game out of Tank Dell for my flex, and the combo of Lamb and Pollard came through with flying colors. This compensated for a Kenneth Walker injury and almost nothing from the Jets defense.

Then, in Week 12, I had the most points in the league, defeating Turd Sandwich 192.05 to 176.80. Once again, Jordan Love looked amazing, Pollard and Lamb were awesome, Dell and Hockenson were great, and Kyren Williams returned to obliterate the competition.

The two victories broke the Cousins Curse, and got me back up to 6-6 on the season. That’s good for fifth place in the league (top six go to the playoffs), with a 1-game cushion over the two teams directly below me (as well as around 100 points of tie-breaking cushion as far as total points are concerned). With two weeks left in the regular season, I only have one guy to worry about. He’s right there with me in total points, but he’s two games behind me in record. So, all I need to do is win one more game, have that guy lose one more game, or have one of the 5-7 teams lose once more, or just score no fewer points than the 4-8 team over the next two weeks. My point being: a playoff spot is all but guaranteed, unless the absolute unthinkable happens (unfortunately, none of those three teams play one another).

The highest I can get is fourth place, but I would have to win out and he would have to lose out, so that seems unlikely. The top four teams have already clinched playoff berths though, so there’s four teams fighting for two spots. Interestingly enough, I have the third-most points scored in the league. No one considers me a threat to win it all, which feels appropriate.

With Williams back in the fold, and with Jordan Love playing positively Cousins-esque, I do think I have a fighting chance. But, this is fantasy football, so of course anything can happen.

This week, I’m going up against last place Toot Cannons. I’ve got my Vikings and Bears (Hockenson, Addison, Fields) on a BYE, so if ever there was an opportunity to blow my winning streak, this is it. Here’s my lineup:

  • Jordan Love (QB) vs. KC
  • Bryce Young (QB) @ TB
  • CeeDee Lamb (WR) vs. Sea
  • Terry McLaurin (WR) vs. Mia
  • Tony Pollard (RB) vs. Sea
  • Kyren Williams (RB) vs. Cle
  • Trey McBride (TE) @ Pit
  • Tank Dell (WR) vs. Den
  • Dustin Hopkins (K) @ LAR
  • N.Y. Jets (DEF) vs. Atl

I love what Love has been doing the last couple weeks, but Kansas City poses quite a threat for him. They didn’t play very well against the Raiders last week, but they still have a lot of talent in their secondary, and can make life difficult up front, so I’m not expecting another 30-point performance. The last thing I want to do is start Young, but I have no other options at the position. On the plus side, Carolina just fired their head coach, so maybe there’s a bounce-back opportunity there. Plus, Tampa’s secondary has been a joke for a while now, so if there was ever a chance for Young to bust out, this might be it.

I like any Cowboys player against this Seahawks defense, but then again, it wouldn’t totally shock me if our defense finally got it together. Williams will have a tough go against the Browns. I do like McLaurin against the Dolphins; Washington should have to throw a lot in this game. And the Jets have a pretty juicy matchup against a turnover-prone Falcons team.

My concern at this time has to do with injury designations to Tank Dell and Trey McBride. McBride is a highly-coveted tight end prospect who has done quite well in the absence of Zach Ertz. If he can’t go, I’m screwed, as there are no other decent TE options on the free agent pile. Dell’s injury sounds minor, but he didn’t practice yesterday, and my problem is having an alternative for him. With Addison on BYE, all I have left is Charbonnet (assuming Walker will miss another week with an oblique injury). With Charbonnet going tonight, I would have to commit to him right now, which means I’d either have to bench Dell (who has been one of the hottest receivers in the league over the last few weeks) or maybe Kyren Williams (if we bank on the Browns’ defense being amazing; he’s nevertheless a snap-hog for the Rams when he’s in there). I don’t want to play Charbonnet against the Cowboys, because I kinda think they’re going to dominate the Seahawks.

So, we’ll see what happens. Hopefully Dell returns to practice later today, and I won’t have to worry about it.

Here’s who Toot Cannons has to offer:

  • Kyler Murray (QB) @ Pit
  • Tua Tagovailoa (QB) @ Was
  • Marquise Brown (WR) @ Pit
  • Chris Olave (WR) vs. Det
  • Jerome Ford (RB) @ LAR
  • Jaylen Warren (RB) vs. Ari
  • Jake Ferguson (TE) vs. Sea
  • Najee Harris (RB) vs. Ari
  • Cameron Dicker (K) @ NE
  • San Francisco (DEF) @ Phi

He’s got a number of injuries (including Justin Jefferson) as well as Saquon Barkley on a BYE. He’s also got De’Von Achane, Tee Higgins, Dallas Goedert, and Tyler Boyd to throw in there in place of Najee Harris. Any way you slice it, Toot Cannons is in rough shape. I would love nothing more than to take care of business this week and not have to worry about the regular season finale.